How to deal with haters and jealous people

Jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s human nature. It’s natural to feel jealous from time to time.

Jealousy becomes problematic “when we act out in jealousy or we wallow in it,” said Christina Hibbert, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Flagstaff, Ariz.

It becomes problematic when it starts to consume you and “creeps into every aspect of your life,” said Kathy Morelli, LPC, a psychotherapist with a marriage and family counseling practice in Wayne, N.J. And you find yourself feeling bitter and angry often, she said.

One of the most common types of jealousy is romantic jealousy, she said. We also tend to feel jealous about others’ successes, strengths, lifestyles and relationships, Hibbert said.

For instance, we might believe someone’s life is much easier or more comfortable than ours. “We see only the good in their life and only the ‘bad’ in ours.” Or we might believe our best friend has a better relationship with another friend.

Social networking sites – such as Facebook – also can trigger jealousy. “[T]oday our online and offline worlds overlap, so there’s a lot more confusion and complexity in relationships and more ways to compare ourselves to others,” Morelli said.

Insecurity often underlies jealousy. “We feel threatened, or less than or not good enough,” Hibbert said. “[W]e fear that someone else’s strengths mean something negative about us.”

(Jealously also may be the result of your earlier experiences . But more on that later.)

Below, you’ll find general tips for dealing with jealousy, along with specific suggestions for jealousy in romantic relationships.

Tips for Romantic Relationships

Assess your relationship.

“The best way to overcome jealousy is to first take a look at your romantic relationship,” Morelli said. For instance, consider if your relationship is built on trust, respect and love, and if your partner’s behavior reflects their words, she said.

Are they honest with you? If they’re not, naturally, this can trigger or perpetuate your insecurities, said Morelli, also author of the books BirthTouch® for Pregnant and Postpartum Couples, Perinatal Mental Illness for Childbirth Professionals, and Healing for Parents in the NICU.

“If you are in an insecure relationship, expect to have your jealousy buttons pushed. But no one can tell you what to do. If you stay, most likely you’ll feel bad and jealous sometimes.”

Assess yourself.

If you’re in a secure and solid relationship, and you’re still feeling jealous, look at yourself and explore your own experiences.

“Research on the subject of jealousy in a romantic relationship indicates that a person’s basic attachment style underlies their tendencies towards jealous reactions,” Morelli said.

People who developed secure attachments in their early years – between themselves and their caregivers – tend to be less jealous and dependent, have higher self-esteem and have less feelings of inadequacy than people with an insecure attachment style, she said.

Morelli suggested asking yourself these questions:

  • “Do you have a pervasive feeling of emptiness or lack of self-worth?
  • How was your relationship with your early caregivers?
  • Was the atmosphere in your home warm and loving sometimes, but also critical?
  • Were you raised in a repressive atmosphere?
  • Were your early caregivers unreliable?”

Attachment style is malleable, she said. Later experiences and circumstances can influence your style. For instance, a skilled therapist can help you build self-esteem and work through your concerns.

Seek out other support.

Have interests outside your relationship, Morelli said. Talk to a friend about your jealous feelings, “but don’t do this to the exclusion of talking to your partner.”

General Tips

Recognize your jealousy.

“When we name the jealousy, it loses its power, because we are no longer letting it shame us,” Hibbert said. Acknowledging that you’re jealous opens the door to learning, she said.

Learn from your jealousy.

We can use feelings of jealousy as inspiration to grow, said Hibbert, also author of the book This is How We Grow. For instance, you realize that the reason you get jealous every time your friend plays her guitar is because that’s also something you’d like to do. Rather than wallowing in that jealousy, you sign up for guitar lessons, she said.

Let it go.

Tell yourself that you don’t need this emotion in your life, and you’re relinquishing it, Hibbert said. Then “breathe deeply, and imagine it flowing through you like the wind. Repeat as often as it takes to truly let it go.”

Manage your emotions healthfully.

“Practice mindfulness to calm your runaway emotions,” Morelli said. For instance, she suggested readers tune into your body to identify how you’re feeling, take several deep breaths and try to detach from the intensity of those emotions.

If your jealousy involves your romantic relationship, share your feelings with your partner after you calm down, she said.

To process your emotions, she also suggested journaling, dancing to your favorite music and taking a walk.

Remind yourself of your positive traits.

Hibbert gave this example: “She is really good at playing with her kids, and I’m not so good. But I’m great at reading to them, and they love that about me.” This reminds us that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, she said.

Again, jealousy is a normal reaction. It becomes problematic when it becomes persistent. When you find yourself feeling jealous, recognize what’s happening and delve deeper into your relationships and yourself.

Bible verses about haters

As Christians we are to always be humble and never brag about anything, but there are some people without you even bragging who might be jealous of your achievements.

Hating and bitterness is a sin and can be brought on by getting a new job or promotion, buying a new house, buying a new car, relationships, and even something like giving to charity can bring haters.

How to deal with haters and jealous people

There are four types of haters. There are the ones who criticize you and find a fault for everything you do out of jealousy. The ones who try to make you look bad in front of others.

The ones who purposely bring you down so you won’t succeed instead of helping you and there are the haters who hate behind your back and destroy your good name with slander. Most of the time haters are the closest people to you. Let’s learn more.

Reasons people hate.

  • You have something that they don’t.
  • They need to put you down to feel good about themselves.
  • They want to be the center of attention.
  • They are bitter about something.
  • They lose sight of contentment.
  • They stop counting their blessings and start counting the blessings of others.

Quote

  • “Haters will see you walk on water and say it’s because you can’t swim.”

How to not be a hater?

1. 1 Peter 2:1-2 Therefore, rid yourselves of every kind of evil and deception, hypocrisy, jealousy, and every kind of slander. Like newborn babies, thirst for the pure milk of the word so that by it you may grow in your salvation.

2. Proverbs 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

3. Ephesians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.

4. Galatians 5:25-26 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

5. Romans 1:29 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness , evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips.

Things haters do.

6. Proverbs 26:24-26 A hateful person disguises himself with his speech and harbors deceit within. When he speaks graciously, don’t believe him , for there are seven abominations in his heart. Though his hatred is concealed by deception , his evil will be revealed in the assembly.

7. Psalm 41:6 When someone comes to visit, he pretends to be friendly ; he thinks of ways to defame me, and when he leaves he slanders me.

8. Psalm 12:2 Neighbors lie to each other, speaking with flattering lips and deceitful hearts.

Many times haters hate for no reason.

9. Psalm 38:19 M any have become my enemies without cause ; those who hate me without reason are numerous.

10. Psalm 69:4 Those who hate me without reason outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal.

11. Psalm 109:3 They e ncircle me with words of hate, and attack me without cause.

When hating doesn’t work they start telling lies.

12. Proverbs 11:9 With his mouth the godless man would destroy his neighbor , but by knowledge the righteous are delivered.

13. Proverbs 16:28 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

14. Psalm 109:2 for people who are wicked and deceitful have opened their mouths against me; they have spoken against me with lying tongues.

15. Proverbs 10:18 The one who conceals hatred has lying lips , and whoever utters slander is a fool.

Do not be envious of people who do wrong.

16. Proverbs 24:1 Be not envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them

17. Proverbs 23:17 Don’t envy sinners, but always continue to fear the LORD.

18. Psalm 37:7 Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

Dealing with them.

19. Proverbs 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

20. 1 Peter 3:16 Having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.

21. Ephesians 4:32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

22. 1 Peter 3:9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

23. Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

Examples

24. Mark 15:7-11 There was one named Barabbas, who was in prison with rebels who had committed murder during the rebellion. The crowd came up and began to ask Pilate to do for them as was his custom. So Pilate answered them, “Do you want me to release the King of the Jews for you?” For he knew it was because of envy that the chief priests had handed Him over. But the chief priests stirred up the crowd so that he would release Barabbas to them instead.

25. 1 Samuel 18:6-9 As the troops were coming back, when David was returning from killing the Philistine, the women came out from all the cities of Israel to meet King Saul, singing and dancing with tambourines, with shouts of joy, and with three-stringed instruments. As they celebrated, the women sang: Saul has killed his thousands, but David his tens of thousands. Saul was furious and resented this song. “ They credited tens of thousands to David,” he complained, “but they only credited me with thousands. What more can he have but the kingdom?” So Saul watched David jealously from that day forward.

How to deal with haters and jealous people

“Haters’ gonna hate, hate, hate” song lyrics pop into my mind when I think about jealousy. This song takes on jealousy and haters in a light hearted way; to simply shake it off. However, it’s not that easy to shake off haters and jealousy. We all have a tendency to take negative comments to heart, even when we don’t know the person well. Everyone deals with haters and jealous people. Even Mother Theresa had criticism and hatred directed at her. It doesn’t matter who you are or what positive influence you are trying to make it the world; haters will always exist. Nobody is exempt from jealousy and hatred from others, we are all subject to its cruelty during life.

It can hurt even more to have a friend who is jealous, because the actions and emotional expressions of a jealous person are not kind or loving. When it comes from a friend or loved one, we take it more personally. However, you need to understand that their jealousy is caused by their own underlying issues and it is not your fault.

Most jealousy is rooted in feelings of inadequacy.

The person sees something in you or another person that makes them feel that they aren’t as good. It could be real or imagined, but the feelings of inadequacy are projected through negative thoughts or actions. Jealousy emerges as a reaction or solution to those feelings of inadequacy. For example, a woman may be jealous of her friend who makes more money, has a nice car, and designer clothing. Rather than being happy for her friend’s success this woman feels that her income, car, and clothing are inadequate by comparison. She may feel like a failure in life because her success is not even on the same scale as her friend and they graduated at the same time with the same degree.
Instead of dealing with these underlying feelings of inadequacy, the jealousy turns into little digs and insults when they are together. The jealous friend makes comments such as “it must be nice to get a new car every two years” and “wow, that purse must have cost enough to feed a small village for a month”. Those comments that are coming out of jealousy may make the jealous friend feel better momentarily, but they don’t address the underlying feelings of inadequacy and thus the jealousy will continue until the problem is addressed.

Even if the jealous friend begins making more money, or gets a better car and clothing, she will find a new friend to be jealous toward or something else with the existing friend to be jealous about, because the inadequacy is the driving force. Jealousy is a powerful force.

However, there are ways for a person to handle a jealous person that can help disarm a jealous person or prevent oneself from being exposed to jealous comments and actions. There is not a one size fits all solution to dealing with jealousy and hatred. Each situation is unique and needs to be handled accordingly. Below are some tips on how to deal with jealous and hateful people.

Delete, delete, delete

The era of social media has made it increasingly easy for people to hide behind their computer screen to hurl insults and jabs at people they know or even do not know. Much of these insults are coming from the person’s jealousy which is based on their own feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction with their own lives. They take to social media and they have a protected platform by which they can insult others.

There is power in the delete button. If someone is saying something negative about you on your personal page or forum then delete their comments. If their behavior persists, then unfriend or block the person. If you don’t have the ability to delete their comments, then block the person, so you don’t have to subject yourself to their comments. They will no longer be able to see you in the online forum, so they will have to turn their jealous comments and hatred toward someone else.

You don’t have to tolerate online bullies. Delete them, to prevent yourself to being further subject to someone else’s jealousy that is based on their own insecurities. This is especially helpful if the person is not related to you or is simply an acquaintance. If it is a person in your life that you feel you cannot block on social media then you need to talk to the person about the issue head on.

Take the Issue head on

There are times when you cannot delete or avoid the comments of a jealous individual. No matter how you try to disarm the person by changing the subject, it doesn’t stop them. In those situations, the best option is to talk with them about what is happening.

Do not approach them at a time when you are angry, such as when an altercation or bout of jealousy has just occurred. Talk to them when you can be completely calm, rational, and you know what you want to say. Have your comments ready before you approach the person, so you know your talking points and have thought about their possible reactions. Talk to them in a way that you would want to be talked to, using kindness and empathy.

For example, if your co-worker is always calling out your mistakes in front of your boss, then approaching your colleague by saying “why the heck are you throwing me under the bus in front of the boss all the time?” may not cause a nice reaction. Approaching the person in such an abrupt and rude way is likely to cause a defensive reaction that will be equally if not more unkind. Instead, chose a kinder approach and you are more likely to get a response that seeks to understand where you are coming from and they are also more likely to recognize how you are feeling. Such a statement you could use in this example would be “I feel bad when you tell the boss things that I do wrong and it is affecting our working relationship, which I want to be a positive relationship”.

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone that hates peaches.” – Dita Von Teese

I know what you’re thinking. What could the Bible possibly have to do with haters. But yes, haters have been around for a very long time. Jesus had plenty of haters and the Bible gives clear instructions on how to handle them:

1. Do Nothing

Luke 21:17-19 – Everyone will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. Stand firm, and you will win life.

Everyone experiences hate and bitterness at some point in their life. Whether it’s from friends, family, or coworkers, it happens to the best of us. As Christians, we are called to live in ways that many won’t understand. Jesus warned us that we would be hated. But he tells us to stand firm and do nothing. Luke 21:19 even goes as far as saying that we will win life. As hard as it may be, stand firm now to win later.

How to deal with haters and jealous people

2. Don’t Hate Them Back

1 Peter 3:9 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

It’s so easy to want to fight back or say the perfect comeback when someone disrespects you or your beliefs. But nothing good comes from payback. After all, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”. The Bible tells us that we will obtain blessings after we bless those that hurt us.

3. Don’t Try To Figure Out Why

Psalm 38:19 Many have become my enemies without cause; those who hate me without reason are numerous.

I know from personal experience that you can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why someone dislikes you. I wish I could go back in time and read this verse to my younger self. Some people will hate you for no reason and we need to learn to be okay with that. Focus your efforts on living your best life instead of wasting them trying to justify someone’s hate.

How to deal with haters and jealous people

4. Forgive Them

Ephesians 4:32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

No matter how close you are to God, you spend every day living in sin. God loves you so much that He forgives every single sin and He doesn’t look at you any differently. Ephesians 4:32 makes it clear that God wants us to be kind to others and forgive them like God has forgiven us. He never said forgiving our haters would be easy, but he did tell us it’s necessary.

5. Bless Them

Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

Lastly, bless your haters. Every person you meet was put into your life for a reason. Some are here to bless you while some are here to test you. The next time your character is tested by someone, go out of your way to bless them and God will bless you in return.

6 comments

Thank you for the heads up. Some people will hate us because they are struggling to love themselves. I pray they get deliverance.

Good explanation. I was in worry this morning due a person talk about Christianity. But now I ll pray for him continually 👍

This man that I figured out just married me, because I was a loving and giving person to him, his mother

This article has blessed me. I will begin by practicing the do nothing about the haters and bless them (haters) points right away

So profound. Been struggling trying to understand why I have haters. Now I can focus on what is important other than wasting my time on what I cant control. Thanks Jesus

“Haters’ gonna hate, hate, hate” song lyrics pop into my mind when I think about jealousy. This song takes on jealousy and haters in a light hearted way; to simply shake it off. However, it’s not that easy to shake off haters and jealousy. We all have a tendency to take negative comments to heart, even when we don’t know the person well. Everyone deals with haters and jealous people. Even Mother Theresa had criticism and hatred directed at her. It doesn’t matter who you are or what positive influence you are trying to make it the world; haters will always exist. Nobody is exempt from jealousy and hatred from others, we are all subject to its cruelty during life.

It can hurt even more to have a friend who is jealous, because the actions and emotional expressions of a jealous person are not kind or loving. When it comes from a friend or loved one, we take it more personally. However, you need to understand that their jealousy is caused by their own underlying issues and it is not your fault.

Most jealousy is rooted in feelings of inadequacy

The person sees something in you or another person that makes them feel that they aren’t as good. It could be real or imagined, but the feelings of inadequacy are projected through negative thoughts or actions. Jealousy emerges as a reaction or solution to those feelings of inadequacy. For example, a woman may be jealous of her friend who makes more money, has a nice car, and designer clothing. Rather than being happy for her friend’s success this woman feels that her income, car, and clothing are inadequate by comparison. She may feel like a failure in life because her success is not even on the same scale as her friend and they graduated at the same time with the same degree.

Instead of dealing with these underlying feelings of inadequacy, the jealousy turns into little digs and insults when they are together. The jealous friend makes comments such as “it must be nice to get a new car every two years” and “wow, that purse must have cost enough to feed a small village for a month”. Those comments that are coming out of jealousy may make the jealous friend feel better momentarily, but they don’t address the underlying feelings of inadequacy and thus the jealousy will continue until the problem is addressed.

Even if the jealous friend begins making more money, or gets a better car and clothing, she will find a new friend to be jealous toward or something else with the existing friend to be jealous about, because the inadequacy is the driving force. Jealousy is a powerful force.

However, there are ways for a person to handle a jealous person that can help disarm a jealous person or prevent oneself from being exposed to jealous comments and actions. There is not a one size fits all solution to dealing with jealousy and hatred. Each situation is unique and needs to be handled accordingly. Below are some tips on how to deal with jealous and hateful people.

Delete, delete, delete

The era of social media has made it increasingly easy for people to hide behind their computer screen to hurl insults and jabs at people they know or even do not know. Much of these insults are coming from the person’s jealousy which is based on their own feelings of inadequacy or dissatisfaction with their own lives. They take to social media and they have a protected platform by which they can insult others.

There is power in the delete button. If someone is saying something negative about you on your personal page or forum then delete their comments. If their behavior persists, then unfriend or block the person. If you don’t have the ability to delete their comments, then block the person, so you don’t have to subject yourself to their comments. They will no longer be able to see you in the online forum, so they will have to turn their jealous comments and hatred toward someone else.

You don’t have to tolerate online bullies. Delete them, to prevent yourself to being further subject to someone else’s jealousy that is based on their own insecurities. This is especially helpful if the person is not related to you or is simply an acquaintance. If it is a person in your life that you feel you cannot block on social media then you need to talk to the person about the issue head on.

Take the Issue head on

There are times when you cannot delete or avoid the comments of a jealous individual. No matter how you try to disarm the person by changing the subject, it doesn’t stop them. In those situations, the best option is to talk with them about what is happening.

Do not approach them at a time when you are angry, such as when an altercation or bout of jealousy has just occurred. Talk to them when you can be completely calm, rational, and you know what you want to say. Have your comments ready before you approach the person, so you know your talking points and have thought about their possible reactions. Talk to them in a way that you would want to be talked to, using kindness and empathy.

For example, if your co-worker is always calling out your mistakes in front of your boss, then approaching your colleague by saying “why the heck are you throwing me under the bus in front of the boss all the time?” may not cause a nice reaction. Approaching the person in such an abrupt and rude way is likely to cause a defensive reaction that will be equally if not more unkind. Instead, chose a kinder approach and you are more likely to get a response that seeks to understand where you are coming from and they are also more likely to recognize how you are feeling. Such a statement you could use in this example would be “I feel bad when you tell the boss things that I do wrong and it is affecting our working relationship, which I want to be a positive relationship”.

Taking on the issue of jealousy head on is especially important when it comes to family and close relationships. You want to improve those relationships, so let the person know that you are coming to them for that reason.

Remind yourself that it’s them and not you

Take a step back and pause when you are getting treated unfairly because of someone’s jealousy. Remind yourself that it is not you that has the problem, it is them. Their jealousy and underlying issues are causing them to act this way. Try not to take it personally. It is easier said than done. However, if you do pause and take the time to analyze why they may be acting jealous, you can begin to understand what may be motivating their behaviors, which then makes it easier to digest the circumstance.

This compilation was released by Lorena López Professional Translator, Angelic coaching, Librarian, Feng Shui Consultant and EFt therapist.

How to deal with haters and jealous people

I haven’t always had thick skin. When I was young, like many others, I was bullied. I moved around a lot as a kid. Being a new arrival and awkward looking while I was growing up (who am I kidding? I’m still awkward looking) didn’t earn me any hall passes from the bullies. But as hard as it was, I wouldn’t trade my upbringing for anything. Without the lonely lunches in cafeterias, being picked on during recesses, and mockery from insecure and unhappy people, I wouldn’t be who I am today. This Walt Disney quote sums it up pretty well:

All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.

So how do my childhood and Walt Disney relate to dealing with haters and negativity as it pertains to business, social media, and life in general? Well, first and foremost I began developing a strong sense of self and a thick skin at a young age. And as I got older, I began to understand that negative people are simply unhappy with their own lives and circumstances. That’s a great step in helping put their comments or criticism in perspective.

Now, I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy to ignore these people. I still get an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach when someone sends me an angry email, tweet, YouTube comment, etc. I’m not immune to it, but I also don’t let it ruin my day and you shouldn’t either. Here are three ways I deal with haters.

You know that woman at your office, the one who makes your life difficult by leaving you out of important meetings or undercutting you in front of your boss?

If you have no idea what we’re talking about, let us bring you up to speed: She’s a mean girl.

“A mean girl at work is a woman who practices some form of covert competition or indirect aggression toward another woman,” says Katherine Crowley, psychotherapist and co-author of “Mean Girls at Work: How to Stay Professional When Things Get Personal.”

We spoke with Crowley and co-author Kathi Elster, a management consultant and executive coach, to get the lowdown on what really motivates these mean girls—and, more importantly, how you should handle them.

LearnVest: Why did you become interested in this topic?

Kathi: A client asked us to give a lecture to women in technology about “women haters.” We were like, “What is that?” She meant women who aren’t very nice to other women. When we started talking to clients about this concept, we realized that a lot of women had been through this. We gave that lecture to a packed room, and we could just see from their faces that we had hit a nerve.

Katherine: When you look at the statistics—women comprise 50% of the workforce, and get 70% of advanced degrees—it became obvious that today’s professional woman is likely to manage, report to or at least work with other women. So this is the time to offer concrete solutions to the dynamics that might arise from this situation.

What motivates a mean girl?

Katherine: It comes from internal conflict—wanting everyone to be your friend versus needing to compete with other women at work. I may really like someone, but I can be extremely jealous if she gets promoted, and then be tempted to put her down when she tries to tell me what to do.

How is a mean woman at work different from a mean man?

Kathi: Men, by nature, are more comfortable with competition, so they compete overtly. Then, at the end of the day, they go out for a beer. Women hold resentments, and carry the pain inflicted by a mean girl—maybe even for the rest of their careers. It’s the wiring of our brains, so we need to [learn to] depersonalize it, and think of our coworkers as “friendly,” but not “friends.”

Have either of you ever had to deal with a mean girl at work?

Kathi: While writing this book, I found myself often saying, “I’ve done that,” or “That’s been done to me.” The biggest breakthrough was when I took our “no gossip challenge” for a month. I started by telling everyone around me that this is what I was going to do—and I quickly learned which people tried to draw me back in, and the people who respected it. By the end of the 30 days, gossip felt disgusting to me.

Katherine: I recognized that there are types of women who bring out my own mean girl. When women are rude to me, I’ll be mean right back. Or if someone asks me unending questions, I’ll snap at them. I learned that, while I consider myself to be a fairly nice person, there are women who bring out the darker side of my behavior—and my challenge is to take the high road.

What’s your best advice for dealing with a mean girl at work?

Kathi: Do not counterattack. Whether someone gave you a dirty look or critiqued you in front of other colleagues, the natural reaction is to attack back. But the best thing to do is take time to cool off, so you can react in a professional manner.

Katherine: Women are processors, so you’ll need to find a way to process what happened. Release those negative feelings through exercise or talk to a trusted friend or advisor outside of work. Then you’ll need to look for a way to solve the problem professionally—without getting into a personal battle.

What if the mean girl is your boss?

Katherine: Make the most of your current position for your resume, but also find ways to get out and meet other people in your industry, so you can build bridges that will take you to the next opportunity—to a better place.

Are there fewer or more mean girls at work these days?

Kathi: There are more because there are more girls in the workplace. We love women, and we’re big supporters of them in the workplace, but this is just a dark side to working with women. Not everyone exhibits mean girl behavior—but we’re all capable.

We’re giving one lucky reader a copy of “Mean Girls at Work.” Just head over to our Facebook page, and answer this question: What’s your best advice for dealing with a mean girl at work?

This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist, Author, and TV/radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in individual and couples’ relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. As an author, she received a Next Generation Indie Book Award for her book “Thriving with ADHD: A Workbook for Kids” and also wrote “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband”. Kelli was a host on LA Talk Radio, a relationship expert for The Examiner, and speaks globally. You can also see her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy, and her website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

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Everyone feels a little jealous once in a while—maybe someone was acting a little flirty with your partner, or maybe your best friend has been having a lot of fun with a new coworker. However, if jealous thoughts become really intrusive, it can actually drive a wedge between you and the person you want to be closest to. To save the relationship and get some peace of mind, take some time to sort through your feelings before you act on them.

How to deal with haters and jealous people

No matter how well you live your life and treat other people, haters gonna hate on you regardless. Today’s article shares 10 ways on how to deal with them effectively.

In this article:

How to deal with haters and jealous people

  1. Know That It’s Not Always Because of You
  2. Realize That Sometimes, You’re the Reason
  3. Stay Still for at Least 24 Hours
  4. Remember the 1/3 Rule
  5. Remove Your Haters
  6. If You Can, Just Forgive and Let Go
  7. You Don’t Really Need to Know
  8. As Much as Possible, Don’t Fight the Hate
  9. Remember That Haters Look Stupid Because They Are
  10. Let Time Heal Your Hater-Wounds

Haters Gonna Hate – Here’s How to Deal with Them

Why Do People Hate?

People hate for an infinite number of reasons. But there are two general reasons:

  • What other people said or did
  • Personal reasons

Chances are you’ll have your own share of haters in this life. The only question is how much they’re gonna hate on you.

Accepting the fact that there’ll always be reasons for people to possibly hate on you will help you deal with them effectively. Here are 10 ways you can do that.

1. Know That It’s Not Always Because of You

How to deal with haters and jealous people
Haters gonna hate but it’s not always because of something you said or did. Many times, it’s because of something personal to them.

One belief many consider cliché, is that fear is behind every person’s anger. In other words, your haters are afraid of something, which you or what you said or did may have struck on.

Take for example people who are angry at certain sports teams or celebrities. Prior to losing the previous NBA Finals, the Golden State Warriors had a lot of haters.

The Warriors were in the NBA Finals for five straight years, which meant no other Western Conference teams got the chance to win the NBA championship. Prior to the start of the last five NBA seasons, the Warriors were all but considered the champions, denying fans of other teams the opportunity to hope and celebrate.

So next time you’re in a situation involving haters, you can better ignore or respectfully dismiss by recognizing that they’re probably acting out of a deep-seated emotion, like fear or sometimes, even jealousy.

2. Realize That Sometimes, You’re the Reason

Nobody’s perfect, not even you. As such, the reason why you’ve got haters is because of you, whether a characteristic, behavior, or something you said.

Haters gonna hate on you because of something they don’t like about you that isn’t necessarily wrong, so here’s a hack. Simply take note and acknowledge it.

For example, somebody gives you a hard time about your squeaky voice. It’s neither right nor wrong but it simply gives that person a reason to give you a hard time.

Acknowledging it can help you separate that from the continuous chatter in your head and put it in a separate place. From there, you can objectively deal with it by, say, taking voice modulation lessons later on.

If somebody hates on you because you did or said something that’s really offensive or wrong, be humble. Just acknowledge you offended the person and apologize to him or her for it, which will probably win him or her over.

3. Stay Still for at Least 24 Hours

When someone hates on you, e.g., does or says something that really gets under your skin, don’t respond immediately. Or if you really must, then do so after at least 24 hours.

Why? Responding immediately means acting at the top of your emotions, which is the worst state to be in when responding to an offense.

When you wait for at least 24 hours to respond, two things can happen.

One, your emotions would’ve substantially gone down, giving you more clarity and objectivity when you respond. Two, your emotions may have subsided so much to the point you can afford to just let the offense go and keep the issue from escalating.

4. Remember the 1/3 Rule

How to deal with haters and jealous people
Creative people who publicly express themselves are some of the most “hated” people on earth. This is because creative endeavors are very subjective, which means one creative expression can please one person, displease another, and have no effect on another.

Knowing that people will either love, hate, or be apathetic towards you or what you do can help you deal with your haters much better. Just do what you love doing, give it your best, and simply put other people’s comments in one of three categories:

  • Lovers
  • Haters
  • Apathetic

5. Remove Your Haters

Many people will disagree with you and what you do over the remaining course of your life. That’s just the way it is.

One of the simplest ways to deal with them is by removing them. And by that, I don’t mean assassinating them or shoving them forcefully into a closet, where they’ll die from asphyxiation.

If haters hate on you by commenting nastily on the Internet, simply delete their comments. It’s your space and it’s your content so you have all the right to choose which comments stay and go.

If your haters are actual people you work or live with, removing them simply means taking some time away from them. If it’s not entirely possible, like if your hater’s your boss, minimize your interactions with him or her until your emotions have subsided enough.