How to be honest with yourself and get more done

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  2. How to Tell When Your Husband Is Lying
  3. How to Tell if Someone Is Lying About Cheating
  4. How to Know If He’s Dating Other Girls
  5. How Does Nonverbal Communication Affect Relationships?

How to be honest with yourself and get more done

No one likes to be lied to or played the fool. Perhaps you have found something that raises your suspicion or your man has said something that makes you question his honesty. Although there is no tell-tale sign that a man is lying, there are indicators you can look for to help determine if he may be lying to you.

His Eyes and Facial Expressions

Body language can indicate that a man might be lying. Carefully watch your man’s face if you suspect that he is not telling you the truth. If he is lying, his face may appear less lively and facial movement may be restricted to his mouth, with his eyes failing to move in conjuction with his mouth, say Anthony DeLorenzo and Dawn Ricci on the Today website. Eyes can be another sign that he may be lying. If he is avoiding eye contact with you, you might be concerned that he is being dishonest, notes Ian Kerner, a clinical sexologist, in the article “10 Ways to Tell He’s Lying.” In some cases, a man will make an effort to look you in the eyes with a vacant, unblinking stare, which also can be a sign that he is lying, say Lorenzo and Ricci.

Speech Patterns

Listen carefully to your man’s speech patterns to determine if he is lying to you. When a man is lying, he will often speak more cautiously, make more structural errors and and speak in a higher pitch than normal, says Terri Orbuch, a professor of sociology at Oakland University and author of “Signs Your Partner Is Lying” on the Psychology Today website. Your man may pause longer between sentences and appear to be thinking carefully before opening his mouth to speak. Watch for discrepancies between what he is saying and his facial expressions. When a man is being dishonest, there is an inconsistency between his tone of voice and his facial expression, says Orbuch. For example, his tone of voice may indicate that he is happy, but his facial expression may betray him.

Evasiveness

A man who is being dishonest may come across as evasive, notes Orbuch. For example, if you ask who he was out with, he might say, “It’s nobody you know,” rather than tell you the name of the person. It might be very difficult to get a direct answer, even with a direct question. If your man is not typically evasive by nature, this can be a strong warning signal that he is trying to cover something up.

His Responses

Listen carefully to how he responds to questions that you ask him. It’s common for a man who is lying to repeat what you said by answering your question using the same words posed in the question, say DeLorenzo and Ricci. For example, if you ask, “Were you working late last night?” he might respond, “Yes, I was working late last night.” Another sign that a man could be lying is that he answers your question without using contractions in an attempt to come across as more honest. For instance, he might respond, “I did not see her last night,” rather than “I didn’t see her last night.” He may also provide detailed information that is not necessary. For example, if you ask if he saw his ex last night, he might respond, “No, I did not see her last night. I have not seen her for two months. Last time I saw her was at the grocery store.”

Few skills are more important to self-improvement than being able to take a step back and honestly evaluate yourself. Self-reflection allows you to expose problems early, before they become too painful to ignore.

Unfortunately, honest self-evaluation is one of the hardest skills to master. People tend to be self-serving in their thoughts. For most people, self-reflection involves looking into a carnival mirror, with all the information warped and distorted until it barely resembles reality.

One of the reasons I’m cautious to recommend faith, optimism or confidence as a solution to problems is because it distorts honest self-evaluation. The benefits are outweighed by the extra distortions you face when looking in the mirror.

The Power of Truthful Reflection

Honest self-evaluation is a skill I must consistently use when running this website. Feedback that comes to me is warped, I only receive comments from a tiny fraction of the readers of this website. Often what works in the short-term to generate attention, sacrifices value in the long-term.

If I distort my self-evaluation towards confidence, I will become ineffective. When I ignore flaws in the value I deliver, I can’t fix those mistakes. If I distort my reflection towards pessimism, I may not take the bold actions to market myself and my ideas that could deliver more value. Only truthful reflection can give me the best results.

Truthful reflection also impacts my health, finances and relationships. Any distortions, however minor, corrupt my thinking and my ability to make changes. If I believe I’m in better physical shape than I am, I may be cutting myself from being more fit and energetic. If I feel my finances are too low, I may waste time scrambling for money when I should be focusing on other goals.

The impact honesty has on your self-improvement outweighs the impact of false confidence by a factor of ten. Whenever I try to learn a new skill, ruthless honesty is my entire goal in self-evaluation, no matter the result. I simply can’t afford to distort the reflection.

Achieving an Honest Perspective

The best way to achieve a greater level of honesty in your self-evaluations is to demand it. If you’re still under the illusion that false confidence and blind optimism are the correct path, you scrap any hope of an honest evaluation.

This sounds easy, but it’s hard to practice. Honesty, especially when it is negative, is uncomfortable. Few people are willing to spend the effort needed to strip away all the distortions and arrive at the truth.

Honesty doesn’t mean pessimism. If you respond to over-confidence by giving up hope, you’ve just added one distortion to another. Honesty is a mental step that involves evaluating things before you have time to alter that evaluation.

Writing Uncensored

A good exercise to get more a more honest reaction to a given situation is to write whatever immediately comes to mind. If you’re trying to evaluate whether your current product is delivering the value you hope, immediately write down your first intuition.

Some, although not all, distortions occur after you’ve spent some time thinking about an issue. You have a gut reaction, which doesn’t fit your self-image, so you distort that gut reaction to fit the self-image. If you get in the habit of writing things without censorship, you can break off that layer of distortion.

Brainstorming functions on the same principle. Often we censor immediate ideas because they don’t fit our constraints of what a solution must look like. By forcing yourself to write down an idea without evaluating it, you remove those constraints and get better ideas. Of course, a lot of the ideas are still garbage, but its easier to filter through them consciously when they have been written on paper.

I keep a journal for exactly this purpose. My goal isn’t to write down my thoughts and feelings about current events. I don’t really have a need for that. But having a space where I can write uncensored, allows honest reflections I hadn’t considered to properly surface.

Gaining Emotional Distance

Uncensored writing removes the distortions to honest feedback that occur after you have an impression. But it still doesn’t remove the distortions that occur before an impression. Your mood has a profound effect on channeling your ideas in a particular direction.

If I use the uncensored writing approach to evaluate a business strategy, but I do so right after I receive a negative comment from a reader, my entire evaluation will be colored. If you recently went to the gym and felt out of shape, that’s going to corrupt your perception. Pessimism isn’t a tool for self-evaluation because it is easy to distort too far, mild over-confidence swings to extreme under-confidence.

Removing the pre-impression distortions from your self-evaluations is more difficult than the post-impression distortions. You need to make sure you are removed from the situation enough so that prior emotions won’t overwhelm your impressions. You need to gain a level of emotional distance.

A great tool for gaining emotional distance is to take one day off per week and to do a weekly review. I strive to do this as much as possible, because completely removing myself from my goals for one day allows me more honest self-evaluations.

If you’re trying to make even larger decisions that can impact your life for years, I think the importance of emotional distance is even greater. Taking a week off just to be in complete silence, broken from your routines, can give you a higher level of clarity. In the few times I’ve been able to do this, I’ve found it to be enormously helpful in getting back to honesty.

Honesty is the Best Weapon

All progress is filled with wrong paths, mistakes and failures. What creates eventual success, isn’t avoiding those failures, it’s your ability to recover from them. Clear, honest thinking allows you to spend less time on dead ends and more energy towards the right path.

How to be honest with yourself and get more done

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.”

Life is short. Time spent feeling angry or resentful about things that happened or didn’t happen is time squandered.

What’s that? You think those feelings motivate you and help you get things done? Hogwash! If you’re honest with yourself, you realize getting things done isn’t the end goal. The goal is to feel fulfilled and happy.

Accomplishments fueled by resentment and anger seldom contribute to serenity and fulfillment. More importantly, the moments you spent crossing things off your to-do list with a scowl slip away without giving you anything positive. They’re gone; never to return.

Resentment is like a cancer that eats away at time—time which could have been filled with love and joy.

Here are four powerful tips to reduce resentments and live a happier life.

1. Think loving thoughts for the person you resent.

You’re probably thinking, “You can’t be serious.” Hear me out.

What’s the opposite of anger, hate, or fear? That’s right: love. By sending only love toward someone, praying that they receive all the wonderful things you want for yourself in life, you’re slowly chiseling away at negative emotions that do you more harm than good. Don’t believe me? Try it.

Whether or not you believe in prayer, you can still set aside time during the day to think loving thoughts about someone you resent, wishing them good fortune and blessings. Say it out loud, “God/Buddha/Creator/Universe/Door Knob/etc.: please give love, health and peace to Lisa today.”

At first it will most likely feel awkward and meaningless, not to mention difficult. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but eventually you’ll notice where there were once ill feelings, now there is peace and love. And that you start actually meaning it!

A good rule of thumb for this exercise is trying it every day for at least fourteen days.

2. Check your motives and expectations.

The best way to eliminate resentment is not to set yourself up for it.

For example, think about when people ask you to do things for them. You probably form expectations about what they’ll do for you in return. If there’s a hint of what’s in it for me, chances are you’re headed for some resentment.

This can be difficult to assess before taking action. If a friend is moving (again) and asks for your help (again) maybe you’re thinking to yourself “I better help because I know I’ll need it when I move next year.”

Next year when you move what happens if your friend doesn’t show up? Booyah!

When you give without expectations—only when you’re comfortable giving for the sake of it—you’re less likely to resent people for letting you down.

3. Be grateful.

A heart that is full of gratitude has little room for conceits or resentment. I utilize something called a gratitude list. Whenever I’m feeling stressed, resentful, or angry, I put pen to paper and write down at least ten things I’m grateful for in that particular moment.

It’s difficult to resent what you don’t have when you’re focusing your energy on what you do have.

4. Stay open to different outcomes.

The key to finding happiness is realizing that you already possess everything you need to be happy. When you realize happiness is an inside job, you’re less apt to place demands on other people and situations.

Reducing resentment takes practice and mindfulness. First, you have to become aware of how they manifest and why. A few summers ago I had the perfect opportunity to do just that.

I was looking forward to the first weekend my fiancé and I would get to enjoy our pool since we opened it for the summer. I had been thinking about this all week, planning to relax with a good book and soak up some rays.

Saturday morning came and we had to deliver a new paint sprayer to my fiancé’s son and his wife, who were preparing to paint their new home. Subconsciously, or maybe consciously, I knew a nice paint sprayer would save them time and ultimately get us out of having to help.

Upon arriving, we realized they’d already begun painting and didn’t want or need the sprayer. That’s okay I thought, at least we tried. Then out of no where my fiancé offered our help for the day! What was she doing? Didn’t she know the important commitment of lounging I had planned for today?

I could feel the resentment rising from deep inside as I visualized my lazy afternoon vanish into sweat and countless trips up and down a ladder. Being mindful, I recognized this and removed myself from the situation.

I found a quiet spot under a tree and sat to meditate for a minute. I asked for acceptance, guidance, and willingness, and sat there quietly and concentrated on my breathing. Then it came to me in a flash. It was simple and profound:

Years from now, what will I remember the most—the day I sat by the pool doing nothing or the day I helped my future stepson and his wife paint their house?

The choice was easy. The day turned out perfect, and I learned a powerful lesson about expectations. It’s okay to have them at times, but the ability to be happy and experience peace at any given moment is not contingent on how I expected an event to occur.

We all have the ability to manage expectations, change our state of mind, and ultimately be happy regardless of how we expect things will unfold.

How to be honest with yourself and get more done

If there’s one thing that will send your coupledom down in flames, it’s lies and dishonesty. It doesn’t matter if you’re telling little white lies, or grandiose ones — your relationship needs to be truthful in order to work. After all, honesty really is what all the other good stuff is built on.

If you don’t believe me (or have convinced yourself otherwise), then think back to a time when you fabricated the truth. Even if you were just lying about something small, the whole thing likely spiraled out of control. Pretty soon you were sneaking around, building on the lies, and having to remember everything you said. You were tired, your SO could totally tell, and things probably got weird.

So why do we do it? Why do we make our lives more difficult, instead of just spilling the proverbial beans? As Nicole Martinez, Psy.D., LCPC, tells me over email, “Couples tend to be dishonest with each other for the same reasons that we are dishonest with anyone. We want to avoid conflict, punishment, or perceived unhappiness.”

It makes sense. And yet, attempting to avoid any potential pain only makes things worse. It’s much better to face the truth head on, and deal with it as a couple. Below are some ways to do just that, so you both can have a healthier, and more truthful, relationship.

1. Be Ready To Hear The Truth

The scariest part about being more honest and truthful is just that — actually knowing the truth. If dishonesty has been afoot for a while, this might mean facing something you’ve been more than willing to brush under the rug. But try not to be afraid of what you’ll find out. “Good or bad, it is the truth,” Martinez says. If it doesn’t tear you apart, it will only bring you closer — and that’s kind of the point.

2. Chat About Things As They Happen

Important conversations shouldn’t be put off, according to Scott Stabile on MindBodyGreen.com. So make a habit of discussing issues as they crop up. He suggested setting aside some time to chat that works for both of you, and then sticking to it. Whether it’s a simple misunderstanding, or a huge problem, talking about it while it’s fresh will prevent things from spiraling out of control.

3. Be As Patient As Possible

Sometimes being honest is super difficult, and you might find your SO is struggling for the right words. If that’s the case, calmly hear them out. “Nobody communicates perfectly. It’s important to be patient with your partner as they work to express themselves,” Stabile said. “Listen to what they’re saying, with openness and patience.” It’ll make it easier for both of you.

4. Be Honest With Your Reactions

If your partner is pouring his or her heart out, you might be tempted to stare back with a straight face, despite feeling angry, or upset, or hurt. That may be the polite thing to do, but it isn’t exactly helpful. If something they say is really rubbing you the wrong way, it’s much better to say so. (All in the name of honesty, right?)

5. Try To Read Their Body Language

“There are more than words at play when you talk with your partner,” said Stabile. And this can obviously be used for good. After all, you’re likely an expert on your partner’s body language. Knowing when they look sad, despite what they’re saying, can help move an honest conversation forward.

6. But Don’t Be A Mindreader

Body language can be helpful, sure. But don’t rely on it solely, or fancy yourself a mindreader, as doing so can lead to misunderstandings. As Martinez says, “Don’t assume what the other person is thinking, ask them.” Simple as that.

7. Resist Getting All Judge-y

If you want to be more open with each other, you’ll both have to put away the judgement. “When we feel judged, we either get defensive or shut down, neither of which encourages open dialogue,” Stabile said. Being chill and open to what each other has to say will let the honesty flow forth.

8. Allow Each Other A Time Out

Honest conversations are tiring AF. So tiring, in fact, that I bet it’s another reason why we all avoid them. The best thing to do, if you feel yourself getting burnt out, is to take a break. “If you’re trying to be honest with each other, make sure you allow one another to ‘drop out’ at some point for a cooling off period or some down time,” noted an article on YourTango.com. And only return to the convo once you both feel ready.

9. Admit Your Own Mistakes

It can be tempting to want to “win” the conversation, or to come out as the person who is perfect and right. But creating a space for truthful dialogue often means admitting your own mistakes. If you can do this, your partner will be more likely to do it, too.

10. Turn To Each Other With Your Problems

It’s totally OK to confide in your friends and family, but don’t make them your only source of comfort. Keeping your partner in the loop will help you trust each other, and will create a type of relationship where you both feel comfortable sharing. “If you’re open and self-revealing, your partner is more likely to be more open with you,” Joel Block, Ph.D., a certified couples therapist told Women’s Health.

11. Be Open About Your Flaws

Whether it’s admitting to an anger problem, or coming clean about your total and complete inability to cook — revealing your flaws is a necessary step in having more honesty. Being open about such shortcoming will make you both feel comfortable about revealing bigger things, according Narins.

As the trust and honesty builds, you’ll quickly become that awesome couple who can share anything, and be entirely honest with each other. And what could be better than that?

Images: Pexels (11); Unsplash, Matthew Wiebe

No matter how great leaders think they are, they simply can’t be a leader alone. In other words, it requires others to shape the circumstances and context that define leadership.

A person who thinks they lead without the support of others is a leader in a vacuum.

Anyone can bark orders and declare himself a leader, right? But we all know the person giving orders isn’t always an effective leader.

So how can you become a better leader within your team and circumstances?

One way to become a more effective team leader is to:

1) Know yourself

2) Know the people you work with

3) Based on those two answers, you can discuss ways as a group to work with and maximize everyone’s functional strengths and complementary personality traits.

To accomplish this, I suggest a hosting a facilitated personality profile exercise. You’re probably familiar with these sorts of things – Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), DISC Personality Profiles, StrengthsFinder, and Enneagram Personality System.

Each of these measures and defines a person’s personality type, then examines ways to leverage each style to more effectively collaborate with other personalities and functional strengths.

Through these exercises and discussions, team members learn about their similarities and differences such as extroversion versus introversion, detail orientation versus big-picture thinking, decision-making based on facts versus intuition, creative versus empirical thinking, list-making versus winging it …

The real progress happens when groups openly share individual results as they relate to others. Having a trained professional facilitate these discussions helps because they can interject background and research behind the personality data, as well as best practices to work within and across the range of measured personality types.

But a word of caution: For these discussions to be effective and meaningful, it’s critical, as always, to be honest with yourself, then honest with others.

Introspection and being honestly self-aware is not always easy or comfortable. You may discover or get feedback that doesn’t exactly match what you think or want for yourself. In such circumstances, having an open-mind and good facilitator will help.

Which profile exercise is best?

I personally believe the type of measurement is less important than the ensuing discussion. Understanding and sharing individual results with corresponding considerations for optimal team performance is the end goal. MBTI, DISC, StrengthsFinder and a few other researched exercises are generally designed with these goals in mind.

Where do you find a qualified local facilitator? I’d start by contacting your local chamber of commerce and see who they would recommend for team building and leadership development.

Prices will vary depending on the facilitator, instrument, number of participants and the length of time you want to dedicate to this endeavor.

If you’ve never done this activity with your colleagues and teams – or at least not in a while – let me suggest you make this a goal for 2015. Great things can happen when you know yourselves, know your colleagues and learn best practices for leading and working effectively as a team.

It’s a terrific way to kick off the new year.

How to be honest with yourself and get more done

At Platinum Electricians, our core values are not intended to be feel-good catch phrases. They describe the collective behaviours of our company and what’s important to us. They’re a lot more than just words on a page.

Our core values represent who we are – not who we want to be.

We believe a business’s core values should embody the day-to-day reality of how you do business. And this all starts with our second core value: Uphold honesty and integrity above all else.

The importance of honesty

In business, there’s no one-size-fits-all model. Each company is different. Corporate and office dynamics change every year. Employees behaviours change. Customer behaviour changes. And the only way to address all of this is to always remain honest about what’s going on in your business.

Most people don’t require bells and whistles – they have a specific need they want resolved and as long as it gets resolved, the rest is irrelevant.

We’re reminded of the famous line spoken by the Wizard of Oz in the 1939 classic film, right before the secret of his humanness was unveiled:

“Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”

The Wizard of Oz warned us to look beyond the flashiness and fancy lighting, and reminded us that working together in a more honest way will get you much further.

The idea that brand perfection is necessary is a misconception. Ask any couple that’s been married for 30 years and they’ll tell you that being honest doesn’t mean being perfect. For brands, it simply means truthfully communicating the challenges being faced, and then putting in the legwork to address those challenges. When presented with honesty, consumers become loyal enthusiasts. Brands that have a heart and stand by their values and intentions form relationships with their customers based on truth. No amount of showiness can replicate this.

Honest brands pull back the curtain. They don’t profess to be wizards. They are brave and respectful of their customers.

The importance of integrity

When you study great leaders you see one consistent character trait in each of them – integrity. Great leaders model integrity by standing by what they say they’ll do and doing what’s right no matter the circumstances. Having integrity means putting personal agendas aside to focus on the greater good of your company and the people it serves.

Want to make your workplace more energy efficient?

In today’s global digital marketplace, the name of the game is brand integrity. When marketing promotions aren’t syncing with operational realities the damage to a company’s reputation can be instant. The consumer is king and whether intentional or otherwise, a brush with dishonesty can reap damage that’s hard to recover from.

How to incorporate honesty and integrity into your business

1. Keep your word

If you want to establish a solid reputation you must deliver on your promises. Without excuses and without a change of conditions, let your yes be a yes and where your convictions demand it, let your no be a no.

2. Keep your commitments

If you say you’re going to be somewhere at 11am, be there at 11am. If you think you’re going to be late or suspect your prior appointment might run over, be sure to notify. Being on time and where you say you’re going to be says a lot about the character of a business. Letting people down by failing to show up or by having little regard for another’s time is a surefire way to damage your reputation.

3. Pay attention to your environment

Your environment leaves clues about your identity and you can’t afford to be messy, unkempt and unprepared. Organisation and cleanliness speaks volumes about integrity, not just towards other people, but to yourselves as a company. The entire world is a spectator and it pays to put your best foot forward at all times.

4. Stay focused

It’s easy to get tempted by distractions and other opportunities screaming for attention, but it’s important to stay focused on what’s honest and true. If you’re on a job, you stay focused on that job until you see the result you want. Putting your all into something draws admirers.

5. Surround yourself with honest people

Surrounding yourself with people offering solid character and a positive attitude is crucial for your company’s integrity as a whole. The people you employ should not only be highly respected in their field, but offer great influence to the others around them. Surrounding yourself with honest people allows integrity to permeate the air.

7. Take responsibility

Everyone makes mistakes and this is true in both personal and professional life. Showing integrity means admitting to these mistakes and not being afraid to say, “I’m sorry, I got that wrong”. Words can be powerful, but only if you back them up with actions, so to be integrous, you must work to prove your remorse.

8. Respect your employees

Whether it’s the office temp or a long-standing employee, your staff deserve your respect. At the Disney Institute, they know that respecting their employees helps encourage them to respect their customers. “We believe the extent to which an organisation cares for its people is the extent to which the employees will care for customers,” says Senior Programming Director Bruce Jones. So when staff are shown respect, ultimately that helps them WOW their customers too.

Honesty is the best policy

We’ve all been taught to be honest since we were children – and here at Platinum, we think there’s no reason why that shouldn’t carry into our professional lives too. Not only is honesty simply the best policy as a matter of principle, it also makes good business sense. When you’re honest, your customers will respect you for it – and they’ll keep coming back.

We believe our dedication to being honest and integral is one of the key reasons electricians all over Australia are joining us to grow their business. If you, or someone you know may be interested, click here to find out more.

How to be honest with yourself and get more done

We’ve all been stuck in that tough spot where lying seems like the obvious choice. Whether it’s a small white lie, or a major league lie, everyone’s been faced with the moment of truth (or, um, not truth) and then suffered the repercussions. And there are always repercussions.

As we all know, lying can get messy, and sooner or later it will become impossible to keep your tales straight. Lies require remembering who knows what, what you said, and when. It’s basically like living in a fantasy world, and you have to keep writing the plot. When that’s the case, don’t be surprised when your stories get twisted, someone finds out, and the jig is up.

But still, the lies go on. probably because lying is way easier than telling the truth. For example, it’s much easier to tell your boss there was traffic, rather than to admit to waking up late. And it’s so much less painful to fib about evening plans than to be honest with friends about your intense desire to stay home by yourself.

We do it to save face, to get away with things, and to avoid discomfort. But lying is oh so very exhausting. Mark Twain was right when he said, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

So if you’re finally ready to admit your faults and deal with the consequences like a grown up, then here are some ways to be more honest in your everyday life.

1. Catch Yourself When Telling Pointless White Lies

We tell a white lie every time we say the food was great, even when it wasn’t, or that we love a gift, even when we hated it. According to the dictionary, a white lie is about a subject that’s not very important, or a lie told in order to be polite or kind. So really, not that big of a deal. But they can build up and create some guilt over time. As Katherine Schreiber noted on Greatist.com, “The more aware we are that we’ve stretched the truth — even if the intent is to make someone feel better—the more negative our emotions become.” So practice being honest, even if the truth hurts.

2. Own Up To What You Really Want To Do

Everyone’s lied at one point in time, especially when it comes to canceling plans. Whether you made the plans and then instantly regretted them, or got home for work and thought “there’s no way I’m going back out,” you totally know the feels of lying to get out of social engagements. It does offer instant relief, but then the lie snowballs out of control. You have to make up a story, stay off social media, and jump through all sorts of hoops to keep the story straight when you could have just been honest. So the next time this happens, thank your friends for the invite, and give them your honest reason for canceling.

3. Start To Untangle Your Web Of Lies

If you’ve found yourself in a tangled web of lies, you can either drop them all and watch your world burn, or slowly untangle yourself with a few admissions here and there. Either way, it’s going to be tough, but worth it in the end. According to Dustin Wax on Lifehack.org, “admitting your fault puts you one step closer to dealing with it, and can often be the first step towards a successful turn-around. At the least, though, it shows that you’re someone with integrity and courage, even in the face of disastrous consequences.” It may suck, but people will (most likely) appreciate your honesty.

4. Figure Out Who You Are

Oftentimes people lie because they don’t know who they are, and so they lie to fit in. This may work well in the hallowed halls of middle school, but it can be pretty darn exhausting in the real world. Think lying on a date, or to coworkers, and then having to keep up the act for all eternity. (Yikes.) If you find yourself doing this, take a step back and figure yourself out before the lies get out of hand.

5. Be Honest In Your Relationships

If you feel the need to lie more often than not, then your relationships may be to blame, or at least how you view them. Can you be truthful with your friends, family, or SO? Or, for whatever reason, do you feel like you always have something to hide? If that’s the case, talk with your loved ones and work out whatever’s going on. I’m sure they would prefer you told the truth.

6. Work Up To Bigger Truths

Let’s say you lie at work, to your parents, to you partner, to your best friends. your life is one big lying fiesta. It could become such an ingrained habit, that you might not even know what part of your life is truthful anymore. So start being honest in small situations, like about the haircut that didn’t turn out so great, or about how your boyfriend’s muffins that need way less butter. Once you get used to dropping truth bombs in small situations, telling the truth on the regular will feel like a breeze.

Honesty isn’t easy, but it sure does make life easier.

How to be honest with yourself and get more done

“Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace.”

Life is short. Time spent feeling angry or resentful about things that happened or didn’t happen is time squandered.

What’s that? You think those feelings motivate you and help you get things done? Hogwash! If you’re honest with yourself, you realize getting things done isn’t the end goal. The goal is to feel fulfilled and happy.

Accomplishments fueled by resentment and anger seldom contribute to serenity and fulfillment. More importantly, the moments you spent crossing things off your to-do list with a scowl slip away without giving you anything positive. They’re gone; never to return.

Resentment is like a cancer that eats away at time—time which could have been filled with love and joy.

Here are four powerful tips to reduce resentments and live a happier life.

1. Think loving thoughts for the person you resent.

You’re probably thinking, “You can’t be serious.” Hear me out.

What’s the opposite of anger, hate, or fear? That’s right: love. By sending only love toward someone, praying that they receive all the wonderful things you want for yourself in life, you’re slowly chiseling away at negative emotions that do you more harm than good. Don’t believe me? Try it.

Whether or not you believe in prayer, you can still set aside time during the day to think loving thoughts about someone you resent, wishing them good fortune and blessings. Say it out loud, “God/Buddha/Creator/Universe/Door Knob/etc.: please give love, health and peace to Lisa today.”

At first it will most likely feel awkward and meaningless, not to mention difficult. It may take weeks, months, or even years, but eventually you’ll notice where there were once ill feelings, now there is peace and love. And that you start actually meaning it!

A good rule of thumb for this exercise is trying it every day for at least fourteen days.

2. Check your motives and expectations.

The best way to eliminate resentment is not to set yourself up for it.

For example, think about when people ask you to do things for them. You probably form expectations about what they’ll do for you in return. If there’s a hint of what’s in it for me, chances are you’re headed for some resentment.

This can be difficult to assess before taking action. If a friend is moving (again) and asks for your help (again) maybe you’re thinking to yourself “I better help because I know I’ll need it when I move next year.”

Next year when you move what happens if your friend doesn’t show up? Booyah!

When you give without expectations—only when you’re comfortable giving for the sake of it—you’re less likely to resent people for letting you down.

3. Be grateful.

A heart that is full of gratitude has little room for conceits or resentment. I utilize something called a gratitude list. Whenever I’m feeling stressed, resentful, or angry, I put pen to paper and write down at least ten things I’m grateful for in that particular moment.

It’s difficult to resent what you don’t have when you’re focusing your energy on what you do have.

4. Stay open to different outcomes.

The key to finding happiness is realizing that you already possess everything you need to be happy. When you realize happiness is an inside job, you’re less apt to place demands on other people and situations.

Reducing resentment takes practice and mindfulness. First, you have to become aware of how they manifest and why. A few summers ago I had the perfect opportunity to do just that.

I was looking forward to the first weekend my fiancé and I would get to enjoy our pool since we opened it for the summer. I had been thinking about this all week, planning to relax with a good book and soak up some rays.

Saturday morning came and we had to deliver a new paint sprayer to my fiancé’s son and his wife, who were preparing to paint their new home. Subconsciously, or maybe consciously, I knew a nice paint sprayer would save them time and ultimately get us out of having to help.

Upon arriving, we realized they’d already begun painting and didn’t want or need the sprayer. That’s okay I thought, at least we tried. Then out of no where my fiancé offered our help for the day! What was she doing? Didn’t she know the important commitment of lounging I had planned for today?

I could feel the resentment rising from deep inside as I visualized my lazy afternoon vanish into sweat and countless trips up and down a ladder. Being mindful, I recognized this and removed myself from the situation.

I found a quiet spot under a tree and sat to meditate for a minute. I asked for acceptance, guidance, and willingness, and sat there quietly and concentrated on my breathing. Then it came to me in a flash. It was simple and profound:

Years from now, what will I remember the most—the day I sat by the pool doing nothing or the day I helped my future stepson and his wife paint their house?

The choice was easy. The day turned out perfect, and I learned a powerful lesson about expectations. It’s okay to have them at times, but the ability to be happy and experience peace at any given moment is not contingent on how I expected an event to occur.

We all have the ability to manage expectations, change our state of mind, and ultimately be happy regardless of how we expect things will unfold.

No matter how great leaders think they are, they simply can’t be a leader alone. In other words, it requires others to shape the circumstances and context that define leadership.

A person who thinks they lead without the support of others is a leader in a vacuum.

Anyone can bark orders and declare himself a leader, right? But we all know the person giving orders isn’t always an effective leader.

So how can you become a better leader within your team and circumstances?

One way to become a more effective team leader is to:

1) Know yourself

2) Know the people you work with

3) Based on those two answers, you can discuss ways as a group to work with and maximize everyone’s functional strengths and complementary personality traits.

To accomplish this, I suggest a hosting a facilitated personality profile exercise. You’re probably familiar with these sorts of things – Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), DISC Personality Profiles, StrengthsFinder, and Enneagram Personality System.

Each of these measures and defines a person’s personality type, then examines ways to leverage each style to more effectively collaborate with other personalities and functional strengths.

Through these exercises and discussions, team members learn about their similarities and differences such as extroversion versus introversion, detail orientation versus big-picture thinking, decision-making based on facts versus intuition, creative versus empirical thinking, list-making versus winging it …

The real progress happens when groups openly share individual results as they relate to others. Having a trained professional facilitate these discussions helps because they can interject background and research behind the personality data, as well as best practices to work within and across the range of measured personality types.

But a word of caution: For these discussions to be effective and meaningful, it’s critical, as always, to be honest with yourself, then honest with others.

Introspection and being honestly self-aware is not always easy or comfortable. You may discover or get feedback that doesn’t exactly match what you think or want for yourself. In such circumstances, having an open-mind and good facilitator will help.

Which profile exercise is best?

I personally believe the type of measurement is less important than the ensuing discussion. Understanding and sharing individual results with corresponding considerations for optimal team performance is the end goal. MBTI, DISC, StrengthsFinder and a few other researched exercises are generally designed with these goals in mind.

Where do you find a qualified local facilitator? I’d start by contacting your local chamber of commerce and see who they would recommend for team building and leadership development.

Prices will vary depending on the facilitator, instrument, number of participants and the length of time you want to dedicate to this endeavor.

If you’ve never done this activity with your colleagues and teams – or at least not in a while – let me suggest you make this a goal for 2015. Great things can happen when you know yourselves, know your colleagues and learn best practices for leading and working effectively as a team.

It’s a terrific way to kick off the new year.