How to manage single parenting positively

How to manage single parenting positivelyWritten by: Shubhangi Shah Published at: Dec 26, 2021 Updated at: Dec 26, 2021

How to manage single parenting positively

There might not be a single human on this planet who hasn’t experienced anger. It’s one of the many emotions that together make who we are. Although often seen as a negative emotion, it’s usually healthy, says the American Psychological Association. However, it’s a problem when it gets out of control and is destructive. Understandably, it severely affects the person’s relationships, work-life, and overall quality of life. You can understand it this way, it is one of those situations where the emotions control you rather than the other way round.

Although anger is something we all experience at some point in our lives, some get irked quickly and are easily angered. Many also get into an out-and-out rage. In such situations, it’s crucial to manage temper, as once out of hand, it does not just hamper your mood, not to mention your relationships, it can even put your health at risk. You must have experienced that when angry, you feel the heat as your heart rate increases and so does your blood pressure. Hence, you must find out ways to manage your temper better.

What Is Anger & Its Causes?

How to manage single parenting positively

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Before we look at ways on how to manage it, we need to understand anger better. Anger is but one of the many human emotions whose intensity can vary from mild irritation to a full-fledged fury. It’s often associated with an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. Anger can be triggered by numerous scenarios, some of the common ones include:

  • A person, a friend, coworkers, family member, might be the reason.
  • A stressful situation, when you feel things aren’t going your way, is another reason.
  • Life’s hardships and problems can often lead to anger.
  • Recalling past traumas is another reason.

How Do People Express Anger?

How to manage single parenting positively

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Although all of us feel anger, we all express it differently. Here are some of the ways we do so:

  • Expressing: It’s a healthy way to handle this emotion. However, how you express it matters. Either you can communicate your concerns well by stating clearly what’s bothering you without hurting anyone’s feelings, or you can get into a full-on rage mode, shouting, sulking, and negatively affecting the people around you.
  • Suppressing: Many tend to suppress anger, maybe because they feel they don’t wield any power against the situation or do not want to hurt others. There can be ‘n’ number of causes. But suppressing anger and letting it build up inside you is not seen as a good approach. As a result of this suppression, you might start directing the anger towards you, or it can even heavily define your personality. You might get grumpy often, if not always, can be seen as cynical and always in a bad mood. Quite understandably, people might distance themselves from you.
  • Calming: You might have crossed paths with some who never seem to get angry. These might be those who adopt a calming approach to express their anger. Instead of expressing it or letting it build up, they try to calm themselves down, by taking steps to lower their heart rate and getting their breathing back to normal.

How To Manage Anger

Although you wield little control over how you feel, you can be fully in charge of how you express yourself. Anger is one of those powerful emotions that are healthy but can easily backfire on you if expressed in the wrong way, in front of the wrong people, and at the wrong time. To save you the troubles ahead, it is better to learn some tricks that can help you manage them. Here are some tricks to manage anger that can help you:

  • Try Relaxing: Yes, we know, this is a hard one. When you are completely overtaken by anger, relaxing can be a tough thing to do. But just recall how you feel in such a situation, your heart rate increases, your blood pressure shoots up, your muscles get tensed. Adopting a calming approach can help you in this one. Practice deep breathing, visualise a relaxing view, meditate, or do yoga, if you can. Once you relax, you will be able to judge the situation better and can better come up with the correct way to react.
  • Watch Your Thoughts & Reactions: Some shout, swear and throw things when angry. Many sulk and brood. Your thoughts can also get exaggerated and dramatic when you are angry. In such a situation, what helps is to watch, both your thoughts as well as reaction. Analyse if what you are thinking is justified or is completely irrational. Once you take a step back, you can better judge the situation and come up with a better solution.
  • Solve The Problem: Yes, extreme hardships and crises can trigger anger. It’s justified. There might be a situation where there is no way out. In such a situation, try to find a possible solution rather than fretting over the problems. The going can be difficult, but you will positively direct your energies.
  • Try To Communicate Better: As expressing is one of the healthy ways to express anger, you must find ways to communicate it better. If you are in the middle of a heated discussion, try to slow yourself down to prevent the situation from getting out of hand. You can either diffuse the situation or can make it worse, it’s for you to decide. So, instead of saying the first thing that comes to your mind, slow down & think about the consequences. This can help you to address the situation better.
  • Change Your Surroundings: Sometimes your immediate environment might be the trigger. A coworker sitting next to you, a toxic job, or an uncooperative roommate. If caught up in such a situation, changing your environment can help you avert anger.
  • Avoid: Sometimes instead of addressing or processing, just avoiding the situation is better. If a coworker annoys you, better to avoid his/her antics, if you cannot keep up with what is expected from you, try prioritising your priorities. Sometimes, avoidance can be the way to bliss.

Often society discourages us from expressing anger. It’s seen as a negative emotion. But emotions aren’t things that are either good or bad. They are what makes us who we are — humans. Hence, let yourself feel emotions of every colour. Do not discourage anyone to do the same too. In the end, how you react matters rather than the emotion itself.

How you respond to and discipline your children greatly affects how they develop, both cognitively and socially. A child’s development process is influenced by a mixture of all the stimuli he comes into contact with, both with individuals and with his environment. Since parents are normally a fixed presence in a child’s life, they tend to have the most significant impact on whether his development is positive or negative.

Authoritarian

Parents that practice authoritarian parenting demand total cooperation from their children and have no tolerance for questions or breaking rules. This parenting style expects high degrees of maturity from the child with low levels of parent-child communication. Children disciplined by authoritarian parents stay out of trouble and make good grades, but their social development is negatively affected due to not being encouraged to have opinions, being shy and constantly worrying about disappointing their parents.

Authoritative

Family Factors That Influence Students’ Behavior in School

The authoritative parenting style, more than any other, aids in ensuring healthy development, because:

  • children are taught to follow rules
  • ask questions
  • have their own opinions

Research conducted by Betsy Garrison and colleagues for Louisiana State University on how parenting styles influence cognitive ability found authoritative parenting in both fathers and mothers to be positively correlated with cognitive development in children. Social development also benefits from this parenting style, because communication is welcomed and children feel more comfortable with peers and in other social situations.

Indulgent

Indulgent, or permissive, parents focus more on being their child’s friend than a disciplinary figure. There is an extensive amount of parent-child communication, but very low levels of maturity and demands required of the child. Children raised by indulgent parents have higher self-esteem, better social skills and lower levels of depression, which aids in positive social development. The decreased maturity and independence associated with parental indulgence harms a child’s emotional development because he is not required to grow in these areas.

Uninvolved

The Effects of Bad Parenting on Children

Parents who are ambivalent to their child’s wants and needs are considered uninvolved parents. Often, this parenting style is associated with neglect and abuse. While there are no demands or rules to follow for the child, there is also no communication and no encouragement from the parent. When parents are psychologically or physically unavailable to their children, all elements of development are negatively affected. Social development is stunted because the child is never taught how to act around people and, therefore, feels awkward in social situations. Because of the lack of emotional and psychological connections between the parent and child, cognitive development also suffers.

How to manage single parenting positively

Cognitive behavioral therapy reduces recidivism in both juveniles and adults.

The therapy assumes that most people can become conscious of their own thoughts and behaviors and then make positive changes to them. A person’s thoughts are often the result of experience, and behavior is often influenced and prompted by these thoughts. In addition, thoughts may sometimes become distorted and fail to reflect reality accurately.

Cognitive behavioral therapy has been found to be effective with juvenile and adult offenders; substance abusing and violent offenders; and probationers, persons who are incarcerated and those on parole. It is effective in various criminal justice settings, both in institutions and in the community, and addresses a host of problems associated with criminal behavior. For instance, in most cognitive behavioral therapy programs, participants improve their social skills, means-ends problem solving, critical reasoning, moral reasoning, cognitive style, self-control, impulse management and self-efficacy.

Recently, Mark Lipsey of Vanderbilt University examined the effectiveness of various approaches to intervention with young people who have committed a crime.[1] His review analyzed the results of 548 studies from 1958 to 2002 that assessed intervention policies, practices and programs.

Lipsey grouped evaluations into seven categories:

  • Counseling
  • Deterrence
  • Discipline
  • Multiple coordinated services
  • Restorative programs
  • Skill building
  • Surveillance

When he combined and compared the effects of these interventions, he found that those based on punishment and deterrence appeared to increase criminal recidivism. On the other hand, therapeutic approaches based on counseling, skill building and multiple services had the greatest impact in reducing further criminal behavior.

Lipsey also examined the effectiveness of various therapeutic interventions. In particular, he compared different counseling and skill-building approaches. He found that cognitive behavioral skillbuilding approaches were more effective in reducing further criminal behavior than any other intervention.

In a different research review, Nana Landenberger and Lipsey showed that programs based on cognitive behavioral therapy are effective with juvenile and adult criminal offenders in various criminal justice settings, including prison, residential, community probation and parole.[2] They examined research studies published from 1965 through 2005 and found 58 that could be included in their review and analysis. The researchers found that cognitive behavioral therapy significantly reduced recidivism even among those deemed to be at high-risk of committing offenses.

Perceptions Affect Behavior

Beliefs, attitudes and values affect the way people think and how they view problems. These beliefs can distort the way a person views reality, interacts with other people and experiences everyday life.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can help restructure distorted thinking and perception, which in turn changes a person’s behavior for the better. Characteristics of distorted thinking may include:

  • Immature or developmentally arrested thoughts.
  • Poor problem solving and decision making.
  • An inability to consider the effects of one’s behavior.
  • An egocentric viewpoint with a negative view or lack of trust in other people.
  • A hampered ability to reason and accept blame for wrongdoing.
  • A mistaken belief of entitlement, including an inability to delay gratification, confusing wants and needs, and ignoring the rights of other people.
  • A tendency to act on impulse, including a lack of self-control and empathy.
  • An inability to manage feelings of anger.
  • The use of force and violence as a means to achieve goals.

Therapy can help a person address and change these unproductive and detrimental beliefs, views and thoughts.[3]

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Criminal Offenders

Landenberger and Lipsey found that even high-risk behavior did not reduce the therapy’s effectiveness. For example, some of the greatest effects were among more serious offenders. It may be that the therapy’s enabling, self-help approach is more effective in engaging typically resistant clients, that it increases their participation and therefore the benefits of participation. The therapy is more effective in reducing further criminal behavior when clients simultaneously receive other support, such as supervision, employment, education and training, and other mental health counseling.

The cognitive behavioral therapy approach has recently been used in many prepackaged, brand name programs, such as “Reasoning and Rehabilitation,” “Aggression Replacement Therapy,” “Thinking for Change” and others. The National Institute of Corrections recently published a thorough and comprehensive review of cognitive behavioral therapy, which provides detailed descriptions of these and other programs.[4] Interestingly, although the Landenberger and Lipsey review showed these programs were effective, no single program was superior in reducing recidivism.

More research is needed to determine if it would be effective for persons convicted of a crime to receive cognitive behavioral therapy earlier in their criminal careers or as part of early intervention or parenting training programs.

About This Article

This article appeared in NIJ Journal Issue 265, April 2010.

Notes

[note 1] Lipsey, M.W., “The Primary Factors That Characterize Effective Interventions With Juvenile Offenders: A meta-analytic overview,” Victims and Offenders 4 (2009): 124-147.

[note 2] Landenberger, N.A., and M. Lipsey, “The Positive Effects of Cognitive-behavioral Programs for Offenders: A Meta-analysis of Factors Associated With Effective Treatment,” Journal of Experimental Criminology, 1 (2005): 451-476.

[note 3] Yochelson, S., and S.E. Samenow, The Criminal Personality, Volume I: A Profile for Change, New York: Jason Aronson, 1976; and Walters, G., The Criminal Lifestyle: Patterns of Serious Criminal Conduct, Newbury Park, Calif.: Sage Publications, 1990.

[note 4] Milkman, H., and K. Wanberg, Cognitive- Behavioral Treatment: A Review and Discussion for Correction Professionals,Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, National Institute of Corrections, 2007.

About the author

Patrick Clark is a Social Science Analyst with NIJ’s Crime Control and Prevention Division.

Turns out the humble tomato is full of surprising perks for your skin, your gut, and more.

In case you were wondering, a tomato is a technically a fruit, because it’s seed-bearing and develops from the ovary of a flowering plant. (Botanically speaking, vegetables consist of other plant parts, like roots, leaves, and stems.) But when it comes to nutrition, tomatoes —along with seedy cucumbers and zucchini—are categorized as vegetables. That's due in part to their lower carb and sugar contents: A medium tomato provides just 22 calories, and about 5 grams of total carb, with 3 as sugar and 1.5 as fiber. But this low-calorie, low-carb package is chock-full of nutrients, and has been linked to a variety of health benefits. Here are seven, along with some simple ways to incorporate more tomatoes into your everyday meals and snacks.

Tomatoes are a great source of vitamins

A single tomato can provide about 40% of the daily recommended minimum of vitamin C. What's more, tomatoes supply vitamin A, which supports immunity, vision, and skin health; vitamin K, which is good for your bones; and potassium, a key nutrient for heart function, muscle contractions, and maintaining a healthy blood pressure and fluid balance.

They protect heart health

Tomatoes contain an antioxidant called lycopene, which is responsible for their red color. Research suggests that in terms of heart health benefits, it's more effective to eat tomatoes and tomato products than take lycopene supplements. Other studies have shown that higher blood levels of lycopene are tied to lower death rates for people with metabolic syndrome, a cluster of risk factors that raise the chances of developing heart disease, diabetes, and stroke.

Improve you vision

Lycopene is also good for your eyes. And that's not the only peeper-protective nutrient in tomatoes; they contain lutein and beta-carotene as well. According to research, those nutrients support vision and protect against eye conditions including cataracts and macular degeneration.

Boost digestive health

The fluid and fiber in tomatoes may be helpful if you're prone to constipation. (According to the USDA one large tomato contains 6 ounces of fluid, and 1.5 grams of fiber.) Just be aware that in some people, the acidity from cooked tomatoes may trigger or worsen acid reflux and indigestion.

Help with diabetes management

Tomatoes may be a protective food for people with type 2 diabetes: In one study, people with diabetes who supplemented with cooked tomatoes for 30 days experienced a decrease in lipid peroxidation, a chain reaction in which substances called free radicals attack fat, leading to damage that ups the risk of heart disease. This is particularly important, because diabetes doubles the risk of stroke and heart attack.

Guard skin health

A 2011 study found that the combination of tomato paste and olive oil protected against sun damage, and boosted the production of pro-collagen, a molecule that gives the skin its structure and keeps it firm and youthful. Scientists believe that the lycopene in tomatoes is key. It’s at its highest concentration when tomatoes have been cooked, and olive oil boosts its absorption from your digestive system into your bloodstream.

Protect against cancer

Observational studies have found links between the superstar compound lycopene and fewer incidences of prostate, ovarian, lung, and stomach cancers.

How to reap all the perks of tomatoes

Your can incorporate tomatoes into your diet in a number of forms—fresh, dried, or as sauce, salsa, or paste. This also allows you to enjoy tomatoes year-round.

Add fresh tomatoes to omelets and salads, and serve them sliced, drizzled with balsamic and garnished with fresh basil, sea salt, and cracked black pepper. Dress fresh greens or steamed veggies with sundried tomato pesto, or drizzle it over broiled fish. Toss spaghetti squash or beans with tomato sauce, or use it as a topping for sautéed green beans or potatoes. Add salsa to scrambled eggs or taco salad, or spoon onto cooked fish, black beans, or brown rice. Use tomato paste in veggie chili, or mix it into hummus, along with roasted garlic and harissa. Bon appétit.

Cynthia Sass, MPH, RD, is Health’s contributing nutrition editor, a New York Times best-selling author, and a consultant for the New York Yankees and Brooklyn Nets.

Learning is the process of absorbing new information in a meaningful way and putting it to use. Children and young adults learn a large portion of their knowledge at school. At school, previously unknown information is deliberately presented to students so they can use it both to pass tests and move on to other studies. This information is also used in myriad of practical life applications. A child’s home environment has significant effects on learning and school performance.

Building Blocks for Learning

The home environment provides the foundation for learning and is an element of the student’s life that can affect grades, according to the Arkansas State Parental Information and Resource Center’s Center for Effective Parenting. Providing opportunities to learn outside of school helps facilitate student success in the school environment, as reported by the University of Minnesota Extension. Education success was positively impacted by home learning opportunities such as parents reading to their children, trips to the library, and resources encouraging play with letters and numbers, according to education professionals reporting in the “British Educational Research Journal.” The British researchers found that the mother’s education level had the single most significant impact on a young child’s academic success.

Getting Ready to Learn

Classical Conditioning Classroom Exercises

Parents are responsible for ensuring that their children are well-fed, well-rested, happy and calm, according to the Arkansas State Parental Information and Resource Center. Creating a positive physical and mental atmosphere in the home helps prepare students to be ready and able to learn. A parent-child relationship characterized by nurturing, acceptance and encouragement, as well as parents’ responsiveness to the child’s needs, correlates with positive academic performance, according to the University of Minnesota Extension. Parental overprotectiveness, authoritarianism, disapproval and punishment often have a negative correlation with student learning.

Mighty Motivation

A student’s learning success is enhanced when both parents and teachers clearly state their goals for student performance, according to the University of Minnesota Extension. Parents’ positive aspirations for their children, especially teens, has a strong relationship with academic achievement. Motivation involves the student’s own beliefs about his skill level and what the results will be if he tries a new task, notes the Arkansas State Parental Information and Resource Center. Parental expectations and communication about the value of learning and the child’s skills have a powerful effect on the child’s motivation to learn.