How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

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How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

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I had serious issues with reading this book. In the end it resumed that it was too into religion for me.

I was encouraged to read this book by my psychologist and I have to admit most of the things it said I found really a source to think about what kind of forgiveness I was giving away to the people who hurt me and what were the real motives that led me to give it. However, I found the book hard to completely enjoy since it was too religious for me.

Since this seems to be the line trough which t I had serious issues with reading this book. In the end it resumed that it was too into religion for me.

I was encouraged to read this book by my psychologist and I have to admit most of the things it said I found really a source to think about what kind of forgiveness I was giving away to the people who hurt me and what were the real motives that led me to give it. However, I found the book hard to completely enjoy since it was too religious for me.

Since this seems to be the line trough which the author writes, given that, if I understood correctly, he’s also a priest, I don’t plan on reading any other of the books he wrote. . more

Starts by going over some myths of forgiveness then moves into part 2 covering 12 steps of forgiveness to work on/through to achieve forgiveness. Exercise follow keep step.
1. Decide against seeking revenge and put a stop to the offense
2. Recognize our pain
3. Share with someone
4. Identify what we have lost and grieve it
5. Accept our anger and desire for revenge
6. Forgive ourselves
7. Start to understand offender
8. Discover what the pain means in our life
9. Know we are worthy of forgiveness and ar Starts by going over some myths of forgiveness then moves into part 2 covering 12 steps of forgiveness to work on/through to achieve forgiveness. Exercise follow keep step.
1. Decide against seeking revenge and put a stop to the offense
2. Recognize our pain
3. Share with someone
4. Identify what we have lost and grieve it
5. Accept our anger and desire for revenge
6. Forgive ourselves
7. Start to understand offender
8. Discover what the pain means in our life
9. Know we are worthy of forgiveness and are already forgiven
10. Stop trying so hard to forgive
11. Open to the grace of forgiveness
12. Decide whether to end the relationship or renew it

Seems to me that some of these are out of line with what comes first/previously so maybe this list in not in a particular order. Reminded me of the Grief Recovery Handbook by J James. The results come from actually working through each step which is not necessarily quick or easy.

I would like to share with you my story on Forgiveness and how it changed my life.

I was deeply traumatised in my childhood and carried those traumatic memories with me for more than 20 years.

That trauma kept me in the bubble. At times, I was like a walking zombie, living in the past and carrying those hurtful emotions and deep sadness.

For more than 20 years I have been seeing the same painful dreams that made me cry at night. Shadows of those people were in front of me when I was walking around.

I felt I was poisoning myself by repeating those memories over and over again in my head.

Those experiences made me feel tensed and sad, even when I was laughing and pretend to be happy that black shadow and sadness never left my heart.

From despair and deep sadness I started looking for alternative therapies to help myself.

Later I met a woman who did healing therapies and she explained me how to do forgiveness therapy and let go of the past.

So I went back home and did that forgiveness therapy. It took for me 3 hours to forgive myself and others and let go fully from my heart.

How I did it: I went back in time, to my childhood, and invited all those people (on an imaginary stage in front of me) who deeply traumatised me.

One by one I talked to them and released my suppressed emotions.

I cried for hours and felt that pain deeply – the pain I had tried so hard to avoid for most of my life.

Finally, I forgave them (my offenders) and let them go fully from my heart.

And then I put myself on the imaginary stage and forgave myself for carrying those painful emotions and keeping myself in prison.

I immediately felt a huge relief in my heart.

I felt peace, light and freedom. I felt that I had left my past and suddenly become aware of the present moment, like awakening to life again.

I finally feel that I am free from my prison and ready to move forward with my life.

I realised how long I had been poisoning myself by living in the past.

Finally, I was able to look at my past without tears on my eyes, resentment in my mind and pain in my heart.

I become more joyful, alive and free.

I was inspired by the power of forgiveness and how it changed my life.

Of course I still remember those events but they don’t bring me emotional pain because I let them go fully from my heart.

This is the power of forgiveness that helps to set us free and reclaim our power back.

When we cannot forgive we keep ourselves in prison and poison ourselves with painful memories or negative emotions over and over again.

Forgiving yourself and others helps to release toxic thoughts, sadness and negative memories.

And we never can be at peace and happy while we carrying those negative emotions and memories.

The major work in forgiveness is done in your own heart.

Would you like to learn how to forgive yourself and others, release negativity and move forward in life?

I am launching Online Forgiveness Course soon where I will guide you step by step and share with you powerful practices and meditations that helped me and many my clients to release emotional pain, sadness, bitterness and set yourself free.

You can Sign Up here to get notified when the course is ready and Get a Free Guide on Steps to Forgiveness.

How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

After you think the word “forgiveness,” a lot of different thoughts probably enter your head. The concept of forgiveness is loaded with meanings that you picked up in childhood—from your family, school, any religious training you received, and from the media.

What does forgiveness mean to you? Does it mean to simply “let bygones be bygones” or to brush a painful conflict away into a vague place of denial? Does it mean that you must wait until time seems to make the details of the conflict go underground, and you’ve forgotten the intensity of the situation?

Perhaps you feel that you might be weak if you forgive, or that the conflict will just happen again and therefore, you wouldn’t be safe if you forgive. Maybe you’re waiting for an apology before you can forgive someone for his or her crime against you.

Or perhaps you know that if you forgive others for their shortcomings, sooner or later you’ll need to forgive yourself for yours. And that can seem like an overwhelming task. Impossible, maybe. So you leave the whole can of forgiveness worms alone.

Yet forgiveness is an essential ingredient for anyone desiring a truly happy life. Holding on to the past with all its colorful, painful scenarios just brings more suffering. When you shut down and refuse to move on, your heart shuts down, too. The light can’t get in.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong”. (Tweet this)

Forgiveness Gives Us Blessings

As an ordinary person who’s gone deep into exploring the healing aspects of forgiveness in my own life, I’d like to share with you the blessings that I’ve found. Forgiveness has helped me so much that I’ve become a passionate crusader to awaken the world to its glad tidings. For without it, we remain lost in conflict, pain and violence of all kinds. With it, peace begins.

The kind of forgiveness I teach is an expanded version of what you learned in childhood. It has a spiritual component, but you don’t need a religion to forgive. It helps you let go of past burdens, so you can feel free to move on and accept the goodness of Life.

It changes and uplifts your vibrational field, so that you can break patterns of fear and confusion that were based on past trauma. It heals your heart and allows you to finally relax. This is the path to peace and your inner freedom to truly be who and what you are: an eternal being of light, temporarily having a human experience.

To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.

Necessary Ingredients for Forgiving

In order to forgive someone or yourself in this new way, you’ll need some support. Here is a list of some of the things you’ll need.

  • Honesty about how you really feel and think about the conflict
  • An open heart and a curious mind
  • Willingness to learn about Life as it is, and willingness to let go of past pain, fear, hurt and confusion

If you’ve got Honesty, Openness and Willingness (H.O.W), you’ll be well-equipped for the task.

Another thing you’ll require is the ability to slow down and really turn within to access both your fear and your love. In addition, you’ll need some trust or faith in a Higher Power (the loving God of your understanding).

No matter what the circumstances, who was involved, or how long ago the conflict occurred, forgiveness is always available. For you and me, forgiveness in this new way involves giving our suffering away to the Divine in a deep prayer of release. We let go and say to God, “Please, help me. I can’t do this alone. I’ve run out of options. Show me what to do to become peaceful once again.”

I’ve found that using my breath is very helpful when I’m ready to let go of the pain of my past. Try focusing on your exhale breath, making it long and slow, as you release all of your memories, thoughts and feelings out of your body. Give them away . . . and when you feel complete, begin inhaling goodness, light, and love to take their place.

If you wish, end with a sincere prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving. Forgiveness is really a trade—we give up our grievances and receive peace and blessings instead. And it’s all given for free.

Are You Ready?

Everyone forgives when they’re ready, and not a moment before. So turn within and ask yourself if now is a good time to contemplate the possibility of forgiveness as a path of healing in your life. You may need more time to feel you are upset if the conflict is fresh, so don’t rush it. Feeling all your feelings, just as they are, will give room for forgiveness in its right timing. Begin whenever it feels right.

Forgiveness is the path to your inner freedom. So, find your freedom with forgiveness!

Our guide includes the following areas

How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

Because it involves the tenderness of your heart, forgiveness cannot be rushed. Everyone comes to forgive in their own timing, when they’re ready—and not a moment before. For example, it took eight years for me to begin my healing process after my mother’s suicide. I now realize that I just was not ready any earlier than that.

I did not know about the benefits of forgiveness back then, when I was a young adult. I was miserable but also coping with life—being a mother of a young daughter and a working woman and a wife. My heart hurt, and I felt deep pain and confusion.

Slowly, I began to open up, using helpful tools such as meditation and self-inquiry. Another eight years went by before I learned about forgiveness as a healing path. After sixteen years, I was finally aware and open enough to forgive. It doesn’t have to take you sixteen years to begin your process, though. You will begin the moment you are ready.

Let us not listen to those who think we ought to be angry with our enemies, and who believe this to be great and manly. Nothing is so praiseworthy, nothing so clearly shows a great and noble soul, as clemency and readiness to forgive.

Table of Content:

To Forgive . . . Don’t Push Yourself, Open Yourself

No one should push you to forgive, and there’s no need to push yourself. When you’re ready, you’ll realize you want to do this for your sanity and health. Fortunately, all of the support and divine compassion you need is always right here . . . right now. So check to see if perhaps you do sincerely desire the freedom and peace that forgiveness brings.

Your grievances may go very deep, and you may think that they are so important that they’re worth hanging on to. You may feel very angry, hurt or betrayed over something that happened—yesterday or many decades ago. You may be so used to feeling this way that you have crafted your entire worldview around it.

Privately, you may think that life is too hard, or no one really loves you, or no one is here to help when you need it. These thoughts stem from anguish and fear that may have occurred a long time ago, imprinting your mind, perhaps since childhood.

Forgiveness offers you a way out. Finally, you can stop suffering. You will still have some challenges, but you won’t recycle those old thoughts again and again. Your mind will be open to inner guidance instead of familiar laments and despair. You’ll receive new inspiration, full of love, compassion and excitement about life.

In my book, Forgive and Be Free, I wrote, “Forgiveness is a workout for the soul that makes you stronger and more loving and compassionate at the same time.” That inner workout functions in exactly the same way a physical workout does. With practice, your muscles grow stronger and more available for challenge. The more you dive into the river of love for healing, the more you’ll be ready, willing and eager to swim in its waters even more.

The Lasting Benefits of Forgiveness

As you embrace your healing and increase your willingness to let go even deeper, you’ll notice changes occurring in your life. Dramatic fights or bouts of complaining will begin to disappear. You’ll no longer reach for something outside yourself (such as your lover, a gelatto, a work project, a shopping spree, a drink, etc.) to fill your body with pleasure.

You won’t think that someone else’s approval means you have achieved a personal victory, and if someone disapproves of you, you’ll no longer be devastated.

For instance, I’m much happier than ever, thanks to my forgiveness practice. This profound willingness to let go and let God has become my most-beloved spiritual path. This isn’t traditional forgiveness, but a mystical journey into the heart of compassion. Some days, I’m filled with humbleness as I witness how many illusions I’ve carried. Other days, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for the teachings that, quite literally, saved my sanity.

We come home to union with Spirit not by fixing ourselves, but by unlayering our heavy veils of grievances. With the healing that releasing our suffering brings, we touch eternity. All the doors of possibility open and beckon us to a whole new life filled with love and service. The grace we receive is a lasting gift, constantly given by our Creator.

Once you complete the process, the doorways of your inner meridians will open. You’ll tap into an experience of true peace, and you’ll begin to live inside miracles themselves. Life just doesn’t get any better than that

Ana Holub, Forgive and Be Free

Why wait?

Enjoy the benefits of forgiveness. If you feel your heart opening to the path of forgiveness, go with it. Dive in. You’ll know if you’re ready to forgive, and if you are, your soul will rejoice. You’ll feel a pull towards situations and people that will bring up your sadness and fear, so embrace the synchronicities that appear in your life.

Go deep within yourself to radically offer your pain to God. Then, make sure to drink from the well of bliss that is offered in return. All you’ve got to lose is suffering, and a lifetime of joy to gain. I will walk with you as you boldly step onto your clear path to peace.

Follow our FORGIVENESS series here . . .

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” — Lewis B. Smedes

How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

To feel hurt, you don’t need a bad partner. Thoughtless behavior can happen even in the best relationships. I know.

As time moves on, the initial shock, still painful, is now nothing more than a feeling you carry around. Yet, these feelings of anger, resentment, or hatred drain your energy.

By letting these thoughts occupy your mind, you deprive your days of joie de vivre.

I felt betrayed when my partner hurt me with his actions. We talked our way through it, analyzed what went wrong in our communication, and I cried — a lot.

And while there was still pain left I I could never forget what happened. That’s not how our brains work. We can’t simply ignore the past. And because I was unable to forget, I thought I would never be able to forgive.

Yet, to forgive, doesn’t mean you must forget. When you forgive your partner, you don’t erase the past. What has happened is still part of your memory.

To forgive, all you do need to do is to let go of hurt, anger, and blame. Feelings that greyscale your perception of life, not your partner’s.

By forgiving, you release these feelings and, you will feel more peace. Here’s what has helped me move beyond resentment and forgive — not forget e — my partner’s actions.

Emotional pain is like a rollercoaster. When you think the deepest fall is behind you, there’s a surprising turn, and things might go down again. Even though you thought the worst is over, you might feel sad, angry, or betrayed again.

Meanwhile, your partner might go on with life as if nothing has happened. Neither cry, nor blame, nor feel sad. When one partner betrays the other, pain is unequally distributed in any relationship.

Because once the confession is out there, your partner will feel relieved. Yes, he or she will regret what has happened. But foremost, the weight that has been carried around on his or her shoulders alone is relieved.

In situations like this, keep in mind that you don’t have to handle your pain all by yourself. The hurt is worse for you than it is for your partner. You’re the person who’s hurt. Your partner might likely feel sorry for you. But it’s nothing compared to the hurt that you are experiencing.

Don’t let the weight tie you down and deal with the consequences all on your own. To forgive, share your negative emotions with your partner.

Make your inner struggle a topic for both of you. Take the room to discuss how you’re feeling. Make your partner understand how his or her behavior affected you and what you’re going through. Don’t blame, but reveal what’s going on inside of you.

Most likely, your other half feels worse after these conversations. But you will feel better. By sharing your emotional rollercoaster, you distribute the emotional pain equally.

By sharing even your worst moments with your partner, you were exposing your wounds to the light. You’ll heal yourself step by step and will be able to recover your suffering and, ultimately, to forgive.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds. But by accepting that it’s okay to not feel okay for an undefined time, you will allow your energy to expand.

Don’t expect your relationship to be as blissful and happy as it was before, just yet. Forgiving requires accepting that some things take their time.

Forgiveness is no choice. Instead, it’s a process that requires patience, empathy, and communication.

Even though you and your partner might want to stop the pain immediately, it doesn’t work that way.

I wanted to enjoy a romantic summer holiday. Yet, we can’t have it right now. Wounds need time to heal. The unhealthy expectations that everything should be perfect now made things more difficult.

Once I let go of the expectation that everything needs to be in place right now, we were able to have honest conversations.

I thought I’d make it too easy for my partner if I forgive too early. But the opposite is true. The feeling of resentment blocked my energy.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Forgiveness is for you, not your partner. This might sound counterintuitive, but by forgiving, you liberate your soul. You allow yourself to move beyond any bitterness and continue to live a happy, fulfilled life.

By forgiving your partner, you take your power back. You allow yourself to be happy again. You bring back the colors to your and your collective future.

Yet, forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. You don’t need to accept or endorse what has happened and move on. Take preventative action against future behavior that might hurt you. Communicate your boundaries. Take action when your partner oversteps them. Don’t let anybody take advantage of you.

By forgiving, not forgetting, you create a learning experience for both of you. You create an environment in which both of you can learn from your skills without feeling hurt or judged.

But in the meanwhile, remember that forgiveness is not for your partner’s benefit at all — it’s for your own. Dennis Merrit Jones says

“Regardless of how illogical it may seem at times, it is through unconditional forgiveness that we surrender the past to the past and enter the present, freeing ourselves to stand in the infinite Light that knows how to heal our deepest and most painful wounds.”

How to forgive and live a happy life again (a step-by-step guide)

You deserve to stop suffering because of what other people have done to you.

Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain, playing offenses over and over in your mind? You know you can’t go on like this, but you don’t know what to do next.

#1 New York Times Bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled through this journey. But in surprising ways, she’s discovered how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right. With deep empathy, therapeutic insight, and rich Bible teaching coming out of more than 1,000 hours of theological study, Lysa will help you:

  • Learn how to move on when the other person refuses to change and never says they’re sorry.
  • Walk through a step-by-step process to free yourself from the hurt of your past and feel less offended today.
  • Discover what the Bible really says about forgiveness and the peace that comes from living it out right now.
  • Identify what’s stealing trust and vulnerability from your relationships so you can believe there is still good ahead.
  • Disempower the triggers hijacking your emotions by embracing the two necessary parts of forgiveness.