How to learn to be alone and happy about it

A breakup can seem like the worst possible thing ever to have happened to you. And while there is certainly no denying the heartache, we’re not here to dwell on the negative. No, we’re going to help you realize that you can be happy again, even if that means on your own.

Smashing the “they lived happily ever after” myth

Let’s first touch upon the one thing that will probably be the hardest to come to terms with, but that will also help you truly live your best life. You don’t need anyone else to be happy. I know we’re all conditioned to believe in undying love, in Prince Charming and a fairytale ending. However, we are just conditioned that way – it’s not necessarily the truth.

One of the main reasons we’re not happy in the first place is that we feel we need to have someone by our side, someone we are a perfect match with. And then when we don’t, we easily fall into the trap of feeling incomplete and discontent.

The thing is – you are fine just the way you are. Alone, with your own self for company, spending time with your own mind, body, and spirit. If you expect happiness and content to come from an external source, you won’t actually ever be happy. Or, at least, you can easily stop being happy once that something is taken out of your life.

How to be happy on your own

Admittedly, accepting the above will be the most difficult part of your journey, and it will require a lot of work. You can start by noticing the thought patterns that are causing you pain and negativity. Every time you notice one, work your hardest to eliminate it by taking on a different perspective.

Also, know that getting over the breakup of a relationship will take time – and there’s no way around that. You simply have to trust the process (and yourself), and not expect yourself to feel better all of a sudden. There will be tears, there will be late-night phone calls, there will be eating ice cream for breakfast.

Don’t beat yourself up about any of that. It’s all just a part of the grieving process. And while you’re giving yourself time to heal, try to occupy your mind and body with something that does you good. Here are a couple of ideas:

Spread out

The one thing about leaving a relationship is that you are now able to take up some of the room in your life the other person has occupied. Both physically and mentally. You can start by rearranging your home , taking up any newly-vacated areas (this includes the bed), and enjoying all the space.

But don’t forget to use the time you now have to do what makes you happy. Whether that is watching all the TV shows and movies the other person was not into, going to a yoga class now that you have time in the mornings, or staying up late and testing out your new makeup brushes – as long as it makes you feel good, go for it.

Work on the silver lining

While it may be difficult to see your new situation as positive, you can easily find something good if you just try. Even if you’re going through the particular heartbreak of a broken engagement, think of the ways you can treat yourself using the money from your engagement ring. Think of all the spectacular, colorful, and meaningful things you’re going to find when you shift your focus inwards. Think of the time you have to spend with friends and family; think of all the boring functions you will no longer have to attend.

I’m not advocating dragging your ex through the mud. But every relationship has those little nagging chores that you would rather skip – and now is your chance to use them to your benefit and let them help you get through the initial rough patch.

Don’t listen to others

You and you alone know what you need right now, and you know that you can be happy on your own. Don’t let others ruin that for you, and don’t listen to the pity party that may come your way. Don’t listen to the advice of “getting back in the dating game soon” or how you should cope differently.

Although all of this advice is most often well-meaning, don’t let it get to you: you know yourself best, and you know what you want to be doing with your life.

Final thoughts

Being alone does not equal being lonely or sad. Once you accept this fact (and yes, it will be hard), you will suddenly feel much better about life in general – relationships included.

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Sarah is a life enjoyer, positivity seeker, and a curiosity enthusiast. She is passionate about an eco-friendly lifestyle and adores her cats. She is an avid reader who loves to travel when time allows.

Life coach and survivor helping women transform their lives

  • Uncategorized
  • August 2, 2019

Learning to be alone can be one of the most difficult things to learn how to do for a woman but learning to be alone and happy is a whole different story.

I’ve had my own experience of dealing with how to be alone and happy and it was far from a walk in the park.

I came to a point in my life where I knew something had to give. I kept expecting a different result doing the exact same things over and over again.

It’s the very definition of insanity

So I decided to take some time to reflect on decisions I’d made in my past to figure out how the hell I even got to live a life filled with such chaos and drama.

After I left my son’s father, I analyzed how I ended up letting an abusive relationship kill my self-esteem and self-worth and how I was going to move forward and get my life back on track.

I started taking time to reevaluate all the fucked up decisions I’d made and tried to figure out why I ever made them.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.

I suddenly had to confront everything I had spent years running from and it hit me like a ton of bricks straight across the face.

It takes strength to be brutely honest with yourself.

Instead of carrying along hoping I would have a magic wand to change fate, I decided to heal myself.

Facing and confronting the decisions that led me to depression and despair in my life was the first and most crucial step to getting back on the right track.

This was a little easier once I figured out the best way to deal with the constant attempts of abuse (you can find that blog post about how I was able to do that here)

I decided to dedicate my time to solely focus on me for once.

Facing the truth

When I was finally able to gather myself after leaving my son’s father I realized that maybe there was an opportunity for me to learn something that would lead to me gaining more strength instead of feeling completely and utterly defeated.

That wake-up call was me coming to the realization that I didn’t know how to be alone; not in a relationship or dating, just being by myself.

It was hard as hell to admit that, but I had to.

Now that I was a mom, I had someone other than myself to think about and take into consideration.

And I, like most momma bears, I am hella protective and selective about who I allow around my son.

And what I really didn’t want was for my love/dating situations to become a revolving door of men coming in and out of my son’s life.

Once I came to the harsh truth that changing men like my underwear during the week was what caused me to settle for a relationship that I didn’t want, I figured that it would be better being by myself for a little while.

I knew I had to learn how to be alone and happy if I didn’t want to continue an ongoing cycle of finding myself in more abusive relationships.

How we perceive ourselves is how others will perceive us as well. Most of us don’t really pay attention to how we present ourselves. But, most manipulative men can sense or smell an insecure woman a mile away.

It’s like watching a show on animal planet and seeing unexpected prey when spotted by the predator. They can feel the vulnerability and pounce without warning.

I was insecure AF and needed to find myself and my happiness at any cost.

Besides, trying to change my life for the better had to be worth more than sulking in, what could potentially be, a lifetime of misery.

Moving forward

When I realized what I had to do, it wasn’t as difficult as I assumed it would be.

Imagine, if you will for a moment, having an infant child, working, and attending school full time with NO help or assistance. It left me utterly exhausted.

I was so overwhelmed with the busy day to day of my life that I didn’t recognize or have time to focus on lack of anything, including a spouse or mate.

In the rare events that I did get time to myself, sleep was my only priority.

But the funny thing is that in the hustle and bustle of doing and going, life began to eventually slow down. And by the time it did, I was so used to being alone it wasn’t as unbearable as I once imagined it to be.

And when I tell you I got comfortable, I mean it in every sense of the word.

Not only did I learn, or more pushed into, learning to be alone and happy, I was alone and thriving!

It no longer bothered me to go see a movie alone or go out to eat alone. I began to enjoy any and every moment of peace and solitude I could get.

And in enjoying the feeling of being at peace and not constantly arguing and frustrating myself on a regular basis with someone who only wants to see their own point of view, I felt so free and liberated.

It helped me to be a better parent since I wasn’t stressed out all of the time and could focus solely on my son. I wasn’t walking around in frustration or depression from being yelled at and manipulated all day.

Most importantly, it taught me the necessity of self-love. It taught me that all these years I spent looking for something outside to fulfill me instead of looking inward to what had been and will always be present within me.

It was this outside approach that led me to an abusive relationship in the first place.

The Lesson

Almost 10 years after it all started and 7 years of doing some deep soul searching I finally realized that what I had done was something almost every woman does.

We are told to put ourselves on the backburner and to take care of others first.

It’s self-destructive to do this. If I’m not well enough to take care of my son, who’s going to?

I can’t focus on him and raising him to be the loving, considerate, intelligent, and empathic person I know he’s capable of being since I when dealing with depression and anxiety that was crippling me to my core.

When we don’t fix us and all we’ve been through in this life, we take the pain to the next generation to be carried on for who knows how long?

At some point, I began to see family patterns emerge and I began to see the situation very differently.

But, more importantly, I wanted to feel like I was in control again.

I began to acknowledge that it was all under my control and that by feeling otherwise, I was just giving my power away.

Don’t ever let others decide or determine your worth!

“Reach for the moon and even if you miss you’ll still land among the stars”

How to learn to be alone and happy about it

We are taught that there is shame in being alone. For women, in particular, there lurks the implication that no one is ever willingly by themselves. There’s this idea that o one wants to be single (and if they say they do, they’re just kidding themselves) or that no one wants a life that is truly untethered. “Find me a husband!” has been at the center of book, movie and TV plots for centuries. But part of growing up — er, maybe not even “up,” but “out” — has been learning to love singularity. These books taught me how to be alone – and why there’s power in loneliness.

Though it took until I was out of college to realize this tendency, I have always fallen into a lifestyle of independence. I bought my own prom ticket my senior year (and some classmate’s mom looked at me pityingly and said, “Just one?”). I had moved to two new cities, without much of a plan, twice by the time I was 21. And it wasn’t until other people started pointing out that I’m the opposite of a serial monogamist, that I take (to them, oddly) long walks by myself and show up to parties by myself and eat meals in public by myself, that I began to feel ashamed of being alone, of loneliness. I downloaded all the dating apps, I began spiraling into depression. I started relying on other people to do my own emotional lifting. And then I started reading books about women who refused to shut up about the intricacies of loneliness.

As an extrovert, the process of loving alone time has been particularly challenging. I do gain energy from being in the company of others. I love to chat and socialize. But as Warsan Shire sagely wrote, “You can’t make homes out of human beings.” This reading list helped me learn that.

‘The Lonely City’ by Olivia Laing

I recently picked up a copy of Olivia Laing’s The Lonely City and couldn’t put it down. Maybe it’s because I just moved to New York, as she once did in her mid-thirties, and books about the city have taken on a new meaning for me. Maybe it was that I was coming off a solo walk across town, as I so often do when trying to orient myself to a new neighborhood.

Through the lens of artists known and lauded for their handling of loneliness — Edward Hopper, Andy Warhol, David Wojnarowicz — Laing walks us, and herself, down a path of self-reflection regarding why we fear being alone and the ways in which we can reclaim the feeling.

‘Their Eyes Were Watching God’ by Zora Neale Hurston

I first read Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God early on in high school, and I had never, ever encountered a character like Janie Crawford, the fiercely independent woman at the center of Hurston’s well-renowned novel. Janie fights for the right to self-definition, tirelessly and unapologetically. She makes room for herself in spaces where men dominate. And when she reflects on a life she’s run ragged trying to figure things out for herself, she’s content.

Now, admittedly, this book, written by a Black woman, for Black women, about the experience of being a Black woman in the South, was not made for me. And there is a spirit to this book that I won’t ever know or truly understand, and Janie must overcome things that I will never have to encounter because of my privilege. But I do understand loneliness, and living in a world where people question your independence, and it’s those elements of Janie that I continue to cherish.

How to learn to be alone and happy about it

We are taught that there is shame in being alone. For women, in particular, there lurks the implication that no one is ever willingly by themselves. There’s this idea that o one wants to be single (and if they say they do, they’re just kidding themselves) or that no one wants a life that is truly untethered. “Find me a husband!” has been at the center of book, movie and TV plots for centuries. But part of growing up — er, maybe not even “up,” but “out” — has been learning to love singularity. These books taught me how to be alone – and why there’s power in loneliness.

Though it took until I was out of college to realize this tendency, I have always fallen into a lifestyle of independence. I bought my own prom ticket my senior year (and some classmate’s mom looked at me pityingly and said, “Just one?”). I had moved to two new cities, without much of a plan, twice by the time I was 21. And it wasn’t until other people started pointing out that I’m the opposite of a serial monogamist, that I take (to them, oddly) long walks by myself and show up to parties by myself and eat meals in public by myself, that I began to feel ashamed of being alone, of loneliness. I downloaded all the dating apps, I began spiraling into depression. I started relying on other people to do my own emotional lifting. And then I started reading books about women who refused to shut up about the intricacies of loneliness.

As an extrovert, the process of loving alone time has been particularly challenging. I do gain energy from being in the company of others. I love to chat and socialize. But as Warsan Shire sagely wrote, “You can’t make homes out of human beings.” This reading list helped me learn that.

‘The Lonely City’ by Olivia Laing

I recently picked up a copy of Olivia Laing’s The Lonely City and couldn’t put it down. Maybe it’s because I just moved to New York, as she once did in her mid-thirties, and books about the city have taken on a new meaning for me. Maybe it was that I was coming off a solo walk across town, as I so often do when trying to orient myself to a new neighborhood.

Through the lens of artists known and lauded for their handling of loneliness — Edward Hopper, Andy Warhol, David Wojnarowicz — Laing walks us, and herself, down a path of self-reflection regarding why we fear being alone and the ways in which we can reclaim the feeling.

‘Their Eyes Were Watching God’ by Zora Neale Hurston

I first read Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God early on in high school, and I had never, ever encountered a character like Janie Crawford, the fiercely independent woman at the center of Hurston’s well-renowned novel. Janie fights for the right to self-definition, tirelessly and unapologetically. She makes room for herself in spaces where men dominate. And when she reflects on a life she’s run ragged trying to figure things out for herself, she’s content.

Now, admittedly, this book, written by a Black woman, for Black women, about the experience of being a Black woman in the South, was not made for me. And there is a spirit to this book that I won’t ever know or truly understand, and Janie must overcome things that I will never have to encounter because of my privilege. But I do understand loneliness, and living in a world where people question your independence, and it’s those elements of Janie that I continue to cherish.

Last Updated: March 9, 2021 References Approved

This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011.

There are 19 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 21 testimonials and 87% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status.

This article has been viewed 846,763 times.

Have you recently broken up with a significant other and find yourself struggling to be happy? Or maybe you’ve been single too long and feel like you’ll never be happy until you find your soulmate? It might seem like you’ll never be able to be happy and single, but it’s really not so different than being happy under any other conditions. By finding out exactly what you’re passionate about and cultivating its presence in your life as much as possible, you can learn to be happy in a way that doesn’t depend on your relationship status. Keep reading to learn more about how to be happy and single.

How to learn to be alone and happy about it

Allison Broennimann, Ph.D
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 11 December 2020.

  • Spend extra time on your hobbies. Did you want to write a song? Climb a mountain? Finish that big history book? Now is your chance! Make goals for yourself, and feel proud of your new accomplishments. Do something fun for yourself.
  • Work hard at your school or career. When you’re single, it’s easier to put in more work, because no significant other needs your attention. Try taking on an extra project, or putting additional effort into a difficult part. Enjoy the raised eyebrows as you impress people with what a hard worker you are.
  • Pamper yourself. Give yourself some extra care, and set aside time just for you. Read a good book, take a long hot bath, put on your fuzziest bathrobe, and listen to your favorite music. Now you can take extra good care of yourself.

My mother recently sent me an article about being alone. This is often her way to let me know that she is fed up with my complaining. My complaints in question center around my struggle to be happy alone in London. She tells me that I am being ridiculous because I have a lot of friends. To which I exhale and explain that all my friends are in serious relationships and have begun to hoard life savings. All I seem to receive is a reoccurring message from Bumble offering me a free upgrade. So yup that is where my life is right about now. For anyone who sucks at being happily alone, please, join hands with me and never let go.

Some people are terrific at spending time alone, they thrive in these situations. I know this because I used to be the person who enjoyed staying home and being alone. It was only after I decided to move countries and found out that being alone was a lot harder then I realized. My mind plays games on me; that pesky voice that reminds me I haven’t washed my hair in days and no one is returning my texts. The sadness sets in and the malbec starts to flow.

It’s hard to make the change to being comfortably alone in a city like London. So I started by googling ‘how to be better at being alone”. The first thing that came up said this: ‘close your eyes in a dark room and appreciate the silence.’ Fortunately for me, the light bulb in my room broke so I have been in darkness for the last 48 hours. The second tip said that rearranging furniture can help to cope with being alone. I am slightly at a loss to how exactly this would improve my situation in my new found darkness, but let’s not doubt the people who are here to help. So, I rearranged seven of my plants and placed them in height order.

If you are serious about being alone and not feeling unsettled by the thought, I would recommend that you start with these easy tips. They come via my therapist who seemed confused when I stopped the session midway through and started quizzing him on strategies to be alone. He recommends that you attempt some of these to become more confident in your own space. I have also added my own advice because I am incredibly obnoxious that way.

Meditation can be a great tool to allow you to grow more comfortable in paying close attention to your thoughts, emotions, and sensations. Realistically, I just find it incredibly hard to stay silent and still for five minutes. You need to find what works for you. Meditation can come in so many different forms. I personally chant, “I am my favourite person” whilst listening to Paula Abdul

2. Unplug from the world

I take a more abrupt approach when unplugging from social media, I delete Instagram for the effect. Because almost everyone else has an accurate level of emotions, give yourself an hour at minimum every day to unplug and separate yourself from the technologies that make us so dependent on people. Allow yourself to be present and away from the chaos of the fake lives that we feed into daily.

3. Treat yourself

A personal favourite saying and religion in my household. Treating yourself can come in various methods, some which will hurt and damage your bank account and others that are free and easy.

Either way, giving yourself time alone in a completely outrageous setting such as your bath with bath bombs, oil and will make you V relaxed.

4. Book a holiday somewhere alone

To most people, the thought of booking a holiday alone would be extremely scary and overwhelming. But not us, we now meditate and occasionally veer away from social media. We must be ready to holiday alone. Start off slowly; book a night in London somewhere. Then, slowly get excited about the thought of making travel plans to a country that you have never been. This is your chance to go anywhere, plus, you won’t have someone else putting their two cents into the plan.

5. Netflix and chill alone

Okay so technically this was not on the list that my therapist mentioned, but I love to Netflix and chill. Why would you want someone around when you can have two pizzas in bed alone? Life can get hard, so let yourself eat whatever food in a luxurious bed whenever you want.

6. Volunteer and give back.

Technically is not a total way to be alone. But if you are seeking a place to go that allows you to be surrounded by new people, whilst giving your time to a worthy cause then go for it.

7. Engaging in new skills

Yes, this is totally something our mothers would tell us to do. Go find a new skill, get off your backside and be proactive. I can just hear her now rambling in my ear. All the same, this is a great way to cope with those moments when you feel alone and the bad thoughts take hold. Take up knitting, tarot card reading or learn how to read brail. Whatever interests you, that clock will tick by faster when you are consumed with a new activity.

We all know that being alone in a large city like London can be hard on your mental health. For me, my anxiety decided to rear its ugly head in full force when I moved here. It all stemmed from being alone and hating the feelings that came with it. As we get older, new pressures are placed on us and it makes sense that allowing ourselves to have time alone will help our mental health. Now don’t think that shutting yourself indoors and watching Netflix every evening is the answer. You need to find a happy medium between yourself and the outside world.

How to learn to be alone and happy about it

How often do you feel lonely? It’s the feeling you get when you miss a person for any reason. We think everyone needs to feel lonely when they are alone. Now, the feeling of loneliness is very real. I’m not going to argue with that—I’ll leave that up to the psychiatrists of the world. This article is not for people who take things literally. If you have an open mind, feel free to read on.

The truth is that loneliness is completely unnecessary. That’s why I say loneliness is not real. It’s a story that’s created by mankind. Here are some of those lies:

  • Everyone needs 500 friends
  • Being single is for losers
  • Divorce means you failed
  • Being alone is for the crazies

The problem with loneliness is when we start believing in it. In that case, loneliness deteriorates your mental well-being. The truth is that you’re never lonely. You always have company: Yourself. So you can be alone without being lonely. I like how Anthony de Mello, author of Awareness, puts it:

“Loneliness is when you’re missing people, aloneness is when you’re enjoying yourself.”

This is an alien idea for our society. We’re all conditioned to believe we need to have people around us 24/7. We call people who go on a vacation by themselves weird. I’ve said it as well. I’m one of those people who said, “Who goes on a trip alone? What’s the fun in that?!” False. If you can enjoy your own company, there’s a lot of fun in that.

The famous playwright George Bernard Shaw was once at a cocktail party. You know how these ordeals go, right? Most birthdays, Friday afternoon drinks, networking events, conferences, balls, and so forth are all the same. You simply talk about nothing with people. When someone asked Shaw if he was enjoying himself, he said:

“It’s the only thing I am enjoying here.”

So even when you’re not having fun at someplace, you can always enjoy your own company.

What about being social?

We’re social animals and I believe in the importance of intimate contact. Relationships are important. I’m not proposing a life of aloneness.

But let’s be real. How often did you feel alone during the last period? If you even answered once, it’s time to work on your “aloneness” skills. This is all about getting more comfortable with yourself. Try these two things:

  1. Stop clinging to others—Stop thinking so much about other people. I don’t mean you should become an insensitive person. You can still care. Just avoid attachment.
  2. Do more things on your own—Find something you can do at ALL times. Learn a skill, organize an event, work out, go for a walk, read a book, start a business, make music, etc. You get the idea. If you have a goal, you go after it. If people want to join you, that’s great. If not, that’s fine too.

Aloneness means freedom. You can always enjoy yourself without needing others. You know, the problem is attachment and neediness. When we’re needy, we’re annoying. Somehow we can detect when others are needy.

The friend that calls you multiple times. The salesperson who insists on trying his product. The guy/girl who wants your attention. You can sense that, right? But if we switch the roles, we’re all of a sudden oblivious.

Put up a mirror. I’ve done that too. What you’ll find is that you’re needier than you think. That also means you’re less free than you think. It’s time to give up your neediness. You don’t need anyone to be comfortable with yourself.

The funny thing is that the more comfortable you become with aloneness, the more people you will attract. Crazy right? That’s how we are. We’re attracted to what doesn’t need us. As a result, you’ll never be alone if you don’t want to. But it all starts with adopting the belief that you’re never lonely.

”But HOW can I be happy when I’m lonely?”

This remains a controversial idea to many. Most people will not agree with you if you adopt this mindset. But that’s why so many people are unhappy.

But HOW do you stop yourself from feeling needy or alone? I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I’ve read many books and tried to find a method for being happy and comfortable by yourself. The standard stuff like journaling, working out, reading, learning, all works. But there’s one thing that makes the most significant difference: Awareness.

We must build some kind of meditation practice in our lives. I know that most of my readers are practical folks, just like me. That means you’re not fully comfortable with the idea of meditation, right? Or maybe you don’t see any benefits?

Here’s the thing: A regular mediation practice will make you more aware. And awareness is what you want. People who think meditation itself is the goal don’t get the point. Meditation is the vehicle to awareness. It’s simply a method.

But mediation is a broad concept. I’m not only talking about sitting meditation or meditation retreats. I’m also not talking about which type of meditation is best. You can pick any type you want: Walking meditation, Mindfulness, Transcendental, you name it. You can use an app, course, or coach. It really doesn’t matter.

I personally like Sam Harris’ app, Waking Up. I’ve been using that for about a year. I did his introduction course for 50 days. After that, I kept up the daily meditation. After a while, I felt I was more aware throughout the day. That’s HOW you stop—by becoming aware of your behavior. When you’re aware, you can stop. But without awareness, you can’t.

Now, I only use the Waking Up app when my thoughts are scattered. You know how your thoughts are all over the place sometimes, right? Your mind just keeps on spinning and you can’t seem to calm things down up there. That’s the perfect time to meditate.

Meditation will make you more comfortable when you’re alone. If you want to learn more about this idea, I recommend reading Awareness by de Mello and The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer. Both books go deep on the idea that we don’t need anything to be happy.

Some people just can’t believe that. They email me things like, “Yes, but my wife left me. I’m lonely.” Look, I get it. But you’re doing it to yourself. You have the ability to be okay with life, no matter what happens. You just have to be open to it. And if you’re not? No big deal. I can tell you that this stuff works. Get back to it when you’re ready.

After you keep practicing, you don’t need anything to be happy anymore. You simply are happy no matter what. When you reach that state, loneliness doesn’t exist. It’s merely aloneness.

You can be happy alone once you get used to it and have learned to enjoy your own company. But before you reach this stage, you will likely go through some pains associated with loneliness. Once you triumph over it and begin to like your alone time, you will find it a pleasure and might not be willing to give it up.

But quite a number of single women get tired of being and feeling alone and jumped into a relationship. Age and level of maturity are some of the factors that determine how soon a woman adapts to living alone but not lonely. Some women find that they are happier and better off alone than being in a relationship.

What to Do While Home Alone

Start over with a list of goals.

The number one tip to be happy alone is to start over. Start writing a list of goals, the things that you want to have, do and become. Don’t stop to think about it or worry about whether you can acquire them. At this point of time, just write anything that you fancy and want. Make it a long list.

Put a time line next to each goal. Determine whether it’ll take you a year, three years or ten years to accomplish each one. You now have a list of short, medium and long range goals.

Pick four of the most important goals that you want to achieve in the next twelve months. Then write the reasons why you want to accomplish these goals. If you are stuck on the reasons, ask yourself either one of these two questions. “Why do I want this . ” or “What for . ” Write as many reasons as you can think of.

Then write a list of things you can do immediately to get going. If you have very powerful reasons, your mind will help you come up with ideas. Start the process and you will find yourself moving ahead with a new determination.

List your previous accomplishments.

List all your previous accomplishments. What have you done that you were proud of? Write down your strengths and positive qualities too. One of the reasons for doing this exercise is to remind you that you have done things well and have the capabilities. Your focus is now on your good qualities instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

Think back on how you have managed to accomplish those goals. What were your beliefs then? What did you do to make things happen? If you can succeed once, you can do it again.

Try new and different things.

Can you play a musical instrument? Have you joined the blog craze and started blogging. Have you tried doing cross stitch or playing Sudoku? How about trying to complete a 3000 pieces jigsaw puzzle in an allocated time frame? These are some of the things that you can do alone and after you’ve started, will find it difficult to stop.

You can enroll in a learning to play the guitar class and practice it at home. Or you can buy a book and learn on your own. Building a website or blogging is another activity that will keep you very occupied. Soon you will find yourself happy alone earning an extra income which you can use to go on a vacation or buy something for yourself. There are numerous topics you can choose to write about.

Keep a journal.

Journal writing is one of the best ways to learn about you. At the end of the day, write down the activities that you did and how you respond to people and situations. Read through your journal every few months and you’ll discover your patterns of thoughts and state of mind. You will also be able to see your own growth, what makes you tick and the things that make you happy alone.

How many books have you read in the last 90 days? There are so many things that you can gather from reading. Once you’ve developed this habit, you’ll lose track of time.

Keep your mind positive.

To be happy alone, you mustn’t dwell on your past especially those that put you down and make you feel bitter. Close the door shut, look ahead and imagine a better future.

Practice using your creative imagination together with positive affirmations to override unpleasant thoughts and self talk. And avoid allowing people who are pessimist and negative into your life.

Pamper yourself.

Pamper yourself with special treats. Take bubble baths, listen to soothing music, do a manicure or whatever else that makes you feel good.

Organize your home and personal life.

Being single and living alone allow you to be yourself. This means you can choose to be disorganized and care less about how you live or make the best of your living condition. But mess, clutter and neglecting your personal hygiene will eventually affect the way you feel.

One of the ways to be happy alone is to develop good and healthy habits and making it a way of life. Every now and then redecorate your home. Make your bachelorette’s pad a place you feel proud about. Practice healthy living and look after your personal hygiene.

Get involved with life.

Keep yourself busy in the day. Do work that you love, join communities or clubs or do volunteer work. Keeping yourself active in sports activities or exercising is good and healthy. Exercise releases natural chemical that will make you feel happy.

At the end of the day, you’ll feel good to be finally home and happy alone to rest and relax without any interruptions.

Relax your body and mind.

One of the easiest ways to relax your mind is to practice taking deep breathing. Breathing exercise leads to physical relaxation and releases your anxieties and worries.

You can learn to breathe right and relax by doing yoga exercise or deep relaxation hypnosis. But the easiest method is to sit straight or lie down with both your hands on your side. Breathe deeply through your nose and inhale from your stomach. Feel your stomach rising. Hold for a few seconds and breathe out slowly through your mouth.

How to learn to be alone and happy about itFor 22 years I had a partner, a lover, a best friend, a husband. He was my everything. We were high school sweethearts and started dating when we were 15. We married after college. He supported me during law school. During my breast cancer. I never doubted his love for me and trusted him completely. I loved being married. I loved having a partner to share it all with. I loved falling to sleep in his arms and waking up next to him every morning. All of that was shattered when he left me for my very dear friend and neighbor, who also happened to be named Kim (convenient for him). He just simply walked out.

I was left ALONE. Twenty-two years, and now ALONE. Yes, I had my son Brandon, who was nine at the time. But from a “team” perspective, it was just me. Yes, I had an army of support – family and friends who would do anything to help and did. But in the end, at night, lying in bed, it was just me. In the mornings, after Brandon went to school, it was just me. After work, at the end of the day, although my friends would listen to the mundane details about “my day,” he wasn’t there to simply ask how my day was – it was just me. I was no longer Kim Carlos or Kim and Scott. I was just Kim. Who was this Kim person? I wanted and needed to get to know her.

I remember the first time I went to get my annual mammogram. By myself. As a breast cancer survivor, this was always one of the most stressful times of year for me. But now no one was there with me. No one was there to provide support, or just hold my hand. I checked the “single” box on the medical form and listed my friend as my emergency contact. My biggest concern – who would I share the good or heaven forbid bad news with? My wasband had been there during my cancer, holding my hand, providing steadfast support. We had always been a team and dealt with whatever life handed us. But now what?

At times, the loneliness was more than I could bear. I was scared. I was distraught. I was a complete mess. I had never felt this emptiness, this loneliness, this gut-wrenching pain. I recall one night, I was lying in bed and couldn’t sleep. I started thinking about my wasband and my ex friend and what they might be doing. I felt the walls closing in. I couldn’t breathe. Like literally, couldn’t breathe. I called my friends. They came over in the middle of the night in their PJ’s. It was at that moment, sitting outside on my front steps, breathing through a paper sack, that I realized that I would never be lonely because I had friends and family.

Being on my own for the first time in my adult life, I also had a lot of firsts. The little things like buying my first tool set, eating sushi alone and refinancing the lake house in my name alone. But you know what, I did them. At times, I might have felt like throwing myself a pity party, but I survived. There were lots of tears, anger, hiding in the closet so Brandon wouldn’t see me cry and calling my friends at all hours of the night, but I did survive.

There were also some great perks about being on my own – me myself and I could control the thermostat! I could eat what I wanted. I could listen to whatever music I wanted and watch as many chick flicks as I wanted. I could have all the closet space to myself. And you know what, I did those things and it felt great.

But the more important realization came with time. I learned that I could be alone and yet not be lonely. Although I hated it when Brandon was gone, I learned that I could sit in the house and just be. It took a while to get there. There were nights where the house was eerily quiet and empty. I would reach over in bed and he wasn’t there. But over time, I learned to enjoy just being alone. I learned that I didn’t need a man to complete me. I loved me. For me. I became confident in my new self, comfortable with who I was, not the I that was a part of a couple, but me. Alone, but not lonely. The pic included with this article was taken during that “finding me” time. Although I was still scared, I was becoming more confident in who I was, and found my smile again. It took time, but was so worth it.

And now that I have found love again, I realize that learning to be alone was a needed part of my growth. I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet, to find ME again. I am extremely happy to be a part of a “we” again, but also know that I need the “me” part too. We all do.