How to create your life story exactly how you want it to be

As a 20-something I spend time imaging the life I want. One day I’ll be able to afford a spacious loft in the city with outdoor space and huge windows overlooking the park. One day I’ll meet the man with whom I want to spend the rest of my life with, and we will create a family. One day an editor from a renowned publication will call me and offer me a dream job. The way I think about these things mirrors a fairy-tale; they will happen to me at some point in the future, I just have to wait patiently for them to occur.

But Karen Mason Riss, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Memphis, Tennessee whom I call my trusted advisor, corrects my thinking. “Most people think they are discovering their lives: they pray, they hope something good will happen. But what I think, what I say, what I do, creates my reality,” she says. “We are creative beings, not discovery beings.”

What Riss believes – and I agree with whole-heartedly – is that we have a say in what happens to us. By transforming our thinking, and therefore our actions, we can create opportunities for ourselves and change our own lives without waiting for outside forces to take hold.

She gives the example of college. When you grow up knowing you will go to college, believing that when it is your time to roam a college campus you will, you take actions. You work hard in school, complete all the right tests, visit various campuses, and send in your applications. It is this firm belief – you are college bound – that allows you to make this vision into reality. And that model can be applied to any dream you may have. Make sense? Here are the steps to using your thoughts to creating the life you want.

Step One: See yourself how you want to be.

Riss believes the first step in getting what you want in life is to envision yourself already there. “If I can’t see it, I can’t create it,” she says. “If I can’t see me as a writer, I can’t create me getting work as a writer, because I don’t really believe in it.” If you want to lose weight put up a picture in your home of a time you were skinnier and look at it every day. If you want to be in a relationship spend five minutes a day imagining what that would look like – close your eyes and see yourself walking down the street with someone holding hands or talking about your days over dinner. And don’t think about these things in terms of what you want. Tell yourself you already have them, you are already there: “I am skinny,” “I am in a loving relationship” “I am a successful writer.” These thoughts, this vision of you exactly as you want to be, will serve as your compass on the road ahead.

Step two: Start looking at ways you are already there.

Because this entire process relies on you believing you can get where you want to go – your goals have to seem inevitable – you have to boost your confidence early on. So the next step to take, says Riss, is recognizing the ways you are already on your way. As Riss says, you have to think “what are the things I already bring to the table?” Maybe I don’t live in a spacious loft yet, but I live in my own apartment in a gorgeous neighborhood. I don’t have a partner, but I am working on strengthening the relationships I already have with friends and family so I am learning about relating to others. If you want to be skinnier, maybe you already think more about what you eat than you used to? This is about positive thinking: You are on the path and making progress.

Step three: Change some of your moves

The next step is to look at some of the moves you are making in life and see if they need changing. It’s like applying to college. You are definitely going to college, but maybe you need a better grade in chemistry to get into the school you want or maybe you need to study for the SAT a little differently to get a higher score. So if you want to lose weight – which you are definitely going to do – maybe your diet isn’t working. Try another one! Or when searching for a partner, maybe you need to change what you are looking for in a mate or put yourself out there through other venues? The idea is to measure your actions against your vision and seeing if they are helping you get there.

Step four: Strengthen your vision every day.

Getting the life you want is hard. Really hard. We have habits and thoughts that can pull us down or prevent us from getting where we want to go. So we need to stay true to our vision and keep strengthening it over and over to keep it alive when things don’t go our way. However you hold onto your dreams – by journaling or looking at a picture or spending five minutes seeing yourself as you want to be – do it every day. And then when you experience bumps, you won’t lose it, knowing that you will definitely get there at the end of the day. As Riss says, “It’s like ok, I’m not going to this college, but I’m going to this one. Or I didn’t get this job but there is a job behind it.”

And what is behind this process is believing, again and again, every day, that you are a creative being, that you can will the life you want into being and make it a reality. I’m going to repeat what Riss says: “What I think, what I say, what I do, that is my reality.” Take control!

How to create your life story exactly how you want it to be

And it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen so much collective uncertainty and turmoil in the world.

However, you shouldn’t let all the chaos affect you.

Instead of seeing the world the way the masses do, view it—and your life—through an entirely different lens.

One of the best ways I know to do that is to create a customized life script that uplifts, empowers and delights you.

You don’t have to be unhappy, anxious, or unhealthy to do this.

Even if you’re very pleased with your current life circumstances, I encourage you to design a life script.

My friend, Peggy McColl, started creating life scripts about 20 years ago, when she found herself at the lowest point in her life. Even though she is now living the life of her dreams, she still constructs scripts to keep taking her life to new heights.

What genre will you choose?

Don’t let the dramas of the outside world, your past failures, or even your successes define or limit you. Failure is not fatal. And success is not final.

You’ve got a power flowing through you that allows you to do things that will astound you. So, decide what, exactly, you want your future to look like.

How do you want your days to play out? Who do you want to be spending time with? Where will you live? How much money will you make? How healthy will you be?

The truth is, you are writing the script for the movie of your life in every moment. So, think about this…

What genre do you want your movie to be – a comedy? a drama? an adventure? inspirational?

Most people don’t realize they have the power to choose. So, they let other people choose the plot, the cast of characters and the movie setting.

In other words, they are extras in their own movie!

Well, starting today, become the conscious writer, director and star of your movie. Remember, this is your life. If you want a life with more passion, awe-inspiring relationships, a grand business, write it into the script.

You are an individual expression of Universal Consciousness with your own unique purpose and gifts. And you have the power to create your life in accordance with your preferences.

However, to get the most from this process, you’ve got to write a script that allows you to dream big AND still believe that it’s possible for you. Because if you don’t believe it, you won’t expect it and that will keep your desire from moving toward you.

So, allow me to explain how to do both of those things…

How to write a script that tunes you in
and turns you on!

Here are five tips for writing a compelling life script that helps you create the movie of your dreams:

  • Handwrite your story in the present tense, as if you are living it NOW.
  • Make it a very positive and uplifting vision of your future. Talk about the things you want MOST in each area of your life—physical body, business or career, finances, relationships, intellect, spiritual connections.
  • Engage all your senses and include as much detail as possible about where you are, what you look like, who you’re with, what you do, your financial situation…everything.
  • See and feel yourself living in accordance with this script that is custom made for you by you. The more you feel it, the more real it becomes, and the more powerfully you are attracting it.
  • Review your script each day. Writing your life script is not something you do once and forget about it. You should read it every day, and refine it as necessary to keep you worked up.

When you write a life script in this manner, it accomplishes five things. It…

  1. Compels you to change or get very clear on your thoughts about your future.
  2. Moves you beyond limiting beliefs.
  3. Keeps you focused on—and, therefore, attracting—what you want rather than what you don’t want.
  4. Intensifies your feelings and expectations about your true desires.
  5. Harnesses the power of the Universe and attracts people, places and resources just as you want them to be.

How to increase your belief

Once you create a script that allows you to dream big, you may need to work on your belief that it’s possible.

To do that, read your script out loud (with feeling) and record it. Then, listen to it several times every day. I recommend listening to it when you wake up and again before you go to sleep at night. You can also listen in your car and while you’re getting dressed, working out or cooking.

With this spaced repetition of new ideas and beliefs, you will be able to change your thoughts and belief systems (your paradigm). When that happens, your actions will change too.

One of the reasons life scripts work is because they put your mind in a state of expectancy. The stream of plenty always flows towards the open and expectant mind. Expectation is the attractive force that moves your dream towards you.

Before long, opportunities and people who can help will begin to “show up” until you become the person you want to be. Then, your whole life will become what you imagine it can be.

If you’re serious about taking your life to the next level—and beyond—don’t just read about this process. Do it now. You’ll be so happy that you did.

I’ve talked a lot about how visualization helps you create the future you want. This powerful tool has made a difference for me in my own life, when as an out-of-work-lawyer-turned-executive life coach, I saw myself on a TED stage one day, sharing with others how I changed my life.

In my vision I was wearing a better color, my neck was not so blotchy, and my pits weren’t so sweaty, but seeing myself on that stage was the catalyst that got me doing the work to get there. That vision was the reason I kept such a laser focus toward opportunities that presented themselves, and it’s that vision that got me to take a few chances and step outside my comfort zone.

Having a vision changed my expectations, and that was key.

I began to EXPECT better of myself. I knew that if the future I wanted was going to become reality, I had to change what I was doing now.

Since that TED talk, my life and business have blown up and now I’m on my way toward the vision I started while still in high school to host a daytime talk show.

Which means a whole new set of expectations has arisen for me.

So I’m back to visualizing.

Does visualization guarantee that your future will turn out exactly as you wish?

Life has no guarantees, unfortunately, and success is a combination of hard work, grit, and even luck. But the more you stay the course, the more likely you push yourself further down the line and learn a hell of a lot about yourself in the process.

But I get that visualization is not easy for everyone and it does take practice.

To help you see your future, I’ve put together this list of questions to ask yourself. Whether it’s one year or five, use this list to jumpstart your personal expectations and next steps. Some of them may be challenging to answer, and that is on purpose. Each question is designed to help you visualize the PROCESS for getting to where you want to be, as much as the outcome.

Answer each question as if you are living your ideal future in 5 years:

1. When somebody asks what you do for work, how do you respond?

2. Describe your physical surroundings in as much detail as possible. Where are you working? Where do you live? Where do you spend your free time?

3. Describe the people surrounding you–in your business and personal life.

4. What is the atmosphere in your business and personal life? How do you contribute to that atmosphere?

5. What are you most proud of?

6. What is your favorite way to spend your downtime?

7. When somebody asks you for mentoring advice, what do you tell them?

8. Describe the steps you had to take to get to where you are.

9. Do you have any regrets? Explain.

10. What would you have done differently to get here?

Once you have your vision, tap into some powerful research out of UCLA.

Researchers found that visualizing yourself doing the steps it takes to reach your vision makes you more likely to succeed. In the study, people who visualized themselves studying received better scores than those who visualized a positive grade.

You can apply this research to your own visualization and goals for the future. Once you answer the questions above and have your vision, write down or think about the steps that you will need to take to get there. What exactly will you need to do?

Then, it’s time to tap into the power of visualization. Each day, visualize BOTH the future that you want–and picture yourself doing the steps to get there.

It’s time to let go of the Mental Weight that has you doubting your lovability. Your playfulness. Your joy.

Stop trying to change yourself

Each one of us is complete. Together we will embrace and celebrate ourselves.

Release Judgement

So you can start to create the life that allows you to live as you deserve.

Allow yourself to be supported

Create your own tribe of people who love and encourage you.

Let’s Work Together

Are you ready to embrace life As You Are?

A Community for you

Why? Loneliness Begone.

You’ll make friends. We are a community of like-minded people who will befriend you and support you.

Your social skills will be developed and enhanced. Real intimacy comes from learning, playing, and interacting.

You won’t feel lonely any more. You will grow with and into an openness of heart that wipes out that empty feeling.

Connect with others virtually and in person through both structured and spontaneous events.

Content that celebrates you

Why? It’s not about your size.

You are beautiful exactly as you are. Discussion, chats, videos on ways to increase your belief in yourself.

Self-confidence. You’ll establish easily-practiced boundaries that leave the haters in the dust.

You FIT in this world. You’ll have satisfaction as you experience products, people, and services who want you exactly as you are.

Your sexiness will be back and you’ll be on fire! Trusting your own attractiveness, you will experience deeper intimacy.

Get your health in line

Why? Living well is everything.

The correct movement makes you feel physically better. Moving just a little is a great way to start. We’ll do this with sports or movements we love — or used to love.

Enjoy your food. We’ll encourage you to explore really loving the food you consume, so you are satisfied with the lusciousness of it without eating more than you want. Learn to listen to your body.

Inner peace. Through inner work your body/mind connection will develop.

About me

I’m Joan Denizot

After spending a lot of time learning to like, then accept, and then really love myself, it has become my passion to see other people live full lives, too.

I’m Joan Denizot, the Founder of ZizeBikes.com. Zize Bikes is the only company world-wide that specializes in bicycles for heavy people. I started Zize Bikes because I wanted to ride a bike, and I learned that bikes were not built strong enough for people who weigh more than 250 pounds. I wasn’t having any of THAT, so I built a company that produces strong, smooth-riding bikes that can hold riders up to 550 pounds.

Twelve years of working with big people as customers has highlighted something else for me, and that is the isolation too many of us put ourselves through. It’s as if we’ve decided that if we’re not slim we don’t deserve to have a life filled with joy and love. I say ENOUGH! I’ve developed As You Are as a way of guiding people towards self-love and acceptance. There’s a lot to change, but there is joy in the journey. Let’s begin it now!

How to create your life story exactly how you want it to be

Testimonials

Listen to what my clients say

“I think for the most part the folks who really need things like this are overlooked. Thank you for remembering us. It was nice dealing with Joan. She took the time to answer all my many questions. Very pleasant experience.”

“Not many people seem to be looking out for fat folks (unless they’re trying to sell us a diet). Joan’s the real thing.”

“I contacted Joan and what I encountered made me weep silently on the phone as this lady who did not even know me and had never met me understood my dream, my fears, and my dedication. I am forever grateful for her giving me back a piece of myself.”

I’m going to let you in on a little secret when it comes to fulfilling your dreams and desires. At any moment, you have the power to fully embody and become the person that you want to become.

Even if your job is terrible, your husband doesn’t make the effort anymore, or you’re 20 pounds over where you’d like to be. You can be sexy, joyful, passionate, playful, successful, abundant and expressive. You just have to make the choice. It’s that easy.

Now, before you get mad and tell me it’s not really that easy, please understand that I know how you feel. The simplest shifts are usually the most difficult to actually implement in your life. I know this, because it’s something I’m working on right now in areas of my life! But that’s the beauty of it: It’s simple, and all it takes is some practice.

Every single moment we’re presented with an opportunity to choose what we want. We have the power to create the life we desire, without having to change a single thing in ourselves, relationships or environment. It’s really pretty amazing!

So how do you create what you desire in your life? I have three simple steps.

How to create your life story exactly how you want it to be

How to feel exactly what you want to feel, right now.

1) Ask yourself, what do I want to feel in this moment?

A fabulous mentor of mine introduced me to this question. “What do I want to feel in this moment?” This simple question is the key to unlocking everything you want to experience in this life, and the key to making it happen right now. So ask yourself, what do you want to feel? When you think about what you want or need, what is the desired feeling that thing, person, or experience would bring you? Security? Love? Connection? Abundance? Whatever the answer, it’s perfect. Whether you want to feel sexy or expressive, powerful or abundant, joyful or peaceful. it’s perfect. Roll with it.

2) Brainstorm ways to feel what you want to feel, right now.

In her book The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte talks a lot about desire. When she desired to feel abundant and successful, she’d take herself to a fancy store and sit on the fancy couch she wanted to own. That made her feel abundant, without her actually having to be anywhere other than where she was in that moment. What can you do to create this feeling, without having to change anything at all?

If you want to feel sexy, you might curl your hair, throw on some red lipstick and wear your favorite heels around the house while you cook dinner for one. If you want to feel joyful, you might watch some funny home videos, play with your neighbor’s dog or write a gratitude list. If you want to feel successful, you might make a list of your recent wins, read through old journals to see how far you’ve come, or pretend you’re being interviewed on that talk show you’re obsessed with.

3) Remember: Like attracts like.

If you want to experience more of something in your life, start by creating more of those feelings for yourself, every single day. Like attracts like. If you’re vibrating at the frequency of what you want to attract (the awesome man, the new job, the energized body), you’ll bring it into your life far quicker than if you sit around and pout about not being where you want to be.

It can be far too easy to lose something you really want, simply because you’re not a vibrational match for it. If the awesome, loving guy walks into your life, but you’re not open and filled with love and connection on your own already, he’s not likely to stick around very long. If the great job opportunity lands in your lap, but you’re vibrating at a negative, “I hate my job and my life” level, you’re not likely to get the job offer. In order to receive and keep what you want, you have to be a match.

Ask yourself what you deeply desire and how you can elevate yourself to that vibrational level every single day using the steps above.

Take action now!

What do you want to feel and create in your life? What do you desire? Choose one thing and work through the questions above.

Leave me a comment below sharing one thing you’re going to do right now to start feeling what you want to feel.

Stephenie Zamora is the founder of www.stepheniezamora.com, a full-service, life-purpose development, design and branding boutique. Here she merges the worlds of personal development and branding to help young women build passion-based businesses. Click here to download her free guide, “The Unexpected Trick to Transforming Your Life With ONE Single Question.”

Connect with Stephenie on Facebook and Twitter!

How to create your life story exactly how you want it to be

Ryan Segedi. Prop styling by JoJo Li.

You’re lying in bed, your partner’s head is between your legs, and you’re not exactly going wild with pleasure. If only they realized that your clitoris is an inch higher than where they’re determinedly lapping away. Well, this is never going to happen, you might think. Do I just chill here until they’re bored, or. Should I actually say something? Draw a diagram?

If you’re used to asking for what you want in bed, you might skip this mental back-and-forth and get right to it. In that case, please accept my virtual applause. But if you’re not there yet, that’s perfectly OK too. Maybe you’re at a loss for words when your partner asks what you need. Or maybe they haven’t explicitly asked, but you know you need to speak up if you’re ever going to have the sex you want. Either way, you’re in great company.

As a sex educator and coach, I’ve received countless emails from people who want something specific in bed but aren’t sure how to ask for it. The fears of being vulnerable or bruising a partner’s ego can be high-key overwhelming.

I’ve come to realize that telling your partner how you want to feel is sometimes just as good—or even better—than asking for a specific act.

You can be as broad as “I want to feel more wanted than ever” or as detailed as “I want to feel like my nipples are the center of your mouth’s universe.” Clients regularly tell me this strategy has helped them have a more satisfying time in bed. Below are the reasons why this simple approach can be highly effective.

It can be a less daunting way to express your needs.

Straight-up saying something like, “hey, this isn’t working for me,” or “a little to the left” can feel intimidating. Expressing how you want to feel might be an easier way into the conversation.

A lot of us have shame about our sexual desires. Even if you know you want your partner to get a little rough, asking them to do so can feel scarier than bungee jumping—naked. If you’re looking for a more nuanced way to communicate your needs, talking about how you want to feel can be a good tactic.

This strategy can also come in handy if you’re totally fine with being direct in theory, but you’re nervous about hurting your partner’s feelings. Our egos are often wrapped up in our sexuality. It’s important to be gentle with our partners so that everyone can have a positive sexual experience. This goes both ways.

I want to be really clear about this, though: The goal here isn’t to be evasive about what you want in order to spare someone’s ego. As long as everything is consensual, you’re entitled to enjoy yourself as much as possible during sex. The point is that expressing how you want to feel might make this even easier, but it’s all about context. If you know the only way to get what you want is to spell it out without mincing words, go for it.

Keep in mind that discussing how you want to feel and being direct about your sexual needs don’t need to be mutually exclusive! Using these tactics in tandem can inform your partner of the vibe you want, then give them a road map to make it happen. Also, there are times when you’ll need to be really clear-cut, either because your partner isn’t getting it or because you’re interested in trying something that needs extra discussion around consent, boundaries, and safety, like anal sex or face slapping. But looping in the feelings topic can still make those experiences better as well.

It can subvert sexual knowledge gaps.

Many of us don’t have the vocabulary to properly articulate what we want in bed. This is often in direct opposition to being able to ask for specific sexual techniques.

Take Responsibility For Exactly Where You Are In Life

Take ownership of your life. Exactly where you are right now, and the challenge to get where you want to be.

Take Responsibility For Exactly Where You Are In Life – Inspirational Speech – Watch FREE On Youtube:

Download or Stream “Take Responsibility – Inspirational Speech” Now on iTunes , Spotify , GooglePlay , Apple Music , AmazonMP3 , Deezer and Worldwide MP3 Download
Speakers: Josiah Ruff, Tyrone Stokes

Transcript – Take Responsibility For Exactly Where You Are In Life (Inspiring Speech)

One of the most powerful things you will ever do for your life is TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT.

Take responsibility for exactly where you are right now.

To acknowledge: it’s ME that must be better.
To say: I’m sorry, to others or to yourself.
TO SAY: I CAN DO BETTER TO SAY: I WILL DO BETTER!

Because, when you accept full responsibly for your life, YOU TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.

That means accepting full responsibility for the quality of your relationships, taking full responsibility for your results, taking full responsibility for EVERYTHING.

Because when you take responsibility, you take CONTROL. When you blame others, you have no control over your life.

If your quality of life, in your mind, is determined by the actions of others, or a result of your past, you are a prisoner to that past, and at the mercy of other people and their actions.

When you are constantly blaming other people and circumstances for where you are in life, there’s nothing you can do to fix it, because there is nothing you can do to fix them.

Instead, ask WHAT COULD I DO BETTER?

How can I see things differently?

How can I grow, so no event, and no person can change how I feel? Nothing can change my direction and purpose in life.

Maybe it means removing yourself from certain situations, environments, or toxic people… whatever the case, it’s YOU that has to accept that YOU are the only person that can make those changes, and therefor make your life better.

It’s full ownership. Full ownership of your state of mind, full ownership of your mindset. Not the circumstances. Not others behaviour. Not the wrong doing of others. But how you respond to it all.

There’s nothing more powerful you could do for yourself, than develop a mindset that can handle any situation with clarity, perspective and strength. Nothing.

If you can handle any person or any situation, in complete peace and clarity of purpose, nothing will ever get to you. Nothing will stop you from moving toward, and living your purpose.

Full ownership. Full responsibility.

It’s letting go of the story. The story of why you can’t. The story of “why always me.” The story of the victim. The story of your limits.

It’s letting it all go. Releasing that heavy weight from your back. That weighted burden you’ve been dragging around for years, that does NOTHING to strengthen you. It’s only been draining the life from you.

It’s time to let that go, stand tall and be free of it. Experience the freedom that comes when you DECLARE that you are in charge of your feelings and emotions. NO ONE ELSE.

No one can invade your peace without your permission.
No one can knock you off your path, off your centre without your permission.
No one can stop you from believing in the GOOD of this world. No one can stop you from knowing your power, your purpose here in life.

No one and no circumstance can stop you from working toward your purpose. No one can, because you take full responsibility for everything. You own up to all your actions, your mistakes, your failures, your wins, your losses, your setbacks and your GROWTH

It’s all on you, and that’s where your greatest power is. YOU ARE YOUR GREATEST POWER. You’ve always known it at some level. Now you take ownership of it.

The problem is, when you tell people they need to take responsibility for their life, they look around and say… “I don’t want to take responsibility for this” “I didn’t create this mess”. No, you didn’t create it consciously. That’s just the thing. 95% of our beliefs, thoughts and past actions come from subconscious programming… and the only way to transform our lives and completely flip the script is to form new habits.

We form new habits by first DECIDING WE MUST CHANGE, and then by taking clear, decisive and conscious repetitive actions. Repetition.

Create new powerful habits in their place, with consistent repetition, every single day.

DECIDE that your FUTURE happiness is worth far more than holding on to your past problems.

UNDERSTAND that you will never win by holding on. You will NEVER LIVE your greatest life, and you will never be happy, holding on to grudges or blaming other people or circumstances for where you are in life.

Pause for a moment and hear that again. Really take it in, because it is so true and so important:

You will NEVER… NEVER… live your greatest life… you will never be TRULY HAPPY… by holding on to past problems, by holding on to grudges or blaming circumstances and other people for where you are in life, emotionally, financially, wherever you are.

YOU CAN ONLY WIN, by moving on. YOU CAN ONLY WIN by taking full responsibility.

Full responsibility for where you ARE. Full responsibility for where you WANT TO GO. YOU CAN ONLY WIN by taking control, RIGHT NOW, and moving forward with your life.

How to create your life story exactly how you want it to be

1. Pick the knowledge you need

When we want to improve at something, we often go to the internet to look for resources. The good news is there are a lot of resources available. The bad news is we don’t know which is a useful one. The clickbaity content might often tell you the things that you already know or the things that you don’t need.

It’s easy to get lost in this pool of resources. That’s why it’s important to get familiar with what exactly you need. Being as specific as you can will weed out unnecessary resources.

For example, If you want to learn writing, be specific about the type of writing that you would like to learn (copywriting, content writing, scriptwriting, etc). Also, choosing a niche (self help, health, technology, etc) will narrow down the results to help you pick up the exact knowledge you need. You can apply the same technique if you want to learn through books.

2. Build the feedback loop

Daniel Kahneman, the author of “ Thinking Fast and Slow” has said, “ How quickly you learn new things depends on the quality and speed of feedback loop you built for yourself”.

The feedback loop is exactly how you find out your weaknesses and strengths. What happened yesterday, happened! You can’t change the past but you can extract the lessons from your past to build the future you deserve.

It’s common for people to repeat the same mistakes over and over and having a feedback loop in place will turn these mistakes into lessons. A feedback loop will help you to improve yourself at an accelerated rate because it will give you a way to be consistently aware of what works and what doesn’t.

3. Get comfortable with failures

If you are willing to get yourself out of your comfort zone, you must be comfortable with failing. When we try new things, we usually have a fear of failure. This fear of failure restricts us from giving our 100% which in turn increases our chances of failure.

Failure often puts you in a confused state of mind which is totally normal. But in this state of confusion, we overlook the data we can access now to make better decisions next time. Failure is not bad, it’s the greatest teacher you will ever find.

“When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” – Paulo Coelho

4. Circadian rhythm

A circadian rhythm is a natural, internal process that regulates the sleep-wake cycle and repeats roughly every 24 hours.

When you want to change your life, you need to know how your energy levels change throughout the day. What do you like to do at certain times of the day and what you don’t is the first step to approach productivity.

Build the schedule that you can follow and not the one that looks good on paper. Why wake up at 4 a.m. and work out if you can give your best in the gym at 7:00 p.m? You don’t have to follow someone else’s schedule just because they are famous. You need to build one that is tailored for you and modify it as you progress.

5. Don’t work, PLAY

Being harsh on yourself will hardly do any good for you. If you don’t find happiness in what you do, you are bound to get bored quickly.

Build the schedule that looks ideal to you, mix it with your current schedule and that is the schedule you should approach in the beginning stages. Basically, choose a small swimming pool to swim in first and then move on to a large one.

Also, when you feel like you are burning out, take a break. You can always shift the gears and pick up the pace but when you feel by heart that you need to cool down, do it. Remember, you’re trying to improve yourself not trying to sell insurance.

6. Divide and conquer

Every one of us has good ideas, every one of us knows what to do. We also know that doing certain things is how our life can actually take shape. But, when it all comes down to taking actions, we quickly look for instant rewards.

Sadly, that’s not how it works but you can hack your way by dividing an action into small sub-actions. For example, If you want a write a 2000 page article, writing 100 pages twice a day will complete the task in 10 days without stretching yourself. Make the actions so small that it should not feel like work but remember there is no substitute for doing, drill that in your mind.

“The goal is not to be perfect by the end. The goal is to be better today.” – Simon Sinek

7. Question everything

What you are right now is a product of how society made you look at the world. Their thought, their beliefs build your perspective and your perspective builds your mindset.

Some of these beliefs are literally nothing but myths. If you don’t question it and believe everything, you are not living your own life. Every single thing that you are made to believe, question it. It’s the easiest way to flush out mental waste.

8. Attitude drives you

When you want to improve, it’s obvious that you will face some level of confusion. You might think everyone is judging you, you might think that this is too hard. There is a lot of confusion but it’s just an act of negative thoughts.

You can defeat these negative waves by manifesting a positive attitude. If you want to be a winner you have to act, think and fight like a winner. Visualize yourself as a winner, talk to yourself on why you are the best in the business to feed that positive attitude in your mind. Talk to yourself or read success stories.

I’ve talked a lot about how visualization helps you create the future you want. This powerful tool has made a difference for me in my own life, when as an out-of-work-lawyer-turned-executive life coach, I saw myself on a TED stage one day, sharing with others how I changed my life.

In my vision I was wearing a better color, my neck was not so blotchy, and my pits weren’t so sweaty, but seeing myself on that stage was the catalyst that got me doing the work to get there. That vision was the reason I kept such a laser focus toward opportunities that presented themselves, and it’s that vision that got me to take a few chances and step outside my comfort zone.

Having a vision changed my expectations, and that was key.

I began to EXPECT better of myself. I knew that if the future I wanted was going to become reality, I had to change what I was doing now.

Since that TED talk, my life and business have blown up and now I’m on my way toward the vision I started while still in high school to host a daytime talk show.

Which means a whole new set of expectations has arisen for me.

So I’m back to visualizing.

Does visualization guarantee that your future will turn out exactly as you wish?

Life has no guarantees, unfortunately, and success is a combination of hard work, grit, and even luck. But the more you stay the course, the more likely you push yourself further down the line and learn a hell of a lot about yourself in the process.

But I get that visualization is not easy for everyone and it does take practice.

To help you see your future, I’ve put together this list of questions to ask yourself. Whether it’s one year or five, use this list to jumpstart your personal expectations and next steps. Some of them may be challenging to answer, and that is on purpose. Each question is designed to help you visualize the PROCESS for getting to where you want to be, as much as the outcome.

Answer each question as if you are living your ideal future in 5 years:

1. When somebody asks what you do for work, how do you respond?

2. Describe your physical surroundings in as much detail as possible. Where are you working? Where do you live? Where do you spend your free time?

3. Describe the people surrounding you–in your business and personal life.

4. What is the atmosphere in your business and personal life? How do you contribute to that atmosphere?

5. What are you most proud of?

6. What is your favorite way to spend your downtime?

7. When somebody asks you for mentoring advice, what do you tell them?

8. Describe the steps you had to take to get to where you are.

9. Do you have any regrets? Explain.

10. What would you have done differently to get here?

Once you have your vision, tap into some powerful research out of UCLA.

Researchers found that visualizing yourself doing the steps it takes to reach your vision makes you more likely to succeed. In the study, people who visualized themselves studying received better scores than those who visualized a positive grade.

You can apply this research to your own visualization and goals for the future. Once you answer the questions above and have your vision, write down or think about the steps that you will need to take to get there. What exactly will you need to do?

Then, it’s time to tap into the power of visualization. Each day, visualize BOTH the future that you want–and picture yourself doing the steps to get there.