Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

How to resolve conflicts and problems as a couple? The key to a happy and healthy relationship is trust, open communication, sufficient freedom, mutual appreciation, and passion.

But that’s often easier said than done.

The Corona pandemic presented many couples with new and unseen challenges. While some couples enjoy being close to their partner due to the lockdown, others are urged to resolve various conflicts and problems. Many of them came up due to the changes in their daily life caused by the pandemic.

In a recent survey, 27% said that the current time is going to be a real stress test, 21% assume they will have more conflicts with their partner, 13% are even afraid of spending more time with their partner.

According to an Austrian study, more than a third of couples have financial troubles and around 20% wish they would have more time for themselves. One in ten have even thought of splitting up with their partner.

This article will show you some tips on how to resolve conflicts and problems in a relationship and how to deal with the lockdown situation.

The success recipe for every happy and healthy relationship:

Open Communication

An open and honest conversation helps to deal with any type of relationship problem. This not only includes telling the partner your own opinion, worries, wishes, and needs but also listening to them.

Active listening is key to good communication: Show your partner genuine interest in their concerns and take them seriously. Maintain eye contact and use your body language to show that you understand your beloved one. Try to avoid other activities such as playing with your smartphone while listening. Give full attention to your partner.

Communication is one of the most common relationship problems:

Here are more tips for an open conversation and a happier relationship:

1) Make sure you’re both in the right mood and have plenty of time instead of bringing up your concerns while one of you is busy, stressed, or distracted. Here are some questions to get a conversation started.

2) Articulate wishes instead of accusing your partner. Criticism usually brings people in a defensive mode because they feel attacked. This often creates a dispute rather than a productive solution. Instead, find out how you can work on a mutual solution.

3) Always let your partner finish their phrases and arguments and ask your partner to do the same. If you both have difficulties with that you can agree to a certain time to talk for each of you (e.g. 1 minute me and 1 minute you).

4) Be solution-focused: There is no point in getting lost in endless discussions about details. Instead, try to work productively on the change you both want. What can each partner contribute to make the solution work? How can we tackle the challenge together? What concrete changes should we make? (“Honey, let’s talk!” Is a perfect exercise to improve communication with your partner)

Relationship conflicts because you are too close – How to overcome this problem?

Before Corona and the lockdowns, most couples only spent a few hours in the evening and the weekends together. But the new situation forces many to have their partner 24/7 around them.

Many work remote, the children have to be looked after and it can become almost impossible to just spend time for yourself. This inevitably leads to friction points. So the question is how to adapt effectively to the new situation?

Many feel unable to concentrate on their work because they are constantly interrupted. The distribution of roles in the household is being put to the test and many feel limited in their freedom. Small or even huge conflicts can quickly evolve in these challenging times.

The following tips for a strong relationship will help you resolving conflicts or avoiding them entirely:

1) Create space for yourself: Find areas where each of you can either concentrate on their work, do their workout, or just spent for themselves without being bothered. Ideally, this space can be closed by a door. Not everyone has an unlimited amount of space. That’s where your creativity comes in place.

You could set up a small home office in the bedroom, which allows you to concentrate on your work without being interrupted. Let your partner know in advance if you don’t want to be disturbed. Once again, open and honest communication is the key here.

2) Share the household responsibilities equally: Who will wash the dishes? Who cleans the bathroom? Who will sweep the floor? Having a clear agreement prevents conflicts. No one will feel left alone dealing with these tasks.

3) Evaluate which new routines and tasks need to be integrated into your daily life. Things that used to work on autopilot may have to be reevaluated. (e.g. Organizing the home office and homeschooling)

4) Create a schedule: Who has to do which task and at what time? Perhaps one of you needs to be concentrated at a certain time of the day while the other has phone or conference calls. A schedule enables you to come up with solutions in advance. This will avoid confusion, conflicts, and stress.

5) Address problems immediately: Avoid remaining silent if something bothers you. Tell it to your partner right away calmly and peacefully. (You will find a blueprint for problem-solving in the Couples Therapy Tool-Kit)

Identify and meet each other’s desires and needs: The source of a happy and healthy relationship is knowing and communicating our needs and acknowledging those of our partner (and ideally fulfilling them if possible). Here’s an exercise that will help you.

Relationship conflicts and crisis because of the distance – How to be happier in a long-distance relationship?

The opposite of being too close is having a long-distance relationship. Due to the lockdowns and restrictions, many couples are unable to see each other for a long time. Many feel lonely, they miss personal contact and being close to their partner. These tips will help you coping better with this situation:

1) Talk openly about your feelings and try to let your partner participate in your everyday life as much as possible via text messages, phone, or video calls.

2) Schedule regular phone calls with your partner and make them part of your daily routine (eg after work).

3) Share photos and videos of things you have experienced or seen to participate in each others daily life.

4) Schedule a webcam date where everyone creates a comfortable atmosphere for themselves and spend time together in front of the camera.

How to resolve conflicts in relationships and be happier with your partner

If there was a blueprint to make any relationship work someone would file a patent and make millions with it.

Until we can find that magic formula we have to rely on proven exercises that are designed to bring out the best in both partners and strengthening the quality of their relationship.

You can use them for couples therapy, counseling, relationship coaching or to improve your own relationship.

A simple but useful definition is: a disagreement which causes in each of the affected persons, organizations or groups a perception that their physical or emotional needs, interests or concerns are threatened.

It is this threat element that makes a conflict more significant than a simple “I like chocolate, you like vanilla” difference of opinion.

As with a threat of physical harm, conflicts trigger in humans a so-called “fight or flight” emotional response. Some people respond to conflicts by fighting – becoming angry and defensive – while others “flee”, removing themselves emotionally or even physically from the situation.

Conflict in the Workplace

Some level of conflict between team members is an unavoidable part of almost every workplace. Fortunately, many disagreements are minor and soon forgotten, and an effective manager recognizes when he or she can afford to simply overlook a conflict or rely on the parties to resolve it on their own.

When a conflict is more serious or persistent, however, the “flight” response – ignoring the conflict or hoping it will go away – is rarely the best course of action for you as a manager or employer. Left unresolved, serious conflicts can undermine morale, cause excessive turnover, lead to legal claims and, in extreme cases, even result in violence.

When resolved constructively, however, conflict can increase understanding of other persons’ viewpoints, build trust, and strengthen workplace relationships. As an employer or manager, how you deal with conflicts can have a significant impact on your company’s success.

Effective Workplace Conflict Resolution

Do you know the keys to effective conflict resolution in your workplace? There’s no single correct approach, but studies have identified common elements of successful workplace conflict resolution strategies. You will need to both practice these and encourage others to do so.

You’ll also need to get agreement up front to some basic “ground rules” and enforce them – politely but assertively – when necessary. These include basic etiquette such as listening to each other and not interrupting and avoiding personal attacks or abusive or profane language.

1. Stay Neutral

The old adage about there being two sides to every story almost always applies in conflict situations. Before you try to resolve a problem, be sure you have examined the roots of the conflict objectively and thoroughly. Avoid the temptation to jump to conclusions regarding fault or to “take sides”.

Be honest about your own feelings, too. If you find you’re struggling to remain neutral, consider asking another manager or even a trained facilitator to take your place. Encourage each of the parties to acknowledge the validity of the other’s point of view.

2. Acknowledge the Problem

This can be especially difficult when the conflict may seem to be a minor issue. Remember that what seems like a minor annoyance to you is probably a significant issue to the people who are in conflict. Be careful to avoid minimizing or belittling the severity of the issue and take time to acknowledge its importance.

Maintain a neutral tone of voice, avoiding sarcasm or judgmental language, and encourage the parties in conflict to do the same. Remember that nonverbal communication such as facial expressions or posture can also speak volumes about your reaction to a particular statement.

3. Focus On the Problem, Not the People

Virtually every workplace has “difficult” employees. Indeed, these may be the individuals often in conflict with co-workers or managers. As the conflict resolution facilitator, it’s crucial that you and the parties look beyond difficult or disagreeable personalities and focus on the problem at hand.

Do not use accusatory language or engage in personal attacks, and intercede if the parties do so. Let the parties know that you believe they’re motivated by good intentions rather than a desire to get at each other.

Discourage the parties’ use of absolute terms to describe behavior (“You always do X”; “You never do Y”) and encourage them to make so-called “I” or “me” statements to express their feelings – “When you do X it makes me feel I am being ignored”.

Parties in a conflict frequently suffer from “tunnel vision”, focusing only on how the problem affects them. As a facilitator, you can help them see the “big picture” of how their conflict is affecting their co-workers, customers, or the organization in general.

4. Seek Common Ground

Although there are many recognized conflict resolution models, the most successful in workplace settings are those that encourage the parties to identify areas of agreement and use those as a basis for creating an acceptable compromise solution.

Naturally, not every conflict can be resolved by the parties themselves, and a management-imposed solution may be required. However, when the parties can craft their own, it is more likely to succeed in the long term than one dictated by management.

Be sure to complement – publicly if it’s possible to do so without violating the parties’ privacy rights – each of the parties for their maturity and dedication when they are able to reach a mutually acceptable compromise.

5. Be Patient, But Decisive

Patience is critical. People in conflict need to tell their stories. If you make a hasty decision, at least one party (and possibly both) will feel they haven’t been heard. Once an acceptable solution has been determined, however, management needs to move decisively to implement whatever changes are called for.

How Do You Resolve Conflict?

If you have ideas that you feel like sharing that might be helpful to readers, share them in the comments section below. Thanks!

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

When I was originally assigned this topic, I assumed what most people do: this applies only to romantic relationships. It left me stuck. How could I write about something I don’t believe I’m an expert in? My relationships have never been saved because realizing always happened a little too late. My only real area of expertise is this, being too late.

So I put it off. I attempted but nothing came to mind. When thinking about it today, I realized I wasn’t asked to provide the tips to solving a couple’s issues through a therapy session. I was being asked how to save a relationship. Relationships are with everyone: family, friends, co-workers, and partners. Our lives revolve around these relationships. So how do we keep them? How do we make it through the breaking points?

I’m going to ask you this: how bad do you want it? How important is the person in front of you? I think the answer to that, the honest one you give to no one but yourself, determines what happens next in this situation.

I had to think about what happens in a conflict; how I choose to act when one occurs, and how I’ve seen those around me behave. I realize it’s the small things that end up cutting cords and never the big ones. Why? Because the big things are always held in. It’s never the big issues ending things; it’s a small thing that gets to be the tip of the iceberg.

Truth be told, we are people full of pride. We want to always be right, even when we’re wrong. I couldn’t even tell you why. It’s like we think we have the entire world figured out and no one else does. In reality, none of us have it figured out. We never will; all we can really do is try. Try to make it through with the people we love.

So how do you solve conflicts the right way? I’ll give you three of the hardest yet easiest steps in the world:

1. Swallow your pride.

2. Bottle nothing in, communicate and make your words mean something.

3. Listen to yourself, not your friends.

Now let me elaborate on them.

We’re human. Nothing more and nothing less. Humans are flawed and this means we are always capable of making mistakes. We’re allowed to be wrong. Sometimes, we’re even supposed to be. Every moment you grew didn’t come from being just right and successful, it came from trial and error. Ask yourself if the argument is worth it. Is being right more important than being happy?

I’m not a talker. There are a lot of people who aren’t. Maybe it’s because we feel our opinions don’t matter. This only gets you so far in life. When something bothers you, say it. Holding it in only makes you hold a grudge. It creates an unnecessary distaste towards someone. Communication really is the key to everything. Every relationship needs it. Think of how relationship starts: communication. It doesn’t work without it.

When in a tough situation, we run to our support group. We call our best friends and tell them what’s up so they feed us a line or two to feed our egos. My friends always tell me I’m right because I know if the roles were reversed, it’s what they want to hear from me. Don’t take the advice you want, take the advice you need. The right advice is in your heart 99% of the time. You want advice? You want to know what to do? Go to the person you’re trying to save. No one knows them better.

I asked before how bad you want this relationship. Now show me. Show me you want it, and what you’re willing to do for it. Words only mean so much, and for so long. No one wants empty ones. Words are our world, the key to language, how we communicate, and how we express ourselves. All of this, made up of words. Who are we to take away the power of the only thing we have to express who we are?

I can’t tell anyone the exact way to fix their issues. I could just tell them it’s a lot easier to try when you still can than it is to say “what if” when it’s all over. You never know when you’re going to make it to the last straw. So treat everyone and everything you have as if there is no room for anything but your best. In the end, if your best isn’t enough, nothing ever will be.

Disagreements happen in all relationships, but what matters is how they are dealt with. The way you deal with an issue with your partner can determine if your relationship is healthy or unhealthy, so here are some tips to keep in mind that will help you handle your next argument in a healthy way.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

1. Create a welcoming environment for open communication.

In a healthy relationship, you and your partner can communicate openly about what is bothering you and what is going well in the relationship. It’s important to not only talk about the problems in the relationship, but also the positives so no one feels like they are doing everything wrong. If you feel like you can’t talk openly about important things, like life issues, money, aspirations, and anything big picture that scares or matters to you, then that is a sign that your relationship may be unhealthy. If you can’t express your feelings without fear of retaliation from your partner or them getting overly upset and defensive, then you may be in an abusive relationship.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

2. Maintain a calm and respectful demeanor during heated conversations.

Don’t cross lines and start insulting your partner. Keep the focus of the dispute on the issue at hand and don’t bring personal jibes and put-downs into it. Also, if your partner consistently gets very heated, aggressive or starts cursing, then those are signs that your relationship may be abusive. No matter what caused the argument, no one should yell at you, curse, or otherwise make you feel uncomfortable and/or scared when you are arguing. You should never feel like you are being attacked or need to tread carefully to not make your partner any angrier.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

3. Get to the root of the problem.

Sometimes when you argue with your partner it is because someone’s needs are not being met. If it seems like your partner is sweating the small stuff, take a moment to evaluate whether there is a larger issue at hand. For instance, if your partner is upset that you are partying in the middle of the week, they might want you to designate more time for your relationship or be worried about you keeping your grades up. Consider things from your partner’s point of view and put yourself in their shoes – how would you feel if the roles were reversed? Be understanding of your partner instead of just trying to push your point across.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

4. Watch out for arguments that stem from a need for control.

If you feel like your partner may be trying to control what you do, then that is a BIG red flag. If your partner is mad that you text other people, doesn’t like you prioritizing school and responsibilities over them, pressures you to hook up with them, or tries to limit the time you spend with friends, then those are signs that your partner may be trying to control you. Even if they try to rationalize it by saying they “I’m just over-protective,” “it’s my trust issues,” or it’s “because I love you,” no one should ever try to control you, especially not your partner. If any of these behaviors sound familiar, your relationship may be abusive and you should seek help.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

5. Find some middle-ground.

Finding a balance between what both partners want and are comfortable with is very important. If you both care about making the relationship work you will come to an agreement on things without feeling like you are making huge sacrifices for your relationship. Compromising is a key way to resolve conflicts, and finding a middle-ground might be easier than you think! If you are arguing about spending time with your friends or your partner’s friends, alternate days to spend time with each friend group or do your own thing for a night. If you feel like your partner is always eating all of your food, ask them to chip in the next time you go grocery shopping.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

6. Agree to disagree and choose your battles.

Sometimes we need to consider whether what we are fighting about is really worth arguing over. Is it just a matter of what to eat for dinner? Sharing the covers? What your next Netflix binge should be? If the problem is small, sometimes it’s best to just drop it. If you won’t be mad about it next week, then it’s probably not worth your energy. You won’t agree with your partner on absolutely everything, and if you feel like the issue is too big to drop then you should contemplate if you and your partner are really compatible.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

7. Consider if the issue is resolvable or not.

Sometimes we argue with our partner about something that is REALLY big and impacts our lives – like transferring schools, if you do or don’t want kids, and where to live when you graduate. If you feel like you will need to sacrifice your beliefs, morals, or dreams to make the relationship work, then you should think about whether this relationship is really worth staying in. For a relationship to succeed, you and your partner should see eye-to-eye on the bigger picture. Having aligned goals, dreams, values, and beliefs is a major part of being compatible with someone.

If you keep these tips in mind during your next argument, you’ll be sure to handle your future conflicts in a healthy and constructive way. No one wants to be like Noah and Allie from The Notebook – never agreeing on anything and fighting all the time – even if it means you get to turn into birds together in the end. Constant arguing, overly-heated battles, and fights that spiral out of control are all signs of an unhealthy relationship. If you or someone you know may be in an unhealthy relationship, here is what you can do to help them.

For more tips on having a good relationship (#goals), you can check out the 5 Essentials to a Healthy Relationship.

The main problem with conflict in a relationship is not that we are at odds with each other but rather the way we go about trying to resolve it. Here are the three most common and ineffective ways conflict is handled in intimate relationships:

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

1. Battle

Many couples approach conflict like swashbuckling musketeers, their words slashing at each other like swords. It is a contest where one person wins and the other loses. But, in fact, both lose partners lose in this approach to conflict resolution. Intimacy can never be nurtured in the relationship where one person comes out as victor. At best, this approach ends in a stalemate with each person feeling as though the other doesn’t understand them. At worst, the relationship is injured and resentment builds.

2. Subtle hints

This approach is used as a passive way to sidestep the potential explosiveness of a contentious issue. Hints are usually couched in humor or sarcasm as a way to let your spouse know that you are unhappy, angry or wanting something from them – like an apology. Unfortunately, this indirect way of dealing with conflict usually heightens negative feelings because it inevitably leads to lots of miscommunication and misinterpretation of motives.

3. Avoidance

The “elephant in the room” analogy plays well in this approach. Neither partner is willing to honestly acknowledge the problem or address it. The assumption behind this approach is that talking about the problem will cause an argument. So, it’s better to let time pass and hopefully it will cease to be an issue. Unfortunately, the emotion associated with unresolved conflicts tend to accrue over time and this only sets you up for more explosive conflict later on.

So, how could conflict be handled in a more mature, relationship-enhancing way?

Take responsibility for your part

When conflict erupts, take a step back and ask yourself what you might be contributing to the conflict. Our first inclination is to blame the other person. But, what might you be doing that is hindering efforts to resolve the issue? For example, are you insistent on getting your way? Are you raising your voice, talking down to your partner or shaming them in order to assume a one-up position in the disagreement? Chances are good that if you are not making progress, you are making some contribution to the failed efforts to resolve the problem. Be willing to take responsibility for what you are doing, admit it, apologize and move toward a resolution. When both partners are willing to do this, it can change the whole tone and direction of the conversation.

Put your views aside temporarily

Virtually any dead-end conflict can be dramatically turned around if one partner is willing to unselfishly put their views off to the side temporarily and listen carefully to the concerns of their spouse. For example, a couple is going round and round about an issue and the more they talk the more frustrated they both become because neither feels the other is truly listening. One partner could say, “Look, we aren’t making any progress as long as we both keep trying to convince each other of our views. I really want to understand what you are trying to tell me so I will stop making my points and really tune in to what you are saying.” When an honest and sincere attempt is made to carefully listen and take your spouse seriously, it has the ability to disarm the defensive posture often taken in marital conflict. The idea then is for the other spouse to eventually reciprocate the same attentiveness while their partner explains their position. This often opens up a new way of hearing and understanding the core concerns of your mate.

Work toward emotional resolve

The most important part of conflict resolution is not the logistical outcome but the emotional resolve. It is the emotional resolve that enables the relationship to move forward, feel close and be secure. For example, if a conflict erupts over the failure of one partner to pay the bills on time, the surface resolve may be to never let this happen again. But there is an emotional component that also needs to be addressed. Perhaps in getting to that resolve to never be late with the bills, one spouse berated the other for their irresponsibility or for damaging their credit rating. There are feelings of anger, hurt and maybe disappointment about how this logistical resolve was achieved. That means more work is needed to dig out the feelings and work through them to finally put the issue to rest. A great way to do that is to use the skill learned in the second point above (putting your views aside and listening carefully to the feelings of your spouse).

Conflict is rarely easy and never fun, but it can be used effectively to strengthen a relationship if approached with a willingness to own your part, listen effectively to your partner and work out the underlying emotions that may still be lingering.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

When I was originally assigned this topic, I assumed what most people do: this applies only to romantic relationships. It left me stuck. How could I write about something I don’t believe I’m an expert in? My relationships have never been saved because realizing always happened a little too late. My only real area of expertise is this, being too late.

So I put it off. I attempted but nothing came to mind. When thinking about it today, I realized I wasn’t asked to provide the tips to solving a couple’s issues through a therapy session. I was being asked how to save a relationship. Relationships are with everyone: family, friends, co-workers, and partners. Our lives revolve around these relationships. So how do we keep them? How do we make it through the breaking points?

I’m going to ask you this: how bad do you want it? How important is the person in front of you? I think the answer to that, the honest one you give to no one but yourself, determines what happens next in this situation. Advertising

I had to think about what happens in a conflict; how I choose to act when one occurs, and how I’ve seen those around me behave. I realize it’s the small things that end up cutting cords and never the big ones. Why? Because the big things are always held in. It’s never the big issues ending things; it’s a small thing that gets to be the tip of the iceberg.

Truth be told, we are people full of pride. We want to always be right, even when we’re wrong. I couldn’t even tell you why. It’s like we think we have the entire world figured out and no one else does. In reality, none of us have it figured out. We never will; all we can really do is try. Try to make it through with the people we love.

So how do you solve conflicts the right way? I’ll give you three of the hardest yet easiest steps in the world: Advertising

1. Swallow your pride.

2. Bottle nothing in, communicate and make your words mean something.

3. Listen to yourself, not your friends.

Now let me elaborate on them.

We’re human. Nothing more and nothing less. Humans are flawed and this means we are always capable of making mistakes. We’re allowed to be wrong. Sometimes, we’re even supposed to be. Every moment you grew didn’t come from being just right and successful, it came from trial and error. Ask yourself if the argument is worth it. Is being right more important than being happy?

I’m not a talker. There are a lot of people who aren’t. Maybe it’s because we feel our opinions don’t matter. This only gets you so far in life. When something bothers you, say it. Holding it in only makes you hold a grudge. It creates an unnecessary distaste towards someone. Communication really is the key to everything. Every relationship needs it. Think of how relationship starts: communication. It doesn’t work without it. Advertising

When in a tough situation, we run to our support group. We call our best friends and tell them what’s up so they feed us a line or two to feed our egos. My friends always tell me I’m right because I know if the roles were reversed, it’s what they want to hear from me. Don’t take the advice you want, take the advice you need. The right advice is in your heart 99% of the time. You want advice? You want to know what to do? Go to the person you’re trying to save. No one knows them better.

I asked before how bad you want this relationship. Now show me. Show me you want it, and what you’re willing to do for it. Words only mean so much, and for so long. No one wants empty ones. Words are our world, the key to language, how we communicate, and how we express ourselves. All of this, made up of words. Who are we to take away the power of the only thing we have to express who we are?

I can’t tell anyone the exact way to fix their issues. I could just tell them it’s a lot easier to try when you still can than it is to say “what if” when it’s all over. You never know when you’re going to make it to the last straw. So treat everyone and everything you have as if there is no room for anything but your best. In the end, if your best isn’t enough, nothing ever will be.

Let’s admit it: Growth in any relationship is not linear. It evolves during its many phases. While the good days are worth cherishing, bad days should not be treated any differently. They highlight the areas in a relationship that needs effort. But hey, guess what? That’s what growing old in romance looks like. Either way, what really matters is how you handle your relationship or marriage problems.

We’ve done the legwork and curated some of the best possible ways for solving marriage problems and relationship concerns.

Keep your ship sailing smoothly (despite the fights) with our list mentioned below:

Get to the root of the problem

Now, we know you’ve had a fight. But hey, do you know where everything came from in the first place? Well, if you take a step back and analyze everything, you might sooner or later realize the problem lies in the little things. So, it’s best to evaluate the tiniest details and put yourself in your partner’s shoes rather than making your point.

Keep yourself calm

We get it. You’re mad at them. But hey, guess what? You’ve got to stay calm (even though it is difficult). It might not be the easiest thing to do but it’s not impossible. All you have to do is take a moment, breathe, and keep your emotions in check. Believe us when we say it’ll only help you view things clearly.

Listen to your partner

Here’s a little secret: Don’t listen to react. But, to understand. It’s important that you know where your partner is coming from. So, give your significant others a chance to express themselves freely. And the only best way to do so is by hearing them out patiently with an open heart.

Avoid the blame game

Let’s face it: It’s easier to blame each other than to admit one of you is wrong. Isn’t it? But hey, the truth is, there is never a winner in these arguments. So, give it up right now! Save the two of you some trouble and own up to your mistakes before it’s too late. You know why? Well, nothing good really comes out of blaming one another.

Think before you react

It’s normal to blurt something out in the heat of the moment. But, we hate to break it to you, it can cause some serious damage to your relationship. So, think twice before you respond. Ensure that your response helps the two of you move forward in a positive direction.

Work towards a solution

Now, dealing with conflicts in a relationship is normal. But it can be a total mess if nobody draws a conclusion. So, save everyone time and energy. Come up with a possible solution to bounce back stronger than ever. Believe us when we say it’s the best you can do for the two of you. You’ll see!

Practice forgiveness

Both of you’ve made mistakes. Forgive each other and move forward. Don’t hold grudges against each other. Put all your issues to bed and start afresh. That’s exactly how you deal with a relationship conflict in the best possible way, ladies and gentlemen!

In a nutshell, dealing with an issue with your partner speaks lengths about your relationship. So, do it the right way and watch the two of you evolve into better people with our above-mentioned ways. Besides, you can take notes from Sakshi (Priyamani Dutt) and Kunal (Satyadeep Mishra) on how to handle relationship problems together in His Storyy web series. It highlights the social issue of acceptance of homosexuals by society, relationship issues and family.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

In this Hindi drama web series, the couple keeps their differences aside and tackles the trouble in their paradise with maturity. Watch how they find a solution to their problem on ALTBalaji’s His Storyy. ALTBalaji subscription services are quite affordable starting from Rs. 100* (3 months) while their annual subscription is just Rs. 300/-.Which means you can watch all episodes of the series at 80p/day. Thank us, later! 😀

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

A look at three “conflict blueprints” to help you and your partner constructively manage conflict around unsolvable problems.

A look at three “conflict blueprints” to help you and your partner constructively manage conflict around unsolvable problems.

A look at three “conflict blueprints” to help you and your partner constructively manage conflict around unsolvable problems.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman’s research proves that 69% of problems in a relationship are unsolvable. These may be things like personality traits your partner has that rub you the wrong way, or long-standing issues around spending and saving money. Their research findings emphasize the idea that couples must learn to manage conflict rather than avoid or attempt to eliminate it.

Trying to solve unsolvable problems is counterproductive, and no couple will ever completely eliminate them. However, discussing them is constructive and provides a positive opportunity for understanding and growth. Let’s look at three “conflict blueprints” to help you and your partner constructively manage conflict around unsolvable problems.

Conflict Blueprint #1: Current Conflicts

This blueprint addresses current conflicts. Based on game theory, a mathematical model that describes how to manage conflict and improve cooperation with others, this blueprint stresses that both partners put off persuasion tactics until each one can state their position clearly and fully. This involves each speaker and listener taking turns.

Both partners must be emotionally calm when speaking. The listener should take notes on what the speaker says. The speaker should focus on using a softened start-up, stating feelings by using “I” statements, and asking for needs to be met in a positive and respectful way.

Tips to effectively navigate Blueprint #1:

  • Take a 15 to 20 minute break if things get too heated, and do something soothing and distracting that will help you calm down. When you return to talk, only one person should “have the floor” to talk while the other partner listens. No interruptions!
  • Begin the conversation with a soft or curious tone. Use an “I” statement and express something you need. For example, “Could I ask you something? I felt embarrassed when you spoke down to me in front of our friends. Could you please be aware of that in the future?” . Say key phrases to help your partner see that you are trying to understand and deescalate the conflict. For example, you can apologize, use humor appropriately, say “I hear you” or “I understand” and so on. Body language is important, too. Nod your head, make eye contact, and even offer a physical gesture of affection.

Conflict Blueprint #2: Attachment Injuries

This blueprint focuses on discussing past emotional injuries, often known as triggers, that occurred prior to or during the relationship. Also called “attachment injuries” by Dr. Sue Johnson, these can create resentment from past events that have gone unresolved. These frequently involve breaches of trust.

It is crucial to avoid being negative when discussing triggers. You both need to speak calmly and understand that both of your viewpoints are valid, even if you disagree. The goals are to gain comprehension of each other’s perspective and to acknowledge that regrettable incidents are inevitable in long-term relationships.

There are five primary components to a discussion about an emotional injury. These five steps are from the Gottmans’ Aftermath of a Fight or Regrettable Incident booklet. A couple should focus on describing how they feel, expressing their individual personal realities, exploring any underlying triggers, taking responsibility and apologizing, and forming productive plans for healing.

Tips to effectively navigate Blueprint #2:

  • Offer a genuine apology to your partner regardless of your agreement or disagreement with their perspective. Focus only on the fact that you hurt your partner and that you need to take responsibility.
  • Verbalize what you can take responsibility for, as well as any other factors that played into you getting caught up in the fight. For example, “I was too harsh when I spoke to you” or “I was stressed all day and took it out on you.”
  • Ask your partner what he or she needs from you to heal and move forward. Be sure to follow through on the request.

Conflict Blueprint #3: Gridlock and Dialogue

Couples are often either “gridlocked” or “in dialogue” on their perpetual problems, and research suggests that these problems concern personality differences or core fundamental needs. Being in dialogue, the preferred status, is when the couple has learned to accept their differences on that topic even though minor arguments arise occasionally. Overall, the couple has made peace on the issue and they agree to disagree.

Moving from gridlock to dialogue involves examining the meaning and dreams that form the basis for each partner’s steadfast perspective. Each partner may be able to find a way to honor their partner’s dreams, which often amounts to fulfilling a core need regarding the issue at stake.

Those couples who successfully navigate a recurring problem in their relationship have learned to express acceptance of their partner’s personality, and they can talk about and appreciate the underlying meaning of each other’s position on the issue.

Tips to effectively navigate Blueprint #3

  • Take turns speaking and listening. As the speaker, you should communicate clearly and honestly. Where does your perspective or position on the issue come from, and what does it symbolize for you? What kinds of lifelong dreams or core issues are at stake for you?
  • As the listener, you must create a safe space for the speaker. No judging or arguing, and don’t give advice or try to solve the problem. Show genuine interest in what your partner is telling you, and allow them enough time and space to fully communicate their concerns. Ask questions so that you can both fully explore the issue and its related meaning.
  • Find ways to create small compromises that can pave the way to larger plans. If your dreams differ, try to find areas where they overlap, or try to make plans to give each partner’s dreams a chance to grow and become reality.

All relationships have perpetual problems that crop up throughout your lives as a couple. Psychologist Dan Wile once said that “when choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unresolvable problems.” No one escapes this fact. Fortunately, we have real science that helps couples learn how to manage such conflicts and keep their love alive and well.

Click here for more detailed information on Dealing with Conflict and for tips and exercises designed to improve your relationship.

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Use these proven conflict resolution strategies in your conflict management efforts.

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Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

Whether a conflict erupts at work or at home, we frequently fall back on the tendency to try to correct the other person or group’s perceptions, lecturing them about why we’re right—and they’re wrong. Deep down, we know that this conflict resolution approach usually fails to resolve the conflict and often only makes it worse.

Here are 5 conflict resolution strategies that are more effective, drawn from research on negotiation and conflicts, to try out the next time you’re tempted to argue your point.

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

Claim your FREE copy: The New Conflict Management

In our FREE special report from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School – The New Conflict Management: Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies to Avoid Litigation – renowned negotiation experts uncover unconventional approaches to conflict management that can turn adversaries into partners.

  1. Conflict resolution strategy #1: Recognize that all of us have biased fairness perceptions. Both parties to a conflict typically think they’re right (and the other side is wrong) because they quite literally can’t get out of our own heads. Our sense of what would constitute a fair conflict resolution is biased by egocentrism, or the tendency to have difficulty seeing a situation from another person’s perspective, research by Carnegie Mellon University professors Linda Babcock and George Loewenstein and their colleagues’ shows. When embroiled in a conflict, we need to try to overcome our self-centered fairness perceptions. We might do this by jointly hiring a mediator who can help us see one another’s point of view, or by enlisting another type of unbiased expert, such as an appraiser, to offer their view of the “facts.”
  1. Conflict resolution strategy #2: Avoid escalating tensions with threats and provocative moves. When we feel we’re being ignored or steamrolled, we often try to capture the other party’s attention by making a threat, such as saying we’ll take a dispute to court or try to ruin the other party’s business reputation. There’s a time and place for litigation, but threats and other attention-getting moves, such as take-it-or-leave-it offers, are often a mistake. Because of the common human tendency to treat others the way they’re treated, people tend to respond to threats in kind, leading to an escalatory spiral and worsening conflict. Before making a threat, be sure you have exhausted all other options for managing conflict.
  1. Conflict resolution strategy #3: Overcome an “us versus them” mentality. Group connections build loyalty and strong relationships, but they can also promote suspicion and hostility toward members of out-groups. As a result, groups in conflict tend to have an inaccurate understanding of each other’s views and to see the other’s positions as more extreme than they actually are. Whether dealing with conflict as a group or on your own, you can overcome the tendency to demonize the other side by looking for an identity or goal you share. Begin your conflict management efforts by highlighting your common goal of reaching a fair and sustainable agreement. Try to identify and discuss points of similarity between you, such as growing up in the same region. The more points of connection you can identify, the more collaborative and productive your conflict resolution process is likely to be.
  1. Conflict resolution strategy #4: Look beneath the surface to identify deeper issues. Our deepest disputes often seem to involve money: labor disputes over employee wages, family conflicts over assets, for example. Because money is a finite resource, these conflicts tend to be single-issue battles in which one party’s gain will inevitably be the other party’s loss. But disputes over money often involve much deeper causes of conflict, such as the feeling that one is being disrespected or overlooked. The next time you find yourself arguing over the division of funds, suggest putting that conversation on hold. Then take time to explore each other’s deeper concerns. Listen closely to one another’s grievances, and try to come up with creative ways to address them. This conflict management strategy is likely to strengthen the relationship and add new interests to the table, expanding the pie of value to be divided in the process.
  1. Conflict resolution strategy #5: Separate sacred from pseudo-sacred issues. Conflict management can be particularly intractable when core values that negotiators believe are sacred, or nonnegotiable, are involved, such as their family bonds, religious beliefs, political views, or personal moral code. Take the case of two siblings who disagree about whether to sell their deceased parents’ farm, with one of them insisting the land must remain in the family and the other arguing that the parents would want them to sell it. We tend to err on the side of not negotiating when sacred principles and values are at stake, writes Program on Negotiation Chair Robert Mnookin in his book Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate, When to Fight. But many of the issues negotiators consider sacred are actually pseudo-sacred, notes Harvard Business School professor Max H. Bazerman—that is, the issues are only off-limits under certain conditions. So it’s important to thoroughly analyze the benefits you might expect from a negotiation that could allow you to honor your principles. For example, the sibling’s objections to selling the family land might soften if a percentage of the proceeds are donated to the parents’ favorite charity.

How do you deal with conflict? Do you use any of these strategies?

Relationship problems how to resolve the conflicts

Claim your FREE copy: The New Conflict Management

In our FREE special report from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School – The New Conflict Management: Effective Conflict Resolution Strategies to Avoid Litigation – renowned negotiation experts uncover unconventional approaches to conflict management that can turn adversaries into partners.

Questioner: What should we do when we do not know how to speak? Should we remain silent?

Dadashri: Keep silent and watch what transpires. What do you do when you see children being mistreated in a movie? Everyone has a right to speak up but only in so far as what they say does not cause more conflict. Only foolish people will say things that make matters worse.

Questioner : Is it possible to dissipate a conflict by not saying anything and avoiding that person?

Dadashri : No it is not possible. You should speak with them if you encounter them. You should ask how they are doing. If they react with hostility, you should quietly try to resolve the situation with equanimity. Sooner, or later you will have to resolve the situation. Just because you do not speak with them, does not mean the problem has been resolved. It is because the problem has not been resolved that people end up not speaking with each other. Not speaking with the other person means there is a burden; the burden of the unresolved conflict. You should approach the other person and say, ‘Tell me if I have done something wrong. I make many mistakes. You are a very intelligent person, you are learned and you do not make many mistakes but I am not as learned and so I make a lot of mistakes.’ If you say this to other person, he will be appeased.

Questioner: What if he does not calm down even after I say this?

Dadashri: What can you do if he does not calm down? Once you say this to him, you are free. What else can you do? He will eventually calm down. You cannot pacify a person by reproaching him. He may appear to be pacified but he will make a mental note of it from within and will throw it back in your face when you least expect it. So, understand that his world is full of vengeance. The fact is people will continue to harbor vengeance; they will harbor parmanus (atoms) of revenge within so you must try to resolve the situation completely.

1) If one’s mind becomes conflict-free that is ‘moksha’, conflict filled mind that is worldly life.

2) Where slightest of conflict exists, there is neither God nor Religion.

Book Name : Science of speech (Page #53, Paragraph #2)

A. Questioner: But many conflicts arise because of the words I use. Dadashri: It is because of words that this world has come into existence. When words come. Read More

A. If a human, would not interfere in the flow of his life, it would run very smoothly. But unfortunately that is not the case and so one does nothing but. Read More

A. Questioner : What should we do when we have a big argument at home? Dadashri : A wise person would not get into an argument even if he were offered a. Read More

A. Questioner : How can you interact with children on their level? Is it by becoming like them? Dadashri: Do you act like a child in order to interact with. Read More

A. Questioner : Children here are very argumentative and when we talk to them, they tell us, 'Why are you lecturing us?' Dadashri: Yes, they argue a lot. Read More

A. Questioner: Should we not say anything even if he is lying or doing something wrong? Dadashri: Yes you can caution him. Tell him, "It would be better if. Read More

A. Questioner: What should I do in my business when I become angry with someone who does not  understand? Dadashri: In a business it is important to speak up. Read More

A. Questioner : If someone says something insulting, how should we deal with it? How should we maintain equanimity? Dadashri : What does our Gnan say? First. Read More

A. Dadashri: So how do you like it when people quarrel?  You don't even like it when dogs fight. All this quarrelling is the result of past karmas. Read More