How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.”
― Diane Von Furstenberg

Adapting yourself to your situation in life can be a difficult task.

Do you tend to be more accepting of others’ mistakes than your own? If so, you’re being too hard on yourself!

Those people aren’t better than you! You were created with a unique set of talents that no one else has.

Plus, everyone makes mistakes. We’re only human!

Becoming more accepting of yourself and loving yourself for the fine person that you really are can lead you to greater happiness and a more fulfilling life.

“When you focus on being the best person you can be, you draw the best possible life, love, and opportunities to you.” ― Germany Kent

Even though self-improvement is a good thing, it’s important that you identify and focus on your positive qualities, rather than concentrating on the qualities you feel negatively about.

Maintaining this positive focus will not only help you better accept yourself, but it’ll also make it easier for you to attain your goals by utilizing your talents to boost yourself forward.

“If you are positive, you’ll see opportunities instead of obstacles.”
― Widad Akrawi

Negative thinking can really snowball fast if you don’t get ahead of it. It’s okay to be in a bad mood every once in awhile and have some negative thoughts; it happens to everyone.

The trick is in learning how to push those negative thoughts aside and replace them with something positive. Replace your negative thoughts about yourself with affirmations.

Affirmations are positive statements that affirm your positive qualities and help bring out the best in you.

If you believe in yourself, you can do it. It’s really that simple.

“It’s not about hiding your imperfections on a shoot; it’s about embracing them and being unapologetic about them.” — Erin O’Connor

Another part of being human is having some imperfections.

Instead of dwelling on the things you can’t change, accept them for what they are.

Making the best of your life starts with accepting your imperfections.

“The way you choose to think and speak about yourself, IS A CHOICE! You may have spent your whole life talking about yourself in a negative way, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue that path.” ― Miya Yamanouchi

Positive self-talk can help you achieve great things and change the way you think about yourself.

Make it a point to give sincere compliments to yourself.

Compliment yourself for the good things about your looks, your positive qualities, and every time you do something right.

Do this each and every day until it becomes a habit.

“I don’t listen to what people say about me and I don’t read what they write about me. People can compare me to anyone they want to, but I’m not going to worry about it.” — Eric Davis

You’ll never make everyone else happy.

If you try, you’ll soon discover that, not only will other people still be unhappy, but you’ll also be exhausted and unhappy yourself.

Make your own decisions according to your priorities and be confident that you’ve done what is right for you.

“There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.” – Harold Stephen

Worrying will never help your situation.

Rather than wasting your time by being engulfed in fear, take action to do what you can to make the situation better.

If there’s nothing you can do to change it, focus on moving forward in other ways.

“Try or cry. Choose!” ― Heenashree Khandelwal

Do your best every day and be proud of yourself for your efforts.

Let go of any negative thoughts, such as being angry with yourself for not being able to accomplish an impossible feat.

Even when you haven’t done your best, find a way to forgive yourself.

Move on and commit to trying harder next time.

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. “— Ralph Waldo Emerson

In changing the way you think about yourself, you’ll also change the way you see the world.

Every day opens up new opportunities for you, and by utilizing positive thinking, you can make a real difference!

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

Accepting the reality of your life sounds like it should be easy enough. But many, many people hold to their own version of reality. It may be based in regret, disappointment, denial, or just waiting for something better–a promotion, for the kids to be grown, retirement, whatever. Failing to connect with reality is why some of us have pants in the closet that haven’t fit in years. More significantly, it keeps people in unfulfilling jobs or even in the wrong profession entirely.

There are few better things you can do for yourself than giving up the fictional version of your life and learning to accept yourself, your life, and your reality. Even if your situation is terrible, the first step in improving it is acknowledging it for what it is.

Here are 11 ways to cope with reality–especially the parts of reality you don’t like–and how you can change it into a reality you want.

1. Accept yourself.

Acceptance is the ability to unconditionally value all parts of who you are. That means you acknowledge all of yourself–the good and the things that need improvement. For most of us, self-acceptance can be hard. We tend to be critical of ourselves, but there are a number of ways to learn to accept yourself and your life. It all begins with your state of mind.

2. Acknowledge your reality.

Sometimes facing reality isn’t the easiest thing to do, but accepting your current situation can make you happier in the present and lead to a better future. Understanding, accepting, and working with reality is both practical and purposeful. Acknowledging your reality will help you choose your dreams wisely and then help you achieve them.

3. Practice radical honesty.

When you can admit your own pretense, you can begin to powerfully create a new future. Denying your current reality–especially if it’s a bad one–will not make it make it go away. Dealing with the bad stuff is a way to get to the good stuff–but it takes practice, practice, practice.

4. Identify your part.

To fully accept your reality, it’s important to acknowledge any role you may have played, good or bad, in getting where you are. Ask yourself questions related to your current situation to help work toward solutions. To fully accept your reality, it is important to identify what you may have done to foster success or failure. Once you know what you’re dealing with, you can work toward the best next steps.

5. Admit your mistakes.

Remember that you can’t fix anything until you admit there’s a problem. Try to view your mistakes not as failures but as learning opportunities, and have the strength within to realize you control your reality and you’re the only one who can change it. Decide what’s important to you and set your mind to it.

6. Own your outcomes.

Work toward owning every part of your reality–not just the things that need work but also your strengths and successes. Owning all your outcomes can help teach you to do better next time, to see failure as a learning moment.

7. Don’t let fear get in your way.

Don’t let fears–especially fears of what others think of you–stand in your way. You must be willing to do things in the unique ways you think are best, and to reflect on any feedback you receive.

8. Count on your competencies.

It’s easy to look in the mirror and point out all your insecurities. But to face your reality, it’s best to start counting all positives. Make a list of your strengths, the things you are good at, the values that you hold, and the accomplishments you’ve achieved. Counting on your competencies helps you realize your strengths, which in turn will help you improve your attitude toward yourself.

9. Let go of your biases.

Don’t get caught up in the life you think you are supposed to have, but work on creating the reality you are meant to live. Your biases can blind you to almost any reality. You can try to ignore them, but closing your eyes won’t make them disappear. Instead, learn to understand them and let them go.

10. Accept that struggle will always be part of your reality.

Don’t shy away from challenges, but rather wade into the struggle and get comfortable with operating and living there. Struggles are a way of life, and we have to learn to confront them. And you never know–something the most challenging things can hold the greatest opportunity for success.

11. Make a plan for reaching your goal.

Include steps you will take to take to create a new reality. Break your goal into small steps that you can accomplish one at a time to build your confidence and self-worth as you go. Your new reality can begin to happen once you have a plan with specific goals.

Remember, you will never be able to create the right reality if you aren’t willing to let the wrong reality go.

Yet when we approach ourselves and continue our relationships with ourselves, there seems to be a desire to change, punish, or alter ourselves to meet certain expectations. If you were doing this to another person, this would be seen as unacceptable! We shouldn’t treat ourselves any differently.

The simple truth of life is that your only stable and lifelong relationship is with yourself. Because of this, it is the most important one you are going to have and, one that you will need to nurture if you want to lead a happy life. True, you will want to change some things but there is a massive benefit to simply accepting and moving forward from there.

If you have a hard time settling down with you, here are some tips on how to accept yourself so that you can start living a life that others dream of!

1. Take Some Time to Sit With Yourself and Discover Who You Are

The major problem that many people face when it comes to self-acceptance is that they have yet to engage in self-discovery. Many people may feel purposeless and lost, which is ultimately due to a lack of self and an unclear understanding of who you are and what you want.

Self-discovery is a necessary first step but it is one that comes with a lot of work and is ever-changing. Starting your own self-discovery journey may consist of the following:

Discovering Your Purpose

Each of us may feel like we are called to do something at some point in time that will help to grow others as well as ourselves.

What are you passionate about? What gets you fired up and makes you forget about everything else? What is something that you could picture doing for the rest of your life?

Sometimes, the best way to discover purpose is simply to go out and do until you learn more about where your passions lie.

Learning More About Your Values and Beliefs

Values and beliefs, which may stem from childhood or, may come from experience in recent years, help to set up structure in our lives and drive us towards the things that matter most to us.

Are you someone who has strong ties to family? Do you rely on honesty and integrity to live your life? What are your spiritual or religious beliefs? What type of community do you want to build or belong to?

These are some important questions to ask as these questions dictate what choices you make along your path.

Journal and Keep Track of the Day-to-Day

Even if you are unsure of who you are, what you do on a regular basis will certainly tell you everything you need to know.

What are some things that you like to do? What are things that are not necessarily fun for you? What are some habits that you have cultivated, healthy or otherwise? What are your dreams? Ambitions? Goals?

We all have things that make us unique. Take the time to learn more about those aspects of the self.

There’s this misconception that acceptance goes hand-in-hand with a refusal to change but that’s not true. Acceptance starts with recognition and embracing who that person is. You will then go on to nurture them and to change some of those unhealthy aspects, so that you can become who you want to be.((The Odyssey: 12 Tips to Guide You on Your Journey of Self-Discovery))

2. Accept What You Can’t Change

You are who you are. You love what you love. There are some things that you will be able to change in your life (for the better) and, there are some things that will simply be for the rest of your time here on earth.

Expending mental energy on wishing you can change things that are never going to change is a waste of your time and will inevitably lead to sadness. Whatever it is that you wish you could change, know that you are a worthy human being regardless of what it is you are insecure about.

Take time to be kind to yourself, let your guard down and embrace these things, and learn how to overcome that inner voice that tells you that you’re not good enough. In order to be happy with who we are, we must allow ourselves to be accepting of all aspects of the self.

The biggest barrier for most people, however, is learning how to cultivate acceptance of the self. If you are struggling at this point, here are some tips that will allow you to tackle the project easier:

  • Practice positive self-talk and challenge any negative thoughts that come out of you as they are released.
  • Choose to be loving towards yourself and your flaws, rather than trying to hide them away or ignore them.
  • Accept that everything that has happened has led you to this point and will carry you to your goals as you work towards them.
  • Spend some time with yourself engaging in enjoyable activities so that you can bond with yourself and fall in love with that person.
  • Know that you will have easy days as well as hard days. Take them as they come.

It may take time but in the end, you are going to be grateful that you put in the effort to cultivate self-love.((PsychCentral: “Therapists Spill: 12 Ways to Accept Yourself))

3. Change What Needs to Be Changed for Your Benefit

Not all change is good change. Some change can be harmful and that change needs to be avoided.

However, some change can be beneficial and that change is the type that helps to grow you as a person and allows you to blossom into the person you want to be.

Acceptance and acknowledging of yourself and the world around you is great but, you need to understand that acceptance can be both a tool of dissatisfaction and happiness. Things you can’t change must be embraced and you need to love those things; but things that can and must be changed require your immediate attention.

You are a growing and constantly evolving person and, everything that you do needs to be done in your best interest. For example, let’s say that you have made a number of bad choices in your past that have impacted your social and financial life. While you need to accept that these choices have been made and accept the experience that got you there, you shouldn’t accept your situation.

Knowing what needs to be changed and what needs to be embraced boils down to one thing: does it allow you to live a happy life?

If it is (realistically) impacting you in a negative manner, it needs to go.

If it impacts you but it is a result of negative self-image and is not something that would need to be changed otherwise, embrace it.

If it is something that you are still going to change regardless, proceed with caution.

Final Thoughts

You are you and that is something that is never going to change. When you learn to accept yourself and work towards the best version of you that you can be, you set yourself up for a life that has an abundance of happiness and progress.

Need some extra help implementing the tips that you learned above? Take a look at these articles:

CamTrader brings you human interest articles from around the web to spice up your day. We hope you like it.

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

What other people think of me is none of my business.”

Wayne Dyer

“You’re too quiet.”

This comment and others like it have plagued me almost all my life. I don’t know how many times I’ve been told that I needed to come out of my shell, to be livelier, or to talk more.

As a child and teenager, I allowed these remarks to hurt me deeply. I was already shy, but I became even more self-conscious as I was constantly aware of people waiting for me to speak.

When I did, the response was often, “Wow! Louise said something!”

This would make me just want to crawl back into my shell and hide. I became more and more reserved.

The older I got, the angrier I became. Each time someone told me I was “too quiet,” I wondered what exactly they were hoping to achieve anyway. Did they imagine I had a magic button I could press that would turn me into Miss Showbiz?

If only it were that simple, I thought. I felt I should be accepted as I was, but apparently that wasn’t going to happen. There was only one thing for it; I would have to become the extrovert the world wanted me to be, but how?

At seventeen, I thought I’d found the perfect solution: alcohol.

When I was drunk, everyone seemed to like me. I was fun and outgoing; able to talk to anyone with no problems at all. However, it began to depress me that I needed a drink to do this or for anyone to like me.

Another strategy was to attach myself to a more outgoing friend. I did this at school, university, and later when I began to travel a lot in my twenties.

Although I didn’t do it consciously, wherever I went I would make friends with someone much louder than me. Then I’d become their little sidekick, going everywhere with them, trying to fit in with all their friends, and even adopting aspects of their personality.

Sometimes I just tried faking it.

When I was twenty-four, I began teaching English as a Foreign Language, and a month into my first contract in Japan, I was told my students found me difficult to talk to. I was upset because I thought I had made an effort to be friendly and I didn’t understand what else I could do.

After crying all night because once again I wasn’t good enough, I went into work the next day determined to be really lively and talkative. Of course, it didn’t work because everyone could see I was being false.

It seemed that I was doomed. I would never be accepted. Being a naturally loud person was the only way to be liked.

Over the years, I’ve spoken to several talkative, extroverted people who’ve been told they’re too loud or that they talk too much. It seems whatever personality you’ve got you’re always going to be “too much” of something for someone.

What really matters is: do you think you need to change?

My shyness has made some areas of my life more difficult. It’s something I’ve been working on all my life and I always will be in order to do all the things I want to do.

However, I’ve realized I’m always going to be an introvert, which is not the same thing.

I enjoy going out and socializing, but I also enjoy being alone. At work I talk to people all day, every day. I like my job, but as an introvert, I get tired after all that interaction, so later I need some quiet time to “recharge my batteries.”

I can overcome my shyness. I can’t overcome my introversion, but actually, I wouldn’t want to because I’m happy being this way.

Be kind to yourself if you decide to change.

While I’m still shy, I no longer worry about it. When speaking to new people, if something comes out wrong or I get my words mixed up, I just laugh to myself about my nervousness rather than telling myself how weird the other person must’ve thought I was.

In the past I was terrified of any form of public speaking. Now my job is getting up in front of people and talking. After a rocky start in Japan, my students now see me as funny (sometimes!) and confident.

So I think I’m doing alright. No, I don’t understand why I can’t just be like that with everyone, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I’m doing my best and that’s all I can do.

Don’t be afraid to lose false friends.

When you’re always being told you’re too much of this or not enough of that, it’s easy to start thinking you have to be grateful that anyone is willing to spend time with you.

I used to put up with friends who treated me badly because I thought if I stood up for myself, I’d lose their friendship and I’d end up all alone.

Eventually, in my last year teaching abroad, I did stand up for myself and my worst fear came true. I was left completely friendless.

And you know what? It was okay. The time alone taught me to enjoy my own company, and gave me the chance to learn more about myself. This has gradually led to me attracting more positive people into my life.

Could your supposed weakness actually be your strength?

I’m a good listener, so friends feel able to talk to me if they have a problem and they know I’m not going to tell anyone.

I’m an efficient worker because I just get on with the job. I can empathize with shy students in my class. I don’t force them to speak but leave them alone, knowing that they’ll talk when they feel more comfortable.

There’s a reason why you were made the way you are. If we were all supposed to be the same, we would be.

I’ve stopped trying to make everyone like me and I’ve stopped trying to be something I’m not. As a result, any changes in my character happen naturally as my confidence continues to grow.

The “quiet” comments are also now few and far between. When you learn to accept yourself, you’re likely to find that others will accept you too.

But if they don’t, it really doesn’t matter.

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

About Louise Watson

Louise Watson is a writer and meditation teacher living in Hampshire, UK.

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

Do you need to learn how to accept yourself?

In middle school and high school I struggled with finding my identity. I was convinced that I was ugly, stupid, and worthless. I continually thought that to truly love myself and be happy, I had to basically become a different person.

Throughout this time I made major changes to myself. I changed my hairstyle, got new clothes, and started to get in shape.

At first, it seemed to work. I was happier and seemed to be making more friends and getting more attention. As time passed by, though, I began to realize that I still didn’t love myself.

Although I had become the sort of person that I thought was worthy of love, I still didn’t believe that I was worthy of love.

I soon came to realize that changing things about myself did not change the way I felt about myself, so I began to search for a different solution. Over the past few months I have finally come to the realization that I don’t have to become lovable, I already am. I don’t have to be good enough for people to like me, I just have to be me.

This belief that you are worthy of love just the way you are is known as self-acceptance.

What is Self-Acceptance?

Self-acceptance is not the same as self-esteem. While self-esteem focuses on how valuable you see yourself as, self-acceptance takes a slightly different route.

According to thefreedictionary.com self-acceptance can be defined as, “an acceptance of yourself as you are, warts and all”.

When someone accepts themselves, they accept all facets of themselves. The good, the bad, and even the ugly. When we are self-accepting, we learn to even love our flaws.

How does our Self-Acceptance Influence our Happiness?

Now that we’ve defined self-acceptance, you might still be asking: how exactly does self-acceptance impact our happiness?

Well, according to Robert Holden, author of Happiness Now!:

“Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you’ll allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy. In other words, you enjoy as much happiness as you believe you’re worthy of.”

So basically: self-acceptance = happiness

If you accept yourself you are inevitably setting yourself up to be happy.

One the most important aspect of self-acceptance is that it is unconditional. Very often we only love ourselves when we are doing well or when we accomplish a goal.

Self-acceptance, on the other hand, teaches us that we should love ourselves no matter what. Even if we fail or make a mistake, we are still valuable. This, in turn, allows our happiness to be unconditional as well. Our joy is not based on whether or not someone likes us. It is based on who we are, not what we do or how people perceive us.

How to Accept Yourself

Now you know what self-acceptance is and that it directly influences our happiness, but how to we develop self-acceptance?

Like any other skill, self-acceptance is something that we build up over time. Many people are taught to accept themselves at a young age and never struggle to be self-compassionate. Others of us are constantly struggling to love ourselves for who we are.

We are all at different levels of self-acceptance and some of us will be able to learn it faster than others.

There are many guided meditation practices that center on the theme of self-acceptance. While meditation in and of itself will likely lead you to an acceptance of yourself, guided practices will likely help more.

For great guided meditations about self-acceptance and other topics, I highly recommend Calm for iOS and Android. You can also access these guided meditations on Calm’s website.

A second way to help generate acceptance for yourself is to change the way you think. Our thoughts are ultimately what controls our perception of ourselves. They are the root cause of our lack of self-acceptance and often the only thing keeping us from being happy.

Many of us that struggle with self-acceptance are plagued with negative thoughts. Psychologist often refer to this as our inner critic. Our inner critic is that voice inside that is constantly telling you that you aren’t good enough. It tells you that you’re unattractive or inadequate.

A helpful way to combat this inner critic is to actually engage with it in conversation. This is a tip I learned in Dr. Aziz Gazipura’s book the Solution to Social Anxiety.

Let’s say you just you turned in a business report to your boss and he rejected it. Your inner critic will likely start acting up. To have control of your critic, address it as if it were an actual person:

Critic: Wow you really screwed up this time. I told you he’d reject it. You’re terrible at what you do.

You: Actually, I think I did a pretty good job on my report. Maybe it was just not what my boss was looking for.

Critic: Maybe? I know it wasn’t what he was looking for. The entire report was crap. Have fun with getting fired.

You: Fired? You are making lots of assumptions. Why are you so angry? Did you get fired from your job recently or something?

This type of dialogue is extremely therapeutic. It is most helpful when done at the exact time that your critic is acting up, or at least shortly after a negative experience. These conversations are best had in written form and should be kept in a journal.

These are just two of many ways that you can begin to build up your self-acceptance.

It is important to remember that you path to self-acceptance is a journey. You will have setbacks along the way but you’ll make progress as long as you stay persistent.

Self-acceptance is a beautiful thing. Practicing it will bring you happiness and will make you less vulnerable when facing criticism.

If you need a reminder on how to accept yourself, I would like to share a quote from Amy Bloom:

You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful – Amy Bloom

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

What other people think of me is none of my business.”

Wayne Dyer

“You’re too quiet.”

This comment and others like it have plagued me almost all my life. I don’t know how many times I’ve been told that I needed to come out of my shell, to be livelier, or to talk more.

As a child and teenager, I allowed these remarks to hurt me deeply. I was already shy, but I became even more self-conscious as I was constantly aware of people waiting for me to speak.

When I did, the response was often, “Wow! Louise said something!”

This would make me just want to crawl back into my shell and hide. I became more and more reserved.

The older I got, the angrier I became. Each time someone told me I was “too quiet,” I wondered what exactly they were hoping to achieve anyway. Did they imagine I had a magic button I could press that would turn me into Miss Showbiz?

If only it were that simple, I thought. I felt I should be accepted as I was, but apparently that wasn’t going to happen. There was only one thing for it; I would have to become the extrovert the world wanted me to be, but how?

At seventeen, I thought I’d found the perfect solution: alcohol.

When I was drunk, everyone seemed to like me. I was fun and outgoing; able to talk to anyone with no problems at all. However, it began to depress me that I needed a drink to do this or for anyone to like me.

Another strategy was to attach myself to a more outgoing friend. I did this at school, university, and later when I began to travel a lot in my twenties.

Although I didn’t do it consciously, wherever I went I would make friends with someone much louder than me. Then I’d become their little sidekick, going everywhere with them, trying to fit in with all their friends, and even adopting aspects of their personality.

Sometimes I just tried faking it.

When I was twenty-four, I began teaching English as a Foreign Language, and a month into my first contract in Japan, I was told my students found me difficult to talk to. I was upset because I thought I had made an effort to be friendly and I didn’t understand what else I could do.

After crying all night because once again I wasn’t good enough, I went into work the next day determined to be really lively and talkative. Of course, it didn’t work because everyone could see I was being false.

It seemed that I was doomed. I would never be accepted. Being a naturally loud person was the only way to be liked.

Over the years, I’ve spoken to several talkative, extroverted people who’ve been told they’re too loud or that they talk too much. It seems whatever personality you’ve got you’re always going to be “too much” of something for someone.

What really matters is: do you think you need to change?

My shyness has made some areas of my life more difficult. It’s something I’ve been working on all my life and I always will be in order to do all the things I want to do.

However, I’ve realized I’m always going to be an introvert, which is not the same thing.

I enjoy going out and socializing, but I also enjoy being alone. At work I talk to people all day, every day. I like my job, but as an introvert, I get tired after all that interaction, so later I need some quiet time to “recharge my batteries.”

I can overcome my shyness. I can’t overcome my introversion, but actually, I wouldn’t want to because I’m happy being this way.

Be kind to yourself if you decide to change.

While I’m still shy, I no longer worry about it. When speaking to new people, if something comes out wrong or I get my words mixed up, I just laugh to myself about my nervousness rather than telling myself how weird the other person must’ve thought I was.

In the past I was terrified of any form of public speaking. Now my job is getting up in front of people and talking. After a rocky start in Japan, my students now see me as funny (sometimes!) and confident.

So I think I’m doing alright. No, I don’t understand why I can’t just be like that with everyone, but I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I’m doing my best and that’s all I can do.

Don’t be afraid to lose false friends.

When you’re always being told you’re too much of this or not enough of that, it’s easy to start thinking you have to be grateful that anyone is willing to spend time with you.

I used to put up with friends who treated me badly because I thought if I stood up for myself, I’d lose their friendship and I’d end up all alone.

Eventually, in my last year teaching abroad, I did stand up for myself and my worst fear came true. I was left completely friendless.

And you know what? It was okay. The time alone taught me to enjoy my own company, and gave me the chance to learn more about myself. This has gradually led to me attracting more positive people into my life.

Could your supposed weakness actually be your strength?

I’m a good listener, so friends feel able to talk to me if they have a problem and they know I’m not going to tell anyone.

I’m an efficient worker because I just get on with the job. I can empathize with shy students in my class. I don’t force them to speak but leave them alone, knowing that they’ll talk when they feel more comfortable.

There’s a reason why you were made the way you are. If we were all supposed to be the same, we would be.

I’ve stopped trying to make everyone like me and I’ve stopped trying to be something I’m not. As a result, any changes in my character happen naturally as my confidence continues to grow.

The “quiet” comments are also now few and far between. When you learn to accept yourself, you’re likely to find that others will accept you too.

But if they don’t, it really doesn’t matter.

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

About Louise Watson

Louise Watson is a writer and meditation teacher living in Hampshire, UK.

Being happy in your 30s is actually really easy.

In fact, it wasn’t until I turned 30 that I knew what being happy even meant.

In my 20s, happiness was an uphill struggle, always an attempt to finally gain some semblance of control over my life.

But in my 30s, I’ve realized happiness is the result of accepting some basic, hard-to-swallow truths.

Here are five truths you need to accept if you want to happy in your 30s:

1. Nobody needs you.

You might believe that by putting the needs of others before your own, you will get some future reward.

You might think that by keeping your feelings to yourself, you are being considerate of the feelings of others (as if they need you to handle their emotional environment for them).

The truth is, nobody — not one single adult, regardless of their circumstance — needs you. You need yourself.

So, take care of yourself, and the universe will take care of the rest.

2. Not everyone is the same.

I mean sure, we’re all one. We are all part of a collective consciousness, but we are all very different.

I’m not just talking about languages or customs, either. I’m talking about our soulВ purpose or direction on this Earth, assuming that’s a thing.

Much of my frustration in my life has been directed at people who don’t seem to need to do an ounce of self-searching to make millions, to buy a house or to find a partner.

They step on others to get ahead, and they get away with it without remorse.

Meanwhile, circumstances in my life have forced me to devote HOURS to therapy just to become self-aware enough to live a happy existence. I haven’t even reached the point where I can get ahead on a material level.

Some people didn’t come into this lifetime with spiritual development as their main focus, but that doesn’t mean they won’t grow spiritually.

It just means it’s not what’s directing their path, and THAT IS OK.

3. Your parents were just people who had kids.

My mom had me when she was 27 years old.

When I was 27 years old, I was sleeping with a guy who had a fedora collection and woke up every morning to check the rating on his IMDB page.

I spent a lot of my 20s bemoaning how “terrible” my parents were and how I was so fucked up because of them.

Then, one day it hit me.

So what? So what if your parents weren’t perfect? So what if childhood was a game and you lost?

Are you going to lose at adulthood by whining for a do-over?

No, you’re going to learn to be the parent to yourself that you wish you’d had back then, and you’re going to win.

4. You don’t need to earn love to deserve love.

If you’re like me, you’re attracted to men who are obsessed with their work and are aloof because your dad slept at his office and walked 10 feet ahead of you in public.

OK, but you did have parents who made you feel like you had to earn their love in some way, right? Anyone?

Well, the point is this: You don’t have to earn anyone’s love. You deserve it because you exist.

If you find yourself withВ anyone who makes you feel like you have to act a certain way or be someone other than who you are to get their love or affection, you might need to remind yourself of this truth.

I know I still do.

5. You are exactly where you’re meant to be.

I used to think this was something people told themselves instead of working to improve their lives.

It’s actually not.

You might have goals you haven’t yet achieved that you’re still working toward, but you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

This is true even if where you are is “the wrong place,” and you know it. Hell, it’s true even if you are in what is supposed to be “the right place,” and it feels wrong.

Regardless of what you think, you are on a path leading to your own “best,” to a life beyond your wildest dreams (as long as you allow it).

And the only reason it feels shitty now is because you don’t know how dope the ending is.

I prefer to think of this truth as absolute because, well, it’s cheaper thanВ a Prozac prescription.

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

You’ve probably read a book or seen a movie where the main character goes on an epic journey to find themselves.

It seems so glamorous, and despite some angst in the middle of the story, everything draws to a ‘happily ever after’ by the end. Purpose, passion, and deepest desires — often along with the perfect partner or job — arrive.

Because of what you’ve seen in these movies, maybe you’re holding off on getting to know yourself for when you get time to take a meditation retreat in India or a hiking trip through the wilderness.

But, darling, if you’re waiting for your own epic trip to “find yourself”, you are wasting what precious time.

Let me be brutally honest with you: The answers aren ’t hidden somewhere out there, but you already have them deep within your heart and mind.

All you have to do is ask yourself some soul-searching “getting to know yourself” questions to uncover the answers.

The only thing you need in order to find yourself is a pen and a journal.

Once you have those at hand, you can learn how to find yourself: the inquiry process.

Basically, you are interviewing yourself and asking questions that will help you get a more clear picture of who you are and where you’re at in your life.

Here’s what you need to accept before you dive in:

  • You have to be willing to be vulnerable.
    That means willing to gaze into the mirror and see you for how you really are. Vulnerability allows you to form a stronger connection with others and yourself.
  • Honesty is key.
    It’s critical that you are honest with yourself. Even if you think your answers may sound selfish or greedy or materialistic, they aren’t. Because they are your truth.
  • You must also be compassionate with yourself.
    The answers you discover in your quest for self-awareness may make you angry, uncomfortable, or afraid. This is normal. This is why it’s important to be gentle. Just note, however, that it’s impossible to create the kind of lasting change you deeply desire without knowing exactly where you stand.

So where do you start, and what questions should you ask to get to know yourself?

Here are 33 questions that will help you get to know yourself:

1. What questions should I be asking myself right now? Are there questions I am avoiding asking myself?

2. Am I happy? What do I need to be happy? In what ways do I pretend to be happy? How do I sabotage my own happiness?

3. What am I longing to experience?

4. What little white lies do I tell myself or other people? Why?

5. How can I make my daily life feel easier? Feel free to dig into a specific time of day (mornings, evenings) that you desire to feel easier?

6. Other than time or money, what do I want more of in my life?

7. Am I using “being busy” as an excuse to hide from my own life?

8. What can I celebrate?

9. Where can I invest in myself? What skills can I learn or strengthen? How might I invest in my home, my life, my personal growth, or happiness?

10. What small tweaks can I make to make my mornings feel less stressful and more nourishing?

11. What am I most grateful for in my daily life?

12. Do I secretly fantasize about running away from my life? What does that fantasy entail: a brief break, a fresh start…?

13. Is striving for perfection secretly destroying my sense of self? Is trying to have it all causing me to feel inadequate?

14. What would be worth trying or pursuing . even if I fail?

15. What do I need to let go of? What old beliefs am I holding onto? What old stories am I constantly fondling? Where do I need to forgive myself?

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16. In what ways am I numbing myself and checking out of my own life? Am I drinking or shopping to excess? Am I using food as comfort? Am I over-exercising or always busy?

17. What do I want less of in my life?

18. What are the ways I keep myself silent?

19. What gifts, talents, or passions have I been hiding from myself? How am I burying my gifts and hiding them from others? How can I begin to engage with them more often?

20. Who do I desire to be in the world?

21. Am I staying in an unhealthy situation — relationship, job — due to guilt or fear? What are the pros and cons of getting out or walking away from it?

22. Am I making choices in my life from a place of love … or fear?

23. What relationships in my life feel toxic? What relationships feel nourishing? How can I better invest in the nourishing ones and spend less time/energy on the toxic ones?

24. What am I avoiding? And, why?

25. Do I listen to my body when it’s tired/hungry/achy/begging for movement, etc.? What is my body trying to tell me?

Warm acceptances will build excellent relationships

Choose a topic to view acceptance letter templates:

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

Use an acceptance letter for accepting a job, resignation, gift, invitation, honor, and many other special situations.

Even if you have accepted verbally, it is smart to write an acceptance letter to formally accept the offer and to confirm the details.

Be gracious
When accepting a job, promotion, appointment, public office, gift, etc.

Thank the person, business, organization, etc. when you begin your letter.

Briefly identify what it is that you are accepting.
For example, “This is a wonderful opportunity for me, and I am happy to accept the position as associate director of sales.”

Thank those who have helped you, if you feel it is appropriate.

Restate the terms as you understand them if you are formally accepting a job position or similar assignment, including the starting date, job expectations, rate of compensation, health and dental benefits, sick and vacation days, etc.

Keep the tone of your letter positive if you are accepting a resignation. Do not say anything that might make you liable for legal action.

Thank the person for the invitation if you are accepting an invitation to a social event, and express your anticipation that the event will be a success. Clarify any details about the event, if needed, such as date or time, location, dress, etc.

Recheck for errors.
For job offers and the like, the acceptance letter may become part of a company’s permanent file for you, so make sure that it is well-worded and free of embarrassing grammatical or other errors.

Close your letter by restating your appreciation for being offered the job, award, gift, etc.

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” — Carl Jung

It’s a given, we want to control the irrepressible parts of our life, believing we will attain happiness then.

I liken the thought to catching fireflies at night, certain you have caught them all. It is only later you realise there are more around and so you concede defeat.

I wish to emphasise one important key principle in this article. The rest is details:

Happiness = Accepting what is and letting go of what you cannot control.

It sounds simple right?

Then why aren’t we happy?

Because what looks easy is often difficult to apply in real life. We want happiness to fill a void in our lives, but we don’t want the struggle and difficulties that go with it. Yet the pain and struggle serve as a reminder to stop influencing circumstances beyond our control.

I often remind others to stay in your lane. Meaning, you have no business poking around in matters outside your control because life is bigger than you and will impose itself upon you each time. It has many millennia of experience and a toolbox of tricks, compared to your humble few decades of life.

“If you believe the outer circumstance is yoked inevitably to your story about it, then you will surely be at the mercy of whatever is going on in your life,” explains author Jan Frazier in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is.

I’ve researched countless books on happiness over the past decade, including attending seminars by respected psychologists and concede that happiness is much simpler than we think. Whilst I do not discount their tireless work and research, I am of the opinion happiness is accessible once our thoughts are in harmony.

It is our thinking that gets in the way of achieving happiness, not having a bank account full of money, fancy cars or luxury homes. Whilst these are good things to have, they wear off after a while and are meaningless if you cannot find peace and contentment within.

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” — Joseph Campbell

Man is responsible for his problems because he creates them through his thoughts. Nothing outside you has meaning save for the meaning you give it. Your brain assigns meaning to life’s events to make sense of what takes place.

Tony Robbins says: “Meaning equals emotion and emotion equals life. The meaning you give your experiences will always change how you feel — and the emotion you feel always becomes the quality of your life.”

Yet the meaning you give can be inaccurate if viewed through a distorted lens. For example, if you’ve been cheated on in a relationship, the meaning you ascribe to future relationships will be based on a lack of trust. This is neither right nor wrong, but one aspect of the picture.

Robbins says: “Are your patterns helping or harming you? It’s vital to remember that our perceptions are creative in nature — if we define something as negative, that’s the message our brain receives and responds to by creating an emotional state to reinforce that reality.”

This is an ideal point to reinforce the main point of this article. Your happiness lies in reframing events to accept what is and let go of what you cannot control.

Psychotherapist David Richo writes in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them: “We can learn to accept life on its own terms. We can even find its terms satisfactory. We do not have to shake our fist at heaven. We do not have to demand an exemption or take refuge in a belief system that muffles the wallop of the givens by promising a paradise without them. We can craft a sane and authentic life by saying yes to life just as it is. Indeed, our path is “what is.”

Referring to our earlier example where your trust was squandered through infidelity, the lesson gained is that you are likely to choose a trustworthy partner in your next relationship, given its relationship to your happiness. Contrast helps to shed light on what you value most and will be important to you.

To further emphasise the point, you accepted your previous partner’s transgression, noting you may have played a role in co-creating an unbalanced union. Note, I am not implying you consented to the unfaithfulness, however as a complying party you are still responsible for the events that took place.

Therefore, your lesson is to accept the dissolution of the relationship and release all judgement, anger and hate by healing and forgiving yourself and your former partner.

How to accept yourself for who you are and be happy

“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.” — Denis Waitley

To continue harbouring anger and resentment ties you to the other person and does little to help you heal. In fact, you are likely to bring the toxic emotions into the next relationship, repeating the damage of the past and labelling future relationships as toxic.

Robbins reaffirms the need to reframe how we interpret life’s events: “Reframing is the difference between being constantly disappointed and being consistently satisfied.”

Amid the backdrop of acceptance is the invitation to let go of what you cannot control.

In this example, you cannot control other people’s actions.

You cannot control whether they will return your love.

You cannot control if they will be faithful to you.

However, you can control your response to what happens.

You can control the meaning you give to the event.

You can control the lessons gained from the experience and carry them into the next relationship.

You can control whether you remain a victim or an ambassador for inner peace and harmony. These are powerful lessons, yet we ruminate on what went wrong in the past rather than how to carry the lessons forward.

George Bernard Shaw wrote: “We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.”

I’m not saying it is easy and it may take years to achieve. It is a more worthwhile path than being a victim to your circumstances.

Dr Alex Lickerman says in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self: “Approaching painful internal experiences with an attitude of acceptance, in contrast — accepting that sometimes we’re weak — paradoxically may be the key to our becoming strong.”

It is a given whilst we cannot control the circumstances of life, we can control how we respond to what happens to us.

This is a measure of our commitment to accept life as it is and let go of what we cannot control.