How to be mentally strong when people put you down

From medical emergencies to financial crises, these strategies can help.

How to be mentally strong when people put you down

At one time or another, you’re bound to face a crisis. Your loved one might be diagnosed with a terminal condition. Your marriage might come to an end. You may find yourself in a dire financial situation.

The list could go on and on. No matter who you are, how much you earn, how rock-solid your life feels, crises are inevitable. But the way you respond to these crises is optional.

Staying strong during a crisis is key to getting through tough times. Here’s how to stay mentally strong during a crisis:

1. Accept reality

When faced with bad news, it’s easy to waste a lot of time thinking things like this can’t be happening, or this shouldn’t be happening to me. But this isn’t the time to waste your vital resources worrying about fairness.

Accept the situation. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with what’s going on, but it does mean that you’re willing to acknowledge reality. Only then can you take positive action.

2. Don’t worry about building strength right now

Trying to build mental strength in the midst of a crisis is like lifting weights right before you try to pick up a heavy box. It’s not the time to worry about strength building—it’s time to put the strength you already have into action.

3. Seek support

Talk to your friends. Ask for help from a professional. Reach out to your loved ones. Whatever you do, make sure you that you ask questions, tell people what you need, and get the emotional support that could assist you.

4. Practice self-care

As difficult as it may be to eat and sleep, it’s important to take care of your body when you’re in the midst of a crisis. Go for a few short walks when you can, make healthy eating choices a priority even when you’re pressed for time, and rest your body and your mind.

5. Ask yourself what advice you’d give to a friend

Sometimes, a crisis requires you to make tough decisions. And when you’re feeling overwhelmed and really emotional, those tough choices may seem impossible to make—especially when you have to make them fast.

Whether you have to decide which medical procedure to try, or you need to find a new place to live, ask yourself what advice you’d give to a trusted friend. That helps take a lot of the emotion out of the equation, which can be key to making the best choice possible (even when you feel as though you’re between a rock and a hard place).

6. Create a helpful mantra

Develop an affirmation, like “I’ve survived tough times before I will get through this too,” and repeat it to yourself as needed. It can help drown out the negative thoughts that are bound to swirl in your mind, and it can keep you on track so you can move forward.

7. Prioritize what needs to get done

When you’re in the middle of a crisis, you’re going to likely need to give some things up so you can focus your energy on the task at hand. Create a to-do list that will help you prioritize what needs to get done. And write things down, as your memory is sure to fail at times when your stress level is high.

8. Find time to experience your emotions

While you don’t want to suppress your emotions forever, there are also times you need to regulate your feelings so you can be productive. Crying in the doctor’s office might get in the way of being able to ask the questions you need answers to. Similarly, allowing fear to take hold might prevent you from taking action.

At times, you may need to move forward quickly—with little time to really even think about how you’re feeling. That’s OK when you’re in an acute crisis. But just make sure you set aside time later to let yourself experience painful feelings—it’s a crucial part of healing emotional wounds.

9. Take small steps

A crisis can make you feel overwhelmed by all the things you need to change, accomplish, or solve. Break down those big tasks into small steps.

Whether you need to sort through a loved one’s belongings after they’ve passed away, or you need to shed some serious weight to resolve a health crisis, identify something you can begin working on today.

10. Do something that helps you keep a sense of normalcy

When you’re in the middle of a crisis, you might feel like the entire world is upside-down. Perhaps you spend all day every day sitting in the hospital at a loved one’s side. Or maybe you’re applying for jobs from the time you wake up until the time you fall asleep.

Doing one thing that helps you feel “normal” might help you stay mentally stronger. Watch your favorite show before you fall asleep. Go for a walk in the morning, like you always did before the crisis. Whatever it is, look for one shred of normalcy that you can continue even when life feels anything but normal.

Build Strength After the Crisis Is Over

Once the acute crisis is over, take time to unwind from the stress you endured. Whether that means planning a weekend hike in the mountains or scheduling an appointment with a therapist to help you move forward, take whatever steps are necessary to help you grow from your experience.

Facebook image: fizkes/Shutterstock

How to be mentally strong when people put you down

Everyone has the occasional “senior moment.” Maybe you’ve gone into the kitchen and can’t remember why, or can’t recall a familiar name during a conversation. Memory lapses can occur at any age, but aging alone is generally not a cause of cognitive decline. When significant memory loss occurs among older people, it is generally not due to aging but to organic disorders, brain injury, or neurological illness.

Studies have shown that you can help prevent cognitive decline and reduce the risk of dementia with some basic good health habits:

  • staying physically active
  • getting enough sleep
  • not smoking
  • having good social connections
  • limiting alcohol to no more than one drink a day
  • eating a Mediterranean style diet.

Memory and other cognitive changes can be frustrating, but the good news is that, thanks to decades of research, you can learn how to get your mind active. There are various strategies we can use to help maintain cognitive fitness. Here are several you might try.

1. Keep learning

A higher level of education is associated with better mental functioning in old age. Experts think that advanced education may help keep memory strong by getting a person into the habit of being mentally active. Challenging your brain with mental exercise is believed to activate processes that help maintain individual brain cells and stimulate communication among them. Many people have jobs that keep them mentally active. Pursuing a hobby, learning a new skill, volunteering or mentoring are additional ways to keep your mind sharp.

2. Use all your senses

The more senses you use in learning something, the more of your brain that will be involved in retaining the memory. In one study, adults were shown a series of emotionally neutral images, each presented along with a smell. They were not asked to remember what they saw. Later, they were shown a set of images, this time without odors, and asked to indicate which they’d seen before. They had excellent recall for all odor-paired pictures, and especially for those associated with pleasant smells. Brain imaging indicated that the piriform cortex, the main odor-processing region of the brain, became active when people saw objects originally paired with odors, even though the smells were no longer present and the subjects hadn’t tried to remember them. So challenge all your senses as you venture into the unfamiliar.

3. Believe in yourself

Myths about aging can contribute to a failing memory. Middle-aged and older learners do worse on memory tasks when they’re exposed to negative stereotypes about aging and memory, and better when the messages are positive about memory preservation into old age. People who believe that they are not in control of their memory function — joking about “senior moments” too often, perhaps — are less likely to work at maintaining or improving their memory skills and therefore are more likely to experience cognitive decline. If you believe you can improve and you translate that belief into practice, you have a better chance of keeping your mind sharp.

4. Prioritize your brain use

If you don’t need to use mental energy remembering where you laid your keys or the time of your granddaughter’s birthday party, you’ll be better able to concentrate on learning and remembering new and important things. Take advantage of smart phone reminders, calendars and planners, maps, shopping lists, file folders, and address books to keep routine information accessible. Designate a place at home for your glasses, purse, keys, and other items you use often.

5. Repeat what you want to know

When you want to remember something you’ve just heard, read, or thought about, repeat it out loud or write it down. That way, you reinforce the memory or connection. For example, if you’ve just been told someone’s name, use it when you speak with him or her: “So, John, where did you meet Camille?”

6. Space it out

Repetition is most potent as a learning tool when it’s properly timed. It’s best not to repeat something many times in a short period, as if you were cramming for an exam. Instead, re-study the essentials after increasingly longer periods of time — once an hour, then every few hours, then every day. Spacing out periods of study helps improve memory and is particularly valuable when you are trying to master complicated information, such as the details of a new work assignment.

For more information on diagnosing memory problems and boosting your memory, read Improving Memory, a Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School.

Image: Martin Prescott/Getty Images

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As a service to our readers, Harvard Health Publishing provides access to our library of archived content. Please note the date of last review or update on all articles. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

As a human being, one has the ability to lift others up and make their life easier, or they can pull others down and make their life harder. There are going to be some people who generally fit into the first category and then there will be others who generally fit into to the second category.

However, to say it is something that is completely black and white wouldn’t necessarily be accurate. This is because there will be some people who will have a positive influence on other people’s lives at certain times and then there will be moments when they don’t.

There is then a difference between someone who is generally a certain way and someone who alternates between the two options. When one has a positive influence on others, there may be moments when they act in another way and the same goes for someone who usually has a negative influence on others.

It could all come down to their mood and how this affects their behaviour. If one usually has a positive influence on others and they end up feeling down for instance, they might do something they wouldn’t usually go.

Yet, it will also depend on if one is able to contain their emotional experience as opposed to projecting it onto others. When it comes to someone who usually has a negative effect on others, this could all change if they were to feel different

A New Experience

As a result of something that has taken place in their life, they have experienced an inner shift. During this time, the need to pull another person down has disappeared and they are able to give them something to smile about.

And as to how long this change lasts can all depend on what kind of change has occurred. It may mean that one soon returns to how they were before, or it might have a lasting impression on them.

It is often said that human beings are unpredictable and that they can’t be put into a box. And at the same time, it is often said that they are creatures of habit.

So while there is always the chance that someone will change their behaviour, there is always the chance that they won’t. While it would be easy to say that it comes down to a certain factor, there could be many factors involved.

When one does have a positive influence on the people they come into contact with, they will also be having a positive effect on the people they don’t come into contact with. The reason for this is that when one treats another person well, that person is likely to treat other people in the same way.

One good act goes onto create more good acts and this means shows how much of influence someone has. The effects of their behaviour won’t just end with the people they spend time with; they will go onto the influence the people who they might not even meet.

When one thinks about how their behaviour is affecting others, it will show that they have empathy. Through being able to imagine what it would be like to be in another person shoes, they will be less likely to cause harm.

But if they didn’t have this ability (for whatever reason), it would be normal for them to act in ways that are destructive. Their behaviour towards others is therefore normal personal, it is just how they are.

They might not even be aware of how their behaviour affects others and if they are, it might not have an effect on them. Their point of focus will be on making themselves feel better and not on how they are harming others.

There are many ways in which one can have a negative affect on others and one of those ways is to put them down. One is then is then not using their words to uplift others, they are using their words to abuse others.

This doesn’t mean that someone will always know when they are being put-down; as it could be very subtle. However, if one knows what the other person is like, it might be easier for them to know what is taking place.

These put-downs could relate to what one looks like, how competent they are, how they feel, where they live and to how successful they are, among other things. And like a piece of metal that has been placed in acid; these put-downs will gradually wear someone down.

The person who is being put-down starts to feel worse as time goes by, and the person who is using the put-downs will start to feel better about themselves. They might believe that they are not putting them down and that they are just pointing out the obvious.

This allows them to believe that they are not doing anything wrong and it stops them from taking responsibility for how they feel. But at a deeper level, there is the chance that they are carrying toxic shame.

As it is too much for them to face their own self-hate, they end projecting their own issues onto others. It is not that their put-downs always reflect what they don’t like about themselves; it is that their put-downs allow them to keep their own toxic shame at bay.

Yet, no matter how many people they put-down, it won’t change how they feel on the inside. If they want to change their behaviour, they will need to face what they have been avoiding.

One might be aware of how they feel, or they might have disconnected from their feelings. These feelings might relate to what has happened during their adulthood or they could go back to their childhood.

This could mean that one experienced some kind of abuse when they were growing up. One then started off as a victim and as way to feel a sense of control, has ended up as a perpetrator. The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group might be needed.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”

Whether dealing with health issues, workplace stress, or a financial crisis, life’s inevitable challenges can make it tough to function. Some people struggle to take action for fear of making things worse. Others grow impulsive and start taking any action they can without thinking about the best solutions.

Mentally strong people, however, stay strong when their world is crumbling. They manage their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors in a way that helps them get through tough times.

In fact, they often emerge from hardship better than before. They may even feel happier, healthier, and more hopeful after going through tough times.

In my experiences as a therapist and through the research for my book, “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” I discovered that mentally strong people use the following strategies to stay strong even when it feels as though their world is crumbling:

1. They acknowledge their inner strength

Thinking, “I can’t deal with this,” or, “I’ll never get through this,” diminishes your ability to cope. Fortunately, mentally strong people don’t believe everything they think.

When their thoughts become unrealistically negative, they remind themselves that they’re stronger than their brains give them credit for. Giving themselves pep talks that remind them of past tough times they’ve endured helps them gain the confidence they need to handle whatever life throws in their way.

2. They take care of themselves

Mentally strong people make self-care a priority, even during the toughest times, because they know the struggle to cope with distress will be more difficult if they’re not taking care of their mind and body. They eat healthily, exercise, and get plenty of rest so they can be at their best when tackling challenges.

3. They focus on what they can control

Mentally strong people don’t waste time rehashing conversations, worrying about catastrophic outcomes, or wishing things were different. They know such things will drain them of the mental strength they need to solve problems. So they put their resources into things they can control — even if that only thing is their attitude.

4. They shuffle their priorities

Rather than beat themselves up for not spending as much time with their kids, or for declining invitations with friends, mentally strong people know that priorities need to shift during tough times.

They shift their attention to problems that need to be addressed, like paying off debt, driving a family member to medical appointments, or sending out resumes to land a new job.

5. They take action

You won’t catch a mentally strong person avoiding problems or hosting a pity party. They take productive action by tackling challenges head-on. If a problem can’t be solved (as in the case of a loved one’s illness), they take action to cope with distress in healthy ways.

6. They remain psychologically agile

Rigid thinking — like telling yourself that a situation has to turn out a certain way, or that you shouldn’t feel a specific emotion — can make things worse.

Mentally strong people know they need to stay flexible. They’re open to changing their cognitive, emotional, and behavioral patterns to adapt to new challenges they face.

7. They look for new opportunities

Whether it’s a job loss or health scare, mentally strong people know that difficult times may require them to pivot. They acknowledge that changing course can be scary, as well as exciting. They’re open to new opportunities as they strive to turn struggles into something positive.

8. They practice gratitude

Mentally strong people practice gratitude, even during the toughest times. That’s not to say that they ignore pain or minimize hardship — they certainly acknowledge their emotional wounds. But they also remind themselves of all the good things in life and the resources they have to manage the tough times.

9. They reflect on what they’ve learned

While it’s not helpful to replay painful memories over and over again, thinking about what your pain taught you can help you heal and grow. Mentally strong people know that they can learn a lot about themselves in their darkest hours. So they spend time reflecting on what is gained from challenges they endure.

10. They seek support

Mentally strong people know that asking for help — whether asking a family member to watch their children in order to work on an issue, or reaching out to a therapist for emotional support — is a sign of strength, not weakness. They know they don’t have to do everything on their own. Instead, they’re willing to reach out to people who can assist them in getting through tough times more easily.

This article was originally published on Business Insider March 3, 2020.

How to be mentally strong when people put you down

Whether it pertains to your relationships, career, or your own personal well-being, knowing how to tough through fickle situations by finding ways to be emotionally strong can positively influence your life. When it comes to stress, it can affect a lot of people in different ways: some might cry every time they’re frustrated (guilty!) while others become quiet and hide until they feel better. While there’s nothing wrong with either of those situations, knowing how to manage your emotions and dictate why you’re feeling them can help you understand yourself much better so you stop considering yourself weak.

“Emotional strength comes from allowing yourself to be both independent and dependent. This means building up your internal resources and becoming comfortable seeking and accepting help,” says psychotherapist and author Karen R. Koenig M.Ed., L.C.S.W., in an interview with Bustle over email.

Learning how to cope with life’s misfortunes is a great way to build your emotional strength. Here are 11 ways you can make yourself emotionally strong.

1. Honor The Strength Of Your Past

It can be hard to be emotionally strong if you keep living in the past. You gotta throw away those thoughts and accept the fact that those struggles made you who you are today — which is a strong, beautiful person. “Many times we have bitterness from the holocaust, slavery or even family ‘traditions’ of abuse. We can instead, honor the struggles and our cultures in a way that is positive. Don’t discount the struggle, but see how it can be a way to honor the strength in our past. If we can honor the strength of the past, we are a result of that past, so we honor ourselves and become stronger,” says zen psychotherapist and neuromarketing strategist Michele Paiva in an interview with Bustle over email.

2. Make Healthy Choices

Most of your emotional strength usually comes from within. That means you’ll most likely feel your best if you eat healthy and treat your body with care. “Know that every time you make healthy choices, you strengthen yourself. Did you choose an apple over a candy bar; one point for resiliency! Did you take a walk and enjoy the view? Another score for resiliency. Honor each time you create health,” says Paiva.

3. Help Others In Need

It sounds strange to help other people when you’re trying to figure things out for yourself. But when you’re altruistic, you can become strong because the care you show for others can resonate and leak into caring for your own life, too. “Helping others builds empathy and empathy makes us better people, period. That builds resiliency,” says Paiva.

4. Smile & Laugh More

For myself, there’s no greater feeling than genuinely laughing out loud. It’s a great way for someone to flood their system with happy hormones and lift their spirits when they’re feeling down. Opt to watch a funny movie, or schedule more dates with people that lift you up. The more you engage in this type of lifestyle, the better you may feel. “Laughing from a pure place (not sarcasm) helps to strengthen your lungs, heart, emotions and brings people toward you rather than away; a support system filled with smiles is a wonderful way to increase resiliency,” says Paiva.

5. Embrace Your Adversities

Don’t beat yourself up when things don’t go your way. Failing is a part of life and how you choose to challenge and accept it can truly alter your perspective in a positive way. “Practice some positive psychology and begin to embrace all of your challenges and adversities as your greatest teachers and forces for change,” says holistic wellness coach Pax Tandon in an interview with Bustle over email.

6. Express Your Emotions

If you’re feeling down, don’t take that as a sign of weakness. Instead of sheltering your emotions, embrace them for what they are.”Whether it’s shedding tears or screaming into a pillow, giving yourself the freedom express and permission to be human will make you stronger from the inside out,” says Tandon.

7. Look For Patterns In Your Behavior

“Do you always end up feeling like a victim? Pick emotionally unhealthy friends or lovers and therefore end up unhappy? Sabotage your successes and achievements? Think you want to be alone, then hate it?” says Koenig about looking for patterns in your behavior. Whether you feel like a victim when something goes wrong or you talk down to yourself when you slip up, examine these situations and figure out why you do and feel these things to fix these emotions and make yourself strong.

8. Stop Judging Yourself

“Stop judging yourself. Lead with self-compassion and curiosity about why you have particular thoughts and feelings and why you engage in specific behaviors,” says Koenig. Embrace your emotions for what they are and don’t try to shut them out when you feel them. You don’t want to engage in negative self-talk because it can make you feel worse about yourself.

9. Take Emotional Risks

The more you put yourself out there, the stronger you may become. You want to exercise your emotions even if it makes you feel a little uncomfortable. “Take emotional risks that feel manageable to put yourself in situations that make you mildly uncomfortable but that may help you grow emotionally,” says Koenig.

10. Recognize Your Emotions

Don’t punish yourself for having certain feelings. It’s natural to feel down, angry or even jealous. When you’re experiencing any negative emotions, thoughtfully examine them and figure what you want your next step to be. “Allow yourself to recognize and accept every emotion you have and then decide if you want to pursue this emotion or let it go,” says Koenig says about recognizing your emotions.

11. Talk To A Therapist

“Going into therapy, even if it’s for only a short period of time, can be a great way to work on your emotional issues and inner resilience level,” says psychotherapist and author of Your Best Age is Now Robi Ludwig in an interview with Bustle over email. Don’t think that going to see a therapist is a bad thing. Vocalizing your worries to someone is a great way to figure out why you’re feeling a certain way so you can build your emotional strength.

Allow your strength to come from within, whether that means you talk to a therapist or maintain a healthy lifestyle. Embrace your emotions for what they are and soon you’ll become emotional strong.

How to be mentally strong when people put you down

Everyone has the occasional “senior moment.” Maybe you’ve gone into the kitchen and can’t remember why, or can’t recall a familiar name during a conversation. Memory lapses can occur at any age, but aging alone is generally not a cause of cognitive decline. When significant memory loss occurs among older people, it is generally not due to aging but to organic disorders, brain injury, or neurological illness.

Studies have shown that you can help prevent cognitive decline and reduce the risk of dementia with some basic good health habits:

  • staying physically active
  • getting enough sleep
  • not smoking
  • having good social connections
  • limiting alcohol to no more than one drink a day
  • eating a Mediterranean style diet.

Memory and other cognitive changes can be frustrating, but the good news is that, thanks to decades of research, you can learn how to get your mind active. There are various strategies we can use to help maintain cognitive fitness. Here are several you might try.

1. Keep learning

A higher level of education is associated with better mental functioning in old age. Experts think that advanced education may help keep memory strong by getting a person into the habit of being mentally active. Challenging your brain with mental exercise is believed to activate processes that help maintain individual brain cells and stimulate communication among them. Many people have jobs that keep them mentally active. Pursuing a hobby, learning a new skill, volunteering or mentoring are additional ways to keep your mind sharp.

2. Use all your senses

The more senses you use in learning something, the more of your brain that will be involved in retaining the memory. In one study, adults were shown a series of emotionally neutral images, each presented along with a smell. They were not asked to remember what they saw. Later, they were shown a set of images, this time without odors, and asked to indicate which they’d seen before. They had excellent recall for all odor-paired pictures, and especially for those associated with pleasant smells. Brain imaging indicated that the piriform cortex, the main odor-processing region of the brain, became active when people saw objects originally paired with odors, even though the smells were no longer present and the subjects hadn’t tried to remember them. So challenge all your senses as you venture into the unfamiliar.

3. Believe in yourself

Myths about aging can contribute to a failing memory. Middle-aged and older learners do worse on memory tasks when they’re exposed to negative stereotypes about aging and memory, and better when the messages are positive about memory preservation into old age. People who believe that they are not in control of their memory function — joking about “senior moments” too often, perhaps — are less likely to work at maintaining or improving their memory skills and therefore are more likely to experience cognitive decline. If you believe you can improve and you translate that belief into practice, you have a better chance of keeping your mind sharp.

4. Prioritize your brain use

If you don’t need to use mental energy remembering where you laid your keys or the time of your granddaughter’s birthday party, you’ll be better able to concentrate on learning and remembering new and important things. Take advantage of smart phone reminders, calendars and planners, maps, shopping lists, file folders, and address books to keep routine information accessible. Designate a place at home for your glasses, purse, keys, and other items you use often.

5. Repeat what you want to know

When you want to remember something you’ve just heard, read, or thought about, repeat it out loud or write it down. That way, you reinforce the memory or connection. For example, if you’ve just been told someone’s name, use it when you speak with him or her: “So, John, where did you meet Camille?”

6. Space it out

Repetition is most potent as a learning tool when it’s properly timed. It’s best not to repeat something many times in a short period, as if you were cramming for an exam. Instead, re-study the essentials after increasingly longer periods of time — once an hour, then every few hours, then every day. Spacing out periods of study helps improve memory and is particularly valuable when you are trying to master complicated information, such as the details of a new work assignment.

For more information on diagnosing memory problems and boosting your memory, read Improving Memory, a Special Health Report from Harvard Medical School.

Image: Martin Prescott/Getty Images

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Disclaimer:
As a service to our readers, Harvard Health Publishing provides access to our library of archived content. Please note the date of last review or update on all articles. No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as a substitute for direct medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician.

by Amy Morin, LCSW

Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become more mentally strong.

1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves

Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power

They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change

Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control

You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

They accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success

Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

10. They Don’t Give Up After the First Failure

They don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time

Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything

They don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results

Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

As a human being, one has the ability to lift others up and make their life easier, or they can pull others down and make their life harder. There are going to be some people who generally fit into the first category and then there will be others who generally fit into to the second category.

However, to say it is something that is completely black and white wouldn’t necessarily be accurate. This is because there will be some people who will have a positive influence on other people’s lives at certain times and then there will be moments when they don’t.

There is then a difference between someone who is generally a certain way and someone who alternates between the two options. When one has a positive influence on others, there may be moments when they act in another way and the same goes for someone who usually has a negative influence on others.

It could all come down to their mood and how this affects their behaviour. If one usually has a positive influence on others and they end up feeling down for instance, they might do something they wouldn’t usually go.

Yet, it will also depend on if one is able to contain their emotional experience as opposed to projecting it onto others. When it comes to someone who usually has a negative effect on others, this could all change if they were to feel different

A New Experience

As a result of something that has taken place in their life, they have experienced an inner shift. During this time, the need to pull another person down has disappeared and they are able to give them something to smile about.

And as to how long this change lasts can all depend on what kind of change has occurred. It may mean that one soon returns to how they were before, or it might have a lasting impression on them.

It is often said that human beings are unpredictable and that they can’t be put into a box. And at the same time, it is often said that they are creatures of habit.

So while there is always the chance that someone will change their behaviour, there is always the chance that they won’t. While it would be easy to say that it comes down to a certain factor, there could be many factors involved.

When one does have a positive influence on the people they come into contact with, they will also be having a positive effect on the people they don’t come into contact with. The reason for this is that when one treats another person well, that person is likely to treat other people in the same way.

One good act goes onto create more good acts and this means shows how much of influence someone has. The effects of their behaviour won’t just end with the people they spend time with; they will go onto the influence the people who they might not even meet.

When one thinks about how their behaviour is affecting others, it will show that they have empathy. Through being able to imagine what it would be like to be in another person shoes, they will be less likely to cause harm.

But if they didn’t have this ability (for whatever reason), it would be normal for them to act in ways that are destructive. Their behaviour towards others is therefore normal personal, it is just how they are.

They might not even be aware of how their behaviour affects others and if they are, it might not have an effect on them. Their point of focus will be on making themselves feel better and not on how they are harming others.

There are many ways in which one can have a negative affect on others and one of those ways is to put them down. One is then is then not using their words to uplift others, they are using their words to abuse others.

This doesn’t mean that someone will always know when they are being put-down; as it could be very subtle. However, if one knows what the other person is like, it might be easier for them to know what is taking place.

These put-downs could relate to what one looks like, how competent they are, how they feel, where they live and to how successful they are, among other things. And like a piece of metal that has been placed in acid; these put-downs will gradually wear someone down.

The person who is being put-down starts to feel worse as time goes by, and the person who is using the put-downs will start to feel better about themselves. They might believe that they are not putting them down and that they are just pointing out the obvious.

This allows them to believe that they are not doing anything wrong and it stops them from taking responsibility for how they feel. But at a deeper level, there is the chance that they are carrying toxic shame.

As it is too much for them to face their own self-hate, they end projecting their own issues onto others. It is not that their put-downs always reflect what they don’t like about themselves; it is that their put-downs allow them to keep their own toxic shame at bay.

Yet, no matter how many people they put-down, it won’t change how they feel on the inside. If they want to change their behaviour, they will need to face what they have been avoiding.

One might be aware of how they feel, or they might have disconnected from their feelings. These feelings might relate to what has happened during their adulthood or they could go back to their childhood.

This could mean that one experienced some kind of abuse when they were growing up. One then started off as a victim and as way to feel a sense of control, has ended up as a perpetrator. The assistance of a therapist, healer and/or a support group might be needed.

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”

How to be mentally strong when people put you down

How not to give someone the power to make you feel bad? Or to get that what someone else says or does not affect you? How can be done so that the behavior of others does not alter your mood?

The first thing you need to know is that no one can make you feel bad if you don’t let him. Or, that doesn’t make you feel bad who wants, but who can. And you are the only one who can give that power to someone.

That’s right; no one has the power to upset you. You always choose how you respond to someone and if you want to get angry, to upset, stay calm or pass. And, as you know, feeling bad never going to solve anything. All that this does is embittering life.

The second thing you need to know is that no one has the right to make you feel bad. No one! Neither your father or your mother, or your boss, or your partner, or a coworker… nobody! And no matter what that person considers you have done wrong or what you think you should have done differently.

There are several things you can take to stop feeling bad about the behavior of others. And are these:

Value yourself as you deserve

How to be mentally strong when people put you down

When another person has the power to make you feel bad that’s a sign of a lack of self-esteem. Because, if you love, respect and value yourself, you will not let anyone make you feel the way you don’t want to feel. Give the importance to your opinion, your feelings and your way of being and don’t let anyone make you doubt in yourself. You have a right that others treat you with respect.

Stop taking it as something personal

What that person does is hers and doesn’t go with you. For example, if someone gets angry and yells that’s his. It is his problem, and it has nothing to do with how you are or how you behave.

Or if someone is very susceptible and jumps for everything is also his problem. Maybe because he needs recognition.

Or if someone needs to stay above and always have reason is also his. Maybe it’s his insecurity, his feeling of inferiority or anger with the world … The important thing is that this is his, not yours.

Realizing the needs that lie behind behaviors we don’t like is also a way to understand what happens to that person is not ours, but his.

Stop thinking that the other has done that for you that has something against you and that does it to annoy or hurt you. Because interpreting that, nourishes your discomfort and ignores all the reasons that people can have to behave like that.

Realize that it is just his opinion

How to be mentally strong when people put you down

If another says something that doesn’t mean that he is right. No matter what someone says about you, that is just his opinion. Not the truth. That person has a right to say that, just as you have the right to remind him that he can say that, and you can say something different.

And if someone doesn’t answer to a WhatsApp that not mean you’re boring. The same as if someone makes a criticism does not mean that he is right.

So never again blame yourself for what has happened, to think that you deserve it or that it is because you did something wrong.

Do not change what you don’t want to change

When others make you feel bad, and you want that to stop happening you end up doing whatever it takes to get their recognition and to approve you. And you become who you are not to get it.

In that case, the other not only have power in your feelings but also in your behavior.

And, at the same time, change what is not good for you

How to be mentally strong when people put you down

When you get into that spiral of thinking that whenever you see the X person is going to say or will do something that will make you feel bad, without realizing that it affects your behavior and how that person perceives you. It’s like a predator that smells the fear in you and attacks. And that’s just what gives her power: to realize that you’re afraid of her.

So imagine that person is someone that you like and with whom you like to relate. Do you already have someone in mind? What would be your attitude with that person you like? How would you talk to her? Would you smile? Surely yes. That’s what it means. That, although at first, it costs you or even seems impossible, you are able to relate to someone who makes you feel bad as if you liked. I assure you that it will unhook.

Accept others as they are

To accept is to stop fighting what irritates you. It is to understand that that person doesn’t have to behave or express herself as you would. Or that her values and rules don’t have to be yours. Or that she doesn’t have to change for you to change.

You may think that you have a right to be offended by someone’s behavior, but that is only because you believe that things have to be done as you would do them. And no, it’s not.

So let it be how you want to be and decide how you want to be and feel YOU when you’re around.

Distance yourself from toxic people

And, if you decide that you don’t want to be close, take distance. Because you have the right to decide who you want to be part of your life. Focus on the people you like and make you feel good and stay away from the others.

And if there is someone from whom you cannot walk away physically, you can always take emotional and effective distance. For example, by not telling what you know that he will not appreciate.

Never forget that it doesn’t matter how someone treats you. No matter how he throws poison at you. You decide if you will get poisoned. If you don’t use it, the venom will return to him.