How to be your best self and get what you want

How to be your best self and get what you want

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Nowadays, with everything I do, I’m consciously trying to evolve to become a better version of myself. In- between eating healthier, sleeping more, reading books and listening to my beloved podcasts, I’m always trying to learn and grow. But, being as busy as I am, making sure I can seamlessly integrate these changes into my lifestyle is extremely important. So here’s how I’m currently working toward becoming my best self:

1. Tracking Steps

After coming back from Europe, I realized just how little activity I get in a day. In Europe, I walked everywhere, whereas in L A I tend to drive everywhere because it ’ s so spread out. It’s so easy to miss out on your daily dose of exercise unless you intentionally go (and by go, I mean drive) to the gym to work out! Thanks to my new Fossil Q Smartwatch, I actually look forward to walking around DTLA and racking up as many steps as I can . I love that the watch is super chic and matches all of my outfits. The design is sleek and classic so you would never guess that it’s actually a smartwatch ! The app hooks up to your phone via Bluetooth , and beyond tracking my daily steps, it lets me know when I have a notification on my phone, let ’ s me control my music, and then some!

2. Quit Sugar

You guys might remember me announcing that I was giving up refined sugar for a month a few weeks ago. It’s crazy to think how much sugar has controlled my life without me even realizing it! So far, it’s going well, but not without some challenges. Becoming more conscious about what I put into my body has really helped me feel better all around, not to mention I feel like I’ve bene able to focus more! I’ll go into more detail about my diet without refined sugar in a blog post coming soon!

3. Sleeping More

Sleeping is one of the most underrated and overlooked things ever, especially for young professionals. These past two years after having Chloe has definitely put it into perspective for me. So now, instead of going to sleep super late and waking up super early like I used to , I’m now consciously going to sleep earlier to give my body and mind the proper rest time it needs. Another perk of the Fossil Q Smartwatch is that it tracks your sleeping patterns which you can monitor on the app! We can all admit that we can afford to sleep a little better.

I love that this smartwatch meshes seamlessly in my life, and it’s such a treat to look at the app at the end of the day to see my progress! Like I said, I’m constantly trying to better myself in everything I do every single day, and this allows me to be my very best self.

How to be your best self and get what you want

How to be your best self and get what you want

Let the negativity go, sis.

In life, we all want to be our best selves. It’s important that we all feel great about who we are. But that’s often easier said than done. For some reason, it can be incredibly tough to feel good. Life throws us a lot of bad stuff to handle. Sometimes it makes us, but sometimes it can break us too. Whether you’ve got a busy life or you’re currently going through a bad patch, you can feel like you’re never going to get there. But you can and you will. You just have to want it enough. And shouldn’t we all want to be our best selves?

If you want to ensure that you’re going to be as happy as possible in life, you have to take action. It’s so easy to believe that we are where we are because that’s how things played out. But that’s not strictly true. We are where we are because of the life decisions that we’ve made. Every step that you have taken in the past has gotten you to where you are now. But don’t let that frighten you. Instead, make sure that it inspires you. Because if you got yourself to where you are now, you can easily get yourself to where you want to be. And that includes becoming your best self.

So what does it take? What will you need to do to become the very best version of yourself? And we’re not talking about changing who you are, but just working on yourself so that you’re happy, confident in who you are, and fulfilled. So let’s take a look at what you can do to make that happen.

1. Let Go

The best thing that you can do to start this process off right, is to let go of the past . Even if you think that you’re not really holding on to anything, you probably are. So it’s always best to ensure that you just let it go. If you want to improve your future, you need to make your peace with the past. So just be sure that you’re doing what you can to put the bad behind you, and look to the future.

2. Make A Choice

When you’ve realized that you need to get go of the issues that have been holding you back, you then need to think about the future. And you have to make a choice. It’s important for you to be able to decide on what you want to do with your life. Or, to be more specific, what you want that best version of yourself to look like.

3. Set A Goal

When you’ve got lots of different ideas floating around in your mind, you’ll then want to ensure that you set yourself a goal on what you want to do. Whether it’s to lose weight, to save money to travel, or you start a business, goals are a great way of making sure that you achieve the things that you want to in life. So really think about what you want to go, and set your goals accordingly.

4. Take Action

But that’s not all. You then have to put that plan into place. You’ll need to make sure that you actually put work through the steps that you need to. If you want to turn things around, improve yourself, or even make a complete change to your life, it’s going to take action. You can’t just think about the things you want to do. You have to then take steps towards making something happen.

5. Focus On Positivity

From here, you’re then going to want to be a lot more positive in life overall. It’s important for you to be more positive if you’re going to be your best self. When it comes to being happy in life, you’ll be surprised by how effective it is to just think about the good in life. When you’re a positive person, you’re instantly a better version of yourself.

6. Focus On Your Health

You’ll also then want to ensure that you’re taking care of your health. Because when it comes to improving yourself, you have to improve your health . Being in good health, exercising, eating well, and feeling good all contributes to becoming the best version of yourself. So focus on your health and you’ll be bettering yourself.

7. Prioritize Yourself

When you’re not used to doing it, this point can be quite tough. But if you’re going to really flourish, you have to ensure that you’re putting yourself first. This means focusing on your own wants and needs. If you’re dealing with anxiety or stress, work on that with doctors or distance healing or other alternative methods. Just make sure that you’re prioritizing yourself from now on, not anybody else.

8. Prioritize Your Happiness

But you also have to ensure that you’re prioritizing your own happiness too. If you’re not doing the things you need to do to be happy, then it’s time to change that. Focus on your interests, do the things that you love, and spend time with people that matter to you.

9. Move Forward

A good way to do that, and a good move in general to become your best self, is to start progressing with your career . When it comes to moving forward with your life, focusing on actually building a life for yourself and supporting yourself really can make this happen for you and make you feel like a better person.

10. Believe In Yourself

But most importantly of all, you have to believe in yourself. You have to want this. Only you can become your best self. So it’s important that you give it your all. Know that you want to change, take those steps, and have every confidence in your future. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself either. Just enjoy the ride. Even if you struggle with this process a bit at first, just give yourself time. You’ll get there. And when you do, you’ll finally feel like the very best version of yourself.

Inspiring Personal Growth & Self Improvement

How to be your best self and get what you want

Working on ourselves continuously is so important. There is always room to grow and learn and change. As we learn more about ourselves through self reflection and self awareness, we can see the areas we would like to improve to become the best version of ourselves we can be.

If you have been following my blog posts at all, you probably know I am on a journey to become my very best self. I am doing this through self-development, personal growth, self-reflection, as well as blogging and inspiring others. It has been such a fun journey and one that is definitely changing me for the better!

In this blog post, I wanted to put together a guide for my readers, so they too can work on becoming their best selves. This guide contains easy steps that you can incorporate into your life overnight and literally start your path to a better you right now! This particular list of tips is the exact tools I started incorporating into my life in the beginning of my own journey.

How to be your best self and get what you want

The Ultimate Guide to Becoming Your Best Self

1 | Let Go of Negativity

In my opinion, this is one of the first steps to becoming a better you. Negativity can hold us back from many things in life, especially happiness. When you are carrying around an attitude of “I have the worst luck” or “nothing goes right in my life” than that is what you will get in return. Your mind creates your reality. No, not because of some magic universe phenomenon, but because your choosing to only look at the negative things in your life, and not giving any attention to all the positives.

Also, when you are constantly negative, it does not only take a toll on you and your environment, but it can also be extremely hard on those around you. So, how can you let go of that negativity? I have a few tips:

  • Start practicing gratitude. When you begin to focus on the aspects of your life that you are grateful for, your whole mindset changes. It is as easy as writing one thing you are grateful for in your life, down in your journal or planner, or even just saying one thing in your mind before bed at night.
  • Stop complaining. We all do it, don’t worry. But, what we need to remember is complaining literally helps us in no way what so ever. Give yourself a window, you can complain for five minutes, or you can complain about something once per day. Once you make it a point to mentally notice when you are complaining, you will stop. You will start to realize how unnecessary and annoying it is.
  • Look deeper. Usually negativity comes from a place of unhappiness. Start to ask yourself what may be troubling you in your life? What would you like to change? How can you improve it to make yourself happier? Do some self-reflection and be open to making changes.

2 | Be Kind

Be kind to others, it literally costs nothing. Do not be rude to people in the service industry or in customer service roles. Trust me, I understand what it is like to work in customer service. Never act like you are better than anyone else, you’re not. Use empathy and remind yourself that you have no idea what anyone else around you is dealing with in their lives. You cannot control what other people do or say, but you can control your reaction, so don’t be an asshole. Say thank you, say please. Hold the door. Say excuse me. Do not be rude. It is seriously the easiest thing you can do to become a better person.

3 | Live Authentically

Never hide your true self. Do you, girlfriend. It takes a long time to become comfortable in your own skin, and figure out who you want to be. So, when you finally get there, never apologize or hide who you are. Never strive to be like anyone else, be you. Unique, weird, different, authentic people are my FAVORITE kind of people because they are so confident with themselves, and I love that so much. How can you be your BEST self, if you’re not even being yourself??

4 | Figure Out Your Values

Sit down, and make a list of your most important values. This is important in figuring out who you are and, the values you want to live by in your journey to becoming the best you. When you establish your values, you can create a moral code of sorts, and you can follow that in your journey. When you create that moral code, you create it with the person you want to be in mind. So following it, ultimately creates that person.

side note: I actually created a Value Classification Worksheet which you can find in the 2018 Thrive Guide. Just one of the many activities to help you Thrive in 2018!

5 | Let go of Self Doubt

This one is so important. How can you become your best self if you are constantly doubting your abilities, self-worth, skills, etc. Letting go of self-doubt is not always easy, but it is possible. It involves letting go of others opinions, letting go of fear of failure, letting go of pre-conceived opinions of yourself, and letting go of comparison.

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In a world that constantly touts self-improvement and growth, many of us struggle to feel our best and wonder why we don’t.

How to be your best self and get what you want

In a world that constantly touts self-improvement and growth, many of us struggle to feel our best and wonder why we don’t. Achieving a sense of fulfillment, satisfaction and happiness in life are pursuits that many of us are on, but everyone’s journey is different and each path is a highly personal choice. While there may be plenty of routes to get to the best versions of ourselves, here are a few tips that you can try to help you along your pursuit to improve your life and increase your satisfaction with it.

Spend Time Relaxing

If you are someone who spends a significant amount of time dealing with stressful situations, focusing a bit on self-care and relaxation may be exactly what you need. In a world that is constantly moving and filled with pressure, many of us don’t spend enough time slowing down and decompressing from that stress. Instead of focusing on the demands of everyday life, consider taking some time to enjoy some cbd gummies, practice meditation or go for a walk to help yourself relax. You may be surprised at how unfamiliar feelings of relaxation are, but likely reducing stress is exactly what you needed.

Laugh Everyday

Many of us remember that sense of relief that washes over us when we get that full belly laugh. That feeling of release that you experience during a full-hearted laugh is one that not only makes us feel better, but it has vast benefits for our health. If you can, try to laugh at least once a day. Even if it is forced and fake, laughing can yield wondrous benefits. Let yourself feel true joy daily and release that tension.

Invest in Your Relationships

When life gets busy, our relationships are often one of the first things that are sacrificed. While you may not feel like you have the time or energy to devote to your connections, this is an area of your life that truly requires your focus. Work is important and life will be stressful; however, the people that you love and care for are the ones that matter. If you truly want to devote your energy to be your best self, this also means investing in your relationships.

Give Back

Giving back is an amazing way to live your best life. There are few better things than using your time and resources to support communities, and not to mention that there are incredible benefits for people who volunteer. The fulfillment and satisfaction that you can achieve through these activities will not only put some good into the world, but it will also make for a more enriched life.

Go For What You Want

Many people can get disheartened by disappointments in life and lose their childlike dreams over time; however, don’t let this get in the way of going after what you truly want. Even if you have struggled, you can always go after your dreams and that starts with visualizing what you hope your future to be. Instead of searching for possessions and rewards, consider what would make your life enriched, fulfilled and exciting.

Don’t Let Comparison Steal Your Joy

Many of us see the lives of our friends, family members and social media influencers, and this is only a small portion of someone’s life that they have chosen to share. In a society where social media lets us curate our lives into small boxes, many of us suffer from comparison culture. If you are truly looking to live your best life and embody the best version of yourself, you need to let go of comparison culture and just do what is right for you.

As you venture out onto your journey to become your best self, you will need to reflect on what aspects of yourself that you would like to improve. While you start your journey, you should keep in mind the important and meaningful things in life and not get distracted by the small issues or challenges along the way. Don’t let anything derail your progress and soldier on to becoming the best version of yourself.

How to be your best self and get what you want

How to be your best self and get what you want

Are you shining as brightly as you could? I bet many of you will be shaking your head to disagreement. We all have a wellspring of light within us and we strive for illuminating our lives.

We all have made selfish decisions in our life, at some point or another, for the temporary happiness and satisfaction that haunt us today, and will continue to do the same to our future self for not being happy with what we are. You may have a picture of your’s in your mind and you know you are capable of doing big things, making your dreams a reality. But unfortunately, something is stopping us. How do you start transforming into a person you believe you should be? Read on.

How can you bring out the best in you?

No one else is going to bring out the best in you, unless you are willing to take some action. Surround yourself with good, inspiring, motivational and happy people. And the rest come implementing great things that will do wonders for you. The steps you take today will enable you to be a better person tomorrow.

Let’s go into detail and make an action plan of the things you can do to be your best self:

Discover and develop your gifts

“Discover your gift, develop your gift and then give it away every day.” Don Meyer

Developing and using our unique talents to fulfill our divine potential is serious business. Each one of us has unique gifts and qualities that we possess and can bring to use when situations need it. We are blessed with the gift of strength, patience, ability to organize, a sharp wit or intelligence and we have to choose to unwrap the gift and use it for our ministry. Your work should be a reflection of what your particular gifts are and perceive where they can be put to optimal use.

Be the master of your mindset

“When you master your mindset, you free yourself to achieve the level of success you desire”

The mind is your battleground and there is nothing stopping you to be your best, but your mind. We are constantly conflicting with our mind making space for self-defeating thoughts. Our mind is a powerful force and the stories we tell will make healthy choices to reach any goal in life. Take good care of your mind as your mind is the greatest asset to make good life decisions. Make sure you have a control on your mind and not your mind controlling you. Brainstorm ideas on daily basis and try new things in life. You can also take control of your mind by becoming aware of things that distract you, observe different situations and improve your creative potential. Change the way you think and you can master a new way to be your best.

Get away from negative self-talk

“Be careful of how you are talking to yourself because you are listening.” Lisa M. Hayes

Many of us often fall prey to the terrible self-narration that is born out of our core self-belief. As you see negative self-talk coming to you, quieten your inner critic to get sidetracked by self-doubt and life to full potential. Our negative thoughts influence how we think about ourselves. Challenge the negative self-talk by knowing your triggers, explore the opposite reality, challenge the negative thought and reframe it.

Never forget your purpose

“So many times it happens too fast, You trade your passion for glory, Don’t lose your grip on the dreams of the past, You must fight just to keep them alive” — Survivor, Eye of the Tiger

Never forget your purpose by getting too much involved into things that are coming your way. The roadmap of your journey is in your hands and if you forget the purpose of reaching your goal, you will miss the route. The path to being the best at what you are doing is starting by setting an actionable goal but you will only succeed if you commit to a process, to the purpose of reaching your goal and not just to your goal.

However, I have found that things will work out only when you are working in the right direction. Your time is absolutely valuable, start improving now to become the best of yourself. Create situations that force you to become more than of what you are now. Take your journey in the right direction.

Vartika Kashyap runs the marketing team at ProofHub — a project management software for teams of all sizes. She is a seasoned marketing professional who is an expert in digital marketing and entrepreneurship. She’s been featured among LinkedIn’s Top Voices for the year 2016 & 2017. Connect with Vartika on LinkedIn, Medium and Twitter.

Also follow our company page @ProofHub to get the recent updates about our tool, published articles, motivational quotes & presentations.

If you liked reading this post, you are surely going to love this as well –

How to be your best self and get what you want

Would you like to be better at getting what you want from your employees, co-workers, customers, bosses, kids, and partner or spouse? Sometimes a change in wording is all you need.

That advice comes from best-selling author and executive coach Wendy Capland. Over the years, she’s learned that certain words and phrases minimize what you have to say, making your requests ineffective. Others have surprising power to influence your listeners. “They increase our effectiveness in communicating clearly and up our ability to get what we want,” she says.

Here are some phrases Capland says are particularly helpful at getting the desired response. Next time you want something from someone, try one of them out, and see if it doesn’t make a difference:

1. What I heard you say is …

This powerful little phrase is one of the first that counselors learn, Capland says. “It’s clarifying,” she explains. “It’s a technique for how you listen to people as they’re describing a problem or situation. You’re repeating it back to them.”

This has two purposes. First, you’re checking for accuracy, making sure that you properly understood what the other person was trying to tell you. If you’ve never done this, you’ll be surprised at how often what you heard is actually not what the person intended to say. I know–because when I’ve neglected to do this, I’ve gotten into stupid arguments time and again when I misunderstood what someone was trying to tell me, or vice versa.

The second purpose is to validate what others have said, and let them know that you have heard them, and value their feelings and thoughts. People are dramatically more likely to listen to what you say if they feel they themselves have been listened to.

2. Help me understand …

“I love this phrase, because it takes the edge off a ‘You idiot!’ statement,” Capland says. “You’re accusing someone of doing something wrong, and everybody knows it. If you use a ‘You idiot!’ statement, the person will become defensive or upset.”

That’s not a good interaction to get into, but you can largely defuse it by saying something like, “Help me understand how you made that decision.” First, this reinforces the idea that you and the listener are collaborators, working together to solve a problem. Second, there may indeed be circumstances or considerations you don’t know about or haven’t thought of that made the seemingly wrong decision not so wrong after all. Rather than jumping to the conclusion that someone screwed up, you’re wisely pausing to get all the facts.

3. Would you be open to the possibility …

This is a powerful phrase to use when making a pitch. “I just sent an email to an executive because I want him to send five of his top or emerging female leaders to my women’s leadership retreat,” Capland says. “Instead of saying it quite that way, I wrote, ‘Would you be open to the possibility of learning more about this event and of sending some of your female executives to it?’”

This is powerful because it softens the request and allows the listener to take the next step or learn more about what you’re offering without making a decision yet, she explains. Most of us are open to learning more about something most of the time, so long as we don’t have to commit to more than that. So your odds of getting a yes answer are good–and now the person has invited you to send along your most compelling information about whatever it is you’re pitching.

4. My request is …

“Most of us do not know how to ask for what we want,” Capland says. Making an effective request is a skill you need to develop, and this simple phrase is a good place to start because it offers multiple advantages. First off, it makes it crystal clear that you’re making a request, something a person doesn’t always manage to convey very well.

Second, it can take the sting out of something that could be an order or even a complaint: “My request is that you clean up your room this afternoon” or “My request is that you turn in your report by 5 p.m.,” for example. Most important, it encourages you to be specific when making requests, and the more specific you are about what you want and when, the likelier you are to get it. One of Capland’s clients was affected by a corporate reorganization that added a boss above her. Top brass sat down with her to discuss her options: She could stay where she was, move to a different department, or leave and receive a severance package. She responded, “My request is a year’s severance,” and she got it.

5. I’m not sure, but let me get back to you in …

What do you do when someone asks you a question and you don’t know the answer, either because you need more information or because it involves a decision that you haven’t made yet? Just saying, “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” makes you appear weak, Capland says. “Let me get back to you” is better, but still vague and open-ended. Saying specifically what you will do and when you will answer makes you seem authoritative and, more important, gives people an answer they can rely on. “I’ll check my figures over the weekend and give you a definite answer on Monday” is much better than “I don’t know. Let me think about it.”

You’ve made a commitment, which you will follow up on. And being clear about both your commitments and your desires is a big step toward getting those desires fulfilled.

How to be your best self and get what you want

I did a video yesterday for a challenge that I’m doing and I was talking about something that I’m working on in the challenge. A comment from the leader came back and said that what stood out for her was how I’m constantly in “should”:

“I should have done…”, “I should have been able to…” and “I should…”.

Always “I should…”.

The day before, another friend commented on one of my posts that no matter how much I did, it was never enough: I SHOULD be doing more, I OUGHT to be doing more.

I don’t go into “Woulda” very much but I definitely do “OUGHTA”…

Actually, I do go into “would” but “would” is victim and I tend to go into blaming: the “ought to’s” and “should have’s”

At least, when I’m talking about myself, I go into blaming myself. I’m a bit more lenient on everyone else- sometimes.

The thing is, I can logically reason a solid basis for going into the “shoulds” and “oughts”. I’m aware that I’m not producing at 100% capacity.

I know I’m not being as efficient with my time as I could be and I know I’m hiding out and not doing what needs doing.

I know that if I just get my act together, I’d be producing way more and be way more effective than I am now.

And I know that I ought to be one of the top coaches and mindset experts in the world right now, but I don’t have my stuff together yet.

I ought to have my stuff together because I’ve been working with a mentor for a year now. Besides, I’ve been a coach for 15 years! I ought to be much further ahead than I am now.

And there’s no excuse! None! Not one! Well, except that I haven’t got my act together and I’m not giving it 100%.

By the way, I hate it when people talk about giving more than 100%: HOW?

How can you possibly give more than 100%? How can you start being your best self?

Not that I’m blaming anyone, you understand?

See how easy it is? See how easy it is for me to slide effortlessly into blaming about not being good enough? I start off well, being all objective and constructive. Then, ever so subtly, I always end up making myself wrong.

It even sounds like a logical step, doesn’t it? There’s no jarring change in tempo or direction. It just flows.

How interesting is that?

Our minds automatically go from detached, open-minded objectivity to pointing the finger, blame and make wrong.

I didn’t even notice it in what I was saying in either the video or the post! I didn’t see it or hear it. Honestly, it didn’t exist for me.

It’s just the truth and it’s just the way things are.

It’s a simple statement of fact.

So, what do you do about it? Because I can guarantee that if you want to create the things that you really want in your life, you’ll have to deal with this.

Notice yourself doing self-blame

First of all, you have to NOTICE it. You must notice yourself doing it so you can catch yourself and do something different. The easiest way to do this is to either journal or video yourself talking about yourself and your life, where it’s at, what you want, what you’ve done and haven’t done so far.

Then, get someone to read or watch it.

Scary, I know, but it’s the best way to do it.

If you can’t bring yourself to do that, you read or watch it. The problem with doing it this way is that we tend to believe that what we write or say about ourselves is the truth. It sounds true and it lands for us as just a statement of fact.

This is why we need someone else to point things out for us.

Notice what you say about yourself:

Are you not good enough?

Do you never do enough?

Should you be doing more?

Are you comparing yourself to others?

Does no one appreciate you?

Are you a victim?

Write it down

How to be your best self and get what you want

Pay attention to the wording that you use.

Do the same thing again but this time, write about yourself and your life and listen out for the coulda, shoulda, woulda, oughta.

Now, here’s the challenge: Write about yourself and your life as though you’re a complete superstar who plays all out and always does everything to the best of your ability.

If you keep on catching yourself while you’re speaking, thinking, and writing about yourself and making a consistent, committed effort to support and admire yourself, pretty soon your whole life will be completely different.

Can you imagine that? Can you imagine how differently you’d feel about yourself if you just believe that everything you do is what’s necessary?

Believe you’re being your best self

How to be your best self and get what you want

I don’t know whether you’ve ever experienced it, but when you’re in the company of someone who thinks you’re amazing, the whole world is different. You’ll be different. You act differently, think differently, and do different things.

Imagine if you lived in that space all the time, where you’re in the company of someone who thinks you’re totally awesome…

Someone who always speaks and acts in alignment with what’s important to him,

Someone who never lets himself down,

Or someone who knows that whatever happens, he’s done the best he can?

Can you imagine that?

Now imagine if that person were you.

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Author: Karen O’Connor

After 10 years of trying, I finally admitted that being a stay at home mum wasn’t for me. Now I’m a writer, blogger, mindset expansion expert, property developer and entrepreneur, and a much happier wife and mum.

Use this exercise to boost your hope and well-being.

Whether you’re a therapist, a client, or neither, this positive psychology exercise is a good one to try. This exercise, called Best Possible Self, by researchers and practitioners, is one of the stronger happiness exercises because it has good research support (see below) and people tend to find the exercise beneficial.

The exercise has been shown to boost people’s positive emotions, happiness levels, optimism, hope, improve coping skills, and elevate positive expectations about the future. I suggest you consider it in two basic steps: visualizing yourself at a future moment in time having accomplished your goals and considering the character strengths you’ll need to deploy to make that vision a reality.

Here are some steps to help guide you:

  • Take a few minutes to select a future time period (e.g., 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now) and imagine that at that time you are expressing your best possible self strongly. Visualize your best possible self in a way that is very pleasing to you and that you are interested in.
  • Imagine in vivid detail that you have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing your life goals. You might think of this as reaching your full potential, hitting an important milestone, or realizing one of your life dreams. The point is not to think of unrealistic fantasies, but rather, things that are positive and attainable within reason.
  • After you have a fairly clear image, write about the details. Writing your best possible self down helps to create a logical structure for the future and can help you move from the realm of foggy ideas and fragmented thoughts to concrete, real possibilities.
  • Be sure to write about the character strengths that you observe in this image.
  • And, what character strengths will you need to deploy to make this best possible self a reality?

Some people prefer to reverse the process by writing about the image before sitting back and playing it forward in their mind.

I’ve heard a wide variety of people’s “best possible self” stories. Here are a few (note that when you do the exercise, you’ll want to consider far more details than these snapshots):

  • I can envision starting a family and we are spending quality time together vacationing and going to activities together in the city.
    • I will need to use my prudence strength to map out my long-term finances, my perseverance strength as my spouse and I “keep trying” to have children, and my forgiveness strength which will help me “let go” of any blame I might impose on myself or my spouse as we encounter obstacles along the way.
  • I see myself doing work that is meaningful and fills me with a sense of purpose as I help people reach their dreams on a daily basis.
    • I will use my love of learning and curiosity strengths as I return to school to study new topic areas. I will also use social intelligence by networking with people in the helping profession and staying open to emerging possibilities that might broaden my experiences.
  • I have created a small business on the Internet, and with a few employees helping me, I’ve found a way to shift from unemployed to happily engaged in successful work.
    • I will need to use my strengths of creativity to bring forth my new product, my judgment/critical thinking to devise many different marketing pathways, and teamwork to help me remember that this enterprise is a team effort and not just me alone.
  • I will need to use my prudence strength to map out my long-term finances, my perseverance strength as my spouse and I “keep trying” to have children, and my forgiveness strength which will help me “let go” of any blame I might impose on myself or my spouse as we encounter obstacles along the way.
  • I will use my love of learning and curiosity strengths as I return to school to study new topic areas. I will also use social intelligence by networking with people in the helping profession and staying open to emerging possibilities that might broaden my experiences.
  • I will need to use my strengths of creativity to bring forth my new product, my judgment/critical thinking to devise many different marketing pathways, and teamwork to help me remember that this enterprise is a team effort and not just me alone.

How about you? What is your best possible self a year from now?

Take the new, much briefer test of your character strengths. It is free and scientifically valid.

Austenfeld, J. L., & Stanton, A. L. (2008). Writing about emotions versus goals: Effects on hostility and medical care utilization moderated by emotional approach coping processes. British Journal of Health Psychology, 13, 35-38.

Austenfeld, J. L., Paolo, A. M., & Stanton, A. L. (2006). Effects of writing about emotions versus goals on psychological and physical health among third-year medical students. Journal of Personality 74(1), 267-286.

King, A. (2001). The health benefits of writing about life goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27(7), 798-807.

Meevissen, Y. M. C., Peters, M. L., & Alberts, H. J. E. M. (2011). Become more optimistic by imagining a best possible self: Effects of a two week intervention. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 42, 371-378.

Peters, M. L., Flink, I. K., Boersma, K., & Linton, S. J. (2010). Manipulating optimism: Can imagining a best possible self be used to increase positive future expectancies? Journal of Positive Psychology, 5(3), 204-211.

Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. New York: Oxford University Press and Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association.

Shapira, L. B., & Mongrain, M. (2010). The benefits of self-compassion and optimism exercises for individuals vulnerable to depression. Journal of Positive Psychology, 5(5), 377-389.

Sheldon, K. M., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2006). How to increase and sustain positive emotion: the effects of expressing gratitude and visualizing best possible selves. Journal of Positive Psychology, 1, 73-82.

How to be your best self and get what you want

I did a video yesterday for a challenge that I’m doing and I was talking about something that I’m working on in the challenge. A comment from the leader came back and said that what stood out for her was how I’m constantly in “should”:

“I should have done…”, “I should have been able to…” and “I should…”.

Always “I should…”.

The day before, another friend commented on one of my posts that no matter how much I did, it was never enough: I SHOULD be doing more, I OUGHT to be doing more.

I don’t go into “Woulda” very much but I definitely do “OUGHTA”…

Actually, I do go into “would” but “would” is victim and I tend to go into blaming: the “ought to’s” and “should have’s”

At least, when I’m talking about myself, I go into blaming myself. I’m a bit more lenient on everyone else- sometimes.

The thing is, I can logically reason a solid basis for going into the “shoulds” and “oughts”. I’m aware that I’m not producing at 100% capacity.

I know I’m not being as efficient with my time as I could be and I know I’m hiding out and not doing what needs doing.

I know that if I just get my act together, I’d be producing way more and be way more effective than I am now.

And I know that I ought to be one of the top coaches and mindset experts in the world right now, but I don’t have my stuff together yet.

I ought to have my stuff together because I’ve been working with a mentor for a year now. Besides, I’ve been a coach for 15 years! I ought to be much further ahead than I am now.

And there’s no excuse! None! Not one! Well, except that I haven’t got my act together and I’m not giving it 100%.

By the way, I hate it when people talk about giving more than 100%: HOW?

How can you possibly give more than 100%? How can you start being your best self?

Not that I’m blaming anyone, you understand?

See how easy it is? See how easy it is for me to slide effortlessly into blaming about not being good enough? I start off well, being all objective and constructive. Then, ever so subtly, I always end up making myself wrong.

It even sounds like a logical step, doesn’t it? There’s no jarring change in tempo or direction. It just flows.

How interesting is that?

Our minds automatically go from detached, open-minded objectivity to pointing the finger, blame and make wrong.

I didn’t even notice it in what I was saying in either the video or the post! I didn’t see it or hear it. Honestly, it didn’t exist for me.

It’s just the truth and it’s just the way things are.

It’s a simple statement of fact.

So, what do you do about it? Because I can guarantee that if you want to create the things that you really want in your life, you’ll have to deal with this.

Notice yourself doing self-blame

First of all, you have to NOTICE it. You must notice yourself doing it so you can catch yourself and do something different. The easiest way to do this is to either journal or video yourself talking about yourself and your life, where it’s at, what you want, what you’ve done and haven’t done so far.

Then, get someone to read or watch it.

Scary, I know, but it’s the best way to do it.

If you can’t bring yourself to do that, you read or watch it. The problem with doing it this way is that we tend to believe that what we write or say about ourselves is the truth. It sounds true and it lands for us as just a statement of fact.

This is why we need someone else to point things out for us.

Notice what you say about yourself:

Are you not good enough?

Do you never do enough?

Should you be doing more?

Are you comparing yourself to others?

Does no one appreciate you?

Are you a victim?

Write it down

How to be your best self and get what you want

Pay attention to the wording that you use.

Do the same thing again but this time, write about yourself and your life and listen out for the coulda, shoulda, woulda, oughta.

Now, here’s the challenge: Write about yourself and your life as though you’re a complete superstar who plays all out and always does everything to the best of your ability.

If you keep on catching yourself while you’re speaking, thinking, and writing about yourself and making a consistent, committed effort to support and admire yourself, pretty soon your whole life will be completely different.

Can you imagine that? Can you imagine how differently you’d feel about yourself if you just believe that everything you do is what’s necessary?

Believe you’re being your best self

How to be your best self and get what you want

I don’t know whether you’ve ever experienced it, but when you’re in the company of someone who thinks you’re amazing, the whole world is different. You’ll be different. You act differently, think differently, and do different things.

Imagine if you lived in that space all the time, where you’re in the company of someone who thinks you’re totally awesome…

Someone who always speaks and acts in alignment with what’s important to him,

Someone who never lets himself down,

Or someone who knows that whatever happens, he’s done the best he can?

Can you imagine that?

Now imagine if that person were you.

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Author: Karen O’Connor

After 10 years of trying, I finally admitted that being a stay at home mum wasn’t for me. Now I’m a writer, blogger, mindset expansion expert, property developer and entrepreneur, and a much happier wife and mum.