Ever felt anger take over every inch of your body? Well, it happens to all of us once in a while, but if you end up hurting others with your words, then there’s a serious problem. No, we aren’t saying that you shouldn’t release your anger, because people who suppress their anger are often seen indulging in self-harm.
Then what’s the right way to channelise your anger? Well, don’t fret ladies because Dr Santosh Bangar, senior consultant psychiatrist at Global Hospital will reveal how you can express your anger the healthy way.
Here are nine ways to manage your anger effectively:
1. Walk away
This might sound a little rude, but it will be better than saying things you didn’t intend to. It is one of the simplest things you can do to handle the situation. Just go for a walk outside to calm yourself down.
2. Take deep breaths
“Deep breathing has a very good impact when it comes to calming your nerves. It improves the oxygen supply in your body, and regulates your heart rate and blood pressure,” says Dr Bangar.
Deep yogic breathing, amongst other things, can help. Image courtesy: Shutterstock
3. Move your body
“Vigorous exercising not just diverts your attention but it can also release pent-up emotions by releasing the ‘feel-good’ chemical, endorphin. Plus, you can release your aggression while exercising. You can also use a punching bag to release your anger and feel light,” he shares.
4. Write a journal
Sounds difficult? Even if it does, it really works. Writing down your feelings either on a piece of paper, or an email to yourself can do wonders. Also, reflecting the trigger for your anger can be a step forward.
5. Indulge in meditation or yoga
“We all know that meditation and yoga has a therapeutic effect on our minds. Deep breathing is one way of meditating. Also, if you develop the habit of meditating or doing yoga on a regular basis, then it can really prove helpful to keep you calm”, suggests Dr Bangar.
6. Avoid alcohol when you are angry
Alcohol overpowers your emotions, making it difficult for a person to make rational decisions. It makes you more aggressive, and there is a possibility that you might get offended at the smallest of things.
7. Box your anger
“There are various ways to release your anger like hitting a pillow, scrunching a paper, hitting a punching bag, or squeezing a ball, and they actually work,” he suggests.
8. Releasing anger through creative means
Drawing, painting, or colouring can have a calming effect on the mind and can totally help you release anger effectively.
9. Get proper sleep
“A tired mind after a sleepless night can lower the anger threshold, so make restful sleep of 7-8 hours a priority,” recommends Dr Bangar.
The last word
You also need to look out for triggers. If there are some common set of triggers that aggravate your anger, then make sure to avoid them.
Also, these are some generic tips that might or might not work. In case they don’t, then make sure to seek professional help before the situation gets out of hand.
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Walking around like a boiling kettle isn’t fun for anyone, but there is a way to dissolve this powerful energy.
Walking around like a boiling kettle isn’t fun at any time, but when you’ve spent most of your life that way and you don’t understand what is causing it, it’s even more painful.
The psychological impact of anger isn’t just damaging to the individual, but it also destroys relationships, families, and cripples our ability to build deep connections with others because we push people away from getting close.
My own personal relationship with anger and being controlling went on for years. When I didn’t get my way, or I didn’t feel understood, I would erupt to shut the other person down by shouting and snapping. The most embarrassing time I remember was when I was attempting to get a TV show deal. It didn’t go my way so I blew up on the phone to the TV agent.
No, I never heard from her again.
When we calm down we get confused because we say “why did I show up like that?” and then we spend days beating ourselves up.
This is the cycle of anger.
For many years, I thought that I would just have to ‘manage’ my anger and that this part of me would always be with me, but the more I started to learn about the energy of anger and how it works at the quantum physics level, I started to understand that I could, in fact, rip it out at the root, which I did.
In this article, I want to bring to your awareness that years of very strong, powerful anger can dissolve, in an instant.
When someone approached me and told me that he had 30 years of “simmering rage,” the first step was to find out if they are aware of the root cause.
Why we get angry is not the same as the root of the anger. If we snap because our partner isn’t doing something that we want, the anger is rarely from that, it’s from something much deeper. In the case of this person, he was unaware that the cause of his anger, which was impacting his relationships, his interactions with important clients, was because his dad abandoned him when he was a child.
His nervous system had never processed and resolved the issue from the past. His body was not relaxed and had not come to terms with it. The energy needed to be released.
In the most simple terms, if an event is left unresolved, it will flair up in some way, many times we are completely unaware they are linked. Think about any event that’s unresolved in your life. It’s the same, it just may not show up as anger.
For example, when I was young, I was bullied. Because that was left unresolved in my body and because I didn’t stand up for myself, it caused a lack of connection with others and then addictions to soothe myself.
When a traumatic event happens (an interruption to normal energy flow), our body goes into fight/flight.
With animals, you will notice that they often shake themselves off like they just came out of the water. This is actually the dog resetting its energy. If a dog gets attacked, frightened, or stunned, it will shake itself off, thus resetting its own energetic system.
As humans, especially as children, we don’t have the tools or strategies of how to energetically reset ourselves. So much of the population is walking around in adult bodies as frightened children.
When we throw our toys out of the pram as adults, it’s not ‘us’ that is angry, it’s a part of us that is angry that’s showing up at the moment. The child shows up and wants to be understood. In most cases, anger is the energy of the past, showing up in the present.
It’s great to have this awareness as a starting point, because the next time you get angry, you can tell yourself “I’m noticing that a part of me is showing up right now that’s not the true me”.
A challenge for many people who have pent up anger is that they suppress it and then it ends up building up into a very unhealthy outburst. Alternatively, it will be completely suppressed with substances and then manifest as anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues.
Healthy self-expression is another key element of healing anger because what some will tend to do is not speak up about how they feel because they feel that they will upset or lose someone they love. So when we suppress anger or don’t express how we really feel, it creates a monumental issue for the body.
Ripping out anger at the root, once and for all
Before I explain the process, I just want to explain here that even if someone heals from 30 years of anger, it’s not that the person will not get angry again. It’s that the anger associated with that event has dissolved. When anger shows up again, there will be a different level of understanding about it, and so the reaction will be different. An event will happen and it will be handled consciously and in a healthy way vs destructive.
Once we know what the cause of the event is, by going back through the timeline of our life and identifying when the anger started, we can then pinpoint the moment of the pain and the needs that were not met at the time.
You can start by writing down all of your triggers to anger and then asking these five questions:
Why am I really angry?
What do I need to feel in this moment?
What do I need at this moment?
Where do I feel it in my body?
Am I willing to go deeper?
Then if you close your eyes and then be fully present with the anger, you can start to feel it as what it is, energy.
This is about becoming both emotionally and energetically intelligent about your anger and this is a superpower because you are being with it, vs resisting against it.
In the example of when the man’s dad left, we must pinpoint when the energy in the body shifted. We can do this by closing our eyes and going back to just before the event and slowly playing the scene in our mind.
Typically at the point of the shift in energy, we created a story or created a set of meanings about the event.
For example, when I was bullied by a teacher at school and he sent me off into a utility room to “watch the wallpaper fall off the wall,” when I was sat in that room, I would tell myself things like “I’m not good enough” and “I’m different” and “nobody likes me”.
In the case of bullying as a case of anger, it comes down to the moment that we didn’t stand up for ourselves. At that moment we may have lost our power.
He’s the incredible thing about energy healing.
Just because the event happened 30 years, ago, doesn’t mean that you can’t resolve it.
When we go back into the memory, and for example, we stand up to the bully, say the words we needed to say, stand up for ourselves, and actually feel it at a visceral level, the impact can be rapid and transform lives.
What happens is, when we shift the energy, our nervous system relaxes because it’s no longer protecting itself.
So when the little boy lost his dad, and now he doesn’t make it that he left because of him, and he understands it’s for another reason, his body can relax.
The world is in so much pain because of past hurt, so I want you to know that no matter what has happened, you can heal it.
But only if you have the belief you can. Because if you’ve created the story that the pain will always be with you. It will. If you have a belief that you can and will change. You will.
Do you ever lash out in anger? Are you surprised when anger bubbles up and lashes out at a loved one unexpectedly?
Everyone gets angry sometimes—and some have an anger problem. Anger is often considered a “negative” or “bad” emotion, which we have been taught to suppress and push aside. After all, if we let anger get the best of us, our reactions can lead to negative consequences or hurt ourselves or others. However, to control anger, one must understand it and learn not just to control angry outbursts but to emotionally regulate emotions so that you can restrain yourself and express it in healthy ways.
Lashing Out in Anger—Why the Reaction?
For example, you’re sitting in a meeting at work and your co-worker just “threw you under the bus” again, even though the reason they didn’t get their work done was not your fault. You are fed up, and your anger boils over.
Before you can stop yourself, you call them out in front of everyone and let them know exactly what you think of them, their work ethic, and even include some rather colorful language in your response. After dumping the anger you feel better, but the slack-jaws and wide-eyes plastered on everyone else’s faces lets you know right away that this wasn’t the best way to address your anger.
Usually, the cause of our anger is the result of other underlying issues. Going back to our previous example, looking deeper into the anger, we might discover that we’re no longer willing to tolerate the continual blame by the co-worker whenever they procrastinate and don’t get their work completed on time. It’s justified to be upset, yet we need to learn how to express our emotions in productive ways.
Effective Ways to Manage Anger
There are several helpful ways to process and control our anger productively. The most efficient calming is to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which then produces a calm and relaxed feeling, reduces anxiety and stress, uplifts mood, and reduces blood pressure.
The following strategies help to regulate your nervous system and calm anger.
Mindfulness or short meditation. Close your eyes, slow your breathing, and allow yourself to calm down while systematically releasing tension in your body. As you breath, visualize yourself some place soothing like your favorite fishing hole, a beach, or in the arms of your loved one.
Take a timeout: It is okay to walk away from a situation that is making you feel angry and do a bit of self-reflection before responding. Walk outside and set your gaze on the beauty of the mountains, or feel the warmth of the sun, or listen to the breeze passing through the trees. This kind of focused attention engages the frontal cortex and effectively causes charged emotions to diffuse.
- Exercise: Exercising releases endorphins, which make us feel better and calms us down. This is one method that is backed by loads of science. You cannot exercise and stay angry. Try it!
No matter what route you choose, it’s also essential to determine the cause of your anger and critical knowing the difference between healthy and chronic stress. Getting curious and exploring the roots of your anger can help prevent angry outbursts in the future. And if your anger involves another person, let them know how and why their actions affected you (after you’ve calmed yourself!) Sometimes others may have no idea why their actions angered you. Together, come up with a plan how to respond differently in the future.
Take time to gain self-awareness and grow in emotional intelligence. Learning how to modulate your emotions before you lash out will increase connection and make your relationships healthier.
To get assistance and explore your anger and the emotions behind it with support, contact us at Heartmanity. Check out Heartmanity’s self-guided programs or contact us at (406) 577-2100.
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Jennifer A. Williams / Emotional Intelligence Coach
Jennifer’s passion is to help people create thriving relationships first with themselves and then with each other. She teaches emotional intelligence skills and a step-by-step process that removes the obstacles to growth, loving connection, and communication. Her popular One Year Makeover and Return to Serenity programs provide a personalized approach to transformation. By utilizing brain science, clients integrate unresolved pain and restore inner peace and well-being through a fun learning experience. Jennifer also creates cultural transformation in companies with leaders and teams. Jennifer is happily married to her beloved husband and is the mother of three grown children.
When we face it and work with it, we can not only heal thru expressing our anger, but as I discovered recently, in the process, we can heal also our relationships with ourselves, others, with our jobs, life’s circumstances – whatever the anger was about.
Let me show you how you can free yourself from the repressed anger.
How long before you don’t feel the anger? It depends: on you, on the past, on your willingness to create a different meaning.
If you are not sure if you even are open to talk about it, you may want to read the previous post first. Expectations of the process: you do not need to talk to the other person, if there was someone involved. It’s an internal process.
Please see a therapist or call a suicide prevention line , if you experience any of the following: ongoing nightmares, suicidal thoughts, PTSD, self harm behaviors, neglecting or abusing others. Help is available and healing is possible.
I’d also encourage you to read this excellent article from Choosing Therapy.com https://www.choosingtherapy.com/repressed-anger/
Preparation: you will only need a pen, paper (get yourself plenty- I used 5 big pages), 2 hours of time alone. A pillow.
Identify the area of your life or relationship where the anger comes up most.
Step 1: What happened.
Dive into your memory of a specific situation. Describe the situation when you felt hurt, ignored, disrespected, left out, judged, unappreciated, your boundaries were violated… Maybe it was a situation that didn’t come to closure.
Step 2: Who was involved
Who was involved. What happened. What do you think happened. What do you think happened from their perspective.
It’s also possible, that it was only you, and you are angry at yourself… because you went against your values. Write about this too.
Step 3: Unleash your opinions. To yourself.
You probably have an opinion about this person. Write all the judgements (only in this private space) for the first, and likely the last time.
Step 4. What did it cost you.
What did you lose in that event? What did it prevent you from doing? What did you have to give up? Surprising thing happened here in my exercise. I wrote “I wasted 8 years for….” and all of a sudden my hand started writing benefits! After listing 7 of them, I knew there were more, but I reminded myself to move on with the negatives to finish the exercise. The negatives were big, but this was a good reminder that nothing is only good or only bad. That alone can help release a lot of anger…
Step 5: Release the energy.
Anger’s first response is to attack. There is an energy raising up within you. Attacking another is never an option. It only perpetuates the cycle of anger. It’s not a solution. It brings more negativity. But the energy may be still accumulated inside you. Release the energy in a physical way free of harm to yourself or others. Boxing class? Right in this moment you can perhaps hit the pillow or a mattress? Go for a run?
Step 6: Self care time.
It’s quite likely, you are / were also angry with yourself… for allowing this to happen, for playing a role in the conflict, or that you didn’t remove yourself from the situation much earlier. Maybe there were some red flags, but you moved forward anyway.
Now that you released the energy in step 5, come to a place of calm within.
Don’t blame yourself. This is also not a solution. This is a moment when you can start forgiving yourself. Have compassion for yourself. By now you probably feel a bit better. Bring your attention to the area of your heart. Create a feeling of comfort, love and compassion around it. If you do, you will get in touch with the softer side of you that can only be loved. And forgiven.
No matter if you just forgive yourself or have the strength to forgive others, this is an act of self care. You do it for yourself. Your peace of mind. Your health. Don’t rush yet to forgive others. First step is to forgive yourself.
7. Create new agreements.
Take a look again at what happened in that situation. How could this part of life, this situation be handled better? What was your responsibility? Simply: what can you learn from this?
Now is the moment when you can be proactive. So take the responsibility. Step into the more powerful version of you. Make a promise to yourself that this will never happen again to you. You have the right to change (yourself, what you attract, your energy) at any moment in your life. You have the right to say no. Just because you respect yourself. Now create new agreements how you will handle similar situations. Set emotional and physical boundaries.
Now make new agreements with yourself.
Visualize yourself living according to your new rules.
Keep just the page with your new agreements. Agreements that help you live in peace.
A million things can rile you up and cause you to blow your top. After all, anger is a natural response to perceived threats, and it causes your body to release adrenaline, your muscles to tighten, and your heart rate and blood pressure to increase. Sometimes your face and hands also become flushed.
As a natural biological response, anger was necessary long ago for human survival; it helped our ancestors fend off attacks by predators. Even in today’s more civilized world, anger can lead to helpful behavior. Being angry can help boost your energy and prevent people taking advantage of you and people you love. Many people use anger to motivate them to do something positive.
But if it’s not managed properly, anger can have negative health effects. Expressing anger inappropriately or keeping anger pent up can aggravate chronic pain or lead to concerns like sleep difficulties and digestive problems. Poorly managed anger often causes people to do things they regret, which hurt those around them. There’s even evidence that anger and hostility are linked with heart disease. So, it’s not that anger itself is bad, it’s how you handle it that determines whether it’s harmful.
When you’re angry, you generally have three ways of dealing with it:
- Expressionis the act of conveying your anger. Expression ranges from a reasonable, rational discussion to a violent outburst.
- Suppression is an attempt to hold in your anger. Suppressing anger often causes you to turn anger inward or express your anger through passive-aggressive behavior.
- Calming down is another way to deal with anger by using self-discipline to control your outward behavior and your internal responses. When you learn to calm down in response to anger, you’ll notice how it changes your heart rate and enables your intense emotions to subside.
Unhealthy Ways of Expressing Anger
Some people respond to anger through aggressive action — punching, kicking, or breaking things, or, worse, hurting other people. The use of hurtful words as a response to anger is also unhealthy and often destructive aggression.
Criticism and finding fault in others are other unhealthy ways of responding to anger. Instead of constructively addressing the root cause of a problem, criticism tends to make the situation worse.
Using sarcastic remarks when you’re angry also impacts others negatively. Biting sarcasm is one sure way to damage relationships.
When to Seek Professional Help
Some signs you may need professional help for anger management include:
- Anger has led you to physically or verbally abuse other people.
- Your temper causes relationship problems at work or in your personal life.
- You avoid certain events, situations, and even people for fear that your temper will get out of control.
- You’ve had problems with the law due to poor anger management.
What is Anger Management Therapy?
Anger management therapy is usually facilitated by professional counselors or psychotherapists. It can be done as a group or in a one-on-one session. The therapy can help people in many ways:
- Recognize what makes you angry.
- Teach you how to deal with triggers without becoming aggressive.
- Help you identify when your thoughts become irrational.
- Teach you how to relax and calm down when you start feeling angry.
- Learn effective problem-solving techniques.
Although results of anger management therapy vary, it helps many people improve way they manage anger, communicate their needs, and deal with people or events that trigger anger.
Even though anger is a natural human response, it doesn’t mean you should let rage take over when something makes you mad. If you feel like your anger is spiraling out of control, remember: Help is available.
Left unprocessed, repressed anger will wreak havoc on your happiness, your relationships, and your overall life.
“But I’m not an angry person. I never get angry!”, say most people everywhere.
If you found your way to this article, there’s some repressed anger buried somewhere deep inside of you. And it isn’t your fault.
It’s totally normal to have stored negative emotions in your body.
Anger is one of the least encouraged emotions in our daily lives. If there was a dinner party for all of your various emotions and society was hosting the gathering, anger would be invited last (if invited at all).
By facing, feeling, and healing your repressed anger, you can move from tension, stress, and anxiety, into ease, lightness, and emotional freedom.
How Do You Know If You Have Repressed Anger In You?
If you experience any of the following with any regularity, then it’s quite likely that you have repressed anger and other stored negative emotions taking up space in your body.
– Chronic fatigue and inexplicable tiredness
– Chronic pain/jaw tension/neck pain/back pain/muscular tension
– Digestive issues/frequent constipation/stomach ulcers
– Workaholism or other addictive/compulsive behaviours (drinking, drugs, compulsive sex, gambling, overeating, etc.)
– A passive aggressive communication style
– Heavily relying on sarcasm, being overly cynical, or being flippant in conversations for no real reason
– Difficulty getting to sleep or staying sleeping through the night
– Anxiety, depression, or panic attacks
Bottom line, it is exhausting to constantly be at war with yourself. It drains a lot of your vital energy to have non-stop chaos and turmoil churning around in your body.
Anxiety, depression, and chronic stress are all the result of one thing… residually accumulated unfelt feelings.
So, how do you go about feeling your way through your repressed anger? It’s a lot simpler than you might think.
In order for you to be able to fully move through your repressed anger, it has to be expressed (on the emotional level) in a safe and controlled environment. You have to experience your way through it, while also understanding the root cause of why it is within you in the first place.
Here are the two highest leverage ways to release your repressed anger on the behavioural level.
(Side note: do not do this with children or pets around, as they don’t have the intellectual faculties to understand that you’re doing this by choice, and that it has nothing to do with them.)
First, set aside at least 20 minutes (to make room for the warm up, release, and cool down period) and get in touch with the emotions in your body. Feel them in your gut, your heart, around your throat… wherever they are.
If you wish, you can name them out loud (for example, verbalizing ‘I feel rage in my chest’). Say things that get you worked up (‘Fuck you Todd from accounting!’, etc.).
When you feel like you have some small connection with the repressed anger, do the following two things.
Repressed anger often gets stored in our gut, chest, and throat. So the first move in getting our stuck emotions out of our body is through our voices.
Maybe you were bullied when you were young and never had the courage or ability to talk back to them. Maybe your co-worker/employer/employee said some truly nasty things to you and it wasn’t appropriate to yell at them. Whatever the reason you have the repressed anger in your body, it’s time to let it out.
Scream into a pillow, couch, or mattress. Scream in your car (windows down is probably best). Go to a sporting event or concert and scream extra loud. If you have a partner that is helping you through this process, scream into their face.
You can either just scream noises (‘AHHHHH. ’) or specific words (‘I hate you!’, ‘Fuck you!’, ‘Why were you so mean to me?!’, etc.) to release your anger effectively.
2. Hit things
Getting energy out through your mouth is a valuable starting point… but to take it to the next level you’re going to need to involve your physical body as well. Physiological movement is key in releasing repressed anger.
Slam your fists down on to your couch. Hit the floor with some durable pillows. Go to a boxing gym and hit a heavy bag. Hit a mattress with a tennis racket. Lie down on your bed and scissor-kick your feet up and down like a child throwing a tantrum.
It might feel like you’re regressing to a pre-adult state during some of these exercises but that’s exactly the point. In order to release old stuck energy, you have to allow your body to access those same old emotional states and allow them to finally flow all the way through you.
Remember to keep breathing throughout these anger releasing sessions. Your emotions will be encouraged to move out of you more efficiently than if you have tense and shallow breathing.
Want to kick things into high gear?
– Try putting on your favourite angry music during certain parts of your anger releasing exercises. Some people get inspired by it and find that they go a lot harder doing it to music, while others find it distracting. It’s a purely individualized exercise. So stick with whatever works best for you.
– It can also help to repeatedly say the specific word phrases that stir up your anger throughout the exercise.
What To Do At The End Of Each Anger Releasing Session
Anger is a secondary emotion… that is, a reactionary emotion that is covering something else up. Why is this relevant? Because once your repressed anger has been released, it is very common for their to be some sadness, grief, hurt, or fear underneath. So allow some time to sit or lie down and feel your way through the underlying feelings.
Lie still, on your back, and put each of your hands over your stomach and chest and feel your breath rise and fall. Whatever emotions rise up, allow them to rise. Whatever you feel, simply accept it. Let it be there, without rushing or condemning your feelings.
The New & Improved, More Emotionally Free You Awaits
Remember, as much as you may want to, you can’t just think your way through repressed anger. Yes, journalling, talk-based therapy, and CBT can help, but you can’t release the emotions through thought alone. You have to experience them.
Release your anger gradually. It will inevitably take multiple sessions, which is totally fine and normal. Be gentle with yourself and allow your thoughts and feelings to bubble up afterwards. Eventually you’ll be able to find authentic forgiveness for the people who you believe wronged you, and you can send them love and wish them well.
We all have ups and downs to life. How do you deal with the downs? Do you numb yourself and avoid them? Or do you find the hidden gift held within them?
Each time a painful emotion is felt, it provides an opportunity.Pain gives us the gift of growth in a hidden package.Something is shouting out for a change.If we pause and open this gift, a great secret of freedom and love can be revealed.Sometimes when the pain is large enough, we have no choice but to look at it anyway. My largest pains have helped to open the greatest growths in my life.Hey, it’s worth a shot, right?
Finding a healthy way to vent can even help to relieve anxiety, something more and more of us are suffering from in these times. Those who don’t find a healthy way of venting often stuff it inside until they explode one day or get into the habit of finding ways to numb themselves, such as eating. Venting can help to truly relieve stress, which is known to cause many ailments and “dis-eases” in our bodies.
Before true clarity can be reached on why something is happening, it is best to free up the strong energy that arises from the frustration of the situation. Once that energy has been expressed, you can rest in the stillness, while still connected to the power of emotion, to reach the greatest levels of clarity possible. It is here where our insight is at a natural high. With the power of the openness we have after pain, our greatest growth can happen. We can release the ties to these situations and grow beyond them.
Here are some ways to vent out the frustrations, sadness, and anger that arise as a normal part of growing and a healthy life:
- Cry. When you feel deeply sad, crying works beautifully.Often when we cry, we want a shoulder to cry on.If none is available, cry to yourself and receive it with love.Either way, allowing yourself the space to cry can work wonders on freeing up the stored up energy inside that is too much to contain within.While crying connect with the pain you feel and cry into it.
- Punch. If you feel very angry, you may feel the desire to hit something. A very healthy way of exerting this powerful energy is to punch a pillow. Hit the pillow like it’s the person/thing you are angry at. Yell and cuss at it as well if that helps to release that tension. Cuss words are great at opening up that stored up energy and getting to the root of your emotions. As you hit, smash into that frustration and feel exactly what aspects of it are making you angry.
- Write. Writing can help to clear the overwhelm of information in your head. It allows a pouring out of what is going on inside. Once you’ve written all you can, some things will still stand out or certain feelings may still be felt strongly. These are the largest lessons in the situation. Writing provides a great clarity that other ways may not give. You can easily reflect on what you were feeling in the situation once the emotion has passed in an effort to keep the lesson fresh in your mind and heart. Some people enjoy tearing up the pages after they’ve written as a way to exert their frustration. Molly Cook suggests capturing the emotions and negative energy in the paper, for your eyes only, as a private way to vent. Laurel Sutton recommends online communities such as Asshat! They allow a platform for transforming your frustration into an amusing rant and provide the opportunity for anonymous feedback, if desired.
- Exercise. Some of your most frustrating days in your life may turn out to be your best days in the gym. As Jen Olewinskiso beautifully puts it, “Plus, getting in shape can’t be that bad right?”Running, boxing and walking all allow great ways to vent.Many spiritual people find their way into their deepest connections through opening the door to regular exercise.Exerting energy in this way, with aregular commitment to their health, opens them like nothing else.
- Talk. One woman told me the story of a nurse who rode the bus every day. She found a way to stay remarkably young-looking by letting go of anger immediately. She did not direct it at her family or others. Instead, she got on the bus and waited for a passenger to sit near. She’d ask if they minded listening to her and if not, she’d share her dilemma. Once she’d talked it out, she’d thank them and get off the bus. Often times, we can learn so much just by hearing ourselves speak and we don’t need much feedback at all. If you have a trusted confident or teacher, even better.
- Create Art. What better to do than to channel this energy into creating something beautiful? Pablo Solomon is an artist who bangs a hung of stone with a hammer and chisel to release his tension. He used the frustration of 9/11 to make it one of his most productive times ever.
So how do you vent? Please share. You may help someone else who will connect with what you do…
We’re all human beings. No matter how easy going we may be, things are bound to happen and cause us to become frustrated and irritated. It could be a flat tire in the middle of rush hour traffic or the constant nuisances experienced from a co-worker at your job. The key to making it through these times is learning how to release your anger in a healthy and appropriate manner. When we don’t deal with our day-to-day issues as they occur, our emotions can get the best of us – causing an individual to boil over and take out their frustrations out on others that didn’t create the initial issues.
Before attempting to release anger an individual must address a situation with a few key elements and perspectives. First, it’s very important that an individual understand that things happen. Just because you got the short end of the stick today, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to get the short end of the stick tomorrow or the day after that. Stop comparing your life to the lives of others and come to terms with the unpredictability that will happen. Second, have an open mind and stay positive. With the good and bad circumstances, look for lessons that you can apply to your life to improve the overall outcome and path you’re traveling down. Instead of viewing your situation with a lens that’s half empty, do you best to maintain a positive outlook and view things with a half full perspective.
Now having made those two side points and taking those into fruition, it’s time to learn how to release anger without anger management.
1. Get Your Anger Moving
2. Put It On Paper
4. Find a New Truth
5. Physically Release the Anger
Another important way to get rid of your anger is by physically removing items that cause you frustrations.
As you learn how to release your anger, it’s important to keep an open mind. Know that one of these tips are not going to work individually – instead a combination of the tips will be effective. Don’t get discouraged if one tip works better at times than others. Learning how to release anger can be somewhat of a trial and error process. Stay positive and be willing to forgive those that cause you pain. You’ll find that holding onto mistakes and negativity will only hurt you in the long run and take over the life that you’re working so hard at every day.
Anger is one complex emotion. Anger comes from feelings of frustration, sadness, displeasure, irritation and a host of other feelings jumbled together. The thing is, anger gets a bad reputation; it’s just not nice to be angry… Especially children are expected to not get angry, but really anger should not be ignored, forgotten or squashed deep down.
Festering anger can lead to a host of difficulties like sleep problems, headaches, moodiness and low-self-esteem. Learning to deal with our anger as well as helping our children learn to recognize, accept and process their anger is very healthy.
Having healthy outlets to explore and release the feelings is a great way for children to build emotional intelligence. Below are 6 ways to encourage children to deal with pent up anger and discover feelings through creativity and play.
These games are not intended to substitute how you support your child in the middle of an aggressive fit of anger. They are intended as tools for children and parents to explore anger and learn alternative coping ways.
SPLAT!: Gather up some wet sponges, or fill water balloons. Choose a place that can safely become wet like the lawn, shower stall or the bath tub. Throw sponges/balloons against the ground/wall and encourage your child to say something that bothers them with each throw. A child may say “It made me angry when I had to stop painting and eat lunch” SPLAT! “It made me so mad that I had to share my snack with Johnny.” SPLAT! This is a powerful activity for times when angry feelings have become pent up and need some releasing. Play can be started just for the sake of throwing and then eventually move into talking about feelings.
Angry art: Give children some art supplies like paint, crayons or markers and encourage them to create art with their feelings. “Let’s draw like the crayon is happy. Now let’s draw like the crayon is sad…mad…angry” and so on. The art may turn out to be a specific picture which you can then talk about or just angry scribbles – either way the idea is just to give a chance to put some feelings onto paper.
Rolling Out Anger: If you have access to a grassy lawn, rolling in grass can be incredibly grounding and calming. Encourage children to say something that they are angry about and then have them “roll” out the anger onto the lawn. Children usually end up enjoying the rolling so much they can soon move on from feeling anger into a lot of laughter which is often very healing.
Pillow fight: This is a classic, but it can be such a wonderful release for children to hit mom/dad with a fully pillow. It makes children feel powerful and confident, especially if mom/dad tumbles down or waves the pillow case in defeat 😉 It’s helpful to set some ground rules before playing like no tackling, no hitting with pillows on the face and everyone should respect the word “Stop”.
Pounding play-dough: Most children love tinkering with play-dough but this game goes beyond sculpting, cutting and modeling clay. Pounding play-dough is about really smashing, throwing and pounding a big chunk of play-dough while being encouraged to vent any frustrations or angry feelings. A final step to finish the process is to after pounding out the anger, encouraging your child to re-shape the play-dough into a shape or sculpture that makes them feel happy again. It’s a great exercise in moving through feelings and then moving forward!
Animal Breaths: The way we breathe has an incredible impact on how we are processing our surroundings. When a child is feeling angry, if we can help them breathe through their thoughts, it can be incredibly grounding, empowering and eventually calming. A giant Lions breath with roaring included is a great way for children to release anger. Short, shallow bunny breaths can help children focus again and long snake like slithering breaths are very calming.
During these games, don’t worry about solving any problems or offering solutions in that moment, a simple “I hear you” or “would you like to share anything else” can keep the communication open. There may be some tears, laughter and a host of other feelings to go through…try to simply be present and acknowledge the feelings and words your child is sharing and gently guide your child through the activity.
Does your child get angry? How do you support your child in dealing with anger and other big feelings?
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Anger signals your body to prepare for a fight. This reaction is commonly classified as “fight or flight.” When you get angry, adrenaline and other hormones are released into the bloodstream. Then your blood pressure goes up, your heart beats faster, and you breathe faster.
Many people mistakenly believe that anger is always a bad emotion and that expressing anger is not okay. In reality, anger can be a normal response to everyday events. It is the right response to any situation that is a real threat. Anger can be a positive driving force behind our actions. Anger can also be a symptom of something else, depending on how often a person feels angry and how angry the person feels.
Hostility is being ready for a fight all the time. Hostile people are often stubborn, impatient, hotheaded, or have an “attitude.” They are frequently in fights or may say they feel like hitting something or someone. Hostility isolates you from other people.
Anger and constant hostility keep your blood pressure high and increase your chances of having another health problem, such as depression , heart attack , or a stroke .
Teens who say they often feel angry and hostile also more often feel anxious , stressed , sad, and fatigued . They have more problems with alcohol and drugs, smoking, and eating disorders than teens who do not have high levels of anger.
Violent behavior often begins with verbal threats or relatively minor incidents, but over time it can involve physical harm. Violent behavior is very damaging, both physically and emotionally. Violent behavior can include physical, verbal, or sexual abuse of an intimate partner ( domestic violence ), a child ( child abuse ), or an older adult (elder abuse).
Violence causes more injury and death in children, teenagers, and young adults than infectious disease, cancer, or birth defects. Murder, suicide , and violent injury are the leading causes of death in children. Violence with guns is one of the leading causes of death of children and teenagers in the United States.
If you are angry or hostile or if you have violent behavior, it is important to find help. You can learn ways to control your feelings and actions.
If you have been abused or assaulted, contact your doctor as soon as possible. If you have questions about how soon you should be seen, you can check your symptoms.