How to deal with anger (the ultimate anger management guide)

If you’ve ever struggled with anger, you are probably familiar with the feeling of regret that follows an outburst. You promise yourself: “I’ll never let that happen again.” But then, it happens again. And again. Anger takes away our ability to think rationally. After your anger fades, you regain the ability to think clearly, and you regret what your angry self said or did.

But here’s the thing: Anger isn’t always a bad thing. When controlled, anger helps us. Anger drives us to make changes to situations that are bad, it pushes us to stand up for our rights, and it protects us if our lives are threatened. The problem isn’t having anger, it’s having too much anger, and expressing it in an ineffective way.

Anger management teaches us to deal with our anger in a healthy way. Like the name implies, it teaches us to manage our anger, not extinguish it. Anger management begins with practicing self-awareness–learning to take a step back and see your anger before it takes over your mind. Next, once you’ve learned to catch your anger early, you’ll learn techniques to control it.

Catching Anger Quickly

Imagine your brain is like a dam, holding back a large reservoir of water (in this metaphor, the water is your anger). Sometimes, you notice cracks and small leaks in the dam, which you can easily patch. But if you don’t pay attention, the dam will burst, and there’s no stopping the torrential flow of water that will follow.

If you catch your anger before it explodes, you will be able to control it. If you wait too long, there’s little you can do to stop it. Because of this, learning to catch your anger early will be the most important skill you learn in anger management.

If you’re someone who feels that their anger comes out of nowhere and just snaps , this stage will take some work. The truth is, your anger doesn’t come from nowhere. It grows. Try this exercise to see what I mean:

Wherever you are, stop and listen to the sounds around you. Can you hear anything that you didn’t notice before? Maybe a refrigerator, air conditioning, or birds chirping? Your brain is constantly filtering out sounds that are in the background so you can focus on the task at hand.

Similarly, when feelings of stress and anger are common, your brain may filter them out of your awareness—until you explode. The good news is, you can learn to become more aware of your anger with a bit of practice.

Anger Thermometer

The anger thermometer is a technique that will help your clients learn about their anger symptoms and warning signs, and how these progress as anger escalates. We often start anger management with this tool because our clients are surprised to see that they do have some warning signs that their anger is growing–they don’t just snap.

On the anger thermometer, a “1” represents no anger at all. A “10” represents the maximum level of anger you have experienced, or can imagine experiencing. Symptoms of anger are recorded on the scale at the point at which they begin.

To learn more about how to use an anger thermometer, read our complete guide on the subject:

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Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She’s also a psychotherapist, the author of the bestselling book “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do,” and the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.

How to deal with anger (the ultimate anger management guide)

Cultura / Matelly / Riser / Getty Images

We all experience anger. When managed correctly and kept in check, anger can be a positive thing—a red flag that something’s wrong, a catalyst for change, a good self-motivator. But if not handled properly, anger can turn destructive and negatively impact your health and relationships.

Because anger is such a powerful emotion, dealing with it can be both challenging and confusing. Here are some proven anger management strategies to help you stay calm.

Determine the Cause of Your Anger

The first step to dealing with anger is to know what set you off in the first place. You may be irritable because of life stress, a lack of sleep, or hormonal changes. Feelings of anger can also stem from an underlying mental disorder such as anxiety or depression.

Identify (and Avoid) Anger Triggers

More often than not, something specific is triggering your anger. Everyone has their own triggers for what makes them angry, but some common ones include situations in which you feel:

  • Like people are not respecting your feelings or possessions
  • Like you’re being treated unfairly
  • Powerless
  • Threatened or attacked

Being able to predict what situations will provoke you is key to keeping your temper under control. You may not be able to eliminate everything in your life that causes you anger and frustration, but cutting out what you can will go a long way.

Stop Venting

Many people view venting as a good way to release pent-up anger and frustration. But venting may not be as helpful as you think.

Research shows that instead of helping you let off steam, venting just fuels the fire of your anger. It’s hard to forget an annoyance if you’re constantly talking about it. And the more you talk about it, the angrier you’ll become.

If you find yourself wanting to talk a lot about what is making you angry, it might be a good idea to schedule a few sessions with a therapist, who may have some effective ideas on dealing with anger.

Trying to solve a problem is a good idea, but stewing in your anger is not. Mindfulness meditation is a proven strategy for minimizing rumination.

Start an Anger Diary

Journaling is a great way to vent in a healthier way. Research shows that writing when you feel angry not only helps release negative emotions, but can also reduce physical pain. It can help you see or understand an anger-provoking situation in a different light. Putting your feelings on paper is also a simple way to track those things that really “push your buttons.”

Research on the benefits of journaling supports the effectiveness of writing down your feelings and working through them on paper. The written expression of anger allows you to actively do something with your anger rather than just letting it make you feel bad.

A Word From Verywell

If you’re struggling to manage your anger, or if your anger is causing problems in your life, you may want to consider professional help. Sometimes, mental health issues like depression or anxiety can contribute to anger management problems. Talk to your physician about a referral to a therapist or even an anger management class.

Anger Management: Bite Your Tongue

The Ultimate Anger Management Guide for Men and Women to Control Your Life Again

We all get angry sometimes even though we may not know it immediately.When you are faced with criticism, opposition or some form of threat, you are likely to become angry if you do not know how to handle these three without getting emotionally involved.
Anger Management: Bite Your Tongue

The Ultimate Anger Management Guide for Men and Women to Control Your Life Again

We all get angry sometimes even though we may not know it immediately.When you are faced with criticism, opposition or some form of threat, you are likely to become angry if you do not know how to handle these three without getting emotionally involved.

Anger, if not put under control, can cause us to use our judgment irrationally and in the process lead us to doing things or speaking words that should not ever be done or said.

According to psychologists and other scholars, anger is a normal emotion, but can be destructive if left to its own devices, both at inter and intra personal levels.
This book aims to help you understand what anger is and how you can manage it, especially when it creates negative destructive energy within you and threatens to tear up you and those around you.

What You Are Going To Learn

Main Reasons for Anger
Why are you getting angry?
Effects of Anger- Positive and Negative
What Is Anger Management?
Anger in Children and How to Help
Anger Management in Adolescents
Anger Management at the Workplace
How to Recognize and Deal with Anger
Symptoms of an Anger Disorder
Solutions to Anger Disorders
Anger and Social Anxiety Disorder
Tips to Managing Anger
. And much more!

* * * DOWNLOAD YOUR COPY TODAY * * * . more

When doing an online anger control course or researching suitable anger control programs, you may have to complete an anger assessment test. An organization may administer such a test to help you understand how your emotions work from a different perspective. This type of assessment aims to help you comprehend more about your behavior. You will learn how you usually deal with anger and whether you need anger control sessions.

Online anger tests help you shelve your fears, and you become more open to exploring your emotions. Questions in the test might revolve around things that make you sad, relationship matters, thoughts about revenge, how you feel when misunderstood, and the techniques you use to handle arguments.

When responding to such questions, you shouldn’t hold back or give false information, because the queries help you understand how you manage anger. The results will depict your anger style and how it influences your emotions. Additionally, you will also know which areas you should be concerned about so that you can opt for better anger control skills.

How Can Free Web-Based Anger Control Tools Assist?

You don’t have to rob a bank to access anger control tools. With the Internet available to make life more comfortable, you can easily access anger control tools online. A useful example of a tool that is useful and free is the rage control worksheet.

The sheet helps you note all possible issues that can activate your anger. After observing, it suggests effective solutions for your distinct situation. Additionally, using the sheets allows you to get insight on the following critical issues:

  • Tips on understanding what triggers your rage
  • Practical ways of managing your anger
  • Understanding the impact of fury on your health
  • Underlying reasons for your constant anger
  • Rage reflection exercises

The worksheets are only useful when you do not withhold any information regarding your feelings. It is essential to respond to all the questions in the sheet with honesty. Regular use of the tool allows you to gather adequate data to evaluate your rage control progress over time.

Do not discard the worksheets after completing any topic, because the completed sheets assist you in gauging the most effective methods for your situation. For an unbiased opinion about your progress, you should allow a trustworthy person to review your sheets.

Such online tools are only useful if you incorporate them with rage control methods like meditation and exercise. However, you should always remember that using the tools doesn’t mean that you should forego finding professional help.

How to Prepare For Anger Control Classes

Being open-minded would help you significantly once you find a suitable program that addresses your needs. If you have opted for physical classes within your locality, do not shy away from seeking clarifications and asking all your burning questions. You may feel jittery during the first few sessions. However, you will eventually get used to the sessions. If you feel nervous after several classes, you can ask a friend to join you to help calm your nerves.

If you have enrolled in online sessions, finding a perfect time when you can concentrate is essential. Flexibility is the most significant advantage of web-based programs. However, you must be disciplined for you to make progress during such classes. You should not skip any online sessions or attend them in places where you can easily be distracted.

Anger is a normal and natural emotion, which probably all of us will feel at least at some point in our lives.

Anger is often associated with heat or cold—we talk about feeling ‘hot with anger’ and also recognise the idea of ‘cold fury’.

Anger can be quite frightening, both in yourself and in others, because it can arrive very suddenly, but also because it can cause very irrational and unpredictable behaviours.

Aggression is a behaviour, often closely linked to anger. Angry people can become aggressive, and aggressive people may become angry, but the two are not the same.

Defining Anger and Aggression

anger, n. hot displeasure, often involving a desire for retaliation: wrath. —vt. To make angry: to irritate. — angry, adj. excited with anger, inflamed, of threatening or lowering aspect.

aggression, n. a first act of hostility or injury.

Chambers English Dictionary, 1989 edition.

Our pages on anger and aggression define and explain both terms, and explain how to deal with anger and aggression both in yourself and in others.


First of all, it is important to understand that anger is not always bad.

Aristotle said “The man who is angry at the right things and with the right people, and, further, as he ought when he ought, and as long as he ought is praised”.

He meant that it is right to be angry when you see injustice, or wrong-doing of some sort. But anger should not be taken to extremes.

Our page What is Anger? explains more about this complex emotion, how it is caused, and how it is expressed. It also explains some of the possible consequences of anger.

How to deal with anger (the ultimate anger management guide)

Anger Management

Some people have a tendency to become unreasonably angry.

In other words, they are not angry at the right things and with the right people. Instead, they become angry for what those around may see as ‘no reason’, and remain angry for much longer than is considered reasonable.

These people may need help to manage their anger. If this sounds like you, you may be able to achieve this by yourself, and our page on Anger Management provides some advice for self-help techniques, as well as information about how to work out if you need more help.

Our page on Anger Management Therapy explains what professional therapy can do to help you manage your anger.

You may find our Quiz How Angry are You? helpful to find out if your anger is reasonable or not.


Aggression is a complex subject. It is fair to say that what one person might think of as assertive behaviour can easily be interpreted by someone else as aggressive.

Our page What is Aggression? defines aggression, and sets out some of the types of aggressive behaviour. It also explains the signs of aggression, and why some people may become aggressive.

Our page on Dealing with Aggression explains how to cope when other people become aggressive. It explains that you need to remain calm: that the first line of defence is self-control. It also describes factors that can help to reduce aggression, and explains how you may be able to defuse aggressive situations through your behaviour.

The ‘Flip Side’
— Good Humour and Assertiveness

If anger and aggression are ‘bad things’, and we can probably agree that is usually the case, then what is the other side of the coin?

In other words, what are the good things, the virtues, that are associated with ‘not being angry’ and ‘not being aggressive’?

The first area that we would probably recognise as being ‘not angry’ is Being Good Tempered.В Good tempered people are pleasant and easy to get along with. They are often referred to as ‘even-tempered’, meaning that they are emotionally very well-balanced, and have good self-control.

Good tempered people do get angry, but only when it is right to do so.

The other area that is often associated with aggression, or thought of as its reverse, is Assertiveness. It is not strictly true that assertiveness is the opposite of aggression, but it can be helpful to think of aggressive, passive and assertive behaviour as three points of a triangle.

Assertive people stand up for themselves and others without becoming either passive or aggressive. They remain calm under pressure, and can get their point across without upsetting others or becoming upset.

Making Life Less Stressful

There is no doubt that anger and aggression can be very uncomfortable, whether you are the angry one, or the one on the receiving end.

Learning more about both can help you to manage yourself better, and ensure that you find situations involving either less stressful.

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Publisher Description

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Our conflicts got so bad that one day, my wife couldn’t take it anymore, and she took the kids with her and left me all on my own. Reality hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized in that moment that unless I figure out how to take control of my anger now, there was a very good chance my marriage and relationship with my kids would never be the same again.

So the next day. I woke up like a man on a mission. I looked at all the research I could find that could help me deal with my anger issues. I kept on pushing, and just when I was about to give up. I stumbled upon this secret that would be responsible for helping me win back the love of my life and bring our family closer than ever.

With the information inside this audiobook, you’ll discover:

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Tips for resolving conflicts in your family. this one literally saved my marriage!
How to stop getting angry so easily. and finally regain complete control of your life.
And many, many more!

I have seen this method work for thousands of people all across the world, regardless of how severe their anger issues were. And that is how I know the methods inside this audiobook really work for stopping your anger once and for all.

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How to deal with anger (the ultimate anger management guide)At some point in our lives most of us will have experienced anger. Rush hour travel, computer crashes and problematic relationships are all aspects of modern day living that can tip us over the edge. Yet, this powerful emotion is perfectly normal, just like feelings of happiness, fear and sadness and in most cases it stays within a natural and controlled range. In fact, anger is an integral aspect of our evolutionary make-up helping us to instinctively detect and respond to threatening situations, as well as acting as a powerful motivating force to change aspects of our lives that we are dissatisfied with. Given its part in keeping both body and mind ready for action, a number of physiological changes characterise anger, including faster heart beat, breathing rate and increases in temperature and perspiration.

However, anger can also be an emotion that can easily become out of control, causing both you and those around you considerable distress. In a survey conducted by the Mental Health Foundation, 28% of adults said that they worry about how angry they sometimes feel and 32% have a friend or relative who has problems dealing their anger. While there are many ways of expressing this emotion, including explosive “seeing red” or suppressed “bottled up” anger, this level and intensity of emotion can lead to serious physical and mental health problems including depression, anxiety, high blood pressure and lower immune system efficiency. However, by acknowledging you have an issue and by trying to understand anger and get the right help to start managing it, you have made a powerful and important first step to better health and happiness for both you and those around you.

How can I manage my anger – Is there anything I can do?

There are plenty of ways you can begin to deal more constructively with your anger. Taking small steps and with plenty of time and patience you will begin to see substantial changes in the way you react to stressful situations and in your happiness as a whole. Here are just a few ideas to get you started:

1. Recognising and Dealing with the symptoms of anger

Knowing the physical signs of anger is an important first step. You might feel your heart beating faster, your body tensing and your breathing rate becoming quicker. These are the first signs that you should try and leave the stressful situation thus giving yourself a chance to cool down and reduce the impulse to lash out. Counting to 10 is also a useful technique, along with trying to slow down your breathing rate by breathing out for longer than you breathe in. These techniques will help relax you and help you think more clearly.

2. Exercise

A more long term solution is exercise. Engaging in physical exercise is a fantastic way of not only releasing pent up frustration but will also reduce stress and improve your mood by releasing chemicals called endorphins which can lift your mood. It doesn’t have to be a gruelling body work out; it can be anything from running, to yoga and meditation. These activities can focus your mind away from the causes of anger, giving you time to think more clearly.

3. Healthy Diet and Plenty of Sleep

Food is a crucial aspect of maintaining positive mood. Chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters are greatly influenced by our food intake and by eating regularly and healthy we can maintain positive mood which can substantially aid how we deal with the stresses of modern life. Similarly, avoid alcohol and drugs. While many of us turn to these substances to relieve tensions, they can in fact lower our inhibitions which we need to stop us acting unacceptably when we are angry. Getting enough sleep is also a crucial factor in being able to relax and maintain positive mood.

4. Express yourself

Expressing your feelings can be a fantastic way of releasing build up tension, increase mood and give you the space and time to think more clearly. You can express yourself in a variety of different ways such as painting or dancing or by simply writing about what is making you angry thus purging it from your mind. You might also find talking to your friends and family a useful tool to help you get a different perspective on the situation.

5. Different ways of thinking

Instead of dwelling on thoughts such as “It’s not fair!”, “You never listen to me” or “You always do that”, try and let these negative thoughts go. These types of thoughts will keep you focused on whatever it is that is making you feel angry and will increase your stress levels and your ability to lash out.

Can I get help from a professional?

The techniques and changes mentioned above will take patience and time and so you may feel you need support from a professional to help you deal with your anger. Your GP will have details on local anger management courses or counselling that could help you.

Alternatively, there are a wide range of private counselling therapists who can help with anger issues and employ a variety of different therapies to suit you. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is just one of these therapies and is commonly used in anger management. Cognitive behavioural therapy focuses on changing the way you think about certain situations and focuses not only on your past but importantly how to improve your coping mechanisms for the future.

Finally, when choosing a therapist make sure they are registered with a professional organisation such as the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy and that the therapies on offer are right for you. Do your research and investigate what types of therapy are out there and whether you are comfortable participating in them.

Remember, remain hopeful! You have taken the first, most important step in overcoming your anger issues!

Harley Therapy’s team of Counselling Psychologists and Psychotherapists are available for Anger Management Counselling. Call 0845 474 1724.

How to deal with anger (the ultimate anger management guide)

Do you get angry easily? Do you wonder how to deal with anger?

According to a 2018 Gallup Poll, one in five Americans feels anger every day.

We tend to think about anger as a negative emotion but if we are able to manage it effectively it can lead us to a happier life.

Moreover, knowing what triggers our anger, will guide us toward issues that we need to figure out within ourselves or external problems that require a more effective solution.

However, if we just let all our anger come out it may end up like a dangerous outburst of verbal or physical aggression.

We all experience anger when things don’t go as expected or according to our desires.

Well, we all tend to get angry and frustrated at one point or another. As you might have discovered, small moments of frustration can swiftly mushroom into anger. With that in mind, even the most patient person can get irritated.

However, understanding the root cause of our anger will help us deal with anger outbursts in a healthy manner.

Let’s find out why we tend to feel so angry and how to deal with anger outbursts effectively.

What is Anger?

Anger is an emotion that can range from mild frustration to intense rage.

Anger is an essential part of life. When expressed appropriately, anger is both a healthy emotion and a physical reaction.

On the other hand, when expressed inappropriately, anger can interfere with our judgment and thought patterns. When this happens, we are likely to act irrationally or violently towards other people.

Why do We Feel Anger?

Reasons people get angry include:

  • Losing temper
  • Sexual and physical abuse
  • Lack of control
  • Injury
  • Loss of a significant other
  • Deployment
  • Job dispute
  • Fear
  • Misplaced expectations
  • Pain
  • Frustration

How to Deal with Anger Appropriately

1 – Create Space Between the Trigger and Your Reaction

When you start to feel irritated, frustrated, or upset with a person or situation, your heart rate and breathing may speed up.

When you notice that you are raising your voice, s top for a moment.

Instead of reacting, create some distance between you and the frustrating situation.

Distract your mind by:

  • Removing yourself from the situation

Go to a different room or place.

Take a few steps away from the situation to tell your mind that whatever happened is not really that important.

  • Counting to 10
  • Focusing on your breathing,

Become aware of your body and concentrate on slowly inhaling and exhaling.

Anger is often associated with panic. Therefore, deep and long breaths will help you relax and calm down. Be sure to breathe deep into your stomach.

  • Making a list

You can do a mental list or on a piece of paper write all the possible actions you could take. Maybe talking to someone, changing your attitude, or any other way you could get what you want.

  • Focusing on something that you like

Instead of giving your attention to the frustrating situation, lead your mind toward something positive such as spending time on the beach, in nature, or enjoying your loved ones.

2 – Journal

Writing is a powerful tool for dealing with emotions.

Putting on paper your feelings and reasons for your anger helps you to get your negative feelings out on paper and remove it from your mind.

Therefore, it is critical that you keep putting your thoughts down on paper until you feel relieved.

3 – Deal with Frustration

Dealing with emotional pain is necessary.

Therefore, having a conversation with the person who hurt you, preferably in the midst of a mediator, is critical to solve the issue that triggered your anger.

Even if that person fails to listen to you, sharing your feelings and thoughts will benefit you. Once you let out the pain, it is important that you let it go completely through forgiveness.

4 – Check your Expectations

Frustration is a major cause for anger. Dealing with frustration entails re-assessing your expectations. Are your expectations realistic? In essence, to avoid getting frustrated, your expectations should always be realistic.

Additionally, if those expectations are not fulfilled, it is important that you control how you react.

5 – Practice Gratitude

Even if you feel like your body is about to explode. Look around for everything you can be grateful for.

6 – Exercise

Exercise can help you release pent up anger from your head, thus allowing you to think clearly. Therefore, be sure to engage in intense exercises like dancing, swimming, boxing, running, or walking rigorously anytime you feel angry.

However, be sure not to over exercise as you might harm yourself physically.

7 – Become Self-aware

The secret to controlling your anger is self-awareness.

Self-awareness entails developing a daily habit of becoming conscious of your emotions.

With that in mind, you need to look within yourself and take responsibility for your emotions.

Do not allow other people to control how you react to anger.

8 – Practice Meditation

Meditation is an effective way of working on your angry emotions. Guided meditation for anger will teach you to be mindful of your emotions, and mindful of how you react to them.

9 – Listen to Music

Music can boost your mood and make you feel happier.

So, whenever you feel steamed up, listening to calming and uplifting songs will help you deal with anger appropriately.

10 – Share your Thoughts and Feelings

Instead of bottling up your emotions share them with someone who will understand your feelings. You may also share your thoughts with yourself in the mirror, with a pet, or imaginary person.

It is important to release the tension you are feeling inside through words and trying to make sense out of the frustrating situation.

What do you do when you feel angry or frustrated? Are there situations that regularly frustrate you?

Most people don’t know how to deal with anger when technology doesn’t work.

What do you do when the internet connection is slow or your phone or computer don’t work properly? Let me know in the comments below.

What Is Anger?

Anger is a very powerful emotion that can stem from feelings of frustration, hurt, annoyance, or disappointment. It is a normal human emotion that can range from slight irritation to strong rage.

What Are the Dangers of Suppressed Anger?

Suppressed anger can be an underlying cause of anxiety and depression. Anger that is not appropriately expressed can disrupt relationships, affect thinking and behavior patterns, and create a variety of physical problems. Chronic (long-term) anger has been linked to health issues such as high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders, and digestive problems. In addition, anger can be linked to problems such as crime, emotional and physical abuse, and other violent behavior.

What Steps Can I Take to Help Manage Anger?

  • When you start feeling angry, try deep breathing, positive self-talk, or stopping your angry thoughts. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as “relax” or “take it easy.” Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply until the anger subsides.
  • Although expressing anger is better than keeping it in, anger should be expressed in an appropriate way. Frequent outbursts of anger are often counter-productive and cause problems in relationships with others. Anger outbursts are also stressful to your nervous and cardiovascular systems and can make health problems worse. Learning how to use assertiveness is the healthy way to express your feelings, needs, and preferences. Being assertive can be used in place of using anger in these situations.
  • Seek out the support of others. Talk through your feelings and try to work on changing your behaviors.
  • If you have trouble realizing when you are having angry thoughts, keep a log of when you feel angry.
  • Try to gain a different perspective by putting yourself in another’s place.
  • Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations.
  • Practice good listening skills. Listening can help improve communication and can facilitate trusting feelings between people. This trust can help you deal with potentially hostile emotions.
  • Learn to assert yourself, expressing your feelings calmly and directly without becoming defensive, hostile, or emotionally charged. Consult self-help books on assertiveness or seek help from a professional therapist to learn how to use assertiveness and anger management skills.

What Else Can I Do to Deal With My Anger in a Healthy Way?

If you believe that your anger is out of control and is having a negative affect on your life and relationships, seek the help of a mental health professional. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you to develop techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior. A mental health professional can help you to deal with your anger in an appropriate way. Choose your therapist carefully and make sure to seek treatment from a professional who is trained to teach anger management and assertiveness skills.


American Psychological Association: ”Controlling anger before it controls you.”