How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

When we’re hurting, it’s not uncommon to look for ways to fill the void.

The void is made up of the empty, lonely feelings that stem from holes in our heart and soul. Sometimes these holes are fresh wounds like a breakup, death in the family, or losing our job. Sometimes they stem from something much deeper, like a lack of connection with family growing up, a childhood trauma, or hurt caused by someone in our past.

When we lose someone or something in our life, most of us jump right into distractions. We start seeing new people, working on every single thing that needs to be done around the house, picking up more hours at work or packing our schedule full of things to do. We do all of this instead of feeling what we feel.

This is called stuffing.

When you lose something or someone, all of the wounds, emptiness, pain and hurt are exposed. As much as it hurts, the void should not be feared. The void is where miracles, strength and change are born.

The truth is that anytime you try to distract yourself from feeling what you’re feeling, you’re avoiding the fact that you’re not whole. Something is missing, damaged or broken, and until you face it, no person or thing will ever make you feel complete.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

When you take the time to really feel and experience the uncomfortable space that is the void, you begin to see things clearly.

And when you can see things clearly, you can begin to heal.

Maybe it’s not that you need that specific person in your life to talk to. It’s that you need to be heard.

Were you once expressive in another form that you’ve since lost? Painting, music, poetry or something else? You used this person to fill the void. But they could never fill it because whether or not they listened to you, you still weren’t able to feel heard on a more fundamental level. And when they left? You thought you missed talking to them, when really, you’re still missing that greater thing. Not them. Did they really listen to you anyways?

Maybe it’s not that you miss your job. It’s that you don’t know how to define yourself without it.

Have you lost sight of yourself? Is being honest about who you are and what you really want so hard, painful and confusing that you instead chose to focus on your work? Work you probably didn’t even love and killed yourself over with long hours and tons of stress. then “rewarded yourself” with material goods that still left you feeling empty. The pain isn’t coming from the job loss, it’s about the fear and uncertainty that comes with not knowing what you really want.

Maybe it’s not that you miss spending time with them. It’s that you’re afraid to be out in the world alone.

Because now? Now people are going to see you and only you. This person was simply someone you stood behind, like a shield. Maybe they were there because you were afraid to go it alone. Not because being alone scares you, but because the “spotlight” does. All eyes on you is too intense to handle. Without this person to buffer the eyes, you’re feeling vulnerable and unsure of yourself.

Or — and this I know for sure — it’s that you have to face yourself.

You have to be with only you. and without another person or thing to fill the void in your heart and soul, all that’s left to do is feel it. Feel the emptiness or the pain. The hurt, fear and loss. To take a good, hard look at what’s missing, what you left behind and the parts you’ve ignored.

If you’re wise, you’ll sit with the void. You’ll feel the hurts and let them out. You’ll talk about them, cry, break dishes in anger and write, write, write it out. You’ll explore them. Why do I feel this? What have I been neglecting? What have I not allowed to heal?

If you’re not ready, you’ll stuff them with someone or something else. A new guy you met randomly and convinced yourself is the next “one.” A new job or client with excessive hours, or the regular workload you’ve managed to max out to 12-15 hours a day. Food, drugs, sex — these are the worst ways to fill a void.

The only way to be happy, healthy and whole is to face and deal with the voids you carry in your heart and soul. If something is missing, broken or empty inside of you, there is no person or thing that will fill it. Only you can heal yourself and close the voids.

The first step is to stop stuffing, hiding and avoiding.

Trust me, it’s worth every heart-wrenching moment.

Because when you heal the hurts and fill the voids with your own love, light and self, you become whole again. When you’re whole, you feel a sense of joy and fulfillment that no outside person or thing can replicate. These outside circumstances wil simply heighten the feelings you’re already experiencing.

Take action now!

Get honest with yourself. What are you hiding from? What void exists in your heart and soul and how are you stuffing it? What scares you about facing this part of yourself? If you’re ready to heal and grow, remove whatever you’re using to stuff and distract. Sit with it and really allow yourself to feel and explore the void.

Stephenie Zamora is the founder of www.stepheniezamora.com, a full-service, life-purpose development, design and branding boutique. Here she merges the worlds of personal development and branding to help young women build passion-based businesses. Click here to download her free guide, “The Unexpected Trick to Transforming Your Life With ONE Single Question.”

For more by Stephenie Zamora, click here.

For more on emotional wellness, click here.

Have you ever felt empty on the inside? Do you recall moments when you felt like something was missing?

Many people live with a void inside. They feel like everything is meaningless, nothing helps, and want to escape reality.

And they seek relief in temporary sources of happiness like food, alcohol, a certain person, gambling, shopping, drugs, etc. They believe it will give them some ease, some comfort that will make them feel better. But then they feel even worse.

Because the void is deep down, and can’t be cured using outer sources.

The healing happens inside of you, because that’s where it all started.

First, you need to realize what’s going on. You need to understand that you’re searching for completeness in some random activities (often unhealthy), in other people, or places.

But they can’t give you that.

What’s causing that void?

It may be due to a life of no purpose, living without direction, without meaning. Not knowing why you do the things you do, not having figured out what’s important.

And you’ll always have that voice deep down, which is telling you that you can do much more, you can achieve big things in your life. And that will remind you of the fact that you’re not doing anything about it now.

Many people turn to the easy solution – they try to escape that feeling of unworthiness, of being no one, of doing nothing. And they choose to distract themselves, which makes things worse.

Because the void gets even bigger. And you feel even emptier.

It may also be because of a lack of connection with your true self.

If you keep lying to yourself, not believing in your abilities, running away from problems, not helping others, not sharing what’s bothering you, not loving and appreciating yourself – then you’ll be miserable, and frustrated, and desperate.

What to do to feel complete again?

It’s time to stop hiding from the truth, avoiding the hard stuff, trying to fill the emptiness with random things.

Keep in mind that many others are dealing with that too. They’re struggling every day with their inner voices, still hearing them, but trying to make them be quiet.

So here’s what to do:

  1. Understand that void. Be okay with it. – Observe it. Try to actually see it, feel it. And you’ll know why it’s there.
  2. Realize that you’re complete just the way you are. – You don’t need anyone else to feel better. You can be happy, you deserve it.
  3. Fill it:
  • see the fullness of life, the abundance you have and ignore what’s missing;
  • focus on the present moment, let go of past and future;
  • don’t expect anything;
  • breathe deeply and try to realize how amazing life is, how blessed you are;
  • appreciate all you have;
  • be positive – know your strengths and work on them, leave the weak points behind;
  • be mindful of everything you do, be fully there;
  • feel the freedom – there are so many opportunities around, each day is a chance to start over, to change for the better;
  • start every day with gratitude – thank for everything that was, is and will be; believe that whatever it is, it’s for the best and is the perfect thing for that exact moment;
  • do what you feel like doing, and enjoy it;
  • find your purpose, know your ‘why’ and everything will suddenly have meaning;
  • meditate – learn how to clear your mind every now and then, to just be still and notice your thoughts, emotions and breathing.

I believe that by doing all these, you can change your approach to life.
You can start living in abundance, become successful, contented and peaceful, just by fixing your relationship with yourself. And without any changes in your surroundings.

It’s all simple. And it’s what you need to do in order to have a meaningful and fulfilling journey, while going after the things you want.

Looking for something?
Hey, I’m Lidiya

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Thanks for stopping by. I’m Lidiya, a blogger, course creator and founder of Let’s Reach Success.

I help high vibe women create an abundant, value-driven business so they can live a fearless life and provide epic value.

Almost everyone feels empty at some point in their lives, but not many can pinpoint exactly why they feel this way. Most blame a lost lover, a lack of purpose, boredom, not enough friends, or other reasons, but this only skirts around the true reason for emptiness.

However, none of these reasons get to the root cause of why people feel empty; they just mask the underlying problem. Right now, we have so much chaos and destruction on this planet because people feel this emptiness, and they seek outside themselves in order to fix it. Or, out of frustration and loneliness, they hurt others to release these feelings. None of this will solve the problem, however. At the core of emptiness, lies a lack of love for oneself.

An article posted on HuffingtonPost.com, written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D., says it best: “There is only one thing that truly fills the emptiness. Love. There is only one cause of inner emptiness: a lack of love. But it is not a lack of someone else’s love that causes your emptiness. Inner emptiness is caused by self-abandonment — by not loving yourself.”

So, now we know that a lack of love for oneself causes feelings of emptiness, but what can we do about it?

Here are 4 ways to fill the emptiness in your life:

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

1. Dig deep down within yourself to understand your feelings.

We can’t solve the problem if we don’t first understand it. What stops you from not fully committing to loving yourself? After all, the only reason to feel empty lies within us. If we always felt content and safe in our own skin, why would we need to seek fulfillment elsewhere? Of course, losing someone you love or going through a traumatic experience warrants feelings of emptiness, and understandably so. However, constant feelings of emptiness can indicate something deeper going on within you.

It takes courage to rip out your wounds and learn to love your scars, but this is a necessary step on the path to self-love. It won’t happen overnight, but you have to come face-to-face with your ego at some point, and show it love. Then, it will have nothing left to yearn for, and nothing left to take from you.

2. Allow yourself some sort of outlet for your emotions.

You can’t just move through life and keep all your feelings bottled up inside. This isn’t only unhealthy, but it isn’t natural. We are complex beings with a variety of emotions, and we shouldn’t be expected to stifle them just because society seems to look down on people expressing themselves. Whatever makes you feel more whole within yourself, do that. Whether you like to draw, write, paint, sing, dance, act, hike, or bike, just do something that comes naturally to you.

This will help you fill that emptiness, and give yourself a healthy way to express yourself.

3. Commit to loving yourself, no matter what.

Coming from someone who still struggles with this, I know that truly loving yourself is one of the most difficult things a person can do in this lifetime. We have every reason in the world to love ourselves, but when it comes down to it, a lot of us still don’t feel good enough. With the drop of a hat, we can log onto social media and endlessly compare ourselves to others. We can tune into advertisements on TV trying to sell us something that will make us “perfect,” and we can listen to others degrade and belittle us. However, we can also choose to walk away from all of this, and commit to loving ourselves unconditionally.

How do you do this? Make a decision. Make a choice to continue loving yourself no matter what people think of you, what mistakes you make, or what path you take in life. You cannot truly experience life if you can’t even enjoy and love the person you spend the most time with – yourself.

4. Get involved in activities that make you happy.

Feeling emptiness in your life will seem difficult if you do things that make your heart happy. You won’t even remember feeling a void in your life if you fill it with activities that bring you joy. Even if you’ve been down for a while, you can always get back up. You can always choose to stand up and fight rather than submit to feelings of worthlessness and defeat. Sign up for martial arts or yoga classes, join a hiking group, get together with friends and cook healthy meals for one another, or just whatever makes you truly fulfilled. Then, the emptiness will slowly fade, as you start to replace those feelings with love.

Remember, life requires us to constantly move in order to thrive. Living out in nature, we wouldn’t just stay in one place for long periods of time, and that shouldn’t change just because we live a different lifestyle. Momentum and action are the worst enemies of emptiness. You won’t even notice a void if you choose to take steps each day toward feeling alive again, so just make that choice. You CAN do it, no matter how hard it seems at first.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

You feel a sense of anger and deep pain rippling through you. How could they leave you so brutally, and without a second thought?

How could they take your love and trust, and throw it to the wind as if it didn’t even matter – as if YOU didn’t matter?

If you’ve experienced abandonment in your life before you will know how far the wounds of being “second best” or “not worth it” run within you. You will be very aware of how feeling unwanted has changed the person you are and the way you interact with others.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

One thing I’ve learned on my path is that abandonment takes many different shapes and forms. Feeling unwanted and unloved can manifest itself physically, emotionally, psychologically, and even spiritually. But the one thing that all of these different facets of being neglected have in common is the big gaping hole they leave in our lives.

Today I want to explore that void within you.

“I Am Not Worth It” Might Be Your Core Wound

When we experience a severe form of abandonment or neglect, particularly at a young age, the shock from that experience tends to stay with us for the rest of our lives. But these shocking experiences continue to dwell within us only if we fail to explore them. These experiences when left unexamined for too long become our core wounds or the deepest fundamental beliefs that we have about ourselves on an unconscious level.

Our core wounds are our deepest seated pains in life. They are our oldest and most miserable friends. For most of us, these core wounds within us are ruled by the following two mistaken beliefs:

“I am flawed and therefore a bad person.”

“I must change or fix something about myself in order to be acceptable.”

Other common core wounds that arise as a product of feeling unwanted include, “I am not worth it,” “I am unlovable,” and “I am irreparably broken.”

4 Ways to Deal With Feeling Unwanted and Unloved

We have found ourselves in a period of time which I like to call the Individualist Era. As our ability to communicate empathetically and meaningfully with others breaks down as a result of our “ME FIRST!” corporate and materialist culture, we find that our families, friendships and relationships are as unstable as ever. Therefore, more and more of us are experiencing the isolation of being abandoned, cheated and forgotten.

What can we do to explore and heal these core wounds? How can we tear down the brick walls that shelter the tattered remnants of our hearts? And finally, how can we become stronger, more whole people again?

Like you, I have experienced abandonment in many different shapes and forms. Like you, I have suffered terribly as a result of it. But today I want to provide you with something proactive, something that will empower you to take your life in your own hands again.

This is what I have personally learned about facing the pain of feeling unwanted:

1. Most people don’t want themselves

In other words, most people don’t LIKE, respect, or even value themselves. There is a huge self-love deficit in our society which is reflected in every layer of our lives. As a result, those of us who struggle with loving ourselves tend to sabotage our relationships with others. How can a person who doesn’t know how to love themselves show love towards others? It doesn’t happen. Understanding this can help you to better empathize with others, or at the very least, comprehend why they behave the way they do.

2. You are a victim of circumstance, but you don’t have to pity yourself

I discovered this the hard way: the more you victimize yourself and romanticize your pain, the more you will stay stuck in cycles of misery and resentment. It’s tempting to use our stories of abandonment and mistreatment to make us secretly feel righteous and special, but the truth is that this does more harm than good. Mourning what we lost is a natural part of the grief cycle, but constantly revisiting and dwelling on our stories is unhealthy and even self-destructive. I’ve found that accepting what happened is vital to the process of inner growth and transformation, WITHOUT self-pity.

3. Everyone has a different soulful capacity

Just as everything in life goes through varies stages of maturation, so too does the soul. Why is it that some people are born with old souls, and others remain young at heart until death? I believe the answer lies in something I call soulful maturity. I explore this concept more in depth in my book. Soulful maturity determines how much capacity we have for forethought, compassion, empathy and unconditional love – and these factors all have an impact on the way we treat others. For example, some people are naturally pack-orientated and blinded by fear of the “other,” while other groups of people are open, accepting and peace-making.

So what does any of this have to do with feeling unwanted and abandoned? Well the point is that some people just don’t have the capacity to be genuinely kind, considerate and faithful – at least for now. They haven’t reached that point in their soulful maturing yet. Thus their behavior can come across as insensitive, reckless and even cruel.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Shadow Work Journal:

Understanding that everyone has a different soulful capacity has helped me to personally become a more lenient and forgiving person.

4. It is possible to fill that empty hole YOURSELF

It sounds crazy, right? How can we fill the empty holes within ourselves? Don’t we need other people by default to do that for us? No, we don’t. As children we did, but as adults we don’t. Unfortunately many of us still carry the unconscious belief that we need to find another person to help us become whole and complete. But have you ever questioned the validity or truth in this belief? Don’t get me wrong, other people can provide you with immense support and assistance, but they can never authentically fill that void within you. Only you can.

But how? One of the best ways I have learned to do this (particularly if you were abandoned as a child emotionally, mentally or physically), is by learning how to re-parent your inner child. However, if you are dealing with the pain of feeling unloved as an adult (perhaps as a result of divorce or breakup), self-love is the ultimate way to overcome this trauma. In another article, explore how to love yourself more.

Final Thoughts …

Learning how to love yourself is hard – so is learning how to re-parent your inner child – however they are both vital tools that will help you to become vulnerable again, and therefore receptive to giving and receiving love.

What is your opinion on the advice given in this article? Have you managed to deal with your feelings of being unwanted, and if so, how?

Losing a furry four-legged friend is tough on anyone, but for those who have already seen their children move out and felt the loneliness and other emotions that come with that, it can be especially difficult. Here we’ll discuss the emotions empty nesters experience with the passing of a beloved pet child, as well as tips on how to cope with the grief.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Photo by Julian Hochgesang on Unsplash

Loneliness makes everything harder to bear, so just getting some comfort from people close to you can be a great help. You may even want to reach out to support organizations or online forums and find people to talk to who have gone through the same problems as you or who may be going through them right now. Our Pet Loss Forum is available to help you find people you can talk to, who may better understand your situation and can be a shoulder to lean on. It can be beneficial to have a lot of people on your side.

Tip: Know that it’s normal to go through or experience some negative emotions like anger or abandonment toward family members and even your deceased pet at first. Many will feel, though it sounds irrational, that they have been left or abandoned by those they love. That’s why it’s important to not isolate yourself and to surround yourself with those you trust. You may not get feelings as strong as these or as prolonged if you can surround yourself with loved ones or those who have been in a similar situation.

One of those is to memorialize the pet; Rainbow Bridge can help you create a suitable memorial. This can go beyond a simple grave to enable you to really cherish and immortalize your pet.

It may sound scary at first, but you may also want to consider getting a new pet to have in your home. Even though no pet can ever replace the one you lost, that new one can fill a void in your heart and your home and make you not feel quite so alone. You can get a little peace and a sense of normalcy back in your life, which can definitely help you to move on after your severe loss. Take your time in choosing another pet to ensure it is a good fit for you and to make certain it won’t be a lot of work for you to handle as you deal with the grief you are going through. Adopting a rescue pet or a pet in need is always wonderful, but if you are a dog parent and want to go through a breeder, make sure to read through or have a puppy contract in place in case – after all, it’s not uncommon that those suffering from grief find themselves unable to look after a new animal and need to return the pup.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Photo by Mike Tinnion on Unsplash

Some people feel better if they just give them away, gifting them to friends or family. It can be helpful to have these little reminders out of the house and to make a fresh start and a clean break from the passing of a beloved pet child. Other people want to memorialize these items, hanging them up on a wall or placing them into a box or a display case.

To determine what might work best for you, you’ll want to take your time and think carefully through your choices. Figure out what would make you feel best and what seems right to you to do with your pet’s belongings. The answer will be different for many people, and there isn’t a certain right way to choose with these items.

If the passing of your pet was particularly painful because it was sudden, or because they were still a puppy, then you may be more inclined to just put the pet’s effects away where they won’t be seen on accident. That way, you can pull them out to look at them and relive your memories only when you want to.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Photo by Crystal Z. Shi on Unsplash

For those who are suffering from the loss of an older pet, it can be extremely tough to deal with not having them in your life anymore. You got used to them being a part of everything you do, and you can better cope with your emotions if you spend some time with people who have been a constant part of your routines and your life for a while. You can go to visit your children or neighbors you are used to seeing. That familiarity can help you to cope with the sense that things are not right and don’t feel normal anymore. They can bring back a sense of normalcy and self care to your life and scratch that nostalgia itch you may not realize that you are feeling.

We want to conclude by giving you a few tips that can help you make your home feel occupied and make you feel more at ease.

● Invite people over- Look for opportunities to visit other people and to have them come to your home. Throw small parties, create a potluck event or just have some game nights to fill your house with guests on a regular basis.

● Get excited about what can change- Change can be scary, but you can look at the passing of a pet child as a way to pick a new pet, if you are interested, and you can enjoy researching different kinds of pets and how they might impact your life.

● Create a memorial section in your home- Some people do very well with a small memorial in their home to pleasantly remind them of their loved one after he or she has gone.

● Open up your house- It can also help to open windows and even doors and let in fresh air. Opening curtains brings in sunlight, and letting in the sounds from the neighborhood can make you feel connected to other people around you.

Are you an empty nester suffering from the loss of a pet? Visit our Grief Support Center for more advice on how Rainbows Bridge can help. We have a forum section where you can chat with others, plus coping suggestions for how to handle and overcome your grief.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Shopping can be an intensely emotional experience. There are oodles of research that explain the psychological aspects of shopping and why it feels so good to spend money. However, it is very easy for us to dismiss this when we reflect upon our own spending habits. But, if you are here and you have read this far, I hope that even for just the next few minutes, you will be open to exploring this will me. The questions I ask in the rest of this post may trigger things for you, and that’s okay! Because at the bottom of this page, I have a solution for you to try.

Retail therapy is a normal word in your vocabulary.

Do you regularly use shopping as a form of therapy or stress relief? Do you feel that spending money is justified if it makes you feel better? Do you buy things just to buy things, whether you need them or not?

You only pay the minimum payment on your credit cards.

Do you avoid checking your credit card balances? Do you auto-pay the minimum payment on your credit cards? Do you disconnect from the financial consequences of shopping?

You spend more time at the mall or shopping online than any other hobbies.

Do employees at your favorite stores know you by name? Do you find yourself at the mall when you are bored and have nothing else to do? Do you spend more time shopping than doing other things that you enjoy or are passionate about?

You have buyer’s remorse, ever, at all, even once in awhile.

Do you ever buy something and then regret it almost immediately? Do you notice that much of the things you buy don’t get a lot of use out of them? Do you regularly return items to the store shortly after you buy them?

You have multiple pieces of clothing in your closet that have never been worn.

Do you have things around your house that have never been used or even opened before? Do you buy things and then forget about them?

You buy things you don’t need just because they are on sale.

Do you get anxiety if you miss a sale at your favorite store? Do you find yourself buying things just because you feel like you will be saving money? Do you get daily emails from multiple stores with their best deals?

You feel the urge to go shopping after a bad day, an argument, or any special occasion (such as your coworker’s sister’s baby shower that you weren’t even invited to because you’ve never met her…)

Are you shopping habits correlated to different emotions you experience? Do you use shopping as a way to celebrate a accomplishment or recover from a setback? Do you often buy things for other people whether they need them or not?

You hide your shopping habits from your loved ones.

Do you feel embarrassment or shame related to your shopping habits? Do you avoid discussing money and shopping with your spouse, parents, or best friends?

Do any of these points resonate with you? Do you see yourself in this post as if you were looking right into a mirror? Do you want to change these habits?

1.Understand that buying stuff will never make you happy. I love this article from Becoming Minimalist about exactly that.

2. Try to figure out what triggers your desire to spend money. Keep track of emotions and events in your life and how they correlate with the impulse to shop.

3. Make a list of others things in your life that you enjoy and are passionate about. Pick up some new (or old) hobbies to spend your time on rather than shopping.

4. Download my guide to start taking steps today towards kicking this habit. In my guide you will:

  • Identify the type of shopper you are
  • Understand the emotions that trigger your impulse to shop
  • Figure out what void you may have that causes you to spend money
  • Find a community to support you

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

“Find your Calcutta.”

Something is missing in your life, isn’t it?

You’re working hard, trying to get ahead, doing everything you possibly can to make life just a little bit better. You’re trying to keep it all balanced, though. You won’t be one of those people who commits every waking second to work and the pursuit of career.

Not you. You’ve got it figured out. You even make time to exercise, eat right, meditate, or maybe spend time with friends and family.

You’ve got it all figured out—except for that one stupid thing that keeps tugging at your heart. You don’t really know what it is, but it is there, and it is driving you a little crazy.

Yeah, I know. I get that feeling sometimes too.

It is often mistaken as unhappiness, fatigue, depression, or being stuck in a rut. Many people will go off and do wild vacations or try things they would never try in a million years just to see if those activities settle the strange, inexplicable emptiness they feel inside.

When they return to the real world, though, the problem is still there, still nagging at them.

Maybe they think they didn’t go “extreme” enough, and will push themselves harder. Or maybe they take it in a totally different direction and put more time into meditation, or even trying to manifest happiness in their lives.

Or do you have it under control? I’m guessing since you’re still reading, you don’t. It’s okay. Neither do I.

In fact, neither do most people.

So, what is this mysterious thing that is pulling at you, leaving you feeling empty and unfulfilled in a life that would, from the outside, seem all but amazing? It’s the pursuit of happiness.

Before you click away from the page, thinking that this is another article about how when you stop pursuing things, that is when they come to you, don’t.

It’s not about that at all.

We are constantly presented with things that we believe will make us happy. New cars, flashier televisions, prettier women or men, houses, furniture, more money, exotic vacations, and a myriad of things that go along with that stuff.

We are pounded by books, blogs, and billboards about how we can get everything we want in life, and live happier, better, and wealthier.

The simple truth is, we are so focused on getting what we want that we forget about everyone else in the world around us. And therein lies the key to that empty feeling inside.

Right now, there are people who are hungry. And not just in Africa or India. They might be within a square mile of you. There are kids who don’t have a decent place to sleep.

Let me tell you a quick story.

Recently, a friend of mine (a former high school teacher) passed away. He had been fighting leukemia and eventually cancer for a long time. He was 74 years old.

When I met him, I thought he was one of the most energetic people I’d ever come across. Of course, I was only 16 at the time. His Italian ancestry only added to the natural charisma he displayed on a daily basis.

This teacher started a program at my high school called Project 5000. It was an initiative aimed at collecting five thousand canned goods to distribute to needy families in our area. I can still remember seeing the boxes of food under the auditorium stage.

Not only did our little school of 300 kids collect five thousand cans, we collected far more. And every single year, the number grew, surpassing multiple tens of thousands every year.

Because of his efforts, many needy families got to have a few good meals around Thanksgiving, even if it was just a few.

My friend also helped out at a place called the Chambliss home, a transitional facility for kids similar to an orphanage. He organized a Christmas program there every year so that, at least for a night, those kids could actually be kids.

Why am I telling you about this?

Because this teacher always had a smile on his face. He always had tons of energy. And because of one very important thing he told me in relation to the problem I discussed earlier.

He said that if you live your life providing a service to others, you will have the most fulfilling life possible.

And there it is. We’ve been so focused on getting what we want in this world that we forget that there are people who have desperate needs. You don’t have to look far to find them either.

They could be right up the street, in a local school, a homeless shelter, a nursing home, or any number of places.

At the moment, I work in a school that has a student body that is 100 percent on free and reduced lunch. Basically, that means it is a school of kids from low-income homes. I work there as a school counselor and as the boys’ soccer coach.

My commute sucks, nearly an hour each way. The hours suck (since my best energy times are not waking up at 5:30 and working until 5:00 in the afternoon).

When my friends ask me why I don’t quit or find a job closer to home at a better school, I explain to them that it is my Calcutta. While, sometimes the work is not stimulating, and the kids can be a little rough around the edges, it is a place where there is a great need.

Ever since I started looking at it that way, I have been a lot happier in the rest of my life. I am more fulfilled because I know that I am providing a service to people in need, and not just living for myself.

When I get home I have more energy, a happier demeanor, and I feel like I have done something good.

The bottom line is, helping others energizes you and fills you with good feelings.

Where can you find your Calcutta? It could be as simple as donating a piece of furniture to a needy family. Or you could give a few hours a month at the local soup kitchen. Are you an expert at something that could help solve a problem for people? Find a way to do that on a semi-regular basis. It can literally be almost anything.

The point is that you serve someone. And by serving others, you will begin to notice that strange, empty feeling begin to dissipate until one day, you find yourself smiling all the time.

Feeling empty is viewed negatively in the west. We constantly distract ourselves not to have to deal with boredom. For some people though, the feeling of emptiness can’t be turned off. It becomes predominant, no matter what they do.

In eastern philosophy, feeling empty is a spiritual milestone. It’s seen as a blessing, a doorway to freedom. When you feel empty, you become receptive. I know, it doesn’t necessarily feel good. Don’t worry, feeling empty isn’t the final destination. It’s a vehicle for growth.

Your life is governed by subconscious desires and assumptions. The moment you decide to take responsibility for them, you start living consciously. Walking as the leader of your own existence is rewarding, but also challenging.

To stop living as a victim of the circumstances, you need independence ; freedom. And you’ll never be free unless you learn to deal with feeling empty. The feeling of emptiness can be disconcerting at first, but developing a healthy relationship to it will lead to an empowered life.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Thanks Roberto Trombetta from Flickr

Emptiness is the space that takes over when you stop distracting yourself. It is what you wake up to in the morning. It is the last thing that happens before you fall asleep. It usually goes unnoticed, but is always in the background. It’s the fundamental state you return to when you stop doing stuff. When emptiness comes to your attention, you’ll start feeling empty. And if you can’t deal with this feeling of emptiness, your whole life will be affected.

In a world that encourages activity, emptiness is considered a waste. The more productive you are, the better you feel. Every unoccupied minute has to be maximized. No space left. Our mediocre school system teaches you that if you don’t get stuff done, you’re worthless.

By filling our time with commitments and distractions, we tend to forget what’s behind them. We condition ourselves to despise the space between our activities. Our inactive default state – space – becomes something to get away from. We try to escape from feeling empty inside. We might learn to meditate, but even this can be reduced to an activity. Ten minutes of meditation are added on the schedule. Another element on the to-do list.

This habit of constantly filling up space makes us dependent. Since we can’t deal with lack of movement, we lower the bar for what we accept in our actions and thoughts. Everything becomes better than nothing. We readily accept mediocrity. At least when doing mediocre activities, we don’t feel so empty.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Ever went for groceries when starving? What happened? You ended up buying too much junk. Because of your hunger, you lowered the bar and bought food you normally wouldn’t have. You were victim of your own discomfort.

What about people who seek an intimate relationship no matter what? They lower the bar and end up with the crappiest people. They tolerate poor relationships because it’s better than feeling empty and alone.

Your life is dominated by similar patterns. Every action you take arises from a desire to change the way you feel. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, when you’re uncomfortable with feeling empty you’ll constantly act out of neediness, like a hungry animal. You’ll seek to fill your half-full cup with external events. Your actions will be reactive, and your whole environment will reflect that.

It’s possible to reverse the conditioning and live from a ground of satisfaction and peace. A feeling of emptiness could become your refuge. Ever wondered how life would be if you were comfortable with … nothing? Imagine how simple it would be. No more need to fill up your free time. No more fear of waiting anywhere. No more anxiety of being alone.

You wouldn’t tolerate bullshit anymore. Your actions would be authentic and clear. You would be confident, knowing that you can always deal with the worst ; feeling empty.

Life exists outside of doing stuff. Stop covering it and let emptiness break you and shine through. You’ll see that space is the gateway to creative living. Emptiness will break the boundaries of your mind. Use the feeling of emptiness to liberate yourself, and walk out as a free human.

If you’re faced with long-lasting and overwhelming feelings of emptiness, you should also get professional counselling. Here’s an article on feelings of emptiness that provides more info on the topic.

Learn to meditate today with our free meditation resources. Our technique is simple and effective: you’ll see benefits after the first sit!

Losing a furry four-legged friend is tough on anyone, but for those who have already seen their children move out and felt the loneliness and other emotions that come with that, it can be especially difficult. Here we’ll discuss the emotions empty nesters experience with the passing of a beloved pet child, as well as tips on how to cope with the grief.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Photo by Julian Hochgesang on Unsplash

Loneliness makes everything harder to bear, so just getting some comfort from people close to you can be a great help. You may even want to reach out to support organizations or online forums and find people to talk to who have gone through the same problems as you or who may be going through them right now. Our Pet Loss Forum is available to help you find people you can talk to, who may better understand your situation and can be a shoulder to lean on. It can be beneficial to have a lot of people on your side.

Tip: Know that it’s normal to go through or experience some negative emotions like anger or abandonment toward family members and even your deceased pet at first. Many will feel, though it sounds irrational, that they have been left or abandoned by those they love. That’s why it’s important to not isolate yourself and to surround yourself with those you trust. You may not get feelings as strong as these or as prolonged if you can surround yourself with loved ones or those who have been in a similar situation.

One of those is to memorialize the pet; Rainbow Bridge can help you create a suitable memorial. This can go beyond a simple grave to enable you to really cherish and immortalize your pet.

It may sound scary at first, but you may also want to consider getting a new pet to have in your home. Even though no pet can ever replace the one you lost, that new one can fill a void in your heart and your home and make you not feel quite so alone. You can get a little peace and a sense of normalcy back in your life, which can definitely help you to move on after your severe loss. Take your time in choosing another pet to ensure it is a good fit for you and to make certain it won’t be a lot of work for you to handle as you deal with the grief you are going through. Adopting a rescue pet or a pet in need is always wonderful, but if you are a dog parent and want to go through a breeder, make sure to read through or have a puppy contract in place in case – after all, it’s not uncommon that those suffering from grief find themselves unable to look after a new animal and need to return the pup.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Photo by Mike Tinnion on Unsplash

Some people feel better if they just give them away, gifting them to friends or family. It can be helpful to have these little reminders out of the house and to make a fresh start and a clean break from the passing of a beloved pet child. Other people want to memorialize these items, hanging them up on a wall or placing them into a box or a display case.

To determine what might work best for you, you’ll want to take your time and think carefully through your choices. Figure out what would make you feel best and what seems right to you to do with your pet’s belongings. The answer will be different for many people, and there isn’t a certain right way to choose with these items.

If the passing of your pet was particularly painful because it was sudden, or because they were still a puppy, then you may be more inclined to just put the pet’s effects away where they won’t be seen on accident. That way, you can pull them out to look at them and relive your memories only when you want to.

How to fill the void in you when you feel lost and confused

Photo by Crystal Z. Shi on Unsplash

For those who are suffering from the loss of an older pet, it can be extremely tough to deal with not having them in your life anymore. You got used to them being a part of everything you do, and you can better cope with your emotions if you spend some time with people who have been a constant part of your routines and your life for a while. You can go to visit your children or neighbors you are used to seeing. That familiarity can help you to cope with the sense that things are not right and don’t feel normal anymore. They can bring back a sense of normalcy and self care to your life and scratch that nostalgia itch you may not realize that you are feeling.

We want to conclude by giving you a few tips that can help you make your home feel occupied and make you feel more at ease.

● Invite people over- Look for opportunities to visit other people and to have them come to your home. Throw small parties, create a potluck event or just have some game nights to fill your house with guests on a regular basis.

● Get excited about what can change- Change can be scary, but you can look at the passing of a pet child as a way to pick a new pet, if you are interested, and you can enjoy researching different kinds of pets and how they might impact your life.

● Create a memorial section in your home- Some people do very well with a small memorial in their home to pleasantly remind them of their loved one after he or she has gone.

● Open up your house- It can also help to open windows and even doors and let in fresh air. Opening curtains brings in sunlight, and letting in the sounds from the neighborhood can make you feel connected to other people around you.

Are you an empty nester suffering from the loss of a pet? Visit our Grief Support Center for more advice on how Rainbows Bridge can help. We have a forum section where you can chat with others, plus coping suggestions for how to handle and overcome your grief.