How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

Ways to Ensure Your Relationship Is Happy and Healthy

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Good relationships don’t just happen, they take dedication and work. But you also need to know what to work at. Here are some tips for a happy and healthy lesbian relationship.

Don’t Expect to Get Your Needs Met

How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

Expecting someone else to meet your needs is a failed concept. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself and what you can do to support your partner. This will bring out the best in both of you.

Establish Meaningful Rituals

Whether you take a walk after dinner each night or make pizza together every Friday night, establishing rituals allows you to stay in touch with each others’ lives. Make dates on Saturdays or even just doing regular household chores together, like cleaning or grocery shopping helps keep you connected.

Work on Improving Yourself

For a relationship to be healthy, you need to grow and change. Work on yourself and also on trying to be a better partner. Try on new behaviors. Take some risks.

Have More Positive Than Negative Interactions

Try to have a five-to-one ratio of positive to negative interactions. Give more compliments, hugs, affection, and appreciation than negative comments or blaming. Better yet, try to eliminate negative comments altogether.

Surprise Her!

Keep things exciting with surprises. Take her on a special date night, sneak a love note into her briefcase, send her flowers, bring her lunch at work. Buy her tickets to her favorite musician or write her a song and sing it to her while she’s in the tub. Surprises little and big are important to keep things fresh.

Take Care of Yourself

No one is a good partner if they’re stressed out and unhappy. Make sure you take the time for yourself to stay healthy. Eat right, exercise, do yoga, take alone time when you need it. The better you feel about yourself, the more you’re going to be able to give to your relationship.

Develop Common Interests

Nothing kills a relationship faster than sitting around on a couch, looking at each other with bored looks on your faces. You’re going to be spending a lot of time together, get involved in something that excites both of you. It can be golfing, traveling, or volunteering at the local animal shelter. Find your common interests and develop them into pleasurable experiences.

Be Kind, Not Right

Whether you’re right or wrong is not really the issue. Think about not being right, but about what you want, which is to have a loving relationship. Spend more time being kind and you’ll argue less and enjoy each other more.

Fight Fair

When fights or arguments do happen, don’t say things in the heat of the moment that may damage your relationship. Walk away to cool off and come back to the discussion later.

Make Alone Time a Priority

Your lives may get busy with work, children and social activities, but make sure you schedule in time each week for alone time. It’s great if this time is something fun, like a date night or sexy time, but even just turning off the TV and sitting on the back porch and talking about your hopes for the future can bring you much closer together.

How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

If you’re feeling stuck in a relationship rut, a little extra spice may be just what you and your significant other need. Once the honeymoon phase passes, it’s easy for the initial spark to flicker and fade a bit, but there are plenty of ways to keep the romance alive and kicking! This 30-day challenge is designed to help increase the sweet and sexy elements in your relationship by doing at least one specific romantic thing, together or for each other, every day for the duration of a month.

This challenge is great for any type of relationship, whether you’ve been together for years or just want to ramp up the romance. You don’t have to do the list in order or wait until the beginning of the month to begin — get started doing this sweet stuff now!

Day 1: Sign up for a class together, or learn something new together.

Day 2: Get it on in a place you’ve never done it before, even if it’s just a different room in the house.

Day 3: Find a scenic location, and watch the sunset together.

Day 4: Dress up, and have a fancy date night.

Day 5: Leave a sweet, sexy, or romantic note somewhere they will find it.

Day 6: Make time for morning sex.

Day 7: Stay up late talking. Really catch up and check in with each other.

Day 8: Go see a concert or show together.

Day 9: Take turns photographing each other.

Day 10: Take a scenic road trip, and sing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs.

Day 11: Cuddle up on the couch, and watch or read a romantic film, TV show, or book together.

Day 12: Do one spontaneous thing for the other — either in the bedroom or elsewhere.

Day 13: Send each other compliments throughout the day. The sexier, the better.

Day 14: Go out somewhere, and show a little PDA.

Day 15: Experiment in the kitchen, and cook up something new.

Day 16: Take a bubble bath or shower together.

Day 17: Challenge each other to a board game.

Day 18: Try something new in the bedroom.

Day 19: Have a couples date with friends.

Day 20: Model new clothes or lingerie for each other.

Day 21: Rent a hotel room to get away from your regular routine for a night. If you want to save cash, camp out on your living room floor or under the stars in your backyard instead.

Day 22: Make a list of the reasons you love them, and share it.

Day 23: Spend a tech-free day together.

Day 24: Pull out old pictures from your early dating days, and revisit the honeymoon phase.

Day 25: Go for a run, take a hike, do yoga, or work out with each other.

Day 26: Make a playlist for each other. Pick songs that mean something to you both.

Day 27: Spend a day giving back to the community together.

Day 28: Give each other massages.

Day 29: Rearrange a room in your house. Change up the furniture, make or buy something to add to the decor, or upcycle something with each other.

Day 30: Turn on some slow music, and dance.

How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

Even the most rock-solid couples feel insecure about their relationships sometimes.

As part of a YourTango survey, we asked readers to fill in the blank: “I have the most confidence in my relationship when my partner/spouse ____.” The top two most popular answers were “compliments me/tells me how he or she feels about me” and “really listens to me/gives me his or her full attention.”

But what do other couples have to say? How do you build confidence alongside your partner?

We asked our experts to weigh in with their best suggestions. Here’s what they had to say about how to be more confident in a relationship.

1. Stay in the present.

On a daily basis, take time for yourself to clear your mind and set your intention for how you will be in your relationship. Repeat positive affirmations that reinforce the feelings that you want to feel.

2. Get real.

Take stock of your relationship as it is and identify the wonderful things that you’re already experiencing, as well as concrete examples of things you would like to improve.

Express gratitude for your blessings every day, and know that you have the power to respond with love in all other areas, and exercise your power to create a life that excites you.

3. Get over it.

Ask yourself why you have allowed your confidence to falter in this relationship. Is it possible that you sabotage your relationship with negative patterns of behavior driven by a little but loud voice that says you aren’t worthy of love?

Acknowledging limiting beliefs is important, but so is learning to let them go.

4. Get clear.

Clarity breeds confidence, while fear and doubt threaten your self-esteem. See yourself in the relationship of your dreams and imagine all you want is possible.

5. Get engaged.

While this may be a side effect of your newfound confidence, this step is really about engaging yourself in a commitment to create a life that excites you.

Make a declaration, because you’re worthy of having a loving and fulfilling relationship. Believe that you have the capacity to love and be loved.

6. Get serious.

Actions speak louder than words, so start making confident choices that are true to your commitment and your vision. Your confidence will soar, and you will reap the rewards because you’re stepping into your power and making your choices count.

Subscribe to our newsletter.

7. Seek support.

Naturally, your biggest supporter in this relationship is your partner, so share your dreams and challenges with him or her. Communicate the changes you would like to make, and express your feelings and your intentions with confidence.

8. Avoid eye rolls and sighs.

Whenever I see couples responding to each other with eye rolls or sighs, I give them a 50 percent chance of making it. Why? Because it shows contempt.

It’s very difficult to respond openly or lovingly to someone who has contempt for you. So, if openness and loving is what you want from your partner, stop rolling your eyes.

9. Express gratitude.

Before complaining to your partner about something, thank him for something he did for you today.

How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

If you’re feeling stuck in a relationship rut, a little extra spice may be just what you and your significant other need. Once the honeymoon phase passes, it’s easy for the initial spark to flicker and fade a bit, but there are plenty of ways to keep the romance alive and kicking! This 30-day challenge is designed to help increase the sweet and sexy elements in your relationship by doing at least one specific romantic thing, together or for each other, every day for the duration of a month.

This challenge is great for any type of relationship, whether you’ve been together for years or just want to ramp up the romance. You don’t have to do the list in order or wait until the beginning of the month to begin — get started doing this sweet stuff now!

Day 1: Sign up for a class together, or learn something new together.

Day 2: Get it on in a place you’ve never done it before, even if it’s just a different room in the house.

Day 3: Find a scenic location, and watch the sunset together.

Day 4: Dress up, and have a fancy date night.

Day 5: Leave a sweet, sexy, or romantic note somewhere they will find it.

Day 6: Make time for morning sex.

Day 7: Stay up late talking. Really catch up and check in with each other.

Day 8: Go see a concert or show together.

Day 9: Take turns photographing each other.

Day 10: Take a scenic road trip, and sing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs.

Day 11: Cuddle up on the couch, and watch or read a romantic film, TV show, or book together.

Day 12: Do one spontaneous thing for the other — either in the bedroom or elsewhere.

Day 13: Send each other compliments throughout the day. The sexier, the better.

Day 14: Go out somewhere, and show a little PDA.

Day 15: Experiment in the kitchen, and cook up something new.

Day 16: Take a bubble bath or shower together.

Day 17: Challenge each other to a board game.

Day 18: Try something new in the bedroom.

Day 19: Have a couples date with friends.

Day 20: Model new clothes or lingerie for each other.

Day 21: Rent a hotel room to get away from your regular routine for a night. If you want to save cash, camp out on your living room floor or under the stars in your backyard instead.

Day 22: Make a list of the reasons you love them, and share it.

Day 23: Spend a tech-free day together.

Day 24: Pull out old pictures from your early dating days, and revisit the honeymoon phase.

Day 25: Go for a run, take a hike, do yoga, or work out with each other.

Day 26: Make a playlist for each other. Pick songs that mean something to you both.

Day 27: Spend a day giving back to the community together.

Day 28: Give each other massages.

Day 29: Rearrange a room in your house. Change up the furniture, make or buy something to add to the decor, or upcycle something with each other.

Day 30: Turn on some slow music, and dance.

How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

Even the most rock-solid couples feel insecure about their relationships sometimes.

As part of a YourTango survey, we asked readers to fill in the blank: “I have the most confidence in my relationship when my partner/spouse ____.” The top two most popular answers were “compliments me/tells me how he or she feels about me” and “really listens to me/gives me his or her full attention.”

But what do other couples have to say? How do you build confidence alongside your partner?

We asked our experts to weigh in with their best suggestions. Here’s what they had to say about how to be more confident in a relationship.

1. Stay in the present.

On a daily basis, take time for yourself to clear your mind and set your intention for how you will be in your relationship. Repeat positive affirmations that reinforce the feelings that you want to feel.

2. Get real.

Take stock of your relationship as it is and identify the wonderful things that you’re already experiencing, as well as concrete examples of things you would like to improve.

Express gratitude for your blessings every day, and know that you have the power to respond with love in all other areas, and exercise your power to create a life that excites you.

3. Get over it.

Ask yourself why you have allowed your confidence to falter in this relationship. Is it possible that you sabotage your relationship with negative patterns of behavior driven by a little but loud voice that says you aren’t worthy of love?

Acknowledging limiting beliefs is important, but so is learning to let them go.

4. Get clear.

Clarity breeds confidence, while fear and doubt threaten your self-esteem. See yourself in the relationship of your dreams and imagine all you want is possible.

5. Get engaged.

While this may be a side effect of your newfound confidence, this step is really about engaging yourself in a commitment to create a life that excites you.

Make a declaration, because you’re worthy of having a loving and fulfilling relationship. Believe that you have the capacity to love and be loved.

6. Get serious.

Actions speak louder than words, so start making confident choices that are true to your commitment and your vision. Your confidence will soar, and you will reap the rewards because you’re stepping into your power and making your choices count.

Subscribe to our newsletter.

7. Seek support.

Naturally, your biggest supporter in this relationship is your partner, so share your dreams and challenges with him or her. Communicate the changes you would like to make, and express your feelings and your intentions with confidence.

8. Avoid eye rolls and sighs.

Whenever I see couples responding to each other with eye rolls or sighs, I give them a 50 percent chance of making it. Why? Because it shows contempt.

It’s very difficult to respond openly or lovingly to someone who has contempt for you. So, if openness and loving is what you want from your partner, stop rolling your eyes.

9. Express gratitude.

Before complaining to your partner about something, thank him for something he did for you today.

You’ve probably heard of sexting before. Although parents are having a hard time because their teenagers are doing it, for adults, it’s a completely different matter. Long-distance relationship sexting can be healthy and helpful. So if you want to know everything about it—what you should do and what you shouldn’t do—read this guide carefully and use it to sext your partner the smart way.

What Is Sexting?

Sexting means to send and receive sexual text messages on your mobile phone from another person. This is a form of keeping in touch, of communicating each other’s needs, desires and fantasies, and it’s way of maintaining the flame of any relationship. Although sexting can be done by any couple, for people in long-distance relationships it is a must. Because your man might not be sure if you’d be into it or not, you can take the reins and use sexting to your advantage. Keep in mind that with sexting, less is more!

Sexting is actually the prelude to foreplay, and it is considered sex for your mind. You can use sext messages to tingle each other’s mind with little arousing hints that will make your lover curious and spark desire inside him. Although you might not be a dirty talker in person, through SMS, things can be completely different. Of course, it’s not recommended to go overboard with it right from the start because that would take away from the fun of it, but as the exchange of text messages escalates, you can be as sexually explicit as you and your partner are comfortable.

Why Is It Important to Sext?

Sexting is a door to sex. Through sexting, you can better communicate your sexual desires, and you might even find out sooner what your partner likes and dislikes in bed. Rather than having a serious conversation about sexual matters, sexting makes things fun and broadens your sexual horizon. Many times, it makes people feel sexier and creates an atmosphere of lust, desire and passion. It is important to sext because it will create a different kind of connection between the two of you. And it’s just another way for you two to keep in touch in spite of the distance that separates you.

As a woman in a long-distance relationship, sexting will take help you experience a whole different level of intimacy. Even though you have cybersex on a regular basis, psychology experts believe that phones are far more intimate than computers; therefore, sexting will bring you closer together. Moreover, men find it incredibly arousing when women talk dirty or say things that have hidden connotations. Keep in mind that men are visual creatures. So by either snapping a photo during your sexting session or by simply showing him in writing what you want, it will make him feel wanted, desired and loved.

Spice your sexting with a long distance sex toy:

How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

The idea of falling out of love with your partner is a real fear among couples who have been together in a long-term relationship who worry that their marriage is getting stale.

But there are ways to fall in love again and learn how to spice up your marriage with unique, simple techniques that you can practice every day.

Even if you’re worried that your marriage is “stuck” or your relationship is broken, before you even think about divorce or separation, give your relationship another chance and really work on improving your intimacy.

The trick to fixing your relationship? Focus on what brings you joy!

Focus on your own pleasure and joy.

An old teacher used to say to me, “Be in it for your own pleasure!” Now, on the surface I know this idea sounds insanely selfish to apply to a relationship, but when you strip it down, it makes total sense. It’s a broad metaphor for all of life, really.

Who says you should have to do things you don’t want to do? In fact, why put yourself through any experience you find unbearable?

What if you asked your partner about their day because you really cared about the answer? What if you were focused on them because you were truly curious about them again? What if you were being thoughtful because you genuinely cared about their happiness?

Couples often stay together out of fear.

Many couples stay together because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings or because they’re afraid to be alone. Some might say it’s “because of the kids,” financial reasons, or any other reason than the truth: “Because I want to be alone!”

I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s best to opt into your relationship, and your life for that matter, because it’s where you want to be. Fear truly is the greatest deceiver! We fail at times to see what is so painfully obvious.

Staying with someone you don’t want to be with is not an act of kindness.

Do you really think your spouse doesn’t sense how disinterested in them you are? You think they can’t feel your perpetual resentment?

Worse still, what do you think that elicits from them in how they feel about you? Being in a relationship out of need is not doing anything good for anyone. Not only is it prolonging the inevitable, it’s making each and every day together more painful for you both.

Predictable routines make relationships boring.

The human brain wants to create habits in your life as much as possible. This is largely why when you’re are in long-term relationships, you can so easily fall victim to a routine way of interacting with one another.

You ask the same questions, eat at the same places, have sex in the same positions, etc. You fall into the roles you’ve unknowingly established. This is why marriages can feel so stale as time goes on!

You may believe that inevitably, all relationships fizzle out over time. After all, how can you be excited about your partner’s job after the four-millionth complaint? How can you be interested in their stories after hearing them one-thousand times? After things have gotten boring and comfortable?

Even if you feel like you’ve lost touch and can’t remember a time when your relationship felt fun or exciting, it’s possible to reignite the fire!

Here are 4 fun ways couples can spice up their sex life, fix their relationship, and improve the intimacy in their marriage.

1. Make your partner a priority again.

Remember how thoughtful you once were about your partner’s needs and wants? You wanted to surprise them, make them excited, make them feel good. The most selfish thing you can do in any relationship is to make their happiness your desire!

Because when someone feels good, happy, and excited because of you, they then will shower good thoughts and feelings back onto you!

Remember those butterfly feelings you used to get from being with them? If you keep this up, you’ll find that those butterfly feelings come back.

Subscribe to our newsletter.

Begin to break the habits and patterns you’ve established long ago that you are not even aware of. Tune into what it is you like about them instead of focusing on what you don’t!

Before reacting to something they say or do, pause and think about what you’re doing. Acknowledge them more and understand that in love and relationships, the details matter most.

2. Include humor and fun.

Make sure to laugh with your partner and connect with them on adventures and time spent doing things you both love.

In relationships, it can be easy to forget to let go, play with each other, and have fun. When your partner is being wishy-washy and indecisive about what to do, tap into what you want. Feel for what excites you in your body and have fun with each other.

After all, what’s the point of being alive if you can’t enjoy it while you’re here? Humor and jokes can go a long way and are good for your mental health, too.

3. Try new ways to be intimate.

Plan to try something together without making a huge commitment to it. This can be incredibly useful in relationships as a way to flex different muscles of communication or experimentation.

For example, you may decide to improve intimacy by deciding to have sex every day for two weeks. Or perhaps that you’re going to set a timer and kiss for 15 minutes every day. What would that experience be like?

You’re going to want to turn your thermostat wayyy down.

How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

The bedroom is one of the few places in a relationship where playing games is encouraged. So take advantage of it. If you and your S.O. have been stuck in a rut, head to the bedroom for a round (or three!) of truth or dare.

Remember: “Building intimacy with your partner should continue throughout the relationship,” says Rachel Needle, PsyD and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. She encourages her clients to turn to games like truth or dare when they want to turn up the heat and reconnect.

Since you’re getting to know them more by asking prepared serious, deep, and exciting questions, and experimenting with different types of touching or kissing, Needle says a game of truth or dare is bound to help you master both sexual and emotional intimacy.

The key is asking the right questions (!!). Pro tip: Make sure to check in with your partner while playing to make sure they’re feeling safe and comfortable answering the question or doing whatever the dare requires.

Not sure where to start? WH has got you covered. When asking for truths, Needle recommends focusing on asking something that would spark vulnerability in your partner (think: “What are you most afraid of?”). Then, use the dare to build excitement, make each other laugh, and try something new. These questions should challenge you both to be more open and genuine with one another (while getting a little hot and heated too!). Ahead, a list of 50 truth or dare questions to get you started.

How to be a better lover and spice up your relationship

The idea of falling out of love with your partner is a real fear among couples who have been together in a long-term relationship who worry that their marriage is getting stale.

But there are ways to fall in love again and learn how to spice up your marriage with unique, simple techniques that you can practice every day.

Even if you’re worried that your marriage is “stuck” or your relationship is broken, before you even think about divorce or separation, give your relationship another chance and really work on improving your intimacy.

The trick to fixing your relationship? Focus on what brings you joy!

Focus on your own pleasure and joy.

An old teacher used to say to me, “Be in it for your own pleasure!” Now, on the surface I know this idea sounds insanely selfish to apply to a relationship, but when you strip it down, it makes total sense. It’s a broad metaphor for all of life, really.

Who says you should have to do things you don’t want to do? In fact, why put yourself through any experience you find unbearable?

What if you asked your partner about their day because you really cared about the answer? What if you were focused on them because you were truly curious about them again? What if you were being thoughtful because you genuinely cared about their happiness?

Couples often stay together out of fear.

Many couples stay together because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings or because they’re afraid to be alone. Some might say it’s “because of the kids,” financial reasons, or any other reason than the truth: “Because I want to be alone!”

I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s best to opt into your relationship, and your life for that matter, because it’s where you want to be. Fear truly is the greatest deceiver! We fail at times to see what is so painfully obvious.

Staying with someone you don’t want to be with is not an act of kindness.

Do you really think your spouse doesn’t sense how disinterested in them you are? You think they can’t feel your perpetual resentment?

Worse still, what do you think that elicits from them in how they feel about you? Being in a relationship out of need is not doing anything good for anyone. Not only is it prolonging the inevitable, it’s making each and every day together more painful for you both.

Predictable routines make relationships boring.

The human brain wants to create habits in your life as much as possible. This is largely why when you’re are in long-term relationships, you can so easily fall victim to a routine way of interacting with one another.

You ask the same questions, eat at the same places, have sex in the same positions, etc. You fall into the roles you’ve unknowingly established. This is why marriages can feel so stale as time goes on!

You may believe that inevitably, all relationships fizzle out over time. After all, how can you be excited about your partner’s job after the four-millionth complaint? How can you be interested in their stories after hearing them one-thousand times? After things have gotten boring and comfortable?

Even if you feel like you’ve lost touch and can’t remember a time when your relationship felt fun or exciting, it’s possible to reignite the fire!

Here are 4 fun ways couples can spice up their sex life, fix their relationship, and improve the intimacy in their marriage.

1. Make your partner a priority again.

Remember how thoughtful you once were about your partner’s needs and wants? You wanted to surprise them, make them excited, make them feel good. The most selfish thing you can do in any relationship is to make their happiness your desire!

Because when someone feels good, happy, and excited because of you, they then will shower good thoughts and feelings back onto you!

Remember those butterfly feelings you used to get from being with them? If you keep this up, you’ll find that those butterfly feelings come back.

Subscribe to our newsletter.

Begin to break the habits and patterns you’ve established long ago that you are not even aware of. Tune into what it is you like about them instead of focusing on what you don’t!

Before reacting to something they say or do, pause and think about what you’re doing. Acknowledge them more and understand that in love and relationships, the details matter most.

2. Include humor and fun.

Make sure to laugh with your partner and connect with them on adventures and time spent doing things you both love.

In relationships, it can be easy to forget to let go, play with each other, and have fun. When your partner is being wishy-washy and indecisive about what to do, tap into what you want. Feel for what excites you in your body and have fun with each other.

After all, what’s the point of being alive if you can’t enjoy it while you’re here? Humor and jokes can go a long way and are good for your mental health, too.

3. Try new ways to be intimate.

Plan to try something together without making a huge commitment to it. This can be incredibly useful in relationships as a way to flex different muscles of communication or experimentation.

For example, you may decide to improve intimacy by deciding to have sex every day for two weeks. Or perhaps that you’re going to set a timer and kiss for 15 minutes every day. What would that experience be like?