How to deal with the 15 most common marriage problems

How to deal with the 15 most common marriage problems

Relationships are complicated. For any marriage or long-term relationship to work, you have to spend a lot of time with that person and make a concerted effort to understand their needs and communicate your own in an open, collaborative, and productive manner.

At the same time, it’s common for even the healthiest, most connected and deeply in love couples to fight, have controversies and refrain from communicating from time to time when problems and issues arise.

The most important thing to remember is that no relationship is perfect.

Relationship and marriage problems may surface, but this doesn’t mean you have to stop fighting in order to live a happy life together.

All couples go through similar problems, and learning how to fix a relationship with some simple solutions can help you get back on the right track.

Here are 7 of the most common issues and problems men and women in marriages and long-term relationships face, along with simple solutions for how to fix each one.

1. Lack of communication

An unhealthy relationship is one in which couples fail to communicate. Do not make the mistake of thinking that your partner knows what you are feeling. No one is psychic, so you need to express your feelings in a clear manner.

Solution: Avoid aggressive communication, as this will have quite the opposite effect. Sit down with your partner and tell them how you feel, without placing the blame on them.

2. Constant criticism

Perfectionists have a difficult time being in a relationship. They are tempted to see their partner’s flaws and criticize them for anything they are not doing to their standards.

While a little bit of criticism can do wonders and motivate your partner, constant nagging will only cause the two of you to drift further apart.

Solution: What you want to do is change your perspective and appreciate your partner for all the things they do well.

3. Fighting over chores

As adults, we no longer have our parents to handle the difficult things for us. In a relationship, chores are among the most common subjects of disputes, especially when both partners are working long hours.

When the work is unequally divided, you might feel mistreated and, thus, more inclined to fight.

Solution: A chore calendar is an obvious solution to the problem, with each partner handling a number of different chores each week.

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4. Work/personal life balance

While your career is important to you, this does not mean you should neglect your personal life. Workaholics have a difficult time staying in a relationship, as they are rather married to their job and have the tendency to ignore their partner.

Solution: Make some sacrifices and try to maintain an adequate balance between your work and personal life. At the same time, if you feel like your partner does the same thing, be sure to talk about your feelings. Do not hide them away, or you will end up bursting at the wrong moment.

5. Cheating

It goes without saying that cheating is a serious red flag, leading to separation and even divorce.

Solution: The best thing is to talk openly about your relationship and find smart solutions to solve dissatisfaction. It is said that no one cheats just because they want to — partners might feel ignored, mistreated, or no longer loved. Pay attention to your partner, show your feelings, and communicate about what’s bothering you, so cheating won’t be a thing to worry about.

6. The right moment to become parents

Not all couples want children. But those who do often end up fighting about the right moment to become parents. Open communication always has a positive effect on a relationship, so you need to tell your partner exactly what you are feeling.

Solution: If you consider that you want to wait, be sure to provide sound reasons. On the other hand, if you feel like they are not prepared, discuss the reasons behind such feelings. Do not spend your time trying to decipher your partner. You will end up frustrated and, thus, create more distance between the two of you.

7. Money

Financial difficulties can place an additional strain on relationships. You will fight all the time about expenses and place the blame on your partner for spending too much.

Solution: Stop fighting and blaming one another first, as this will only cause you to fight even more. Then, as responsible adults, organize a budget to cover your expenses and take simple measures to cut back. Shop with a list, avoid sales and do not go overboard with personal expenses. As soon as you’re back on track financially, reward yourselves with a little something.

These are some of the most common relationship problems all couples go through, so if you’re dealing with one or more of these with your partner, you’re not alone.

But in order to learn how to fix your relationship problems and overcome these issues, what matters is that you communicate in an open manner, trying to find the most efficient solutions together. Blaming your partner, criticizing or condescension is never the solution.

Open communication and love are the two foundation stones on which all relationships are based. Love your partner and tell them how you feel. It is as simple as that.

How to deal with the 15 most common marriage problems

Relationships are complicated. For any marriage or long-term relationship to work, you have to spend a lot of time with that person and make a concerted effort to understand their needs and communicate your own in an open, collaborative, and productive manner.

At the same time, it’s common for even the healthiest, most connected and deeply in love couples to fight, have controversies and refrain from communicating from time to time when problems and issues arise.

The most important thing to remember is that no relationship is perfect.

Relationship and marriage problems may surface, but this doesn’t mean you have to stop fighting in order to live a happy life together.

All couples go through similar problems, and learning how to fix a relationship with some simple solutions can help you get back on the right track.

Here are 7 of the most common issues and problems men and women in marriages and long-term relationships face, along with simple solutions for how to fix each one.

1. Lack of communication

An unhealthy relationship is one in which couples fail to communicate. Do not make the mistake of thinking that your partner knows what you are feeling. No one is psychic, so you need to express your feelings in a clear manner.

Solution: Avoid aggressive communication, as this will have quite the opposite effect. Sit down with your partner and tell them how you feel, without placing the blame on them.

2. Constant criticism

Perfectionists have a difficult time being in a relationship. They are tempted to see their partner’s flaws and criticize them for anything they are not doing to their standards.

While a little bit of criticism can do wonders and motivate your partner, constant nagging will only cause the two of you to drift further apart.

Solution: What you want to do is change your perspective and appreciate your partner for all the things they do well.

3. Fighting over chores

As adults, we no longer have our parents to handle the difficult things for us. In a relationship, chores are among the most common subjects of disputes, especially when both partners are working long hours.

When the work is unequally divided, you might feel mistreated and, thus, more inclined to fight.

Solution: A chore calendar is an obvious solution to the problem, with each partner handling a number of different chores each week.

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4. Work/personal life balance

While your career is important to you, this does not mean you should neglect your personal life. Workaholics have a difficult time staying in a relationship, as they are rather married to their job and have the tendency to ignore their partner.

Solution: Make some sacrifices and try to maintain an adequate balance between your work and personal life. At the same time, if you feel like your partner does the same thing, be sure to talk about your feelings. Do not hide them away, or you will end up bursting at the wrong moment.

5. Cheating

It goes without saying that cheating is a serious red flag, leading to separation and even divorce.

Solution: The best thing is to talk openly about your relationship and find smart solutions to solve dissatisfaction. It is said that no one cheats just because they want to — partners might feel ignored, mistreated, or no longer loved. Pay attention to your partner, show your feelings, and communicate about what’s bothering you, so cheating won’t be a thing to worry about.

6. The right moment to become parents

Not all couples want children. But those who do often end up fighting about the right moment to become parents. Open communication always has a positive effect on a relationship, so you need to tell your partner exactly what you are feeling.

Solution: If you consider that you want to wait, be sure to provide sound reasons. On the other hand, if you feel like they are not prepared, discuss the reasons behind such feelings. Do not spend your time trying to decipher your partner. You will end up frustrated and, thus, create more distance between the two of you.

7. Money

Financial difficulties can place an additional strain on relationships. You will fight all the time about expenses and place the blame on your partner for spending too much.

Solution: Stop fighting and blaming one another first, as this will only cause you to fight even more. Then, as responsible adults, organize a budget to cover your expenses and take simple measures to cut back. Shop with a list, avoid sales and do not go overboard with personal expenses. As soon as you’re back on track financially, reward yourselves with a little something.

These are some of the most common relationship problems all couples go through, so if you’re dealing with one or more of these with your partner, you’re not alone.

But in order to learn how to fix your relationship problems and overcome these issues, what matters is that you communicate in an open manner, trying to find the most efficient solutions together. Blaming your partner, criticizing or condescension is never the solution.

Open communication and love are the two foundation stones on which all relationships are based. Love your partner and tell them how you feel. It is as simple as that.

Got Marriage Problems?

This is a list of the most common marriage problems threatening Christian relationships today. Take a look at the problems listed here to see if you can relate to any of them. To get our advice on how to deal with a particular issue, just click the related link…

Common Marriage Problems

Arguing Too Much
For us, arguing was like clock work. The arguments were different but they occurred every week on almost the same day. Find out why you and your spouse may be arguing so much and how to stop it.

Are you destroying the trust in your relationship? Here are five “trust destroyers” that every couple should avoid.

It may be difficult to get a handle on things right now. But trust me, you can survive the devastation.

Jealousy in Marriage
1 Corinthians 13:4 tells us, amongst other things, that love is not jealous. Are you secretly jealous of your spouse’s talents and skills? Do you get offended when your spouse receives recognition or an award? How about feeling jealous when your spouse interacts with anyone of the opposite sex? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should read this article.

Learning to Forgive
Are you finding it difficult to forgive? Read this article to learn about the process of forgiving.

Marriage Communication
At one time, it seemed Wanda and I were disagreeing every other day about one thing or another. Then a light came on, or should I say then God stepped in. God showed up on the scene and showed us what we were doing wrong and what needed to change.

Mother in Law Problems
Do you remember the movie Monster-in-Law starring Jennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda? It was hilarious. But in reality, mother in law problems are no laughing matter. Sometimes, the hardest thing for a loving parent to do is to let go of their child. Not surprisingly, this can become a huge burden for a married couple.

Common Marriage Problems (Cont’d)

Money and Marriage Problems
In the past, money was the source of much tension in our marriage. We felt like we were always going around the same mountain over and over again; the mountain of “never having enough.” Was our problem a lack of money or was the problem money management?

Not Equally Yoked
Most of us are aware that the Bible warns us against being unequally yoked with non-believers, but despite the warnings, this has become one of the most common marriage problems in the Christian community. Find out why it is so important to be equally yoked and what we suggest you do if you are currently married to an unbeliever.

Temporary Separation
Are you currently separated or considering separation? This article will give you the godly advice and guidance that you need.

Unreasonable Expectations
All of us have expectations of marriage and our spouses, but over time they can cause major turbulence in our relationships. Learn where these expectations come from and why you must rid yourself of them.

All Pro Dad

Many good marriages slip into crisis because we don’t or won’t believe how much work it takes to keep relationships healthy and thriving. It’s just like when you stop investing in the house you are living in. It will easily fall into disrepair. Think back to when you first started to pursue your wife. It required commitment, hard work, and imagination. If winning her required that back then, why does it surprise us when neglect creates marriage problems after we walk down the aisle? She wouldn’t have married you if you took her for granted. Why risk everything now?

There are many good strategies if you want to restore your marriage. We suggest these 10 strategies to help solve your marriage problems.

1. Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships.

Some of those negative patterns may have involved friends. Surround yourself with people who value marriage and where there’s widespread support for making yours work.

2. Choose to love.

Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Love may have come easy when it was brand new. Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Choice is an act of maturity and it has a much better track record than emotion left to make its way on its own.

3. Act as if your spouse’s happiness is more important than your own.

Putting our spouse first nurtures trust, gratitude, generosity, and affection. It can also lead to physical intimacy.

4. Put the relationship ahead of everything, including your children.

It’s unfortunate, but time has a way of eating away at our priorities. “You’re the most important thing in my life” gives way to “my work… the family business…the children… my aging parents… even golf, football or drinking…” Marriages don’t work well when our partner plays second fiddle to anything – even the children. It’s a fact – the happiest kids are those with parents who love one-another best.

5. Start over from scratch.

Ask her out. Make sure you remember why you did the first time and build from there. When did you last talk for hours, hold hands at a movie, or give her a kiss when she wasn’t expecting it? Get silly about one-another. If you don’t feel like it, do it anyway- then you’ll remember why.

6. Stop taking one-another for granted.

Say “thank you” for that cup of coffee. Celebrate obscure anniversaries. Tell her how much it means to you that she cooks a great meal – or vice versa. Notice the haircut. Ask her out. Clean her car. Pay attention to the little things and act like someone who values the relationship.

7. Pray for your spouse.

Chances are you launched your marriage with both promises and prayers. Pray for your spouse, and ask for guidance as you pledge to make the kind of effort that simply won’t float without turning to God every day.

8. Get counseling.

You say you can’t afford it? Believe us, it’s cheaper than divorce. Most counseling simply involves a few sessions to get the communication flowing again. For guys, a willingness to talk in that context sends a huge, positive message to your spouse.

9. Follow the counseling with an action plan.

Just like a personal fitness program, counseling comes with homework and an action plan over time. Draw up the plan, ask friends you trust to help hold you accountable, then follow through. When both spouses take responsibility, anything is possible.

10. Change the patterns.

Do you always come home angry? Then stop the car a block away and pray about it first or do whatever else it takes to change your attitude. Does she always nag you when you leave dirty clothes on the floor? Try getting changed in a different room and initiate a new reflex. Do you always fight about discipline? Try agreeing with her decisions and supporting her 100% – you may find the kids act better because you’re not fighting. You’ve heard the old joke:

Patient: “Doctor, it hurts when I do that…”

Doctor: “Well, don’t do that anymore.”

Huddle Up Question

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are some strategies you can use when you are having a difficult time getting along with someone?”

All Pro Dad

Many good marriages slip into crisis because we don’t or won’t believe how much work it takes to keep relationships healthy and thriving. It’s just like when you stop investing in the house you are living in. It will easily fall into disrepair. Think back to when you first started to pursue your wife. It required commitment, hard work, and imagination. If winning her required that back then, why does it surprise us when neglect creates marriage problems after we walk down the aisle? She wouldn’t have married you if you took her for granted. Why risk everything now?

There are many good strategies if you want to restore your marriage. We suggest these 10 strategies to help solve your marriage problems.

1. Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships.

Some of those negative patterns may have involved friends. Surround yourself with people who value marriage and where there’s widespread support for making yours work.

2. Choose to love.

Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Love may have come easy when it was brand new. Love is as much a choice as it is an emotion. Choice is an act of maturity and it has a much better track record than emotion left to make its way on its own.

3. Act as if your spouse’s happiness is more important than your own.

Putting our spouse first nurtures trust, gratitude, generosity, and affection. It can also lead to physical intimacy.

4. Put the relationship ahead of everything, including your children.

It’s unfortunate, but time has a way of eating away at our priorities. “You’re the most important thing in my life” gives way to “my work… the family business…the children… my aging parents… even golf, football or drinking…” Marriages don’t work well when our partner plays second fiddle to anything – even the children. It’s a fact – the happiest kids are those with parents who love one-another best.

5. Start over from scratch.

Ask her out. Make sure you remember why you did the first time and build from there. When did you last talk for hours, hold hands at a movie, or give her a kiss when she wasn’t expecting it? Get silly about one-another. If you don’t feel like it, do it anyway- then you’ll remember why.

6. Stop taking one-another for granted.

Say “thank you” for that cup of coffee. Celebrate obscure anniversaries. Tell her how much it means to you that she cooks a great meal – or vice versa. Notice the haircut. Ask her out. Clean her car. Pay attention to the little things and act like someone who values the relationship.

7. Pray for your spouse.

Chances are you launched your marriage with both promises and prayers. Pray for your spouse, and ask for guidance as you pledge to make the kind of effort that simply won’t float without turning to God every day.

8. Get counseling.

You say you can’t afford it? Believe us, it’s cheaper than divorce. Most counseling simply involves a few sessions to get the communication flowing again. For guys, a willingness to talk in that context sends a huge, positive message to your spouse.

9. Follow the counseling with an action plan.

Just like a personal fitness program, counseling comes with homework and an action plan over time. Draw up the plan, ask friends you trust to help hold you accountable, then follow through. When both spouses take responsibility, anything is possible.

10. Change the patterns.

Do you always come home angry? Then stop the car a block away and pray about it first or do whatever else it takes to change your attitude. Does she always nag you when you leave dirty clothes on the floor? Try getting changed in a different room and initiate a new reflex. Do you always fight about discipline? Try agreeing with her decisions and supporting her 100% – you may find the kids act better because you’re not fighting. You’ve heard the old joke:

Patient: “Doctor, it hurts when I do that…”

Doctor: “Well, don’t do that anymore.”

Huddle Up Question

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are some strategies you can use when you are having a difficult time getting along with someone?”

Question: “What are the biblical solutions for solving marriage problems?”

Answer: Marriage is the most intimate relationship two human beings can experience, second only to a relationship with God. Marriage brings out the best and the worst in most people, as two separate individuals struggle to live as “one flesh” (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:8). At the root of most marriage problems is selfishness. When one or both partners choose to live as though his or her needs deserve top consideration, conflict results.

There are specific verses that address behavior of both husbands and wives. Some of those are 1 Peter 3:1-8, Colossians 3:18-19, and Titus 2:3-5. Although not addressing marriage directly, Philippians 2:3-13 is an excellent recipe for resolving marriage problems. This passage tells us to adopt the attitude Christ demonstrated when He set aside His rights and privileges as the Son of God and came to earth as a humble servant. Verses 3 and 4 say, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” When that exhortation is applied to marriage, almost any obstacle can be overcome.

Certainly, seeking counsel from a pastor or Christian marriage counselor is a biblical thing to do (Proverbs 19:20). Getting counseling is an excellent way to clear misconceptions about marriage roles, to see a situation from another viewpoint, and to distinguish between God’s standards and those of the world.

Ephesians 5:21-33 gives specific instructions for both husbands and wives. A husband is to love his wife “as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her” (verse 25). Such self-sacrificing love creates an atmosphere in which a wife can more easily submit to her husband’s leadership. When a husband is committed to demonstrating love for his wife, and a wife is committed to graciously allowing her husband to lead, the marriage will work.

It is also wise to pay close attention to the verses just before the specific marriage instructions. Ephesians 5:19–21 says, “Do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”

Notice all the commands that precede the marriage instruction. All Christians are to

• refuse to get drunk
• be filled with the Spirit
• encourage each other
• sing hymns and songs of praise
• have an attitude of continual worship
• live in a spirit of gratitude
• submit graciously to each other

We miss vital truth when we skip straight to the marriage instruction without applying the practical guidelines in the preceding verses. When each spouse applies those truths to his or her personal life and strives to make his or her relationship with the Lord the primary focus, marriage problems take a back seat. When two committed Christians purpose to seek God’s heart and follow His will no matter what, there is no problem that they cannot work through.

How to deal with the 15 most common marriage problems

Jennifer Chowdhury

The first year of marriage is when the haze of romance and lust lifts, and reality begins to set in. Instead of spending time together doing fun things, couples start facing the reality of life. Newlyweds are often confronted with differences that seemed unimportant or non-existent when they were dating, but become front and center after marriage. Scott Haltzman, MD, author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to get more out of your relationship by doing less, gives long-term fixes for some of the most common problems newlyweds face.

DEFINING ROLES

Prior to marriage, couples often assume that the other will take on certain roles in the relationship (i.e. breadwinner, bill payer, housecleaner, nurse, mechanic, etc.). But most of the time, newlyweds are over idealistic and neglect to discuss these expectations.

Solution: Sit down to review and negotiate household roles. Focus first on how you can help, not on how your partner is letting you down!

MONEY MATTERS

Money is a very sensitive topic and a couple’s attitudes towards household finances need to be aligned. If families don’t define their core values, money ends up being spent carelessly and irresponsibly. More often than not, couples resort to blaming each other for financial mishaps because they aren’t on the same page when it comes to handling money.

Solution: Define your values. What do you both care about spending money on the most (i.e. vacations, entertainment, spirituality, etc.)? Once you lay that out on the table, you can better know how to budget your money.

IN-LAWS

Getting married means redefining boundaries and being a life partner with someone new involves cutting the umbilical cord. Parents often have a more difficult time with this than the children they are marrying off, and want to stay connected in ways that can disrupt the marriage.

Solution: You and your partner need to decide among yourselves how much parental input you want and need to maintain respect and then you need set boundaries with your parents. Each child is responsible for communicating the message to their own family

RECREATION TIME

While dating, it was okay to watch football all day Sunday and shopping trips were a delightful way to spend the day together. But after couples bond for life, the way they spend time together can be a source of conflict.

Solution: Building a relationship together requires you to respect the fact that your partner has individual needs. Focus on appreciating the things that he or she loves as a way to help define your partner’s uniqueness. Agree that if one (or the other) is stuck doing an “unenjoyable” activity that the focus will be on spending time together, not on the activity itself. After all, when you were dating, it didn’t matter what you did, as long as you did it together. Remember to keep balance, though — each partner should have his or her own share of fun time.

How to deal with the 15 most common marriage problems

It is absolutely normal to have second marriage issues when you remarry. A second marriage has its own set of unique circumstances that create unique issues. The good news is that you can work through them. Second marriage issues do not have to be something that you can’t overcome.

1 The Ex That is around

One of the very common second marriage issues that couples encounter is problems because the ex is around. After being happily remarried for over ten years, I feel very confident in sharing this advice on how to handle this problem with you. Let your spouse deal with their ex. Learn to adopt a mantra of “Not my ex, not my problem.” Your life will be so much more peaceful for beginning this.

2 Competition between Step-Siblings

Competition between step-siblings can be an issue in second marriages. They can compete for attention, privileges or even to see who gets the most material things. Like all siblings, a level of competition isn’t abnormal between step-siblings. Try to see it as a sign of normalcy. Having a set of house rules for all children can be very helpful here, though.

3 You Don’t Feel like Family

Don’t be alarmed if you don’t feel like family right away. The truth is that you don’t have shared history with your step-children immediately. Don’t waste your time worrying over this. Instead, be proactive about building new memories together. It takes time to become a family but it will happen.

4 People Treat You as the Second Wife

Have you experienced people treating you or referring to you as the second wife? It can really grate your nerves, can’t it? I know because I have been here. But here is the lesson I learned in this situation: let it go. You know that you are the one and only wife and that his ex is history. And as long as you know that in your heart, it doesn’t matter what others are thinking.

5 Holidays Are Filled with Stress

Holidays can become very stressful when you are in a second marriage. Your stepchildren and perhaps your own biological children can only be with you a fraction of the time. What works here? Making the most of it. Start new traditions together and treasure the time that you do have.

6 You Don’t Have a Lot of Alone Time

This is a difficult issue in second marriages. Because one or both of you may enter into the marriage with children from a previous marriage, alone time is very scarce. What is a passionately in love couple to do in such a situation? Learn to honeymoon in a crowd. Don’t let your feelings be dulled by the fact that you are surrounded by little people. Another good tip is to invest in a lock for your bedroom door.

7 Ghosts from Marriages past

If you are married for the second time, you have more than likely encountered some ghosts from marriages past. You have scars from the hurts in your first marriage and that is understandable. But you have to separate that from your current marriage. Remind yourself, daily if necessary, that your husband isn’t your ex-husband. Remind yourself of all of his good qualities and don’t get sucked into the worry game.

What are some issues you have dealt with in your second marriage? How did you get through them? I would love to hear about your experiences.

How to deal with the 15 most common marriage problems

Mark W. Merrill

Every marriage faces hardship. It’s a given. This list covers most of the common troubles, but your situation is unique. The key point here is to face the difficulty – whatever kind of struggle it is – together with your wife.

Do you remember your marriage vows?

“For better, for worse…”

“In sickness and in health…”

“For richer, for poorer…”

These promises presuppose tough times. We went into our marriage with our eyes open, so there’s really no excuse for not bringing everything we have to the table when things – once in a while – get dicey.

Here are 10 marital hardships and how to overcome them:

1. Financial Struggle:

The stress associated with money problems can be overwhelming. But in the end, it’s only money. And money has no power over your commitment to your relationship.

  • Commit to a plan
  • Live simply
  • Never keep financial secrets from your wife

2. Challenging Children:

Even the best behaved children in the world present challenges, and the number one casualty is always the relationship between mom and dad. So remember this: The marriage comes first. Not the kids, but the marriage. Nurture your relationship with your wife and you will be better equipped to deal with whatever the kids dish out. For single dads, it’s increasingly important to stay connected with your child’s mother as hard as that might be.

3. Immaturity:

Great relationships are supposed to mature over time. Great relationships are supposed to mature over time. If you still relate to one another the same way you did when you first married, then it’s past time for the marriage to grow up. Get involved in a couples group at your faith community. Love one another “out loud.” Invest in the marriage as if your life depends on it – because it does.

4. Unfaithfulness:

Marriages run into this hardship often. We may not sleep with other women, but we’re all guilty of being unfaithful when it comes to time, attention, priorities, the way we use our resources, and so much more. One way to deal with this is to recommit yourself to your wife. Woo her all over again. Make it clear where your priorities steer your time and attention.

5. Moving:

It’s a fact. Most Americans change careers several times. That often means moving across the state or across the world. Moving is a huge stress. Regardless if it’s because of your job or if it’s hers, make the decision to be 100% supportive and flat out refuse to whine. Do what it takes to get invested in the new community quickly. Find a church. Get involved. Live forward.

6. Sickness:

We forget how much we rely on one another until someone breaks down physically. If you’re the one still standing, do everything in your power to be a servant to your spouse. Sure it’s tough to do everything, but your attempt with an obvious willing spirit is going to make all the difference.

7. Depression:

Everyone goes through “the blues” at times in their lives. Here again, it’s about having the heart of a servant, about going the extra mile, and about putting the needs of your wife ahead of your own. Look to God for your source of happiness. Be a conduit of that joy to your spouse. And seek medical attention if necessary.

8. Disinterest:

Sometimes it happens the first year. Sometimes it takes a decade or so. Regardless of where we are on the time spectrum, disinterest or boredom can easily set in. Not feeling special about the relationship is a hardship for everyone, but it doesn’t have to be. Our job is to be intentional about the relationship. She didn’t fall for you in the first place without any effort on your part – so why stop now?

  • When was the last time you took her out on a date?
  • Have you told her lately how stunning she looks?
  • What about a day off devoted to her?

9. Career:

We have already talked about moving, but career issues can cause hardship without a change of location. Keep her in the loop. Ask her opinion about what you’re up to. Do everything in your power to protect family time and to promote a work culture that respects family values.

10. Empty Nest:

We invest a lot in the kids. If we’re not careful, our relationship with our spouse gets neglected. Guard against that day by investing in your wife now. Rather than mourn the children after they leave, try celebrating the freedom you now have to invest more time and interest in your marriage. Again, it’s all about being intentional.

Huddle Up Question

“I want you to know that I still am committed to my marriage vow and I will love you for the rest of my life.”