Self-Confidence is a Skill
I was a very shy kid growing up, and I used to look at other people and think to myself, “Wow, how are they so confident?”. I was always self-conscious of my actions and other people’s opinions shaped all of my decisions. For most of my childhood, I did what I thought was expected of me, rather than what I wanted. However, I never tried to work on my self-confidence because I believed that self-confidence was something that you are just born with. Instead of taking action, I just dreamed of what life would be like if I was more confident.
But ever since embarking on my personal development journey, I am convinced that a major component of self-confidence is skill and experience. Don’t get me wrong, some people are predisposed to be more confident than others, but the important lesson here is to not let this belief limit your personal growth. Self-confidence is a skill, and like all skills, you can get better at it if you put in the work.
5 Ways to Build Self-Confidence
1. Positive Affirmations
Our actions are influenced by our own beliefs and one way to shape our beliefs is to repeat positive affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome negative thoughts. Humans tend to believe whatever we tell ourselves constantly, therefore, when you repeat them often, you can start to make positive changes.
Here are some of my favorite affirmations for confidence:
- “I am happy and free because I am me.”
- “Every challenge I face is an opportunity to grow and improve.”
- “I am learning to trust the journey.”
- “Feeling confident, assured, and strong is a normal part of my everyday life”
- “I am, and always will be, enough.”
If you’ve never done affirmations before, I recommend finding 3-4 positive messages like the ones above and saying them aloud to yourself daily. I make a habit of saying mine to myself in the mirror right after my morning shower. If you can find a way to include them in a simple, daily activity, you’ll find it so much easier to make daily affirmations a part of your life.
2. Make Fear Your North Star
As humans, we are instilled with the “fight or flight” instinct. As a result, we instinctively run away from fear. This instinct is amazing at protecting us from physical danger such as fires, but this instinct also kicks in when we encounter non-life-threatening fears. This fear mechanism explains why most people get nervous before a big speech. However, if we run away from our fears, we will never be able to grow. So, to build up your self-confidence, you will have to make fear your north star and let it guide you.
The best way to overcome fear is to face it head-on, so a great way to challenge yourself is to do something that scares you every day. By making this a habit and working on your confidence daily, you will see your self-confidence grow.
Now, you don’t have to tackle your craziest fears every single day. Make a list of all things that scare you, both big and small. You can include things as big as your fear of heights and as small as fear of dining alone. Then, order these fears from the smallest and most do-able, to largest and most terrifying. Every day, attempt to tackle one of these fears until you’re done the list. I say “attempt” here for an important reason, sometimes we will try our best to face a fear, but it gets the best of us. The goal here isn’t to get over all your fears as quickly as possible; the goal is to build the resilience to face your fears every day.
3. Get Rid of Negative Self-Talk
Did you know your mind is constantly thinking, even when you are not aware of it? Your inner voice is constantly chattering, which can be problematic if you are sending negative messages to yourself. If we consistently beat ourselves up with negative self-talk, we will start to believe it ourselves. As a result, our minds become our worst critics.
However, we can use this to our advantage by replacing our negative inner dialogue with positive, reassuring thoughts. Instead of being critical of your actions, be your biggest cheerleader. Find opportunities to congratulate, compliment and reward yourself, even for the smallest successes. One of the easiest ways to start this is to notice when you are being critical to yourself and correct it. For example, the next time you find your inner voice saying “I suck at this” acknowledge that you are being critical. Then, correct yourself by saying “actually, I’m not understanding this right now”. You can find more great negative self-talk swaps in this article from Self Magazine.
4. Remember Your Small Wins
We tend to remember the times when we felt unconfident, rather than focusing on the times when we acted confidently. However, a big part of building your self-confidence is recognizing your efforts and celebrating small wins.
A great exercise you can do is to think back and recall every time you wandered outside of your comfort zone. Don’t discount any small acts of confidence as insignificant, because your confidence flourishes every time you flex your confidence muscle.
I highly recommend writing this down in a journal so you can keep track of your progress. Alternatively, you can download our free worksheet to create your self-confidence action plan and track your progress. By having this ongoing list of acts of confidence, you’ll be able to look back at it whenever you feel low. Simply reminding yourself that you are capable of stepping out of your comfort zone can have such a huge impact on your self-confidence.
5. Mark Your Boundaries
Another way to build your confidence is to define your boundaries. Learn to say no to anything that does not align with your thoughts and beliefs. The more control you have over your own life, the greater your self-confidence will be.
For example, Sunday morning is reserved for my self-care routine, so I will block that time in my calendar and decline any invitations to go out during that time. By setting up these personal boundaries, you get to do what you want to do, not what you’re expected to do.
Free Resource: Worksheet for Building Self-Confidence
Now is the best time to take action in building your self-confidence, so we developed this downloadable worksheet for anyone who wants to grow their self-confidence.
The worksheet contains a self-assessment to evaluate your current self-confidence level and an action plan to grow your confidence and track your progress.
The worksheet can be completed electronically in PDF format, but you may also print it out if you wish.
Do you often say sorry? Feel guilty for petty things? Feel awkward about your skills and abilities? Fail to achieve goals? Compare yourself with others? Have trouble cracking job interviews? Miss opportunities? These are all signs of low self-confidence.
“One important key to success is self-confidence” – Arthur Ashe
What are the things common in people with high self-confidence? They are attractive, easily hired for jobs, achieve goals, productive and successful. You must have also noticed that people often love to spend time with confident people. Agree?
You may not be confident in all areas of life all the time, but you can reach a point where you are 100% confident about what you are doing and why you are doing.
How to build your self confidence?
Here are some simple and well-proven hacks to build and grow your self-confidence:
1. Live by your principles
What is your key principle? Honesty, boldness or anything else? And do you live your life in accordance with it? If you haven’t thought of it, start now! Guiding principles help you make value-based decisions and choices. You can better meet your goals and manage your time and priorities.
2. Know yourself
Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Develop high self-awareness to kill low confidence and win all battles in life. God has gifted each one of us with unique ability. Some are introverts, some are extroverts, some are good leaders while some are good managers. What is your unique gift? Know it, embrace it! You will become more confident!
3. Speak slowly
Sounds simple? But a hard thing to do! Speaking fast can hurt your message. Not everyone can catch up with your pace and miss on important points. Practice breathing techniques to calm yourself that will slow down the rhythm of your speech. Speak slowly without skipping any word and stretch your vowels – you will start feeling confident.
It neither cost you money nor time! Why not smile more? Smile doesn’t harm anyone but offers positive vibes Smiling boost neuronal connections in your brain and releases various happy hormones like dopamine, endorphins. Thus, you feel good, less stressed, more confident – which helps people easily approach you.
5. Attitude of gratitude
Being grateful for what you have improves your self-image! People who write gratitude letters are reported to have better mental health. Being grateful is directly proportional to being confident.
Needless to say, exercise brings you unlimited physical and mental health benefits. It not only lifts your mood but trains your brain to pick positive thoughts and feel good about your abilities and body image, which in turn boosts confidence. That doesn’t mean you have to become Arnold Schwarzenegger! Just walk for 30 minutes every day and you will see a huge change in your confidence levels.
7. Groom yourself
It is but undeniable fact that people feel more attracted to those who look and feel good. Grooming yourself – taking care of your skin, nails, beard, teeth, and hairstyle helps you stay well-rounded. It affects the way you regard yourself and that stimulates self-esteem and confidence.
8. Dress nicely
Clothes reveal a person’s personality! When I dress nicely, I stay in a good mood for the entire day. I don’t want to look like Jennifer Lawrence! I just wear what fits my body type! To my surprise that helps me freely communicate with people and it changes how others listen to what I say. Price and brand don’t matter! Just look nice and presentable and see how it boosts your self-confidence!
9. Correct posture
Always stand tall, sit straight, open up your chest, chin up, keep up your head level. Unlike slump and slouch posture, straight posture lifts your mood, boosts confident thoughts. Try it and you will feel more poised and assured. You will 100% look more confident and attractive!
Do your palms sweat at the thought of speaking in front of your class or giving a presentation at a big meeting? Does the fear of failure consume you? Are you uncomfortable in social situations?
Don’t worry. You’re not alone. We’ve all been there at one time or another. In fact, studies show that 85 percent of the population suffers from what bestselling author Dr. Joe Rubino calls a “self-esteem deficit.”
Luckily, extensive medical treatment isn’t required to tackle this problem. Instead, there are a number of easy tools you can use day to day to boost your confidence and lead a better life. Here are a few valuable tips to help you control your self-doubt.
Tips to Boost your Confidence
Daily affirmations make a difference
Sure, many of us have laughed at the Saturday Night Live sketches featuring the fictional character Stuart Smalley, a self-help guru. You might remember his catch phrase that he said to himself while looking in the mirror: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
But these affirmations are more than just a punchline on a comedy show. Science shows that positive thinking about yourself and your life can rewire your brain chemistry and increase the feel-good chemicals released by your body.
If you find yourself swimming in self-doubt and unable to think of any positive affirmations to pull yourself out of it, you might want to make a list of your strengths to keep with you at all times. This will give you a quick and easy confidence boost.
Let’s get physical
Exercise is a great way to boost self-confidence. Whether you’d rather pump some iron or go for a run, physical activity helps you look better, improves your overall health and makes you stronger.
All of those physical changes are confidence boosters. But experts say there are also mental and emotional benefits to working out. Physical activity releases beta-endorphins that make you feel good, and also reduces stress by decreasing cortisol levels.
So the next time you’re looking to boost your confidence and your mood, hit the gym!
Try something new
A great way to boost your confidence is to challenge yourself by trying something new, something that you’ve never done before. It’s easy to fear the unknown, but the greatest way to face it is by tackling it head-on.
This can be anything from joining a Meetup group with strangers who share a similar interest or learning a new skill. Once you try something new and succeed, though, you’ll see an increase in confidence. Even if you don’t get the hang of your new skill or project at first, you’ll see a surge in confidence simply because you know you tried and didn’t let fear get the best of you.
Leaving your comfort zone can be scary, but it’s also exciting and can expand your world.
Visualize who you want to be
It’s difficult to overcome years of negative reinforcement, your brain telling yourself that you’re no good. Experts say that visualization exercises are a great way to overcome this negativity and to boost your confidence, though, and they can be done in your own time and space.
The visualization process will help you replace your negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones. Start with some notes about who you’d like to be and what you’d like to accomplish. With these traits and goals in mind, close your eyes and picture yourself. Slowly alter the picture of yourself in your mind to match the traits you wrote on paper. These could be anything from wanting to be a more outgoing person to landing a big sale at work.
Before long, visualization will lead to actualization and increased self-esteem.
Surround yourself with a positive support network
If there are friends, family or colleagues who are negative and tend to criticize you, limit your time with them.
Make it a goal to spend more time with people who are supportive. You can choose, however, to rely more on connections with individuals who are positive and help lift you up rather than tear you down.
Recognize your accomplishments
It’s easy to get caught up in a swirl of negativity. But everyone has both big and small accomplishments they can be proud of.
Write some of them down and keep the list handy for the next time you’re feeling fearful or anxious. Reading through a list of your accomplishments is a quick way to boost your confidence and remind you of how capable you really are.
Your well-being should always be your priority. This means making sure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep and making time for the things that you enjoy.
Self-care is imperative to a happy and balanced life, which also helps you boost your confidence.
You have the power
With these tips, you have the power to improve your self-esteem and your life.
Whenever you feel negativity get the best of you, turn to these practices listed above if you need to boost self-confidence.
It’s important to have a healthy dose of self-confidence that helps you be your best self in your personal and professional life.
Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. Self-confidence is important to your health and psychological well-being and having a healthy level of self-confidence can help you become successful in your personal and professional life.
1. Dedicate Some Aspect of Your Life to Helping Others
Do you ever feel overly selfish or as if you’re not doing enough to help other people? Well, you certainly couldn’t think highly of yourself if you’ve spent the majority of your life serving your own needs. Once you do good for others — from donating money to a worthwhile cause to helping build a new house for a family in need — and possibly change their life for the better, without a doubt, it will leave you feeling accomplished and empowered.
Not sure how to exactly go about it or where to start? Perhaps you need a bit of inspiration. In that case, watch the movie Pay It Forward . Not only will the film inspire you to improve the lives of people around you, but it will also help you view your career or workplace more positively as well.
2. Eat Healthier Each Day, and Don’t Cave
When you take care of your body and eat healthily, think of it as if you’re contributing to your self-confidence bank. As you put more good in, you’ll have more to show for it and likely will end up looking better than ever before. A quick workout session before you head off for coffee with friends is a great way to boost your endorphins, which will give you a healthier state of mind while out and about. Once you grow used to being healthy, you won’t even have to try being confident.
3. Express Yourself to Someone You Haven’t
I’m not sure how many times I’ve seen people looking to friends or family for advice over a rusty relationship. Betty Loo, from down the lane, may have said something that left you confused, or John could owe you an apology for waking you up in the middle of the night for years. In either case, you should probably say something to them before it eats away at your soul or other aspects of your life. Just be completely honest and don’t let your pride get in the way of it. Because, in the long run, you’ll only make yourself feel worse.
4. Accomplish a Goal That You Put Aside
Sometimes we forget about an old goal we have always wanted to complete but ended up putting on the backburner long ago, never to return. It may be something you’ve tried and gave up, or you got bored of trying to finish what you started. Whenever you do that, it leaves a lingering presence of doubt in yourself, when all you need to do is just give it another shot. Some of our biggest goals take longer to complete, and that’s why you should always keep carving a path toward realizing your dreams. Remember that each step you take, even if it ends up in misery, is one positive step toward success.
5. Change Up Your Wardrobe
Tired of feeling out of place when the rest of the world is looking spiffy and clean? Then it’s time for you to do some clothes shopping. You can’t expect to feel like a million bucks walking around in something you first wore 10 years ago and which is no longer in fashion. It’s basically like being reborn into a new lifetime whenever you refresh your wardrobe, and there’s no better feeling. Don’t forget to get a sexy new set of lingerie to go with your new look, so you can feel gorgeous no matter with whom or where you choose to spend your time.
Don’t Ever Give Up on Yourself
Do you need to rise like the phoenix out of the ashes? Only you have the power to change your life, view of the world, and, most importantly, how you add value to your life. Now, go on and make the first step to a better you, but don’t leave the world burned to crispy ash from your awesomeness.
Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She’s also a psychotherapist, the author of the bestselling book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” and the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.
Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.
Self-confidence is defined as a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. Self-confidence is important to your health and psychological well-being. Having a healthy level of self-confidence can help you become successful in your personal and professional life.
Benefits of Self-Confidence
Having self-confidence can bring many benefits—at home, at work, and within your relationships. Here’s a look at a few of the positive effects self-confidence can have on your life.
- Openness to try new things. When you believe in yourself, you’ll be more willing to try new things. Whether you apply for a promotion or sign up for a cooking class, believing in yourself is key to putting yourself out there.
- Better performance. When you feel confident in yourself, you’re able to devote your resources to the task at hand. Rather than waste time and energy worrying that you aren’t good enough, you can devote your energy to your efforts. So ultimately, you’ll perform better when you feel confident.
- Better resilience. Confidence, or believing in yourself, can enhance your resilience, or ability to bounce back from any challenges or adversities you face in life.
- Improved relationships. Having a healthy dose of self-confidence can help keep your relationships happy and healthy. One reason is that people with self-confidence tend to set stronger boundaries, prioritizing their own needs and emotions. Having self-confidence not only impacts how you feel about yourself, but it helps you better understand and love others. It also gives you the strength to walk away if you’re not getting what you deserve.
Fortunately, there are things you can do to boost your self-confidence. Whether you lack confidence in one specific area or you struggle to feel confident about anything, these strategies can help.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
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Whether you compare how you look to your friends on Facebook or you compare your salary to your friend’s income, comparisons aren’t healthy. In fact, a 2018 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found a direct link between envy and the way you feel about yourself.
Researchers found that people who compared themselves to others experienced envy. And the more envy they experienced, the worse they felt about themselves. It can be a vicious cycle.
Pay attention to times when you compare your wealth, possessions, skills, achievements, and attributes. Thinking that other people are better or have more will erode your confidence in yourself. When you notice you are drawing comparisons, remind yourself that doing so isn’t helpful. Everyone is running their own race and life isn’t a competition.
Here are a few tips to help free yourself from the trap of comparison:
- Be good to others. When you’re being your best self, you may be less prone to compare yourself to others or focus on the things that you lack. Helping others (altruism), especially those less fortunate than you, can provide a great perspective on how blessed you truly are in life.
- Count your blessings. If you’re feeling envious of someone else’s life, remind yourself of your own strengths and successes. Consider keeping an ongoing gratitude journal to help you focus on your own life and not the lives of others.
- Identify and avoid frenemies. Are there certain people in your life who constantly judge and compare, and just bring out your competitive streak (and not in a good way)? It’s okay to limit contact with these individuals or, if possible, avoid them completely.
- Seek positive support. As you weed out the negative people in your life, it’s also important to cultivate a social circle of people who support and motivate you to be your best self, and who remind you of the good in you.
Take Care of Your Body
It’s hard to feel good about yourself if you’re abusing your body. On the other hand, if you practice self-care, you know you’re doing something positive for your mind, body, and spirit, and you’ll naturally feel more confident. Here are a few self-care practices linked to higher levels of self-confidence:
- Diet. Eating well comes with many benefits, including higher levels of self-confidence and self-esteem. When you fuel your body with the right foods, you feel healthier, stronger, and more energized, which can result in feeling better about yourself.
- Exercise. Studies consistently show physical activity boosts confidence. A 2016 study published in Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment found that regular physical activity improved participants’ body image. And when their body image improved, they felt more confident.
- Meditation. More than just a relaxation practice, meditation can help boost self-confidence in several ways. For one, it helps you to recognize and accept yourself. Meditation also teaches you to stop negative self-talk and disconnect from any mental chatter interfering with your self-confidence.
- Sleep. Skimping on sleep can take a toll on your emotions, whereas good, quality sleep has been linked with positive personality traits, including optimism and self-esteem.
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness when you make a mistake, fail, or experience a setback. It’s a way of relating to yourself in a way that allows you to become more emotionally flexible, able to navigate challenging emotions, and enhance your connection to self and others. Researchers have linked the ability to relate to ourselves in a compassionate way to self-confidence.
A 2009 study published in the Journal of Personality found that self-compassion contributes to more consistent confidence. So the next time you’re in a challenging situation, recognize that being imperfect or falling short at times is a part of living. Do your best to navigate these experiences with self-compassion.
Someone struggling with their confidence often receives the advice, “Just be more confident!” The question then becomes, “How?” I was determined to discover if there were some skills that have more influence over a person’s confidence than others. For those who lack confidence, or those trying to build the confidence of others, what behaviors create a high probability of building their confidence while also making them a better leader?
Watch on Forbes:
To understand this question, my colleague, Jack Zenger, and I created two datasets. In the first we compiled the results from a self-assessment of confidence. We collected data on 7,800 individuals from which we created a valid measure of confidence.
The second was an assessment from managers on 49 key behaviors that enable leaders to perform exceptionally well. On this assessment, we collected data from more than 75,000 managers that accurately predicts a variety of organizational outcomes, such as turnover, customer satisfaction, engagement of direct reports, and profit. We matched the two datasets and found 330 cases where the confidence assessment aligned with manager competence ratings on the 49 behaviors.
We then identified 15 behaviors with highly significant correlations, concluding that these behaviors may do more to build a person’s confidence than other behaviors. However, because these finding come from correlations, it is also possible that highly confident individuals simply tend to perform these behaviors more effectively than individuals whose confidence is low. It is impossible in this scenario to sort out cause and effect. What we do know is that improvement on these behaviors will help a person to be a better leader, which should help a person’s confidence rise.
Behaviors that Build Confidence
By factor analyzing the 15 behaviors we identified 10 clusters of items. The clusters are listed by the strength of their correlations.
1. Skilled Communicator. Communication is the most malleable skill, and research shows it is the easiest trait to develop. Many people who have gone through a public speaking class have struggled through their first presentation, but after instruction and practice see significant improvement. Communicating clearly and providing others with a clear direction builds confidence quickly.
2. Clear Priorities. Imagine yourself overwhelmed with a variety of important priorities without clear insight into which was most critical. For most people, this would cause them to be confused, frustrated, and much less confident. Having clear priorities boosts confidence because it provides clear guidelines on how to succeed.
3. Accomplishing Stretch Goals. What happens to a person’s confidence when they accomplish something that seemed impossible? It increases substantially! Many have also experienced failures in which the impossible was, in fact, “impossible.” We believe confidence is built by attempting stretch goals and experiencing both the success and failures from these out-of-the-park efforts.
4. Demonstrate Energy and Enthusiasm. There is an interesting experiment which begins with measuring a person’s happiness. The person was then asked to put a pencil across their mouth and bite down for a short time, which caused them to approximate a smile. After doing this for a short time, people reported being happier. High confidence is strongly associated with the act of showing energy and enthusiasm. If a person can fake it until they make it, their demonstration of energy and enthusiasm builds confidence.
5. Represent the Group. Asking a team member to represent the team in a presentation or meeting can be challenging for some people, but it also sends a message that they are trusted and respected. This is a great way to help people build confidence.
6. Technical Expertise. Do you remember how you felt in school when you knew the answer? A great way to increase confidence in others is to allow them the time and support to become an expert. Many high potential programs use the approach of moving young employees to different functions every few months. This is counterproductive to confidence. While it helps young employees gain a broad perspective in the company, it often sets them up with only general knowledge and no deep expertise.
7. Deliver Results. Give people a piece of work that they can be responsible for and control. When a person delivers the expected results, they become more confident.
8. Coaching Others. Set people up as coaches to others who are still learning. Helping others to learn new skills reinforces the importance of your own knowledge and skills.
9. Become a Champion. Give people the opportunity to be in charge. This implies they are trusted and respected and can boost their confidence.
10. Solves Problems. Most people have had that eureka moment when they were able to solve a difficult problem. Too often managers who know the solution don’t provide direct reports with the opportunity to solve difficult problems themselves. When we allow others to solve problems, they often find unique solutions and innovative approaches, thereby building their confidence.
No matter the age or the experience of a person, there are times in everyone’s life when confidence suffers. Look through the above list and pick at least one behavior that you can improve, then watch your confidence increase.
One of the most vital characteristics of a child is confidence.
When equipped with a high level of self-esteem, kids stand a better chance of dealing with social pressure and responsibilities, especially when they grow up.
Thus, it is of utmost importance that parents help kids build up trust in themselves.
1. Give kids compliments when they have achieved a good deed, but do not shower them with praises
The easiest step towards teaching your child confidence is to acknowledge their efforts.
Sometimes, parents gloss out on kids’ achievements, deeming them as trivial or unimportant.
The truth is, kids are extremely sensitive to how adults react to their actions.
When received compliments after performing a certain behavior, kids will consider them as incentives and are more likely to repeat that behavior in the future.
In short, praising kids when they have done something appropriately is a necessary move towards building kids’ confidence.
It can be when they finish their homework in due time, or when they offer to help you with cleaning the dishes.
However, giving encouragement does not mean you have to flatter your kids all the time, no matter what they do.
For example, telling a child he or she is great at football right after they lose to an opponent team is uncandid.
Instead, you can find a more realistic approach, such as commenting on how hard they have tried during the match, or how much they have improved since the last game.
2. Guide kids through negativity
Avoiding groundless negativity and looking on the bright side is crucial to building a child’s self-esteem.
Whenever you hear your kids complain about them not being good enough, help them understand that a person possesses unique talents.
All kids have to do is to find a way to nurture, develop and sharpen their own abilities.
Steer kids away from saying: “I can’t do this”, “I am terrible at this”, or “There must be something wrong with me because I suck at this”.
Instead, ask them to think the other way round by focusing on what they can do to solve the problem.
“I cannot do this math exercise yet, so I will study harder and see how things work out.”
“I may not be good at drawing, but at least I can tell the difference between different shades of red.”
This mindset needs to be reinforced over and over again so that kids no longer turn to negative thoughts once challenges arise.
3. Help kids aspire towards self-reliance
If you want your kids to become confident, let them grow their sense of independence.
Allow them to pick out their daily outfits, pack their school bags, or decide where to sit at the dinner table.
In case your child is still too small, you can stand by and supervise from afar to make sure nothing goes wrong.
For complicated tasks, like folding clothes or making a sandwich, you can help by giving them a model demonstration, then instruct them to do the same.
When kids are used to doing things on their own, they are less likely to expect support from other people.
Gradually, as kids experience first-hand what it feels like to handle stuff by themselves, their self-belief will be boosted.
4. Give kids a chance to lead
Nothing makes kids prouder than leading other people since being assigned as a leader means kids are trusted to shoulder certain responsibilities.
To make this happen, parents should actively join kids in their daily routines and give them the opportunity to supervise and give orders to everyone.
For example, you are having a mini-baseball game in the backyard.
Vote for your kid to be the team captain and give out strategies so you can follow.
After being regarded as a commander for a few times, your kid will slowly realize that their works are recognized.
This will act as motivation so that the kid will continue trying their best in the future.
5. Ask for kids’ opinions when it comes to relevant issues
If there is a situation pertinent to kids, make sure the kids have a vote in the matter.
Whether it is the smallest thing, like the color for the family uniforms, or more serious issues, like choosing an extracurricular activity, parents should include kids in the decision-making process.
When asked for advice or simply comments on suitable circumstances, kids will feel like their ideas are appreciated, thus enhancing their self-esteem.
But remember, do not shut down what the kids have voiced out, however pointless, irrelevant, or naive they are.
Instead, simply embrace their suggestions as “thoughtful”, “creative”, or “nice”.
Not only will this help kids avoid embarrassment, but it also encourages kids to keep thinking and expressing their viewpoints.
6. Make sure kids always receive unconditional love from their families
Family love is a sturdy foundation to build up a child’s confidence.
If kids know they are taken care of and supported by their family, they are more likely to cultivate a sense of self-belief.
This is because, for kids, the initial step of being confident is feeling accepted and valued, starting by the closest people.
Tell kids how much they mean to you, and show them no matter what happens, you will always stand by their side.
7. Do not compare kids to other people
No one likes comparison, adults and kids alike.
Comparison is not supposed to make kids feel more motivated and try to act better.
Instead, when being put on a scale with another person – especially someone their age – kids are more likely to be bitter, resentful, and doubtful of their abilities.
Even when you think there is a child better than your kid, there is no need in saying: “Oh, look at that girl! She can go to school on her own already when you still need me to drive you to school.”
Everyone has their own worth, and reminding kids of certain qualities they currently lack by pointing out at other children will not help.
Teaching a child confidence is also about giving them the preparation they need in order to succeed in the future.
Thus, parents need to be consistent and delicate in how they approach their kids.
Do not turn kids into egoists, but at the same time, do not let kids lose hope in themselves.
Life gets tough sometimes, and self-belief goes a long way in helping you develop a tough skin that can overcome life’s challenges. Studies show that for you to lead a happy and fulfilling life, you need to be confident in yourself and have high self-esteem. No one was born confident, or with high self-esteem, it takes self-initiative to work on yourself and build self confidence.
Damaging life experiences can only shape and define who you are if you let them. You can use cognitive behavioral strategy to talk yourself through self-doubt and build high self-esteem. Often people speak negatively to self; it is important that whatever you tell yourself is positive and encouraging. Even while facing your fears for the first time, it is crucial for you to be positive about the outcome of such an endeavor even before you complete the process.
Here’s how to build self confidence & self esteem:
1. Working on Self Love
Build confidence instead of Negative self-talk since its one of the most effective ways you can use to tear down your self-esteem and self confidence. You should learn how to replace your negative comments with positive and encouraging ones. Even though the emotional and psychological wounds you have might not have been self-inflicted, you are the only one who can heal them. As you learn to love yourself, you realize that your perspective becomes positive and optimistic.
Developing self-love can be done by:
• Learning to be your own cheerleader
People’s support for you will only count if you too believe in yourself first. Remember that persistence is key in the journey of self-actualization as can easily be back at square one with just one negative comment.
• Make it a habit of complimenting yourself
Always celebrate your successes and encourage yourself when you face setbacks. Building confidence does not happen overnight; it takes time for your brain to be convinced of the compliments you give yourself. Speaking comments out loud while you look back at your image in the mirror can help as it is you actually talking to yourself helps build self confidence.
2. Surround yourself with Positivity
In order for you to build self confidence, you should surround yourself with positive energy. Seeking out company that adds value to your life will not only help you build confidence but also grow in other sectors of your life.
Surrounding yourself with positivity comes in two different ways;
• Being around positive people
Build confidence by associating yourself with individuals who are positive minded gives you an idea of what confidence looks like. You can even observe a confident person and learn how to show confidence through them. Before you allow yourself to get attached to anyone, ensure that the reason you are attracted to them is that they have a positive attitude and not because they also have low self-esteem. Comments you get from other people might seem like just words, but they carry a lot of weight. Do not let people weigh you down, shielding off negativity will assist you build self confidence.
• Being in a Positive Environment
It goes a long way be in a positive, vibrant environment because it nourishes you and gives you the energy to move forward. The journey of building self confidence and high self-esteem is a continuous and a non-stopping one. As a human being, you are a social being who is bound to look for a personal connection with an individual. It is only in a positive environment that you will be able to meet positive minded people you can connect with. Having a personal connection with someone who has a positive attitude towards life guarantees that this positive energy will rub off on you, one way or another.
To succeed in your quest to Build self confidence, you should remember to be consistent and intentional. It will not come easy but putting in all the effort will prove to be worth it in the long run. There are a lot of opportunities in life that you can only grab and work with if you are confident enough. Decide today to make sure self-doubt does not get in the way of tour success. You deserve to feel confident about who you are and what you are capable of doing.
Have an image of who you want to be in your mind and take positive steps towards being that person. Little details like taking care of your health and dressing up might seem negligible, but they contribute massively to boost your confidence. Confidence is armor you wear every day when you feel good in your own skin, it reflects to the public.
The pursuit for self-esteem has launched hundreds of books, TV shows, and blogs over the past 30 years, all trying to be the definitive source for improving self-confidence.
But science has also gotten in on the action, studying behavior and media consumption as potential factors for improving our opinions of ourselves.
We scoped out some recent studies to bring you 10 scientifically proven ways to boost your self-esteem, including spending time with your dad and voting Republican.
Spend a few minutes on your Facebook wall.
63 Cornell students were left alone in the university’s Social Media Lab and seated either at computers with Facebook, or at computers that were turned off. The students with access to Facebook were allowed to peruse their wall posts and newsfeed for three minutes, and then all students were asked to fill out a questionnaire designed to measure their self-esteem.
The students who were allowed to spend a few minutes on Facebook had much more positive feedback about themselves than those who had sat in the control group with no computer access.
Go out and get some exercise.
A Canadian study from the Children’s Hospital of Eastern Ontario Research Institute found that overweight teens reaped psychological benefits after exercising twice a week for 10 weeks.
30 adolescents ranging in age from 12 to 17 were asked to either ride a stationary cycle or play an interactive video game of their choice for one hour.
Following the sessions, each group was asked to rate how competent they felt academically, socially, and athletically, as well as how they felt about their body image and self esteem.
Though little physical change occurred over the course of the experiment, the teens who exercised rated their self-confidence much higher than their video game-playing counterparts.
Create your own digital avatar.
The study questioned 279 people who play the virtual reality game Second Life and found that the closer people felt to their avatars, the more likely they were to live a healthy lifestyle and have higher self-esteem in real life.
The avatars boosted feelings of self-worth and even inspired people to get fit to look more like their digital selves.
Don’t watch TV…unless you’re a white guy (and then watch a lot of it!).
Over the course of one year, researchers surveyed 400 black and white Illinois students aged 7 to 12 years old from lower-middle to upper-middle socioeconomic communities.
The study concluded that stereotypes on TV negatively impacted black boys and girls of both races, while white boys saw other white males in positions of power and authority, thus increasing their self-confidence.
Have elective plastic surgery.
100 patients from eight geographically diverse locations were asked to fill out surveys documenting depressive symptoms and self-esteem prior to surgery. They then took the same survey three months, six months, and 12 months after their procedures.
Researchers found that 87 percent of patients surveyed experienced significant improvements in overall body image and that it was maintained for a full year after they had undergone surgery.
Spend some time with your dad.
A study by the Social Science Research Institute at Pennsylvania State University found that kids who spent more one-on-one time with their fathers in their early adolescent years had higher self-esteem.
Researchers tracked 200 families from working- and middle-class families with at least two children over a period of seven years, and found that increased time with Dad improved feelings of self-worth in children.
Increased time with Mom also helped, though not as substantially as with the fathers.
If you’re a baby boomer, become a Republican.
The study followed 227 older adults ranging in age from 60 to 97. They found that those with the highest self-confidence would be classified as having “right-wing beliefs,” and that their politics buffered the negative effect of age on self-esteem.
Start taking piano lessons.
117 fourth graders attending public schools in Montreal were chosen who had no formal music instruction, no piano at home, and an annual family income of below $40,000. 63 children were given an acoustic piano and received weekly piano lessons for three years, and 54 students did not participate in any formal music instruction.
The kids were tested on their self-confidence, academic achievement, cognitive abilities, musical abilities, and motor proficiency at the beginning and throughout the three year study. The results showed that piano instruction had a positive effect on children’s self-esteem.
Live in the United States.
Two psychology professors from the University of Georgia and San Diego State University found that the self-esteem of close to 65,000 U.S. college students rose dramatically between 1968 and 1994.
Using the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale, researchers compared results for college students tested between the years 1968 and 1994.
The drastic rise in self-esteem was true for both males and females.